Uncle John’s Impossible Questions & Astounding Answers (35 page)

In 1666 the Great London Fire started in a bakery on Pudding Lane and burned for several days. By the time it was out, 80 percent of London’s structures were gone, leaving tens of thousands of people homeless. Although only a handful of deaths were reported, there were probably many more because most of the dead were peasants, and they weren’t counted.

But one thing is known—untold thousands of lives were saved. How? The fire occurred not long after a breakout of the bubonic plague. The plague was spread by fleas that jumped from rats to humans. The rats, in turn, lived in London’s homes and other buildings. After the fire, with most of the buildings gone, the vermin had no place to hide…and became easy prey for London’s hungry dogs and cats. Result: The plague outbreak ended.

Two world conquerors, centuries apart. One from the East and one from the West. Two weddings. Two disastrous wedding nights. Who were they?

What ancient city’s population grew so large that its leaders literally expanded the ground beneath it?

Attila the Hun and Napoleon Bonaparte. On Napoleon’s wedding night in 1796, Josephine insisted on letting her dog—a pug named Fortuné—sleep in the bed with them. When Napoleon climbed in to the bed, Fortuné bit him on the leg, leaving the French conqueror terrified that he’d contracted rabies. Napoleon didn’t get rabies, but his one-night relationship with dogs was over. (He was, in fact, a cat person, and later enacted a law that no French dogs could ever be named “Napoleon.”)

At least Napoleon
survived
his honeymoon. In A.D. 453, Attila the Hun wed a young woman named Ildico. After the wedding, Attila hosted a feast that lasted long into the night. When Ildico awoke the next morning, she discovered Attila’s lifeless body. Although some historians believe that he may have been murdered, most say the death was accidental: Attila likely suffered one of his chronic nosebleeds and was so drunk that he didn’t wake up…and drowned in his own blood.

The Aztec city of Tenochtitlan. Built in the early 1300s, the city was home to 60,000 people. That was way too many for its location—an island in what is now Mexico’s Lake Texcoco. Solution: The people built large rafts from wood, covered them in mud, and used stakes to secure them to the lakebed. The floating outskirts supported homes and farmland.

The Romans first built it out of wood 2,000 years ago. A Norwegian prince named Olaf tore it down 1,000 years after that. It was rebuilt, then destroyed by a storm, and then rebuilt again, only to be destroyed by a fire. Roughly 500 years ago, a stone version was built that included homes, businesses, and a church. In the 1960s, it was moved thousands of miles away. Then it was rebuilt yet again near its original spot. What is it?

London Bridge—and yes, it has fallen down quite a few times over the years.

The bridge has had a storied history, to say the least. From the 1300s to the 1600s, the heads of England’s slain enemies—including, most famously, William Wallace and Thomas More—were displayed on the Stone Gateway on the bridge’s southern end. During that time, London Bridge was a bustling little village in its own right: Thousands of people passed over it and under it, lived inside homes that were built on top of it, shopped in its stores, and worshipped in its churches. (But there were no food stores, because there were no cellars to keep food cool.) It became so crowded that a separate bridge was erected nearby for pedestrians who needed to get over the river quickly.

After nearly sinking into the Thames because the foundation couldn’t support all of the weight, London Bridge was rebuilt yet again in 1831. The first ship to pass underneath it was the HMS
Beagle
, later made famous by the explorations of Charles Darwin. The bridge was replaced again in the 1920s, and yet again in 1962 after an American named Robert McCulloch purchased the old one for $2.5 million and moved it piece by piece to Lake Havasu City in Arizona (
Guinness World Records
lists it as the “world’s largest antique”). A new London Bridge was built in 1973 out of steel and concrete. Although it lacks the splendor of its glory days, thousands of people still cross London Bridge every day—just as they have for centuries.

Who was China’s Ming Dynasty named after?

Archaeologists trace the beginning of the Inca Empire back to A.D. 1150 in the Cuzco valley, now Peru. According to an Inca creation myth, why are the jungles full of monkeys?

That’s a trick question, because
Ming
was not a man but an adjective: It’s the Chinese word for “brilliant.”

In 1368 a Buddhist monk named Zhu Yuanzhang led a peasant rebellion that toppled the Mongol-ruled Yuan Dynasty, which was oppressing and overtaxing the ethnic Han people. For the next three centuries, Yuanzhang’s “brilliant” dynasty lived up to the name: Slavery was abolished, and peace, technology, wealth, and artistry flourished.

There are two Inca creation myths, both revolving around a god named Kon Tiki. In one myth, he was benevolent and began civilization. End of story. In the other, he took the form of a boneless man and created the sun, called Inti, as well as the first people and everything they needed to thrive. But over time, the people forgot about Kon Tiki’s gifts and rebelled against him. So Kon Tiki stopped the rain from falling, sending famine throughout the “Four Corners of the Earth,” as the region was called by its citizens. While the people lay dying, a new god emerged called Pachachamac. He battled Kon Tiki and drove him away…and turned the dying people into monkeys. Then Pachachamac created the Inca people, who (along with the monkeys in the forests) flourished for centuries. Then the Spanish arrived in South America and virtually wiped out the Incan culture.

What did a Japanese madame named Izumo no Okuni invent in the 1600s?

Who is Santa Claus’s evil counterpart?

Kabuki theater, a precursor to modern musical theater. Okuni was a Shinto priestess (and rumored brothel owner) who trained her ladies to perform the first Kabuki plays in the dry river beds of Kyoto. The women played both male and female roles. The plays remained popular for three decades until women were banned from performing. Kabuki theater went on, but with men performing all the roles, which was seen as less scandalous. In the 20th century, women once again returned to the Kabuki stage.

In Alpine European traditions dating back to pre-Christian times, there have been tales of “wild men” roaming the forests. One of these Pagan anti-heroes was turned into Santa’s satanic counterpart—the anti-Claus, as it were. His name is Krampus. The word comes from the German tern
krampen
, meaning “claw” (but it has nothing to do with the
Claus
in “Santa Claus”). Demonic in nature and appearance, Krampus has a snarling goatlike face, sharp teeth, and curved horns. He accompanies Santa on his Christmas journey, but instead of bringing gifts to the good kids, Krampus carries a collection of bad things for the naughty ones—switches, nightmares, and beatings.