(Un)bidden (31 page)

“What do you think you are doing?”

“It’s called kissing,” he said, dryly.

“No, you were trying to back me into my room.  Why?”

He stopped rubbing his head and stared at me a moment.  I felt the rush of hunger once more.  But now I knew what he meant to do with it, and it didn’t wash me away.

“No, Thomas.  You promised.  Nothing more than I’m ready to give.”

“But I thought that was a yes.”

“That was a kiss, remember?”

He looked mildly annoyed with me for a moment then sighed.

“I’m sorry, Charlene.”

He stepped close and slowly pulled me into a hug.  I resisted at first until I felt his sincerity.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

He held me in the hall for a while then pulled away.

“I’ll save you some lunch.  Mary will come up to sit with you.”

He was giving me space while still making sure I was protected.  My heart softened a little.

“Thank you,” I said, then turned away and closed myself into my room.

A few minutes later, Mary came in.  She had a partial mat, and extra leaves.  She sat on the floor, spread out her work, and looked up at me.

“So what earned him the hair pull?” she asked.  She didn’t sound amused, just concerned.

“He told you?”

She nodded and started weaving another leaf into place.

“When he asked if I would come up here.  He said you were upset enough with him that you pulled his hair, but he couldn’t leave you alone, even if you were mad at him.  So what did he do?”

I blushed but confessed everything.

“I kissed him.  He assumed it was a sign for more and was trying to nudge me into the room.”

“Yeah.  Sleeping in Gregory’s room is nice, but I have to watch what I do.  They’re always trying to read into things, hoping you’re finally saying yes without using the word.  I haven’t pulled his hair yet, but I’ve come close.”  She took a new leaf from her pile and started to weave that one in.  Her calm acceptance had me blurting my concerns.

“Mary, I’m really not ready.  I know he’s worried about what will happen when the pack returns and he thinks...mating,” I swallowed hard, “will help with that, but I’m just not ready.  What am I supposed to do?”

Her hands stilled as she looked up at me.

“Is it okay if I ask Winifred to join this conversation?” she asked hesitantly.

I thought about it for a moment then nodded.  Mary sat quietly for a minute, then a corner of her mouth quirked in a smile.

“First, Winifred wants you to know she supports whatever decision you make and applauds you for standing up for what you wanted and pulling Thomas’ hair.  She’s not pushing one way or the other.  She said you need to think about the reasons why you’re not ready.”

“I’m too young,” I said automatically.

“Do you think I’m too young?” Mary asked, and I knew she was speaking for herself.

“Yes, I do.”

“Why?”

I stared at her.

“How old are you?”

“I’ll have been born sixteen years ago when the leaves fall.”

“And don’t you think that’s a little young?”

Mary shrugged.

“I don’t feel young.  I’ve hunted with my family since I could walk.  I’ve been learning about the dangers of the human world since before I could speak, and I have listened to the history of our race.  Like you said, we’re dying.  Don’t I have a responsibility to try to keep us going?  And I love Gregory.  It’s not like I’m even sacrificing my happiness for the sake of everyone else.  Once we’re Mated, he’ll never leave me.  He’ll always care for me and love me in return.  This isn’t something that fades or goes away.  The only reason I’m waiting, is because I don’t want you to be upset with me.  I saw your disappointment when I let him Claim me.”

“Oh, Mary,” I said, moving to kneel beside her.  “I’m so sorry.  I never meant to make you think I’d be upset with you.  I won’t be.”  I hugged her and she wrapped her arms around me.  “If you felt my disappointment, it was because I thought you’d leave.  None of your kind really seems to like being here.”

“Living here is different,” she said, pulling back.  “But we stay because you make this place somewhere we want to be.”

My eyes watered.

“I’ve never had a better friend than you,” I said.  “If Gregory makes you happy, don’t hold back because of me.”

“If Thomas makes you happy, don’t hold back because of age or doubt.  Waiting won’t change how he feels for you.  Once our kind finds a Mate, it’s for life.”

And if I were honest with myself, that worried me more than my age.  She watched me for a minute then went back to weaving, letting me think things through.

If I Mated with Thomas without telling him the truth, what kind of life would we have?

*    *    *    *

Thomas wasn’t in the main room when I finally went to find him.  He wasn’t anywhere outside, either.  I stood in the sun, closed my eyes, and concentrated on where I usually felt him.  It was like concentrating on my left hand but in my head.  I found the spot and felt a hint of frustration coming from it.  How did you call someone with feelings?  Impatience?  I didn’t want him to think I was mad.  Not when I was about to tell him the truth about myself.  My insides twisted at the thought.  And I didn’t want to wait for him to come back on his own.

I knew two things that would most likely have him rushing to my side.  Fear and hunger.  I blushed, opened my eyes, and started to think about the kiss we’d shared in the hallway.  The memory of his hands on my sides made me shiver, and my pulse jumped.  The frustration disappeared.  I imagined his mouth on mine, not a gentle, light touch but a starved press of his lips.

My gaze swept over the trees, and my breathing changed as I kept the memory playing in my head.

“You better be ready to run,” Mary said from behind me.

I jumped and spun around.  Like a bucket of cold water over my head, her appearance stopped all thought.

She grinned at me.

What were you doing?” she asked.

My already flushed face heated further.

“Trying to get him to come back.”

Hands settled on my shoulders, and I let out a small “Eep.”

Mary laughed, shook her head at me, and walked back inside.

“You succeeded in gaining my undivided attention.  Was there something you wanted?” Thomas said from behind me.  What he felt flooded me, and my stomach did a nervous dip.  Why hadn’t I felt anything until now?  I’d thought it wasn’t working.

“I wanted to talk to you privately but maybe now isn’t the best time.

He scooped me up in his arms and took off running into the trees.

“Now is the perfect time,” he said, glancing down at me.  His hungry gaze devoured me.

“Don’t run into a tree,” I said, nudging his chin up.  He grinned and focused on our path.

As he ran, I tried to settle my nerves and my pulse by taking several deep, calming breaths.

We broke through the trees to the lake’s grassy shore.  I was glad he hadn’t taken us to the marsh or garden.  He set me on my feet and turned me.

“There’s no one around to hear us.  Now, what did you want to discuss?”

I felt like throwing up.  The little voice that had cautioned me when I’d thought about telling Winifred was screaming at me now to keep my mouth shut.  I looked out over the waters, unsure what to do.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Thomas said.  He pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me.  “I hate when you worry this much.  You can tell me whatever you want or keep it to yourself.  I won’t be upset with you either way.  Just stop worrying like this.”

His hands smoothed down my back, and the voice quieted.  My worries tended to fade when he just held me like this.

“I can control people with just a thought,” I said against his chest.

His chin settled on top my head.  “I know.  Winifred told me.  She and I talked after the first time we saw what you could do.  We thought it was tele-whatever, where you can move things with your head.  When you told her it was something else, she told me.”

I frowned, not saying anything.  I said it needed to be kept secret.  And when she nodded, I’d thought she’d agreed.

“Don’t be angry,” he said.

I needed to figure out a way to keep my emotions in check.

“She told me because she had to.  She’s responsible for all of us.  Keeping information to herself about the possibility of someone in our midst who could control us could have killed her.”

“What?” I said, lifting my head.

“Like I said about Grey.  Elders serve us, not themselves.  If she knowingly did something that could potentially jeopardize us, she would die.”

I stared at him, unable to speak.

“Winifred does want to protect you.  She believes that you’re a key to our future.  She will do what she can to keep you safe.  That’s why she told me what you can do and asked that I keep an eye on you.  I saw what you can do.  It’s impressive and as far as I’m concerned, there’s no reason for us to worry.  The damage you can do is no worse than when we challenge each other.”

I could do so much more than he imagined.  I could make them do things then make them forget.  And if Winifred found that out, she’d need to tell Thomas or risk her own life.  What would Thomas do if I told him?  Would he keep it to himself?  I studied his face.  He wouldn’t.  He loved his people too much.  If he knew there was a way I could control them, he’d warn Winifred, at the very least.  She’d need to tell all of the rest.  I was very unwanted already.  It would be my death.

I felt sick but quickly pushed it aside.  I couldn’t fall apart; he’d know there was something more to what I could do.  Fear snaked its way into my belly, and I saw his expression begin to change.

I did the only thing I could to distract him, to distract us both.  I kissed him.

*    *    *    *

Thomas’ head lay on my chest.  His breathing was slow and even.  I didn’t move to wake him.  Instead, I lay there and let out all the worry and fear I’d suppressed since our kiss at the lake.

If I Mated with Thomas as he wanted, as I wanted, I would need to lie to him for the rest of my life.  I could try to run, again, but knew he wouldn’t let me go.  Even if I managed to leave this place, he would come and find me.  He hadn’t wanted to give up his Claim before it had been official.  Now that it was official...I sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

“What next?” I whispered in the dark.

Thomas shifted in his sleep, relieving some of the pressure.

I ran my fingers through his hair.  I’d made it this long without deciding.  Maybe I just needed to be patient and wait for the Universe to actually answer.

*    *    *    *

Thomas and I stood outside, working together to hang laundry on the line.  Everyone else was still inside working on weaving.  I’d tried to start a mat but discovered I didn’t have the patience or skill for it.  The leaves didn’t cooperate and, instead of a rectangle, I ended up with a weird shape with too many gaps.  So, I’d opted to do laundry instead.

“Weaving’s not for everyone,” Thomas said.

How had he known what I was thinking about?

“What gave me away?” I asked.

“Your frustration.  It felt the same now as it did in there.”

I wrinkled my nose at him.  Thomas’ mat had been perfect.

While I was making my face, his expression went from amused to alert.  He turned to look at the trail.  A light blue and white truck rolled into the yard.  Not Winifred’s truck.  I stopped straightening a shirt and squinted against the glare of the sun reflecting off the windshield.  I caught sight of a man behind the wheel as the truck stopped and the engine died.  I turned back around to keep my face averted.  Thomas moved toward the truck.

The man opened the door, and a metal on metal screech filled the air.

“Afternoon,” Thomas said as the man stepped from the truck.  Thomas’ voice seemed pleasant enough, but I felt his tension.

“Afternoon,” the man echoed.  “Sorry to come in here without warning.  Am I interrupting something?”

I reached for the man’s will but didn’t find anything more than friendly curiosity.  Keeping a light hold on his will, I hung another shirt.

“Just laundry,” Thomas said.

“Not a shirt left to wear, huh?”

I blushed as I realized how odd Thomas must look standing there in nothing but his pants.  I’d grown so used to it, I never thought of getting a shirt for him anymore.

“Yeah, the Mrs. lets it pile up at my place, too,” the man said when Thomas remained silent.  There was a slight pause before the man continued.  “I’ve seen your smoke for a few weeks now and wanted to stop in and warn you.  We’ve been seeing some wolves around.  They’ve left our livestock alone so far and don’t bother the dog none even though that thing yaps up a storm.”

“Wolves?” Thomas said, sounding deeply concerned.  “Which direction did you say?”

“I live a few miles to the west.  It’s a farm just off the road.”