Two For Joy (38 page)

‘Is it? Even after last night?' he grimaced.

‘Don't be silly, Oliver. It happens. So what?' She leaned down and kissed him. He wanted to turn his head away but he knew that would hurt her so he kissed her back, hoping a miracle would happen, but it didn't, and when she drew away he sat up against the pillows and looked her straight in the eye. There was no point in putting it off. In the light of what was happening, or rather not happening, it was only fair to tell her.

‘Noreen, I need to talk to you.' He tried to keep his tone steady.

‘What's wrong?' He saw the anxiety in her eyes.

‘I got the test results. It's my fault. I can't father a child,' he said bluntly. He saw the colour drain from her face.

‘Oh … Oh!' she stuttered in dismay.

‘I'm sorry, Noreen—'

‘How bad is it? Could we do IVF?'

‘Oh, Noreen, I don't know. Doctor Lawson said something about harvesting—'

‘Well, that's what we'll do. What hospital did you go to? We'll go to their fertility clinic. Who is this doctor you went to? Can we go and meet him together?' Noreen shot bold upright and looked at him.

Oliver groaned. ‘Oh, Noreen, do you really want to go down that road? What happens if it doesn't work? Can you cope with the disappointment? God Almighty, I can't even get it up for God's sake.'

‘ED can be treated, it's quite common,' she said firmly.

‘What's ED?' he muttered.

‘Erectile dysfunction. It's probably psychological after getting the results of the tests. The doctor will refer you—'

‘Noreen, I'm not going near a bloody doctor to tell him I can't function. I've had enough of bloody doctors and their personal questions.' He threw back the bedclothes and leapt out of bed. He slammed the door of the ensuite and stood with his head in his hands. Why wouldn't Noreen just let it go? Was that all he was to her? A sperm bank? Could she not live with the idea of it being just the two of them? It didn't look like it, he thought bitterly as he stood beneath the spray of the shower, angry and humiliated.

*   *   *

Noreen wrapped her dressing-gown around her and went down to the kitchen. She filled the kettle and stood looking out at the breaking dawn. A pearly mist rose over the lake and pink-tipped wisps of clouds drifted across the horizon.

She didn't know what to think. She was in shock. So there had been a reason that she hadn't conceived. And it wasn't her fault. At one level, there was a little comfort in the fact that the fault lay with Oliver and not her. Part of her felt pity for him. And it was bad enough that he was sterile, but being impotent on top of it was a disaster for him. His outburst about going to see more doctors was understandable. He'd never been to a doctor in all the time she'd known him. And to have to answer the intimate questions they'd be asking him must have been awful for him.

If she could get the name of his doctor she could ring him. Her mind raced, seeking solutions. Of course his doctor would be bound by his oath of confidentiality, so that wouldn't be a good idea. Oliver would just have to bring her to see him, she decided as she slid a couple of slices of bread into the toaster and began to whip up scrambled eggs.

She heard him moving around upstairs. Resentment began to bubble. Why hadn't he told her about his visits to the doctor and let her come with him? What was the point of being married if you weren't going to share the burdens as well as the good times? She was angry with him for excluding her. Didn't he realize how hurtful it was to her? Did he realize and just not care? She bit her lip as she salted the eggs and put a knob of butter on top.

She'd better let him calm down a bit and get used to their situation, but in the meantime she was going to read up on everything she could about male infertility. She was going to find out where he'd had his tests and contact the infertility clinic. It would be easy enough to pretend she was Douglas Kennedy's receptionist. Or she could always go through Oliver's cheque-book stubs. He would have had to pay. Finding out wouldn't be a problem, she assured herself as she made a pot of coffee. If Oliver could do things behind her back she could do things behind his. She was his wife, for crying out loud. Not some perfect stranger. If he couldn't talk to her and confide in her, who could he confide in? She wondered had he said anything to Cora, but dismissed the idea out of hand. If Cora knew anything was amiss she'd never be able to keep it to herself.

Well, Oliver was her husband whether he liked it or not and he'd better get used to the idea that this problem was going to be shared and talked about and thrashed out between them. She was going to explore every avenue of treatment, she promised herself grimly, as she heard Oliver coming downstairs for his breakfast.

31

Noreen held her baby nephew as cameras clicked and she and Oliver tried to look happy. It was his christening, and he was lying placidly in her arms gazing up at her. Maura had called him John. He was putting on weight and thriving.

‘It suits you, Noreen,' Rita remarked. ‘I suppose it will be your turn next.'

‘Who knows?' Noreen said lightly. Did people ever stop to think when they made their silly, intrusive, thoughtless remarks to childless couples? she raged silently. Just that very morning she'd gone for an early swim. In the changing-room afterwards a group of mothers had been dressing their children. One of the youngsters was fractious and whinging. ‘Be quiet or I'll give you away,' his mother reprimanded. The others laughed and the talk turned to pregnancy and motherhood.

‘No one ever tells you it's a life sentence,' whined one.

‘If I'd known what I was letting myself in for I'd have made him have the snip,' moaned another.

Smug, ungrateful bitches. Noreen's lips tightened as she pulled up her jeans. Did they not know how lucky they were? They might not be so smart with their comments if they were in her position. A pain in her lower back gave advance warning that her period was on its way. Not that that was a surprise. Oliver had not come near her since that disastrous night that John had been born. He wouldn't talk about the problem, he was working all the hours God sent. They were back to square one and she was at her wits' end. She was trying her best not to be hostile and resentful but it was extremely difficult when he was being so uncooperative.

She'd phoned a fertility clinic and asked what were her options, but rightly, they had pointed out that they needed to be able to assess both of them and they needed Oliver's test results and would probably have to do more tests to investigate his sterility thoroughly.

John gave a little sneeze, bringing her back to reality. ‘God bless you, Baba.' She smiled down at him.

‘Here, give Oliver a go,' Rita ordered from behind her camera. Noreen felt she was still smarting at not being godmother. She'd been quite snippy with her since the birth. It was obvious a little bit of jealousy had crept in because of Maura's and Noreen's new bond.

Oliver glowered at his sister-in-law. ‘I'm sure the poor baby has had enough of being passed from Billy to Jack. Why don't you put him in his cot and let him have a snooze?'

‘Don't be ridiculous, Oliver, he'll have to get used to it,' Rita said snootily, not impressed with his tone.

‘Oliver's right,' Noreen interjected swiftly. The last thing she needed was a row at her godson's christening and in the humour Oliver was in he'd take no prisoners. Rita might have a sharp tongue, but if Oliver let fly he'd make mincemeat of her with a few choice words.

‘Maura, would you tell these pair it's
normal
to have photos taken at a christening,' Rita drawled sarcastically. ‘Honestly, you'd think he was a piece of china the way they're going on. Easy to see they're not used to children. Oliver, take that child and let me take a photo of him with his uncle!' she ordered imperiously. Someone had claimed Maura's attention so she was quite unaware of the tension that was building.

Noreen took one look at Oliver's face and froze. She had only seen that look once or twice in their relationship, but Rita had clearly overstepped the mark in his eyes and he was having none of it.

‘Rita, don't order me around, save it for Jimmy,' he said coldly, his eyes like flints. ‘I've had enough photos taken. I'm going to get a beer.' He turned to Noreen. ‘Would you like a drink, Noreen?'

‘I'll have a G & T,' she said.

‘See you at the bar then.' He turned and strode away.

‘Touchy bastard, isn't he?' Rita said angrily. Two bright spots of pink staining her cheeks.

‘He doesn't like getting his photo taken,' Noreen said evenly. She wasn't going to let her sister rile her.

‘Oh, for God's sake! It's a christening,' Rita retorted.

‘Rita, we stood there for the last fifteen minutes, posing. Oliver was right to go and get a pint and I'm going to put the baby in his Moses basket, he's ready for his nap.'

‘Noreen's right.' Maura joined them again. ‘Give him to me, and I'll put his Moses basket down at the far end of the room. It's getting a bit smoky here. I'm not staying here all day. As soon as the buffet's over I'm taking him home. Andy can say goodbye to everyone. He looks like he's here for the day anyway.' She glowered at her husband, who was propping up the bar surrounded by a gang of his golfing cronies.

‘We'll bring you home if you want,' Noreen offered.

‘Thanks, Noreen. I'm trying to keep the baby in a routine. They said that was important, but trying to explain that to his father is like talking to the wall,' Maura said wearily.

‘Oh, for God's sake! Don't start letting a baby dominate and dictate. I never did it with my pair. You'll have no life if you go down that road,' Rita sneered.

‘Rita, the baby's only two months old, it's not a question of dictating. Maura's right to keep him in a routine. It's the best possible thing for a baby.' Noreen was annoyed at her sister's attitude.

‘What would you know about it?' Rita said rudely. ‘You nurses are all the same.'

‘Rita!'
Maura exclaimed. ‘That's uncalled for. Apologize to Noreen.'

‘Oh you're so pally-wally with her all of a sudden, aren't you, Maura?' Rita was hopping mad at her turncoat sister. ‘You've certainly changed your tune. You were always giving out about her and now it's Noreen this … and Noreen that—'

‘Rita!'
Maura was mortified, her face flaming. ‘Don't mind her,' she said to Noreen.

‘I'm going to have a drink with Oliver. If you want a lift home after the buffet, let me know,' Noreen said mildly. She wasn't getting involved in a row with Rita, whose jealousy had clearly got the better of her. She had enough on her plate without letting Rita get to her.

‘That was
really
bitchy,' she heard Maura say furiously as she walked away.

Let them at it, she was now going to have to pacify Oliver. Noreen sighed deeply. She was sick of the whole bloody lot of them. London seemed like a more enticing prospect day by day.

‘The minute this meal is over I'm out of here,' Oliver growled as she joined him at the bar.

‘Fine,' she shrugged. ‘Just give me a lift home to collect my car. I told Maura I'd give her a lift home.'

‘Have you forgotten we told Mam we'd take her to tidy up the grave for Dad's anniversary?' Oliver reminded her.

‘Well, I told Maura we'd give her a lift. It looks like Andy's here for the day,' Noreen retorted.

‘Right. We'll give her a lift, go home and change and then go to Mam's. Just let Maura know we've something else on,' he said testily.

Noreen remained silent and took a sip of her G & T. Now she felt under more pressure. Family occasions were always fraught but it wasn't fair, she thought resentfully; she had to put up with Cora, and that was no easy task. He could put up with her family for a couple of hours, even if Rita had overstepped the mark.

By the time they got to her mother-in-law's she had a thumping headache.

‘How did the christening go? I thought you'd be here an hour ago,' Cora said snippily.

‘It went fine,' Noreen said shortly.

Cora gave her a studied look. ‘If you and Oliver are having problems conceiving you'd want to get it seen to. I'd like to be alive to see a child of Oliver's being born and that's all that I'll say to the pair of you,' she declared as she settled her hat on her head.

The nerve in Oliver's jaw jerked in anger at her temerity but she'd gone out of the door before he could respond.

‘I have a good mind to tell your mother in no uncertain terms that I'm perfectly willing to get “our” problem sorted but you're not, Mister. She'd better never say anything like that to me again, Oliver, or I really will let her have it.' Noreen was incandescent at her mother-in-law's unwarranted interference.

‘I didn't know she was going to say that,' he snapped.

‘I don't care. You let her know it's your fault, not mine, that we can't have a baby.' Noreen didn't care if she hurt him. He was hurting her by not dealing with the problem and she was damned if she was going to have Mrs Flynn blaming her for their childlessness.

‘Thanks for putting the boot in, Noreen,' Oliver snarled as he followed his mother out the front door.

‘You're welcome,' she muttered to his retreating back.

That night as they lay in bed, having not spoken a word to each other for the rest of the evening, she turned to him and said curtly, ‘I need a break. I need to get away and have some time to myself. I'm going to go to London for a week or so as soon as I've arranged it with Kay.'

‘Suit yourself,' Oliver said coldly.

I bloody well will,
Noreen thought as she pulled the duvet up over her shoulders.
I've a good mind to go and never come back.