Uncle John’s Impossible Questions & Astounding Answers (33 page)

In the 2004 computer-animated commercial aimed at Chinese youth, the rookie NBA sensation dribbled the ball over two Chinese dragons. Bad idea: Unlike “evil” European dragons, their Chinese counterparts have been revered in Asia for thousands of years. To this day, it’s a social taboo to slay a dragon—either real or imaginary. Result: The Nike commercial caused a national uproar in China, not only because James slew the dragons, but also because he dunked on a kung fu master as well as two holy flying women. The Chinese government banned the ad, claiming it did not “respect the motherland’s culture.” Or, as a Beijing newspaper columnist put it, “What would Americans think if Chinese people made fun of Mount Rushmore?”

What sport, popular in the early 1800s, commonly used a “baffling spoon”?

What sporty fact do all these men have in common: Samuel L. Jackson, Steve Martin, Aaron Spelling, Johnny Campbell, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan, and George W. Bush?

How much older is polo than water polo?

The sport was golf—popular in the early 1800s and still going strong today. A
baffling spoon
, also known as a
baffy
, was a driver used to hit the ball down the fairway (the modern equivalent would be a 4-wood). Today, most clubs are numbered, but back then they had much more fun names, including
jigger, mashie-niblick, brassie
, and
cleek
.

They were all cheerleaders in college (or in Jackson’s case, in high school). Who is Johnny Campbell? He invented cheerleading in 1898 during a University of Minnesota football game when he jumped in front of the crowd and yelled, “Rah, Rah, Rah! Ski-u-mah, Hoo-Rah! Hoo-Rah! Varsity! Varsity! Minnesota!”

About 2,500 years. Polo is one of the oldest team sports. The hockey-like game that’s played on horseback is a pastime of the upper crust today, but back in 600 B.C., when it was invented by Mongolian cavalry soldiers, it was a warfare training exercise. The name comes from the word
pulu
, meaning “ball” in the Balti language of Tibet. Water polo began in the mid-19th century in English lakes and rivers as an aquatic form of rugby. Today, it looks more like “water soccer” (except players throw the ball instead of kick it). Water polo is widely considered to be the world’s most physically demanding sport.

Who was the only female athlete at the 1976 Summer Olympics in Montreal who didn’t have to take a gender test?

England’s Princess Anne, who competed in the equestrian events. Every other female athlete in the 1976 Summer Games was required to undergo a “sex test.”

The controversial subject of gender verification first came up in the modern Olympics after the 1936 Berlin Games when U.S. Olympic Committee president Avery Brundage accused two women of being men in disguise. They were Czech track star Zdenka Koubkova and English shot-putter Mary Edith Louise Weston. (Neither were men, but they both later underwent sex-change operations.)

Accusations of gender fraud dogged the Olympics for the next three decades, and came to a head after a 1967 scandal involving Polish runner Ewa Kłobukowska. Three years after winning a Gold Medal, she was tested…and failed. It wasn’t because she was a man, but because of a rare genetic disorder that slightly altered her chromosomes. Although Kłobukowska’s condition gave her no competitive advantage, she was banned from the Olympics for life. After that, gender testing became discretionary, meaning that only “suspicious” athletes were tested. Apparently, in ’76, Princess Anne was the only female athlete who didn’t look suspicious. (No doubt her mom, Queen Elizabeth II, vouched for her.) Gender testing was banned in 1999 because it was deemed “sexist, invasive, and ineffective.” However, the allegations haven’t gone away, and there are talks of reviving the tests in the future.

You put the golf ball on the tee. You line up your club. You begin to swing…and an earthquake shakes your ball off the tee. Do you get a do-over?

How much more likely are you to be injured playing pro football than pro basketball?

The Miami Heat basketball team has retired two numbers: 13 and 23. Why is this unusual?

No matter what the cause—be it earthquake, tornado, falling tree, or maniacal gopher: If you’ve begun your swing and the ball falls off the tee, it still counts as a stroke. Tough game, golf.

NFL players are 12 times more likely to be injured than NBA players. (Basketball is the second-most injury-prone sport.) Knee injuries are common in both sports but more so in basketball: They make up about two-thirds of basketball injuries and about one-third of football injuries.

No player with either of those numbers ever played for Miami’s pro basketball team. The Heat retired #23 to honor NBA legend Michael Jordan, who played for the Chicago Bulls and the Washington Wizards. While that’s unusual, it’s not unprecedented. (For example, every Major League Baseball club has retired Jackie Robinson’s #42.) What is unprecedented: The Heat also retired #13 in honor of Dan Marino, the Miami Dolphins’ Hall-of-Fame
football
quarterback. It’s the only case of a team retiring the number of a player who played a different sport.

Hear ye, hear ye: Ye will now be tested on EVERYTHING that has EVER happened in the ENTIRE world (minus North America…and minus most things that happened anywhere else
).

What building had the longest reign as the tallest structure in the world, and what building overtook it?