Unbroken Pleasures (22 page)

Before I could
react, he kissed me. He crushed his lips into mine with a passion that I knew
meant that he loved me as much as I loved him but he was unwilling to give in
to that feeling. He let me go, turned and walked out the door.

I stood there
for a long time looking out into the darkness feeling numb, knowing that I
would likely never see Reese again all because I’d wanted so much more than he
had been willing to give.

Chapter 19

Weeks passed and
Reese didn’t show up at my door. I was pretty sure that I wasn’t going to see
him again and even if I had a way to contact him, I’m not sure that I would
have. I had made a lot of tough decisions about my life and the way that I
should live it and the first priority was to try to make amends with Sylvia. When
I finally got the courage to call her, she seemed genuinely happy to hear from
me and suggested that we have lunch together at our usual Sunday spot. I
quickly agreed.

Sylvia was
waiting for me when I walked into the restaurant. I slipped into the booth and
smiled at the waitress as she handed me a copy of the menu. Something about
Sylvia looked different but I couldn’t pinpoint the reason. She seemed somehow
more radiant, happier than the last time we’d seen each other, but then I
supposed that wasn’t very hard considering the circumstances. Unfortunately, I
didn’t think the same could be said about me as I saw her scrutinizing the dark
circles under my eyes.

“Sylvia, before
we say anything, I just wanted to apologize for everything that happened. I had
no right to meddle in your business with Ben and I should have listened to you
when you tried to warn me about Reese. I really regret letting any man come
between us like that,” I told her.

“Please,” she
said shaking her head, “You don’t need to apologize. I am the one who should be
sorry. I am the one that screwed everything up and you were right, I should
have minded my own business. Who you sleep with has nothing to do with me.”

“For what it’s
worth, that’s over,” I said avoiding eye contact. It was the first time I’d
said the words out loud and I didn’t think my ears were ready to hear them. I
thought maybe my eyes would betray my emotional state. I wanted Sylvia to
believe that I was truly better off without him.

“How long?” She
seemed surprised by this revelation.

“Right after we
stopped speaking. I saw him the next night and we broke it off. I haven’t seen
him since.”

“I see.”

“So whatever you
were worried about, you can put your mind to rest,” I said.

“I’m sorry. I
shouldn’t have said anything that morning. It was none of my business. I wasn’t
thinking straight after everything with Ben.”

“It’s okay,
Sylvia, really. It’s in the past.”

“It’s just that
I might have been mistaken about him,” she said.

“Mistaken?” My
mouth went dry.

“He came into
the office a few times. I couldn’t say anything before for two reasons. First
of all, he was a client of ours and second of all, I wasn’t very familiar with
his case because he was working with one of my partners but I knew that he was
mixed up in an ugly battle over the custody of his daughter.”

“He has a
daughter,” I whispered. I couldn’t imagine him as a father or someone else’s
husband.

“My partner
actually represents the little girl’s mother and from what I heard of the
story, Reese was a dead beat dad that messed up his wife and didn’t deserve to
be in that little girl’s life.”

“That’s awful.”

“Well, that was
the mother’s side of the story but after I found you two together, I dug a
little deeper and it turns out that maybe he’s not the bad guy in the story
after all.”

“It doesn’t
matter,” I sad sadly, “It’s over. I’m not going to see him again anyway. You
shouldn’t be telling me this.”

“I just don’t
want to see you get messed up with someone that was going to hurt you even
worse than Ed had done,” she said.

“I know, Sylvia.
You meant well and you were right. It is for the best.”

There was a long
pause and I felt like I might drown in the silence. My chest ached in the space
where my heart should be. We eventually filled the silence with small talk
about how our lives were going. I told her about the summer party with my
family. We placed our orders and waited while our food was prepared but all the
while in the back of my mind all I could think about was Reese and his
daughter. What should have reinforced a desire to stay out his life only made
me want to see him more.

“I have some
news,” she said as the waitress put our plates in front of us.

“Oh yeah?”

“Ben and I are
getting married.”

I nearly choked
on the bite of burger that I’d taken.

“What?” Surely
I’d heard that wrong.

“That’s why I
wanted to see you. I was hoping that you would be my maid of honor?”

“Oh my god,
Sylvia, how did this happen?”

“Well, believe
it or not, after your little stunt to try to get us back together, we started
talking again. At first I thought I was only venting but then I realized that
you were right, I needed him in my life. I knew that I was using any excuse
just to talk to him. So then we started talking about us and I guess one thing
lead to another and I finally broke down and decided that maybe this marriage
idea isn’t so bad after all. Maybe I don’t want to lose him.”

“Holy shit,
Sylvia. I never thought I would see the day!”

“I know, huh? Me
in a white dress. It’s unnatural.”

“I don’t know
what to say.”

“Tell me you’re
happy for me. Tell me that you’ll forgive me being such a stubborn jerk and be
my maid of honor.”

“Of course, of
course. Oh my god, Sylvia, I am so freaking happy for you. Congratulations.”

I got up and went
over to hug her so tight and we both started to cry. I regretted all the days
that passed that we didn’t speak just knowing how good it felt to have my best
friend back in my life again. This was exactly the sort of distraction that I
needed to forget about Reese altogether.

After she shared
her news, the tension between us dissipated. She showed me the beautiful
diamond solitaire engagement ring that Ben had given her and we made plans to
look at dresses together later in the week. By the time we said goodbye, I still
couldn’t believe this was really happening. I walked the few blocks home
feeling like I was living in a dream. I wasn’t even aware of my surroundings
until I bumped into something as I walked along the sidewalk.

“Oh my
goodness,” I am so sorry I mumbled as I realized that I’d run right into
someone. In my embarrassment, I didn’t bother to look at his face. I stepped
aside and continued walking trying to pretend like it didn’t happen.

“Alex?”

I stopped and
turned around at the sound of the familiar voice.

“Adam?”

“I thought that
was you.”

“What are you
doing out this way?”

“I was planning
to meet my mom and sister for lunch actually. I stopped at the bookstore
first,” he said motioning behind us to the small second hand bookshop that I
frequented. “My sister lives close to you.”

“So how have you
been?” I asked.

“I’ve been okay.
I will be bringing Tiger in for his vaccines soon. He’s still as feisty as ever
but otherwise, not too much has changed. You still seeing that guy?”

“No, that was
over before it began,” I said wishing that he hadn’t asked about Reese. It wasn’t
a subject that I wanted to get into.

“That’s too bad.
I met someone. Angie is her name. Real nice girl.”

“Oh?” I don’t
know why this shocked me so much. “That’s great, Adam. I’m really happy for
you.”

“Yeah well, it’s
early yet. We’ve only gone out a couple of times.”

I felt like
there was something more that he wanted to say but he held back.

“Sylvia is
getting married,” I said, “Can you believe that?”

“No way. To that
guy… what was his name? Ben?”

“Yep, that’s the
one. The wedding is in September. I only just found out myself.”

“Wow, tell them
I said congratulations.”

“Sure.”

“Do you have
date?” he asked. At first I had no idea what he was talking about. I started
racking my mind to make sense of the abrupt question.

“For the
wedding, I mean? I don’t mean to be so forward or try to invite myself or
anything but if you aren’t seeing anyone, well…”

“What about
what’s her name, Angie?”

“I don’t mean as
a couple. I know you don’t think of me that way,” he paused to laugh, “You made
that pretty clear. We could go as friends.”

“Thanks, Adam,
but I’d hate to impose.”

“It’s really not
a problem. I’d still like to be friends, Alex.”

“That’s really
nice of you.”

“Give it some
thought and if you decide you want to drag someone along to pose as your date,
give me a call.”

“I might take
you up on that. I hate going to these sort of things alone.”

We smiled and
chatted for a while before he had to excuse himself to meet his sister and his
mother. I watched him walk away and I sighed. It was hard not to wonder what
things would have been like if I’d actually given Adam half a chance.

I let myself
into the house and sprinkled some food into Edgar, Allen, and Poe’s tank
watching them gobble it up eagerly. Life was so much simpler when you were a
goldfish stuck in a fish tank, I thought.

Chapter 20

Once Sylvia
included me in her wedding plans, life felt like someone had hit the fast forward
button. I barely knew this woman anymore. The girl that once insisted that men
were barely worth more than casual sex and would never commit to one, had done
a complete one-eighty and was taking the white dress and wedding bells thing
very seriously. I might as well have stepped into an episode of The Twilight
Zone. Every once in a while I would say something just to make sure that she
knew what she was doing but she had never been more sure of herself. I realized
that I was the one that was actually skeptical of the notion of happily ever
after.

I saw Adam on
and off, mostly in the office, and once or twice we’d gone out to get ice cream
together, and we’d fallen rather comfortably into the role of friends. True to
his word, he still promised to be my date to the wedding and the closer we
inched toward the big day on the calendar, the more I really looked forward to
sharing that time with him.

I would be lying
if I said that somewhere in the back of my mind I didn’t hope that I’d hear
from Reese again. I often fantasized that he’d reappear to sweep me off my feet
in time to be my date to Sylvia’s wedding. I took evening walks hoping to bump
into him when I needed to get out and clear my head after a busy day. Of
course, I never saw him and he never showed up at my house either. I thought a
lot about what Sylvia had told me about the disagreement between him and his ex
and the dispute over their daughter and I wondered how much of that influenced
his reluctance to see me again or to get too close to anyone. I wondered if
there would ever be a point when that reluctance started to disappear.

The realistic
side of myself told me that I needed to put him out of my mind and move on.
Once the wedding was over, I was going to be back to having a lot of free time
on my hands and it would be nice to have someone to share that with, I decided,
especially now that Sylvia would be busy with her new husband. The less
practical side of myself couldn’t stop reliving the moments I’d spent with him
every free moment that I could and knew that no one else would measure up.

I still couldn’t
wrap my head around the idea that Sylvia and Ben would be man and wife. I sat
on the living room floor cross-legged holding the invitation in my hands and
thinking about all the preparation that had gone into this one single moment.

But if I thought
the months leading up to the wedding had passed in a blur, it was nothing
compared to those last few days before the big event.

By the time the
day arrived, we were all a bundle of nerves. I stood at the full length mirror
in the hotel room where we’d been busy getting dressed and ready for the
ceremony and stared at my reflection as though I were lost in a trance.

Sylvia had
chosen strapless wine red bridesmaid dresses. They were simple but elegant and
managed to flatter the curves of my body which I had only just realized had
toned after all my evening excursions. My hair had been pinned behind my head
leaving only a few strands to accentuate my face and my make-up was tasteful,
bringing out the blue in my eyes. I liked the way I looked and even though I
hadn’t thought of Reese in several days, he crept into my thoughts and hit me
like a wave. I imagined that he came up behind me like he had that night in my
bedroom when I’d only been wearing a bra and matching panties. I imagined that
he wrapped his arms around me and inhaled the scent of my perfume telling me
how beautiful I looked. I sighed.

One of the other
bridesmaids brought me out of my fantasy by handing me my bouquet. The bride
was nearly ready and we were supposed to get ready to walk down the aisle. I
stole one last glance at myself in the mirror holding the bouquet imagining
myself with Reese by my side dressed in a black tux with a flower in his lapel
to match my dress. Would I ever be free from the obsession? I almost wished
that I’d never encountered him in the first place. He’d changed my life in some
unmistakable way and more than any so-called serious relationship, letting him
go was proving more of a challenge than I felt capable of.

Sylvia, of
course, looked breathtaking in her wedding gown and I had to distract myself to
keep from crying when I looked at her. I could tell that she was doing the
same. So this was it, she was actually going through with it. With tentative
steps down the aisle, a few spoken words, and music, the ceremony was
officially sealed with a kiss and we welcomed the new husband and wife. Time to
party.