Unchosen (Chosen #2) (7 page)

ELEVEN

Nick and I had lunch almost every day from that weekend on and he would never ever let me pay. He was the perfect gentleman friend. We talked on the phone and emailed daily. He spoke a lot about his family life in Texas. He had decided to stay in Boston for the upcoming holidays and when I asked him why, he mentioned his parents might come to town instead but work was too busy and he couldn’t leave. I talked about Niall’s little baby milestones and I was pleasantly surprised how easily I got accustomed to sharing those details with him. Nick was still dating other girls here and there. I was always curious about the dates. I enjoyed living vicariously through his single life so much so that sometimes I asked him questions about the girls ad nauseam.

I got the sense he was annoyed that I asked but he didn’t understand what my life was like. I went home every night to one little man who didn’t eat sushi or even talk, for that matter. But as I constantly reminded Nick we were just friends, he started opening up about his dates. He would mostly tell me the disastrous ones. We would make fun of the girls and their expectations of what a date with Nick Sawyer was like. I would always refer to him as the “The Great and Almighty Nick Sawyer” and he would groan when I answered the phone or addressed him that way in an email.

I didn’t know his true feelings for me but we were becoming closer as friends. The conversations about his dates prevented me from throwing myself at him when I had lascivious feelings towards him. I still had dreams about him at night and I would feel strange the next morning like I was missing something. I registered I was just lonely and Nick provided me with what the dating life was really like out there in the world as a singleton. It was a perfect situation.

On occasional weeknights, after Niall went to bed, he would come over and we would play Scrabble or read to each other. Sometimes, he showed up with a romantic book and other times he would show up with a Stephen King book. Any book was perfectly fine with me because his voice could make anything sound interesting.  Occasionally, we watched a movie but more than anything, we talked and joked around as easily as two friends who had known each other for years. Nick was someone I trusted. He reminded me a lot of hanging out with Sean, an old friend that got me through the heart ache of losing Teagan. But my heavy metal tattoos artist was not Nick. Nick was so utterly sexy he made my mouth water more often than not. Sometimes I caught him looking at me with a thoughtful expression. Instead of asking him what he was thinking, I distracted myself. My physical attraction to Nick never went away. We would brush up against each other when grabbing Scrabble tiles or while making popcorn and stop mid air but we never said anything about it. Sometimes, I wanted to but I just couldn’t cross the line with Nick. My body wanted him but my rational brain and stone cold heart screamed no.

One of Nick’s date free Friday nights, he came over to watch a movie. He said he would watch whatever I wanted and that night I was in the mood for a hopeless romantic comedy for the first time. That did not go unnoticed to me. Of course, like any guy, he fell asleep during the first half of the movie but I smiled at his bravery. He was such a good sport, spending his Friday night with the poor single mother at home. Like being sucked into a painting, I found myself watching Nick instead of the movie.  I examined his long lashes and focused on his parted lips in rhythmic breath. Small flutters of anticipation overcame me as I thought if I only moved my lips over his. If I only crawled up next to him and let him spoon me the way he did that first night in my bed. The phone rang and I sprang up off the couch to get it before it woke Niall.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Lizzie, it’s Drew.”

“Oh, hey.
Drew,” I replied. “Are you looking for Nick?”

“No. Actually, I was looking for you. Are you busy?” he asked.

“Um…” I said, looking quickly over at Nick to see he was still sleeping. “No, it’s fine. What’s up?”

“Well, I am out at a bar and one of my friends brought his coworker along. It turns out you may know him,” he said.

“Huh? Drew, what are you talking about? What friend?” I asked, sounding a little annoyed even to me.

“Let me put him on the phone,” he said and then I heard the loud bar background and a shuffling of the phone.

“Lizzie?” My whole body went rigid. My stomach dropped out of my body and smashed all over the floor. I wanted to be sick. I put my arm out towards the wall but didn’t touch it so I swayed a little too much until I found myself folded on the floor.

“Freddie?” I whispered.

“Lizzie! Oh man. I can’t believe it’s you. We are here at The Greatest and I overheard this guy, Drew, talking about Lizzie O’Malley and it… it’s you!” he said, sounding excited.

“Freddie, what are you doing in Boston?” I asked. Please don’t let Teagan be here, please don’t let Teagan be here.

“I am here for work. The company I work for in Cork needed me to help the Boston office. Lizzie, I have been looking for you for weeks. How are you? Can you come down and have a drink?” he asked.

“Oh, no, Freddie.
I am home. In bed. I can’t… I mean, Jesus. This is a shocking surprise,” I breathed out in gasps. My heart would not stop pounding.

I felt Nick come up behind me and sit on the floor. He put his hand on my arm that was covering my eyes and pulled it down. I looked at him in shock and he gave me a worried look. “What is it,” he mouthed.

I shook my head at him. “Listen, Freddie. Now isn’t a good time. I have company,” I said. Oh, thank God, I had company. 

“Lizzie. I know we didn’t say goodbye on good terms but you are a friend. Please, let’s meet soon, okay?” he asked, sounding a bit desperate.

I thought for a long moment. I didn’t know what to say. This was too much. Too much. This was splitting the whole wound open again and it felt wrong. I forced away the thought. I just wanted to get off the phone.

I heard Niall crying and looked up in surprise. Niall! Oh my God.  “Listen, Freddie. You can get my number from Drew. I just have to go. Sorry,” I said and hung up.

Nick was already on his feet towards Niall’s room. He had never gone into his room before but in that moment, I was so glad he was there. I got up quickly and followed him in. I was shaking so bad, I didn’t know if I could even pick him up.

Nick went to the baby, began to hum to him, and rubbed his back. I put my arms on the crib and threw my head down over it. Then Nick started rubbing my back, too.

“Oh. My. God,” I said, feeling a panic attack coming on.

Nick stopped rubbing my back and I stood up to see Niall had gone back to sleep. We quietly left his room and Nick turned to face me.

“Lizzie, what is it? Was that Drew? Why is Drew calling you? I mean, I know I gave him your number before Phish but I didn’t know he still called you,” he said.

“Um, no, no.
He doesn’t call me. But, yeah, he did tonight but not for that or anything,” I said, trying to sort out the details in my mind so I could speak coherently. “Drew called because he ran into an old friend of mine. I…I don’t know. I don’t know anything other than Boston is becoming a bit too fucking small of a world for me,” I said, looking off to the wall behind him.

Nick put his hands on my shoulders and my eyes met his.  “What did he want, Lizzie?” he asked pointedly.

“Drew?” I shook my head in confusion.

“No, your old friend,” he said.

“He…wants to see me. He wanted me to come down to The Greatest Bar,” I said stunned.

“Okay,” he said, drawing out the word.

“I can’t go. Nick. I can’t,” I said, tears starting to form in my eyes. “Shit. Nick. I can’t be there. I need time to process this. I need to be alone. I am sorry, but can we call it a night and maybe talk tomorrow?”

He looked at me for a long moment, not moving his hands from my shoulders. “Okay,” he whispered. “Okay, Lizzie, but I am worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” I quickly replied. “You go. It’s still early. Go out and do something fun.”

I gave him a weak smile.

“Ugh, shit,” he said on a rushing sigh and put his hand through his hair. “I have plans with that girl, Anna, tomorrow night but I will call you.” I smiled at that. Anna was what he called “the improvement” out of all the girls he had dated.

“Third date etiquette,” I said, trying to mask my freak out and fall back into our familiar banter about his dating lifestyle. One side of his top lip quirked up but his bland look told me he wasn’t in the mood to talk about Anna.

“You sure you are going to be okay?” he asked.

“Yes. I need to call my brother and hang out with him tomorrow. We haven’t seen each other much. But, Nick, I am fine. That call just threw me off.” I shrugged, trying to
mentally persuade him he needed to get out before I crumbled into a million pieces.

“Sure, I understand,” he said.  Nick turned and grabbed his keys off the kitchen bar and looked back at me. I must have looked lost because all of a sudden, his large arms and chest were enveloping my body and he was nuzzling his face into my neck.

“I am your friend, Lizzie. I don’t know what this is about but I hope you can trust me when you are ready to talk,” he murmured in my ear. He kissed me on the cheek. It was warm and gentle like I was a fragile piece of crystal that could break into a million pieces. He walked out the door, quietly closing it behind him. I went back to Niall’s room and laid down on his floor in the fetal position and fell asleep with a pool of tears underneath my face.

TWELVE

“You have to tell him,” Conner said, coming back into my living room with a bag of Doritos.

“Why the fuck would I have to tell Freddie?” I asked, taken aback by Conner’s statement. “Niall is none of his business.”

“Not Freddie, you idiot. Nick. You have to tell him you are into him or have feelings for him,” he said.

“Wait, what? We weren’t even talking about Nick,” I said in frustration.

Conner just sat there and stared at me.

“You hang out with Nick all the time. You guys have been inseparable for months. God, every time I want to hang out, you are all like Nick, Nick, Nick,” Conner said. “Mom and Dad ask about him, like I even know what is happening, and yes, you have said his name at least ten times since I have been here.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I need advice about Freddie!” I exclaimed. Had I been talking about Nick? I hadn’t realized.
Ten times? Seriously?

“Fuck Freddie. Move on. Those Irish fuckers don’t deserve your attention,” he said as he chomped on a handful of chips.

I just looked at him. “Those Irish fuckers aren’t all bad. Freddie was super nice to me that summer. I care about him. Besides, Nick is dating other women. He isn’t into me. Shit, we both know we are just friends and won’t go any further,” I said adamantly.

“His favorite band?” he said.

“Phish, duh,” I said rolling my eyes.

“Favorite food?” he said.

“Mexican, but it has to be Tex-Mex,” I said firmly as I pointed my finger at Conner.

“Favorite movie?” he said. He was going to eat my whole frigging bag of chips.

“It’s a tossup,” I said, thinking between Scarface and Good Fellas.

Conner looked at me with a Doritos chip sliding out of his opened mouth.

“Okay, so I know his favorite things, whatever. That isn’t true love in the making. We are friends. We talk,” I said.

“Now tell me Freddie’s favorites. Or Teagan’s for that matter,” he said, giving me a knowing look.

I faltered. I had no idea. David Gray? No, that was mine. Food? Bar food?
Irish food. What was Irish food anyway?

“My point exactly,” he said, taking a drink from his Coke can. “Look, the guy likes you. He spends time with you. He comes over on Friday nights and rubs your son’s back to help him fall asleep. What are you waiting for? Are you looking for a big blue neon sign with flashy bulbs to get it into your head he is into you?”

I shook my head. I didn’t have time for this conversation. Freddie was the problem. He was going to call me and I was going to have a fucking meltdown. 

“Conner,” I groaned. “I don’t want to talk about Nick.”

“Okay, but don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. That guy has it bad. Did you know he brought his dates to two of my shows and when our sets were over, he came up to talk to me? Lizzie, he came up to talk to me
about you
,” he said.

“What?” I gasped. “He goes to your shows? I didn’t know that. What about the girls? Are they pretty? What do they look like exactly?” I could feel the anticipation I get when a new movie is about to come out and you want to know every little detail before you actually see it.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. He doesn’t introduce me to them. It is always about what
you
are doing. He asks me questions about us growing up and shit. Then, he tells me how you are doing. I feel like I know more about what is going on in your life through him than through you. That is totally shitty creeps, Lizzie.”

I gave him a “bull shit” look and turned away. “Oh, come on,” I said sarcastically.

How very interesting. Was this true? Nick talks about me to my brother? Why didn’t he ever tell me he went to Conner’s concerts? I pondered that for a moment and then shook it off.
None of my business.
Nick could do whatever he wanted on his dates. I wasn’t one of them but him not telling me made me a little irritated.

I crossed the room and grabbed my guitar off the stand. Conner grabbed his and we instantly fell into a beautiful duet he and I had been working on. “Time for a Change” was the title and I loved it. He planned on playing it soon and had asked me if I would accompany him on stage. Would Nick show up to that show with a date?

“You know, you are improving on that slide,” Conner said. “I am proud of you, sis.”

“Thanks,” I murmured, still thinking of Nick. Would Nick like this song, too? Was he attracted to me when I was hanging out in yoga pants; belly flopped over my waistband with drool on my shoulder? Did he think about me at night when he was falling asleep? Did he want to see me perform on stage? I let out a heavy sigh and looked up at Conner, who was just staring at me.

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” He grinned.

“What? No,” I said angrily.

“I put the seed in your head, Liz,” he said, pointing his finger at his own head.

I threw my guitar down and went to the bathroom to seethe. Just as I was about to reach the door, there was a quick double knock at my kitchen door. I reversed back down the hall and opened the door to find Nick. My whole body tingled and I stood frozen in place. I think my mouth dropped open but I couldn’t be sure. Yes, I had feelings for this man, said my heart.
No, no I didn’t, said my brain.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, looking at me with apprehension. His brown leather jacket covered a black ribbed turtleneck. Turtlenecks could only look good on Nick Sawyer.

I gained composure and nodded. I opened the door wider to let him in. “Yeah, sorry. I just wasn’t expecting you,” I said, quickly looking down at my less than attractive attire. He smiled at me personally perusing myself. He followed my line of vision and I saw his cheeks heat up. He licked his lips and I inwardly moaned.  He was checking me out. Holy shit. 

“I tried calling but it went straight to voicemail. I wanted to be sure you were okay after last night,” he said, coming up close as if he was going to give me a hug.

I pulled back quickly and fumbled with a kitchen chair. I wouldn’t hug Nick. That would throw more fuel on the fire with Conner. I would never live it down. “Sure, yes. Conner is here. We are practicing a song we have been working on,” I said quickly, pointing to the living room.

He nodded and waited for me to say more. I hesitated a moment and then let my guard down. Nick was just a friend, Conner be damned. “Come on in. What happened to your date with Anna? ” I asked.

“We are going out later tonight,” he quipped, looking down at his tennis shoes. Why did he have to look so bloody gorgeous in tennis shoes?

I smiled as I walked ahead of him into the living room where Conner was engrossed in a fight between the right chords for our next riff.

“Hey man!” Conner exclaimed when he looked up and then quickly gave me a look I wouldn’t have even noticed if I hadn’t been looking for it. His facial expression was “See?”

“Hey, good to see you again,” Nick said, putting out his hand and shaking Conner’s.

“Yeah, I heard you have met my brother before now.” I gave Nick a smirk and raised my eyebrows at him in question.

“I have been to a few of his shows. I had to meet him somehow,” he teased. He nudged my arm. “You weren’t going to introduce us.”

Disregarding Nick’s playful jab, I sat back on the couch with an audible huff and grabbed my guitar. I tried not to look at Nick. I felt so damn uncomfortable. Why did Conner have to mention anything about Nick liking me as more than just a friend? Just when he felt like my safe place to run to, to talk to, and to laugh with, it all had become too complicated in my head.
Dammit.

“Sure, I was going to introduce you two. Conner is just…really busy.” Conner coughed and I kept my head down. Obviously, Conner didn’t agree with my impromptu lie but whatever.

I started strumming with Conner and as he began the vocal melody, I saw Nick take a seat on the armchair in my peripheral vision. I started to sing along where Conner had instructed me earlier and as I relaxed into the song, I forgot about who was there, who I was, and why I cared about anything but music. This song meant so much to me. Playing side by side with Conner was relaxing and comforting.

After we finished what we had so far, Nick clapped softly. “Wow, you guys play well together,” he said, grinning only at me.

I smiled at Nick. Damn, if he didn’t look like a GQ model. That damn leather jacket and black jeans were sculpted love on his body. He was gorgeous.

“It’s her song, man,” Conner said as he pushed me with his elbow. “I am just here for my good looks.”

“Yeah, I am the talented one and you got the good looks,” I said demurely. Conner and I looked like brother and sister, right down to our freckles. Sometimes, when we were little, people thought we were twins.

“We are going to perform that one live soon. Once we can get my little man, Niall, a babysitter.
Right, sis?” Conner asked.

“If you meant Mom and Dad as babysitter, then yes. We are going to rock the rock scene, brother,” I said sarcastically.

Conner rose and stretched.  “Well, I gotta split. Lizzie, don’t forget about Sunday dinner. The band will be there and we should practice our song all together,” Conner said. My parents had allowed my brother to sound proof their whole basement to give the band a free space to practice.

“Got it,” I said. “Catch you later.” I really did not want him to leave but once Conner made up his mind about something, I couldn’t change it. He was leaving because he wanted me to have
the talk
with Nick. That much was clear.

“Okay, we’ll see ya later, man,” Nick said as he rose to shake Conner’s hand again.

“Peace,” Conner replied with a firm shake. “Hope we see you at the next show.”

After Conner left, Nick stared at me with a purpose in his look. “So… I met Freddie last night,” he said.

“What?” I exclaimed.

“I went to The Greatest Bar. I met him,” he said nonchalantly.

I wanted to crawl under a table and hide. “Why?” I asked softly.

“I wanted to know what or who made you that upset. I didn’t get it. However, the minute that Irish accent came out of his mouth, I figured it out,” he said.

I stood up and walked out to the kitchen. Nick followed me.  “Did he tell you what you wanted to know? Did he tell you his friend broke my fucking heart into a million pieces? Did he tell you Teagan used me all summer long and had a girlfriend back home the whole time? Did he tell you he wanted to be with me? Did he tell you about the last time I saw him? Please, Nick. Tell me what you learned by meeting Freddie,” I yelled.

“You’re mad,” Nick said softly.

“Ya think? I don’t want you anywhere near that part of my past,” I said emphatically. “You are such a good friend and I don’t need anyone else in my life pitying me. I don’t need anyone to protect me from that time. I have suffered enough and I have a life now. I am stronger. I am a better person because of what happened.”

“No, Lizzie. You aren’t over it. You won’t even talk to me about it. Dammit, I had to go into town just to find out something about you that you should have told me,” he said.

“Is that why you go to Conner’s shows and don’t tell me about it?” I asked. “Why do you go behind my back or for that matter, why search for things about me I don’t necessarily want you to know?”

He stood silent for a moment and looked down at the floor.

“I have feelings, Lizzie,” he said. “I can’t stop these feelings I have for you. I want to know you. I ask your brother because he loves you so much. But I need to… I just want to know if you might feel the same way about…me.”

I shook my head.

“Nick,” I whispered. “I have feelings for you. I like you and I love being with you. God, I don’t let any man come near my son.” I pointed towards Niall’s room and my hand fell to my side. “If you knew how fucking broken I am, you would never ever want feelings for me. You need to understand. I have nothing to give any man other than friendship because I cannot have my heart broken ever again. It tore me apart and I am finally piecing everything back together and if you… if you hurt me.” I shook my head and sighed. “I don’t want to lose you as a friend but I can’t go there with you because I could be…in…in...I just can’t go there again,” I said, my eyes watering up.

Before I could say another word, Nick was on me. His mouth covered mine and he moaned as he took my lips into his mouth. It was gentle and passionate. I opened my mouth with a whimper and he slipped his tongue to touch mine. I melted. His mouth was attentive and soft. It was a lovely and generous kiss and I wanted more. I was surrounded by his gorgeous smell, his hard body, and his security.  We wrapped our arms around each other and he pushed me up against the kitchen counter. I felt his hands come up to the bottom of my neck and his thumb moved up and down, like a gentle caress. It was beautiful. I felt beautiful. We kissed for five seconds, five hours or five days. Time didn’t exist. Nick and I were kissing like we knew each other’s mouths, our lips, our bodies. His hands started up my shirt and I felt warm under his touch. It was gentle and soft. We felt so right.