Two Steps Back (9 page)

“Oh really?” She threw back her head and laughed. “And how would I know that exactly?” she asked, crossing her arms and glowering at him.

“Because I love you, and—“

She cut him off, shaking her head. “Words. Those are just words, Johnny.”

“Just words? So you don’t think I love you?”

“You know what I learned back in my writing classes in college?”

“What doe
s that have to do with anything?” he asked, perplexed by her sudden segue.

“Show, don’t tell,”
Jaylah said, ignoring his question.

“Excuse me? I don’t under—“

“No disrespect, Johnny, but at this point, your words don’t mean shit. Don’t get me wrong. They’re nice to hear, and most times I believe them, but if they aren’t backed by up by actions, then there’re just meaningless words.”

“
Now, hold on just a minute. Where are we right now? Are we in England? Is this your flat?” Johnny looked around the hotel room, his voice rising. “No, we’re in L.A. because
you
asked me to come. I got on a plane and flew 11 bloody hours—
in the middle seat,
by the way—because you asked me to come. ”

“And I appreciate it, but—“

“But nothing, Jaylah. I
am
showing you with my actions. You asked me to move out of my house and now I’m living in a fucking hotel. You asked me to come, and I’m here. You asked me to meet your parents and I’m meeting them tonight. That’s not enough action for you?”

“
I appreciate those things, Johnny, I do. But now I’m asking you to tell your family I exist. That I matter,” Jaylah said, her voice cracking. “That we’re having a baby. That you want to be with me. That I didn’t ruin your life.”

He
crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her waist and planted his lips on her forehead. “I will, Jaylah.”

“When?” S
he glanced up at him, her eyes moist again. “When, Johnny? The time will never be right. It’s not going to get any easier to tell them you and Fiona didn’t work out, and that you fell in love with someone else.”

Johnny
collapsed on the bed and put his head in his hands. “I know,” he whispered. “I just…I just don’t like letting anyone down, especially my father. He expects so much of me. Sometimes it feels impossible to live up to it, innit?”

Somet
hing inside Jaylah softened. Seeing Johnny,
her Johnny
—who always seemed to move through the world like he owned it—humbled and vulnerable drew her closer to him. She sat in his lap and tipped his chin toward her face until they were looking into each other’s eyes.

“I totally understand. I lived my whole life try
ing to measure up to everyone else’s standards. And I was miserable. I felt like one of those lab rats suck in cage. Just trapped. But you know what happened when I broke out?” She stroked the side of his face and waited.

“Everything
magically worked out?” A meager smile appeared on Johnny’s lips.

“
No, not everything. But I moved to London, got a wonderful job, and met this handsome bloke who I can’t seem to get rid of no matter how hard I try,” she said, smiling. “You know what I’ve learned over the years?”

Johnny shook his head.

“Whenever you take a risk things get rougher before they get better. But in the end, it’s usually worth it.”

“Really?”
Johnny thought for a moment, and then kissed her, letting his tongue play gently in her mouth. “I hope you’re right.”

“I usually am,” she teased, nuzzling his nose.

They cuddled for a few minutes, Johnny rubbing her back and nuzzling her neck, and Jaylah stroking his head. No matter how angry she had gotten with him minutes before, Jaylah was happy things were right between them once again.

Johnny broke their comfortable silence. “Can you hand me my phone?”

Jaylah reached across the
bed, got Johnny’s mobile, and handed it to him. “Who are you calling?”

“My father,” he said, scrolling through his contacts.

Jaylah’s heart leapt.
Is he…,
she thought, unable to allow herself to even think that Johnny was finally going to tell his family what they had was real and permanent and valuable.

“What ar
e you going to say?”

He kissed her lips and pressed send. “What I should have said a long time ago.”

Johnny put the phone on speaker and waited for his father to pick up.

“You don’t have to…I don’t need to hear—
“ Jaylah started to say, but Johnny waved her off and grabbed her hand. When she heard his father’s voice boom into the receiver her stomach raced to her throat.

“Hello Pa
pa, how are you?” Johnny asked as calmly as if he was just calling to shoot the breeze.

“Fine son. Are you well? How are things in
England? How’s the firm?”

“Things
are well, Papa. Business is busy, but doing really well.”

“Wonderful.
Does this mean we’ll be seeing you soon? You mother would love to have you home, she says you get too skinny when you stay in London too long.”

Jaylah listened to the men’s familiar banter and imagined what it would be like to travel to Accra and meet
Johnny’s family. She wondered if he got his striking looks from his father, or if he was, unlike her, his mother’s child. She let herself daydream about helping Johnny’s mother cook dinner as she balanced her little one on her hip while the men talked business in the other room. Jaylah could almost taste the Jollof Rice and barbequed goat when she felt Johnny squeeze her hand, causing her fantasy to drift away.

“Papa,” she heard
him say, his voice steady and assured, “I called because I have some news.”

Thirteen

Love is a battle
, Jaylah thought, as she looked at Johnny’s slumped shoulders. He had put up a valiant effort against his father’s assault on his manhood, on his intelligence, but Johnny appeared to be broken in a way Jaylah had never seen.

His
conversation with the elder Poku had not gone well, although, Jaylah didn’t expect Johnny’s father to take the news of his son’s affair, divorce, and unborn child kindly. But she couldn’t predict Mr. Poku would go on such a tirade, calling Johnny stupid, worthless, and “an absolute failure of a man.”

Jaylah
winced when he’d levied that last blow, as if she had been the one sucker punched. And in a way she had. His father’s attack on her lover’s abilities had been as much about her as it was about Johnny’s indiscretions.

“This girl,”
Johnny’s father hissed, “is worth throwing away your life?”

“
Her name is Jaylah,” he said, correcting his father before giving an answer. “And yes, she is.”

“How can you be s
o stupid? Fiona is a good woman, an elegant woman. You’ve known her since uni. And this, this girl comes along and now you want to mix up your life? Tuh!” Johnny’s father boomed, his distaste for Jaylah evident in his refusal to use her name.

“
Papa, Fiona and I haven’t been happy for years. We haven’t—“

“So what!” his father spat. “Marriage is not always happy, but you don’t get divorced because of it.
You had your fun, now go home to your wife.”

“I’m in love with Jaylah, Papa. I want to
be with her, she makes me happy.”

“I understand this girl makes you feel things, but she’s not worth ruining your life.”

Jaylah’s heart lurched. She wanted to defend herself, wanted to explain that she was, in fact, worth it. She wanted to tell Johnny’s father that she loved his son with a fierceness that was so foreign, so against her character that it could not be explained away as some sort of fanciful whim that would soon pass.

“She didn’t ruin my life
. I did. I stayed with Fiona even though I knew marrying her was a mistake. I was drowning, Papa. Jaylah saved me, she brought me back to life.”

“You are confused,” Johnny’s father said, ignoring his son’s
heartfelt words. “Come home, get your bearings straight, and patch things up with Fiona. She will take you back.”

“Papa,
my relationship with Fiona is finished. Done,” Johnny said, slicing through the air with his hands as he spoke. “Jaylah and I are having a baby and we’re going to get married.”

Johnny’s father
sucked his teeth at the news of his impending grandchild. “I see this girl did not waste any time trapping you,” he said, causing a new pang of anger to ricochet through Jaylah’s limbs. She leapt up from the bed and mouthed the words “
trapped you?
” to Johnny, pissed off that the decision she agonized over had been reduced to a cheap trick by a conniving woman. “Offer her some money, son, and I’m sure she will go away. Then you can get back to your life.”

Johnny blew out a rush of air, then reached out for Jaylah’s hand. “Papa,
she didn’t trap me, and she’s not going anywhere. We’re getting married. I hope you and mum can support me on this.”

“Support you?” Johnny’s father laughed harshly. “I’m supposed to support my son’s stupidity? I wouldn’t dream of it. If you insist on ruining your life, I won’t be apart of it.”

Johnny looked at his phone in disbelief. “What are you saying?”

“Call me when you’ve come to your senses a
nd are back home with your wife!” his father snapped before hanging up the phone, ruining their chance of a happy afternoon.

Jaylah
searched her heart for the words that would soothe Johnny’s wounds, but she doubted whatever she said could assuage the pain he felt from his father’s rebuke. It was one thing for Johnny’s father to blame her for ruining his son’s life, but it was quite another to disown his only son because he disagreed with Johnny’s choice.

The stakes had just been raised, and Jaylah knew that being kicked out of the Poku clan would either force them to grow closer together or pull them apart. At the moment, though, it was impossible to predict which would
occur.

Jaylah
walked up behind Johnny and put her hands around his waist. She rested her head on his back and inhaled his musky cologne. He leaned into her embrace, and for a moment, Jaylah felt like she was holding him up.

“I’m proud of you,”
she said after a few minutes. “And I love you.”

Johnny
turned to face her and kissed Jaylah on the lips. “Good. Because you and the baby are all I’ve got.”

She probed his face for signs that he was joking, but found none
. Johnny was right; she was it.

“But i
s that enough?”

Johnny
tried to smile, but the feeling never reached his eyes. Jaylah wanted to cheer him up, but words continued to fail her. She felt like all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, hoping to piece her lover back together. Jaylah wanted him to be the sanguine man she’d fallen hard for and had given herself to without even thinking twice, but she just couldn’t figure out what to say.

Jaylah found his lips again, drawing him into her and kissing him with a passion that startled them both. She grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it quickly over his head before running her
tongue over his nipples.

He started to speak,
“Jaylah…I’m not in the—” but she ignored his protest and continued nibbling her way down his chest to his stomach. She paused at his belly button and traced it with her tongue, then unbuckled his pants and slipped her hand in his boxers. She felt him swell at her touch and Johnny let out a sharp grunt when she began massaging him.

Jaylah may not have known what to say to coax Johnny back to himself, but she could show him that he wasn’t stupid or worthless or foolish. She could remind him that she not only wanted him, but
also needed him more than anyone else in the world.

Jaylah
followed the tuffs of hair that ran from Johnny’s stomach to the space between his thighs, smothering him in warm kisses before taking his shaft between her lips. She sucked him slowly, carefully, a thank you for he fighting for their love.

It was clear
Johnny was his father’s son—stubborn, resolute, not easily crushed—and longed for his approval. So the fact that he had not only gone to battle for her, but was willing to walk away from his family, confirmed what they had was stronger than either of them had ever imagined.

Johnny grabbed Jaylah’s hair and thrust himself
deeper into her mouth. She held onto his hips and listened as his sounds grew louder and less controlled. She wanted him to move insider her, closing the gap between them and once again fusing them into one body.

Jaylah
pushed Johnny onto the bed and climbed on top of him, sliding down into his lap. They rocked together, matching each other’s rhythm and refusing to rush to the end, even though they were both close to their peak. Johnny covered her mouth with his and allowed his tongue to play between her lips while his hips pushed deeper into her.  Each time she drew him in, her muscles clinching, Johnny exhaled her name, nudging Jaylah closer and closer to surrendering to the force building in her loins.

“
Don’t leave me, Jaylah. Don’t ever leave me,” he said over and over again as he swam inside her dampness.

Jaylah vibrated as
pressure rippled through her middle and out to her limbs. Johnny rolled her over, claiming the top spot so he could look in her eyes when she came. He stroked her harder, deeper, grunting promises to protect and love her forever.

“Please, please, please,” he begged as he exploded
inside her, “don’t ever leave me, baby.”

Johnny
collapsed and rested his head in the crook of her neck while he caught his breath. Jaylah rubbed his back, trying to stop her heart from cracking open at the urgency in his words. Johnny had never had a problem expressing his love for her, but the pleading stunned her.

“Yes,” Johnny said when he was able to speak.

“Yes, what?” Jaylah had no clue what Johnny was talking about, but would’ve granted him anything in that moment.

“
You and the baby are enough. More than enough.”

Jaylah’s heart danced
. It was official, they were a family. No matter who doubted it, they were a little three-person unit that she had stumbled on by accident, but would do anything to protect.

And a
t that moment Jaylah pitied anyone who dared get in their way.