Unbroken Pleasures (14 page)

“I live just
around the corner. I imagine I’m doing much the same thing you are,” he said. I
laughed, forgetting that I was currently angry at this man. I quickly found my
serious side again and debated on how to best approach the subject without
scaring him off completely. He beat me to the chase.

“How is Sylvia?”
he asked me. I could see sadness mixed with genuine concern in his eyes and
this fact disarmed me.

“She knows about
Amy,” I blurted out and then immediately wished I hadn’t been so blunt about
it.

“Who?”

“Amy. She knows
that you’re seeing her tonight.”

“I don’t know
what you’re talking about,” he said and I wanted to believe him. He sounded so
sincere and forlorn.

“You aren’t
going out with Amy?” I asked feeling confused all over again.

“I’m sorry,
Alex, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t even know anyone
named Amy.”

“Maybe Sylvia
got her facts mixed up,” I said but then considered another possibility. Maybe
Sylvia was making up excuses not to see Ben again.

“I don’t know
but I’m glad that I ran into you here today. I was kind of hoping to talk to
you about Sylvia, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t know if
that’s such a good idea,” I muttered pushing my cart forward to start picking
through bananas still trying to make sense of our conversation.

“I’m sorry. I
know she’s your best friend and all and I don’t want to put you in an awkward
position but I really care about her. I’m in love with her but I feel like
every time we start to get close, she finds a way to push me away again.”

I slammed my
cart straight into the back of an older man who yelped and looked around at me
startled.

“Oh my god, I am
so sorry,” I stammered. “I don’t know what happened. Are you alright?”

The old man
muttered a few choice words under his breath and moved on with his wife and I
was left once again to stand gaping at Ben feeling bewildered and now
embarrassed on top of it.

“What did you
say?” I asked him.

“I just need to
find some way of getting through to Sylvia and make her trust me. I’m not going
to hurt her.”

“You’re in love
with her?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Oh my god.”

“Is it really so
hard to believe?” he said laughing nervously. I hadn’t meant to make him feel
funny about this revelation but I supposed I was still in a bit of a shock.
Only moments ago when I talked to Sylvia, I thought she and Ben were a done
deal.

“She doesn’t
plan on seeing you again,” I whispered more to myself than to him.

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, she
thought you were going out with Amy, or at least that is what she told me so
she said it was over. She’s going out with someone else tonight.”

Ben frowned at
the idea of Sylvia with someone else and I could tell that I’d probably told
him a lot more than I should have.

“Who?” he asked.

“I don’t know.
She didn’t give me a name and I didn’t think to ask. I was going to ask why you
broke her heart.”

“I asked her to
marry me,” he said.

“Holy shit. Are
you serious?”

“Yes.”

“She didn’t tell
me that.”

“She didn’t take
it very well and now I regret doing it. I should have known better. Things were
finally starting to go so well between us. It’s just that I’ve never met anyone
like Sylvia and I can’t imagine not spending the rest of my life with her. We
have fun together. The sex is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I really
think we’re meant to be together. I just don’t know how to go about convincing
her.”

“Shit. This is
Sylvia we’re talking about. She doesn’t believe in happily ever after. She
thinks marriage equates to death. She spends her life fixing other people’s
‘mistakes’ in messy divorces. I can’t believe that you asked her to marry you.”

“It was pretty
stupid, I guess. Can I fix it, do you think? Is Sylvia ever going to talk to me
again or did I just pretty much push her away for good?”

“Oh boy, Ben, I
wish I could tell you that you still have half a chance with her but I don’t
know.”

“You’ve got to
help me, Alex. I don’t know what to do without her. She doesn’t have to marry
me. I just want her back.”

“I’ll try to
help you,” I said. All the pieces clicked into place, why Sylvia had been so
evasive about him on the phone and why she wanted me to believe that the
relationship had ended because Ben wasn’t interested. I knew her better than
anyone but even I didn’t know how to go about capturing her heart. I wasn’t
convinced this was even possible but after seeing the way she looked at Ben
whenever they were together, I couldn’t let things go without at least making
an effort.

“Thanks, Alex.
It really means a lot to me. Don’t tell her that I told you about the
proposal.”

“I won’t but if
I were you, I wouldn’t ever mention that dreaded ‘M’ word ever again.
Understood?”

“Yeah, I guess.
Although I’ve always imagined that someday I’d settle down and have a family.
I’d sure like that to be with Sylvia. You think she might ever change her
mind?”

“First things
first, Ben. Right now we have to focus on getting the two of you back into the
same room together. I think given a bit of time, even Sylvia will see the
benefits of spending her life with someone. If you really love her, you’re just
going to have to be patient.”

“Okay. I’ll do
whatever it takes, Alex. Really I will.”

“I know you will.
You’re really good for her, Ben.”

We continued to
talk for a bit and then parted ways. I was left to finish my shopping still
stunned by the realization that Ben’s feelings for Sylvia were even more
serious than I thought.
Marriage
. I still couldn’t get used to the fact
that someone had actually proposed marriage to Sylvia of all people. I felt a
twinge of excitement in my belly and for a brief moment, I even imagined myself
the maid of honor at her wedding but then I giggled to myself. I could never
see Sylvia in the traditional white dress walking down the aisle. If Ben really
loved her, and I believed that he did, he was going to have to settle for
living together and even that might be a stretch. Sylvia was not going to give
up her single status without a fight. This was going to be interesting to say
the least.

Chapter 13

I spent the rest
of Sunday just trying to not think too much. There were so many thoughts in my
head but since I couldn’t make sense of any of them right now, I decided that
the best way to spend my day would be to relax and watch mindless TV. I had a
busy week at work ahead of me and I needed to get my head back where it
belonged in order to face it. I had pretty much resolved to coerce Sylvia into
seeing Ben again by arranging a double date with Adam and me. How well this
would go over with Sylvia, however, was yet to be determined. I wasn’t going to
worry about it right now.

I settled into
bed early, determined to get a good night sleep for a change since I still
hadn’t managed a full night for as long as I could remember. Perhaps that was
my problem all along? Lack of sleep was taking its toll on me. As soon as I
managed to sleep well and clear my head then things would start to fall into
place and I could feel happy about embracing a future with Adam, or at the very
least a here and now. I began by reaching down to touch the space between my
legs that ached to be touched. I imagined Adam’s face at first but much to my
frustration, his face kept being replaced by images of Reese. I worked myself
into a frenzy remembering the night he’d followed me home.

I was so
distracted that I almost missed the tapping on the window. I stopped massaging
myself and bolted upright, listening. At first I thought it was only the wind
which had picked up and caused the branches from the trees outside to scratch against
my window. I let out my breath slowly and was about to sink back down to the
bed when I heard the noise again. This time it was unmistakable. Someone was
standing just outside my bedroom window rapping insistently. I pulled the
blanket around me and quickly slipped back into my panties.

I looked at the
bedside table where I usually dropped my phone before crawling into bed but it
wasn’t there. I must have left it in the living room with my coat after I
brought home groceries this afternoon. I slid quietly out of bed, pulling my
nightgown down and wished that it would reach farther than above the knees. My
room was lit only by what little light came in through the open drapes at the
window where someone was standing and peering inward. I heard him say my name
even though it was muffled by the glass between us and I knew that it was Reese.
Sylvia had been right. I was fighting a battle with myself deep inside that I
knew I’d already lost.

I walked closer
to the window as my heart beat wildly in my chest. All I could hear was its echoes
in my ears as I looked out into the darkness and saw him looking back at me. I
clicked the lock and slid the window open feeling the coolness of the night
breeze against my skin.

“What are you
doing here?” I whispered. The look in his eyes melted me. I wanted his breath
on my skin.

“I needed to see
you again. Can I come in?”

I panicked. In
my head I screamed yes, it was all I’d wanted since the day I encountered him
in the rain but I thought of Adam and I knew that it wasn’t right. “No,” I said
quietly, “I’m sorry.”

“Please,
Alexandra, I need to see you.”

“What do you
want? Why are you here? You shouldn’t have come back.”

“Please…”

“I don’t know
who you are but clearly we made a mistake and it’s not a mistake that I am
willing to repeat.”

I closed the window
without waiting for a reply, yanked the curtains closed, and sank to the floor
trying to control the pounding in my chest. I wanted to open the curtains and
tell him I’d changed my mind but I wouldn’t allow myself that pleasure. I’d
made a promise to myself and I was determined not to break it. When I felt I’d
regained my composure enough to stand, I made my way to the bathroom attached
to my bedroom and splashed water over my face. I wasn’t dreaming. He’d come
back to me and I’d just sent him away. I didn’t know whether I should be proud
of myself or vomit in despair. Why did this stranger have such a hold over me?

I flipped the
bathroom light off and went back to my bedroom that was darker now that the
drapes were closed. I was about to slide into my bed when I noticed a shadow
that didn’t quite fit in with my perception of how my room should look at
night. I froze but didn’t say a word, waiting for the shadow in the doorway to
either move or reveal itself as my imagination playing tricks on me. Nothing
happened.

“Hello?” I
whispered to the darkness. I didn’t know if I wanted it to respond.

“Alexandra…”

“How did you get
in my house?” My heart leapt in my chest. I should call for help but my phone
was in the living room and the only way I could get to it would be to get past
him first. I didn’t move.

“I can’t stop
thinking about you.”

“Get out of my
house.” My words lacked conviction. My body responded to the sound of his voice
and his proximity. My thoughts were filled with the memories of his hands on my
body and despite all my efforts not to feel it, I wanted him more than any man
I’d ever known. I was at war with myself.

“I know you
think about me too,” he said stepping forward out of the doorway, “I know you
still walk at night and you look for me. There was so much I wanted to say to
you the other night at the restaurant.”

“But you were
with someone else.”

“And so were
you.”

“Who is she?”

“Does it
matter?”

“Yes, it does.”

“Then you want
to see me too. You want to be with me as much as I want to be with you.”

“I think you’re
crazy and you should leave.”

“Not until you
convince me that it’s what you really want.”

“How am I
supposed to do that?”

He stepped
forward again until we were almost face to face in the darkness. I could just
about make out the features of his face and the look in his eyes as he
approached me.

“Kiss me,” he
said softly and I felt myself melt as his breath caressed my face. He bent just
close enough that all I would have to do is lift slightly onto my toes and my
lips would touch his.

“What does that
prove?” I whispered, unable to catch my breath.

“Kiss me.”

I reached up
with only the intention to let my lips gently graze his but he caught me before
I could pull away and held me in place. I struggled at first but all my
strength had given way and all I could do was match the intensity of his kiss.
One moment stretched into a lifetime. When he stopped, I was reluctant to let
him go.

“Do you still
want me to go?”

I stared into
the darkness looking anywhere except at him. I couldn’t find the words to say
everything that was coursing through me at that moment. I didn’t even know if
there were words to explain it. I didn’t want him to go but I still couldn’t
give in to letting him stay. He took my face in both his hands and forced me to
look at him. I tried to make out the expression on his face in the darkness. He
kissed me again. I closed the distance between us by putting my arms around his
neck and giving in to his tongue teasing mine.

He let go
suddenly and pulled free of my grasp. I watched in horror as his dark form
moved toward the window, stricken by the irrational fear that he would climb
out and disappear into the night.

“Wait,” I said
moving toward him. He pulled back the drapes to let the soft light from outside
filter through the window. I could see his face better now, even though the
light was still dim. He smiled at me.