Undeniably Yours (19 page)

“A bus ran a red light and hit the cab Beth was in.”

She got hit by a goddamned bus? Kevin opened his mouth three times before hoarse words emerged. “How bad?”

Please don’t tell me, “I’m sorry, but she didn’t make it.”

“Don’t know. She’s on her way to the hospital and I just turned onto your street. I’ll be out front in thirty seconds.”

He hung up, yelled to Paulie and stepped out onto the sidewalk just as Jonesy pulled up in his cruiser, lights flashing and siren blaring. He’d barely gotten his feet in and the door closed before the cop banged a U-turn and sped toward the hospital.

“Have you heard anything?”

Jonesy shook his head. “I was late to the scene. Supposed to help with traffic control, but I heard Beth’s name and offered to get you to the hospital.”

“The cab…you said it was hit by a bus?”

“It wasn’t going fast, so it’s probably not as bad as you think, but it hit her side of the car.”

Kevin couldn’t respond to that because his stomach seemed to be clawing its way up his throat.
Her side of the car.
Beth had to be okay. And their baby, too.

He doubled over, his arms wrapped around his stomach. Would the baby be okay? Beth was far enough along so even if she went into labor, the baby would survive. He was almost sure of it.

But not so sure he could suck in a full breath.

He was opening the door as Jonesy slid the cruiser to a stop at the emergency room entrance. “Thanks.”

“Good luck, man.”

He sprinted through the double doors and straight to the admitting desk, barely refraining from slapping his hand on the glass when the nurse took a few seconds to slide the window open. “Beth Hansen. She was in a car accident and—”

She held up a hand to cut him off. “Are you family?”

“Umm…” Kind of?

“I’m sorry, sir. You’ll need to wait in the waiting room.”

She started to close the window. “Wait! She’s pregnant. I’m the father. I’m the baby’s family.”

Her expression softened and she took her hand off the glass. “You can’t go in right now, but I do know the baby’s heartbeat was strong.”

“And Beth’s?” Because the baby—he loved the baby—but right now it was just a bundle of dreams and possibilities that kicked his hand when he touched Beth’s stomach. But Beth—Beth was real and right now and…he loved her.

God, he loved her.

“They’re working on her now, sir. Is there anybody else who should be contacted? Her family?”

His throat contracted and he shook his head until he could speak again. “Her parents live in Florida. I’ll call them. She doesn’t have anybody here, though. Just me. She had to fill out some preregistration forms for having the baby and I’m listed as her contact. All she has is me and I promised her she wasn’t alone anymore so if you’d just let me go back there and—”

“The doctors are with her right now. I
promise
somebody will come talk to you as soon as there’s news.”

It felt like hours that he sat in the hard chair, his elbows propped on his knees so his hands could hold his head up. He stared blindly at the ugly tile floor until he felt a hand on his back. He jerked upright, but it was only Terry.

He was still hugging her when Mike and Lisa walked in, thankfully sans children. No doubt the rest of the family would descend upon him shortly because the Kowalskis didn’t go through anything alone. Thank God.

“Do you know anything?” Lisa asked, rubbing her hand up and down his arm.

“No. The nurse said the baby’s heartbeat was strong, but that they’re working on Beth. I don’t know what that means.”

Joe and Keri showed up five minutes later with his parents in tow, so he had to do the hug and lack-of-news routine all over again. Then he sat and resumed staring at the tile.

Ma sat next to him and squeezed his knee. “I called Shelly and Artie. They’re on their way to the airport, but there’s a storm going on and…well, they’ll be here as soon as they can. And I’ve been praying for her since Paulie called.”

“Thank you, Ma.”

“Figured I should since we all know you’re not very good at it.”

No, but he was doing his fair share of bargaining with whatever higher power might be listening. He left the form of address open, though, because now wasn’t the time to risk alienating anybody up there who could help.

An old-fashioned clock hung on the waiting room wall and he listened to the
tick tick tick
of the second hand until he thought he’d go mad. His family wasn’t helping. He knew they meant well, but when a boisterous group like the Kowalskis were so silent a person could hear a clock tick…it scared him.

Too many ticks of the clock later, a doctor entered the waiting room. Tall and graying around the temples, he exuded an air of confidence, but it was the fairly grim set of his mouth that Kevin focused on. He stood, barely aware of his family standing with him, his mom’s arm hooked around his waist.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor said and Kevin’s knees buckled. He would have hit the floor if Joe hadn’t pushed him backward into his chair. “But the nurse didn’t get your name.”

The breath whooshed out of him and all he could do was stare up at the guy.

Joe cleared his throat. “When a family’s waiting to hear about a loved one, maybe you shouldn’t open with ‘I’m sorry.’”

The doctor looked startled. “Of course. My apologies.”

“My name is Kevin. Kevin Kowalski. How’s Beth?”

“Stable. No serious injuries, thankfully. Bumps, bruises, some lacerations from the glass.”

He crumpled into his mom’s embrace, unshed tears of relief blurring his vision. “And the baby?”

“Vital signs are stable. As sometimes happens, the trauma kick-started the labor process, though, and since the baby’s full term, we’re going to let it progress naturally. Once the baby’s delivered we can give Beth some pain meds. Are you the father? Her labor partner?”

Holy shit. “What?”

“Yes, he is,” Mary said.

“You need to come with me, then. You’re about to become a daddy.”

The world swam for a few seconds and then went dark.

Kevin came to on the waiting room floor with his head in his mother’s lap. She shouldn’t have been sitting on the cold, dirty tile floor like that, so he struggled to push himself up.

Mike grabbed his arm to help. “Take your time, Scarlett.”

“Screw you, Mikey.”

“Hey, it’s not every day I get to see one of my brothers swoon.”

“Swooning implies some kind of feminine grace,” Joe said. “That was more like watching a cement truck blow a hairpin turn and fly off the side of a mountain.”

“Assholes.”

“Boys,” Mary snapped. “Enough.”

The doctor cleared his throat. “This isn’t uncommon for new fathers, especially considering the circumstances. We’ll get you some orange juice and you’ll be good as new.”

He felt about as good as a newborn foal, trying to stand on wobbly legs. “I’m good. I just want to see Beth.”

“You just sit here,” the doctor said. “We’ll get her moved upstairs and in a few minutes the nurse will bring you up.”

“I’m having a baby.” Kevin sat down and leaned his head back against the wall. “Holy shit.”

“Okay,” Mary said in her
mom
voice. “You’re all going to go to Beth’s. Kevin, does she have a bag packed?”

“I…don’t know. The spare keys are kept in the safe in my office. Paulie’ll give you the one to Beth’s apartment.”

“Theresa, Lisa and Keri, you look for a bag and if you don’t find one, pack one up. Michael and Joseph, you’ll bring the bag and Kevin’s Jeep back here while the girls make sure the apartment’s ready for a new mother to come home to. Your father and I will stay here.”

“It could be a while, Ma.”

“I do know something about childbirth, dear. But if you need a break or you…go crashing through the guardrail again, I want to be here so Beth isn’t alone.” Kevin squeezed his mother’s hand, willing to ignore the shot at his manhood because she cared that Beth had family with her. “After the baby’s born I’ll make some casseroles to divide up and freeze. But for now, that’s all we can do. I’ll call you others if there’s any news.”

Everybody but his parents filed out of the waiting room just as a nurse appeared with a cup of orange juice and a couple of cookies. He consumed them under his mother’s watchful eye and then the nurse brought them upstairs. After much hugging and a few maternal tears, he left his parents in the waiting room and—finally—got to see Beth.

She looked small and pale and scared in the middle of the bed, with scratches and some bruises on her face and arms. But she was awake and okay and she even smiled when she saw him in the doorway.

“Kevin. You’re here.”

“Of course I’m here.” He dragged a chair close to the bed so he could sit and hold her hand. “I’ve been here. Jonesy came and got me in the cruiser and my whole family showed up and I passed out so I had to have orange juice and cookies before I could come up. But I’m here now.”

“A ride in a police car and a snack. Sounds like a fun field trip.”

He laughed, but only for a second because she sucked in a breath as her grip on his tightened so much he thought he felt his bones grinding. “Breathe, honey. It’ll only last a few seconds.”

The longest few seconds of his life, but he knew it was only going to get worse. So very much worse.

When the contraction ended, she had tears in her eyes. “I didn’t even get the sheets on the baby’s crib yet. I didn’t want them to get dusty.”

“You don’t need to worry about that right now.”

She gave him a weak smile. “Don’t tell me. Your entire family left here and went to my apartment.”

“My parents stayed here, but otherwise…yeah. Ma deployed the troops. But nobody’s trying to bulldoze you, it’s just—”

“Kevin, stop. It’s okay. I get it. When I go home everything’s going to be ready for the baby and the place will be spotless and, knowing your mother, my fridge will be full and my laundry clean. Not for any other reason but that they care about me and that’s what your family does.”

“My family loves you.” And he was about to say it—that it wasn’t just his family who loved her—but another contraction hit her hard and the nurses had to check her and then there was another contraction and the moment was gone. He could tell her later, maybe when she wasn’t screaming in agony. For now all he could do was hold her hand, help her breathe and wait.

At some point during the ordeal his mother slipped into the room. She smiled at him while brushing the hair back from Beth’s sweaty face. “The storm’s easing up in Florida and your parents hope to board soon. They want me to tell you they love you.”

“Part of me hopes they get here in time,” Beth said. “But another part really doesn’t want this to take that long.”

Mary laughed and wiped Beth’s forehead with a cool cloth. “Why don’t you take a break, Kevin? Go get a coffee or something?”

Before he could tell her he wasn’t going anywhere, Beth dug her nails into his wrist. “No. Please don’t go. I need you here.”

“I’m not leaving.” He shifted his arm to gently break her death grip and hold her hand instead. It felt good—her needing him—even if it was under extreme circumstances. “I’m okay, Ma.”

She stayed a few minutes, then kissed them both on the forehead and headed back to the waiting room. He knew she’d call everybody and give them an update—no news yet.

He mopped Beth’s forehead. Fed her ice chips. Held her hand. Coached her through breathing. Dried her tears. Promised her again and again it would all be over soon.

Six of the longest and most grueling hours of his life later, the doctor held up a slimy, squalling, squirming red thing and said, “It’s a girl!”

“A girl,” Beth whispered.

They took the baby away for a few seconds and then they laid her on Beth’s chest. She looked a lot like a startled and unhappy tomato with arms and legs.

Kevin thought she was gorgeous. “Lily.”

Lily Ann Kowalski. Beth stroked their daughter’s almost bald head and then gave him the most achingly beautiful smile he’d ever seen.

All the frustrations and fears of the last few months fell away and Kevin simply basked in the warmth and joy of the most perfect moment of his life.

***

When Beth opened her eyes, it was to a headache, a hospital room and Kevin snoring in the visitor’s chair. She thought maybe she was dreaming, but a hazy memory of screeching metal and flying glass dragged her firmly into the present.

The baby.
Pressing her hand to her stomach, she found only the deflated and doughy lack of a child. Then the painkiller-induced sleep fell away as she remembered the hours of labor. Of Kevin holding her hand and stroking her hair.

She must have made a sound because Kevin jerked awake. “Beth.”

“Lily?”

The smile that lit up his face told her everything important. “She’s beautiful.”

“Where is she?”

He moved to the side of her bed, sitting gingerly on the edge. “She’s in the nursery, probably wondering why a bunch of people who look like her Daddy and two who don’t have their faces pressed to the glass, staring at her.”

Her parents had made it. “Is she okay?”

Kevin lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. “She’s perfect. Loud, but perfect.”

Tears blurred her vision and she was grateful he hadn’t let go of her hand. She could use some of his strength. “I feel like I got hit by a bus.”

He laughed so hard the nurses came, which meant he had to let go of her hand and get out of their way. But he didn’t go far. He sat back in the chair, listening as they assessed her.

She had a lot of pain, not only from childbirth, but aches and pains from the accident. Her head was pounding, for one thing, and the entire right side of her body throbbed.

“Will you have help at home?” the older nurse asked. “You won’t be going home until at least tomorrow, but it’s still going to be difficult with your additional injuries, so we need to know you’ll have assistance.”

Kevin winked at her behind the nurse’s back. “Trust me, she’ll have help.”

Knowing his family, she’d be begging for less help before the week was over. Or maybe not, she thought as she tried to sit up straighter in the bed before collapsing. She couldn’t be alone with the baby unless she could move without being drugged, so she resigned herself to at least a week of company. Mary probably already had a dry-erase board with a schedule on it up on her fridge.

She’d worry about that later. Right now she just wanted to hold her daughter. After raising the head of her bed and propping her up with pillows, they finally brought Lily to her. She was swaddled in a pink blanket, her tiny face almost serene in sleep. Her cute rosebud mouth puckered a little when Beth caressed her cheek, but she didn’t wake.

The nurses left, pulling the door closed behind them. Left alone, she unwrapped Lily and memorized every beautiful, perfect part of her. It was too soon to know what color her eyes would be, but she had her daddy’s dimples.

“She’s amazing.” Kevin was standing next to the bed and she hadn’t even noticed him moving. “You’re amazing.”

“You were pretty amazing, too, you know. I was worried after your reaction to the movie in class.”

He eased down on the edge of the bed. “It’s different when it’s the woman you…care about who’s in pain.”

She didn’t miss the hesitation in his words and her heart picked up the pace as she wondered what he’d really been about to say. Surely not what her overactive imagination assumed he’d been about to say. He was attracted to her and he wanted to take care of her, but he’d never so much as hinted that he might love her.

While deep down inside, a part of her squealed in delight at the possibility, the rational part of her mind—the part she’d let run her life almost entirely since getting pregnant—was glad he hadn’t said it, even if it was true. If he said it out loud, she’d have to question whether it was simply the heightened emotion of seeing their daughter born that prompted the feeling and she just wasn’t strong enough to resist him.

Making any kind of decision at a time like that would be a huge mistake, never mind one that would have a profound effect not only on their futures, but on their daughter’s.

“So about this help I’ll have at home,” she said, in an effort to change the direction her thoughts were taking. Unless, of course, he was about to tell her he planned to move in with her until she was back on her feet. That might help her physically, but it wouldn’t do a damn thing for her mental health.

“Ma and Lisa and Terry have it worked out, I guess. Your parents are going to stay with mine, except when your mom’s with you. I thought with all the…stuff…that comes after pregnancy, you might be more comfortable having a woman around to help you out.”

Why did he have to be so damn considerate all the time? “Thank you.”

“I’ll still be around, too, if you need me.” He scrubbed his hands over his face and in the seconds after, before he masked it for her benefit, she saw just how exhausted he was.

“You should go home,” she said. “Stretch out in a real bed and get some sleep.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I slept some in the chair, so I’ll be okay.”

“Sleeping upright in a chair isn’t a decent night’s rest, Kevin. Lily and I have an entire crew of nurses available at the push of a button. My mom’s going to want to come in. You don’t need to stay.”

“I know I don’t need to. I want to.” He looked at her, his face uncharacteristically serious. “I’m not ready to leave you yet. When Jonesy called and said your cab got hit by a bus…”

“I’m okay now.”

“I’m not.” He took her free hand in his. “When I thought…after the call I realized something.”

Please don’t,
she thought. She didn’t want him to say it then, when she couldn’t trust that it came from anyplace other than the emotional rollercoaster they’d been on.

“I love you, Beth.” Joy and dismay battered against each other in her mind and all she could do was shake her head. “Don’t tell me I don’t.”

“I was in an accident and then we had a baby, Kevin. After upheaval like that our emotions are obviously going to be out of whack and—”

“Stop.” He stood and let her hand slide free of his. “Forget I said anything.”

As if she could ever forget hearing those words. “No, let’s talk about this.”

He shook his head. “I’m too tired to stand here and listen to you tell me my feelings aren’t real, but I’m not so much of an asshole that I’m going to argue with you when you just had a baby.”

As if on cue, Lily started making squeaking noises she assumed were the sleepy precursors to a full howl.

Kevin bent and kissed the baby’s forehead. “I think you’re right. You’re obviously well taken care of here, your parents want to see you, and I need some sleep. Call me if you need anything. If not, I’ll see you later.”

He walked out without making eye contact with her and Beth panicked. She wanted to call him—to ask him to come back so they could talk about it—but Lily made it painfully clear she didn’t care what was going on between her parents. She wanted to eat.

Beth rang the bell, and it wasn’t until one of the nurses handed her a tissue and assured her being emotional was normal that she realized she was crying.

***

Kevin put on his best happy face—a skill honed by several years of tending bar—just before he turned the corner into Beth’s hospital room. Today he’d be bringing them home and he didn’t want the day before hanging between them.

After sleeping like the dead for hours, he’d called her to check on her rather than driving back to the hospital because he was afraid she’d see how badly she’d hurt him. With some more time gone by, he was pretty sure he could fake being happy well enough to get by. For now.

She looked better—stronger—as she sat in a rocking chair, holding Lily and talking to his mother, who’d pulled one of the visitor’s chairs up close. Her mother was in the other chair on the other side of the rocker.

“Hey, Ma.” He kissed Mary’s cheek, then leaned down to do the same to Lily, keenly aware of how close his face was to Beth’s. So close he felt her breath across his cheek as he pulled away. “How are my two best girls today?”

A flush brightened Beth’s cheeks, but she smiled. “Ready to go home.”