Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader (36 page)

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As the image’s fame grew, so did the mystery: Who was the girl? “I don’t think a week has gone by for 15 years,” McCurry told
National Geographic
in 2002, “that I don’t get requests from people trying to get information about her.”

McCurry went on assignment to the region 10 more times in the years that followed, and each time he searched for the Afghan girl, but couldn’t find her. Then in January 2002, he and a team from
National Geographic
made one more trip to the Nasir Bagh refugee camp to try to track her down. The girl—who by then would have been a woman of about 30—apparently hadn’t lived in the camp for several years. But McCurry hoped they might find
someone
who knew her. The camp was scheduled to be demolished, so it was their last chance. Once Nasir Bagh was gone, there would be little hope of ever finding her.

The average Briton brews about nine pounds of tea a year. Americans: one pound.

COULD IT BE HER?

At the refugee camp the team pursued several false leads before finally meeting a man who claimed to recognize the girl in the photograph.
This
guy seemed authentic. He said the woman was his neighbor’s wife and even offered to go and get her.

Several days later, the man returned with the woman’s husband. In Afghanistan, women do not meet men other than family members, so McCurry was not allowed to see her. He sent a female member of the team, Carrie Regan, to photograph her face, so that it could be compared against the photos taken in 1984.

One look at the new photos was all it took. McCurry was certain that this woman, whose name was Sharbat Gula, was the same person he’d photographed 17 years earlier. But to be sure, he had photo analysts compare the irises of the girl in the 1984 photos with those of the woman in the 2002 photos. Result: They were 99.9% certain that Sharbat was the girl (an FBI analysis of her facial features came to the same conclusion). McCurry quickly negotiated with the family and not only received permission to meet Gula, but also to photograph her a second time for the April 2002 issue of
National Geographic
.

UPDATE

So what had happened to the “Afghan girl” in the intervening years? She had lived at Nasir Bagh until 1992 (she returned to Afghanistan during a lull in the fighting between the Soviets and Afghan rebels). She married a baker and had four daughters, one of whom died in infancy. Life for Gula had been hard and it showed in her face. Although only about 30 (she doesn’t know exactly when she was born), she looked much older. One thing hadn’t changed, though: “Her eyes are as haunting now as they were then,” says McCurry. And although Gula is the subject of one of the most famous photographs of the 20th century, it was only in 2002 that she saw the photo for the first time.

Gula has returned to her normal life.
National Geographic
provides medical assistance and other aid, and is seeing that her daughters receive an education. But the magazine will not reveal where she lives, ensuring that the girl with the haunting eyes will likely live out the rest of her life as she wishes—in anonymity, never to be heard from again.

Q: Why are tennis balls fuzzy? A: To slow them down.

Scientists (and conspiracy theorists) seem to have explanations for everything...except these things
.

P
LACE:
Blind River, Ontario

MYSTERIOUS OCCURRENCE:
On June 14, 2004, someone called the local radio station to ask whether anybody knew why their clock had jumped ahead 10 minutes. That didn’t seem very interesting...until somebody else called. And then somebody else. Word quickly spread: clocks all over town were going haywire. And it kept on for days. “I thought it was just me,” reported city administrator Ken Corbiere, “until I mentioned it at work.” But, strangely, it was only specific clocks—digital clocks on stoves, microwaves, and clock radios, and electrically powered dial clocks.

EXPLANATIONS:
Since it didn’t happen to battery-powered clocks, at first it was thought to be a problem with the local power company. But company spokespeople called that “highly unlikely.” A power surge, they said, would burn clocks out, not move them ahead. And besides, any power fluctuations would affect
all
appliances—not just clocks. Other explanations? So far, none.

PLACE:
Calgary, Alberta

MYSTERIOUS OCCURRENCE:
Scientists at the Alberta Children’s Hospital in Calgary recently released the findings of a study confirming what epileptic dog owners have been saying for years: dogs can tell when someone is about to have an epileptic seizure. Nine of the 60 dogs tested were able to show, by licking or whimpering, when a seizure was about to strike.

EXPLANATIONS:
They have none. Some researchers believe the body may give off a distinctive smell during a seizure, but it’s just a guess. Tests continue.

PLACE:
Las Vegas, Nevada

MYSTERIOUS OCCURRENCE:
In February 2004, hundreds of people in Las Vegas called locksmiths, towing companies, and auto dealerships with the identical problem: the keyless entry devices for their cars didn’t work. Many people, locked out of their cars, were stranded. Some resorted to the old-fashioned way of opening doors—keys—but set off their car alarms in the process.

Sea cucumbers startle their enemies by shooting their digestive organs out their rear ends.

EXPLANATIONS:
There have been many. One was solar flares—but local observatories reported low solar activity on the day of the lockouts. Another was a weather-induced static electricity buildup—but researchers said the damp, cloudy weather made that unlikely. Others said it was caused by secret technology at nearby Nellis Air Force Base. (A similar lockout happened in 2001 near a Navy base in Bremerton, Washington.) The Air Force dismissed the idea, saying any equipment they may (or may not) be working on wouldn’t affect car remotes. A more exciting explanation: space aliens, and whatever the military was doing at the fabled Area 51, about 100 miles northwest of Las Vegas.

PLACE:
Canneto di Caronia, Italy

MYSTERIOUS OCCURRENCE:
In January 2004, objects started spontaneously bursting into flames in homes all over this tiny town in Sicily. Fires were reported in refrigerators, microwave ovens, fuse boxes, cars, and more...with no plausible explanation. “With my own eyes I’ve seen unplugged electrical cables burst into flames, but I just can’t explain it,” a local policeman told reporters. The situation got so bad that a state of emergency was declared and the town’s residents—all 39 of them—were evacuated.

EXPLANATIONS:
Local officials decided it must have something to do with the town’s power supply, so they cut off all electricity—but the fires kept happening. The town has since been overrun by scientists and paranormalists from all over the world. Some explanations given: volcanic activity from nearby Mount Etna; a surge in electrical energy from the Earth’s core; “high amplitude surges of solar wind protons”; and, of course, Satan. An exorcist was called to the town. (The fires persisted.)

“The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.”

—Albert Einstein

Hey Adam! One in 20 people is born with an extra rib.

Every year, BRI member Debbie Thornton sends in a list of real-life bumper stickers. Have you seen the one that says...

Where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket?

I love defenseless animals—especially in a good gravy

I’
M MULTITALENTED
: I
CAN TALK AND ANNOY YOU AT THE SAME TIME

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

T
HERAPY IS EXPENSIVE; POPPING BUBBLE WRAP IS CHEAP
! Y
OU CHOOSE
.

I brake for no apparent reason

HONK IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN AN UZI FIRED FROM A CAR WINDOW

T
RY NOT TO LET YOUR MIND WANDER—IT’S TOO SMALL TO BE OUT BY ITSELF

Politicians and diapers need to be changed—often for the same reason

Whose cruel idea was it for the word LISP to have an S in it?

M
Y WIFE KEEPS COMPLAINING THAT
I
NEVER LISTEN TO HER...

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

Caution: I drive like you do

I’ll bet you a new car that I can stop faster than you can!

BOYCOTT SHAMPOO! DEMAND REAL POO!

It’s time to pull over and change the air in your head

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege
.

Bad Cop, No Donut

I’M NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT—SOME PARTS ARE MISSING

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk

O
N THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS

QUESTION REALITY

P
RESERVE NATURE
:
P
ICKLE A SQUIRREL

Four out of five voices in my head say, “Kill!”

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Q: What is a
septillion
? A: 1 followed by 24 zeroes.

If you found a fortune in cash that didn’t belong to you, what would you do with it? From our Famous for 15 Minutes file, here’s the story of a guy who faced just such a dilemma
.

T
HE STAR:
Joey Coyle, 28, an unemployed dockworker

THE HEADLINE:
Nightmare on Easy Street

WHAT HAPPENED:
On February 26, 1981, Coyle was driving through an industrial section of Philadelphia with some friends when he spotted an overturned plastic tub by the side of the road. Thinking it might make a good toolbox, Coyle told his friends to stop the car, got out, and examined the tub. Inside—just like in the movies—there were two canvas bags marked FEDERAL RESERVE BANK containing $1.2 million in cash.

The tub had fallen out of an armored car only minutes before, and the money—bundles of $100 bills collected from an Atlantic City casino—was completely untraceable. Had Coyle simply kept a low profile, he might have gotten away with keeping it. But he didn’t—he told everyone he knew and flashed $100 bills all over town. Six days later, the FBI nabbed him at the airport trying to catch a flight to Acapulco with $135,000 stuffed into his shoes. Charged with theft, he pled temporary insanity. That may sound like a dumb idea, but it worked—Coyle was acquitted. He didn’t get to keep the money, but he didn’t have to do any jail time.

In 1993 Coyle found fame (but no fortune) when his story became the subject of the film
Money for Nothing
, starring John Cusack. So was it worth it? “I wouldn’t put nobody in my situation,” Coyle told an interviewer. “Everybody’s thinking, ‘That must have been great.’ Little do they know it was nothing but agony and despair. In those six days I must have aged 20 years. You have no idea what money does to you—especially that kind of money.”

AFTERMATH:
Coyle never even got to enjoy seeing himself portrayed on the silver screen. He had battled drug addiction for years and was awaiting sentencing on his sixth drug conviction when his mother died in the summer of 1993. He committed suicide that August, one month before
Money for Nothing
opened nationwide.

Q: What are
tiercels, hens
, and
eyas
? A: Father, mother, and baby hawks.

“That the name of George Mason should be acclaimed throughout the Republic whose birth pangs he shared, and indeed throughout the free world, will be agreed, I believe, by all American historians.” —Dumas Malone, 1961 ...George who?

F
AMOUS FIRST WORDS

In May 1776, a wealthy Virginia landowner and outspoken critic of the British government wrote some of the most famous words in American history:

That all men are by nature equally free and independent and have certain inherent rights...namely, the enjoyment of life and liberty, with the means of acquiring and possessing property, and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety.