Under My Skin (17 page)

Mom and Dad,

How I wish I could speak to you in person or deliver this letter face to face. First of all, I’m okay. I’ve even seen Zoe, too. She’s okay as well. Don’t worry about me. I’m in a safe place and I have everything I need. I hope Dad is feeling better with the new medication. I miss and love you so much.

Tate S.

Every word, every lie, was so painful to write. A hurt settled in my chest and brought tears to my eyes. I hesitated multiple times with multiple versions. I clicked send before I could make any more changes. What more could I say? That the Guild had auctioned me off and implanted one of their own into my body? The very thought brought more tears.

“Tate?” Quinn’s voice was soft. He was closer to me now. A shadow darkening the top of the desk.

“I’m okay,” I said with a painful exhale. “Just stand by the door.”

But he leaned closer instead and rested his hand on my shoulder. His palm’s warmth spread through me and I tried to resist leaning into him, but failed.

He took my arm and tugged me to stand. Without asking me, he drew me into his arms. At first, I held my breath. The bold action was so unexpected. Wasn’t this the boy who tried to end my life when I arrived?

“What if the General—” My voice was thick from crying.

He shushed me. “I don’t care. Just let me hold you. You need it…” He paused. “I need it.”

My pulse jumped at his final words:
I need it
. I wanted to close my eyes, but couldn’t. On any other day, I would’ve savored having his arms wrapped around my back, the side of my face resting against his chest. But today wasn’t that day. His heartbeat was loud to my ear pressed against him, a thrumming that quickened when I wrapped my arms around his waist. He anchored me.

I had never been held by a boy like this before. I’d kissed a guy named Harvey when I was ten, but that was just two kids experimenting with embraces and such. This was for real. These feelings I felt for Quinn were growing more than I wanted them to.

A tear slid down my cheek, but Quinn wiped it away before the drop fell off. His warm hand lingered on my cheek and soothed me. Getting back to work didn’t seem so bad now.

When I had quieted and the tears had dried, he let me go and went back to the door.

A few minutes later, I’d managed to spend a few minutes learning more about General Dagon. He had a lot of money. The amount he paid for me at the auction was nothing compared to what he really had: land, mansions, credit accounts in several cities, antiquities, five transport ships, seven cars. My mind couldn’t wrap around his endless wealth.

But that was the glamorous part. General Frederick Dagon had lived a long life. The console had file after file from a diary he’d kept since he’d acquired his first host body.

I was lost in my thoughts when the pink disk vibrated against the desk. Slowly, I approached it, curious as to how it came to life after I’d examined it. Text scrolled across the black strip and revealed a message.

My breath caught as I read it:
Keep fighting. Don’t give up. I’m always with you. Zoe.

I picked up the disk and re-read the message again and again. Somewhere in the capital, Zoe had sent me this message. She was thinking of me right now. And she was still in control.

“Is everything all right?” Quinn asked.

I nodded and smiled. But the smile faded when fear pooled at the base of my spine. Oh no. Time was running out.

“He’s coming—” I blurted. I immediately dashed to the console, closed all the open files, and made an emergency shutdown. Quinn put the
Tactics of Combat
back in the case, with the plastic disk shoved inside the box, and turned the lights out. Right after he closed the door to the office, I blacked out.

Time’s up.

When I woke up, I didn’t know if it were morning or night. With the heavy drapes covering the windows, all I could see was the faint embers of the grand fireplace.

I lay on the couch in the master suite. With a groan, I sat up. My stiff fingers cracked as I touched the sensitive spot on my back. The pain medication Des had given me in the morning must’ve worn off already. How long had I slept? The last thing I remembered was leaving the General’s office with Quinn.

I licked my dry lips, tasting the faint aftertaste of something bitter and strong. What had I drunk? I shuffled over to the window and pulled the drapes open. I expected to see the afternoon sky, but it was dark outside. Panic brewed in my stomach. How much time had I lost? If I’d passed out, wouldn’t Des or Rebecca have put me in the bed?

I touched the dress I wore. It wasn’t the same one I’d worn that morning.

Not far from the couch, a tray with a glass of brown liquid gave off a strong stench. Hard liquor. The meal had been partially eaten. A meal
I
had eaten. The hardened loaf of bread had bite marks. Asparagus tips surrounded half a cold steak on the plate. The bloody mass still had the dinner knife poking out of it.

None of it should’ve surprised me anymore, but the anger came easily. That man had forced me to eat that—knowing I hated meat. He’d left the evidence of what he’d done in plain view.

I suddenly felt faint. But it wasn’t just the food. The weight of the situation constricted my lungs, forcing me to suck in my breath through tiny gasps. Pacing the room didn’t help. Leaning over the couch didn’t help. I stretched along the bed until the pain in my chest lessened.

But the realization of what happened remained: He didn’t force me to watch this time, contending with my rebellious words or efforts to control my flailing limbs. For the past several hours, the General had controlled me completely as if I hadn’t been there at all.

When Quinn made an appearance the next morning for guard duty, I immediately got to the point. “How do I find your brother?”

He noted I’d covered my lips. “That came out of nowhere. I don’t get a ‘good morning, Quinn’?” he remarked jokingly.

I kept my reply to myself. Des entered and took the breakfast tray. I was so tired, especially after what happened last night. The lack of sleep tickled my eyelids. I’d been awake all night, unable to sleep. I refused to lose another hour that should be mine and not someone else’s.

Once Des shut the doors, I said, “He took over for a whole afternoon.”

“Tate. I’m so sorry.”

“He just took control, and I have no idea what he did with me. Well, I had drinks for dinner. How about some alcohol to go along with my rare steak?”

“Don’t give up on me. You’re not alone.”

My words came out sharply. “It’s really hard though. There are other Water Bearers who are suffering like me right now, and there is nothing we can do.”

“Yes, there is. We’re going to find my brother and then we can get you some help.”

I regretted how bitter I’d become, but I had no choice. There was no running away. No escape from General Dagon unless I tried whatever Quinn offered. So, for the rest of the morning in the study, Quinn gave me his plan in detail. With my access to the comm-console, we had to check the medical records database. With General Dagon’s clearance level, Quinn said I should get in with no problem.

“Why medical records? Why not prisons?” I asked.

“Pete had been working for the Resistance when he was captured and tortured by Dagon over a year ago.” He paused as his jaw tightened. “Most prisoners are executed, but the General wanted to gather intel by any means necessary. The Guild had my brother hospitalized after the interrogation to keep an eye on him. That’s all I know.”

I nodded, not pressing that particular issue any further. “What about hospital security?” I asked. “Do you seriously think I can just look up records without the military police checking me out?”

“I’ve thought about all that,” he said. “Everything leaves a trail, but if you’re searching for something in particular, instead of a general search, then the computer system doesn’t raise any flags. Based on the chit-chat I heard at the delegation dinner, I know about a few military officials who were recently hospitalized. It’d be obvious for the General to do an initial search for his key personnel to help end the conflict with the invaders.”

I paced the room and tried to take it all in. “So you’re saying while we’re looking, we have the cover of saying we need to check up on some old war buddies?”

“Exactly. But in order for this to work, we first have to look up real people. Some of his past associates.”

This meant more study time in front of the communications console. With the General able to just take over at any time, I had to be vigilant. “How can we pull this all off: search for Peter and then get someone to rescue him?”

“Just worry about one thing at a time. Let’s take a misty-eyed trip down memory lane with our friend, Frederick Dagon and his associates. You need to know more about him to fight him also.”

For the next two hours, I entered the mind of an egotistical, twisted, and deranged man. When Quinn had told me that General Dagon was a maniacal piece of garbage, I agreed with him to a point—until the truth was right in front of me. First, I viewed the pictures. In the majority of them, the man from the painting who had to be General Dagon stood next to other men in uniform. But in other pictures, I didn’t recognize anyone. He had labels attached to the photos, text indicating he was present in the picture, but nothing to say which person was him. I had trouble absorbing it all. So many new bodies. So many memories—but the same identity over many decades. How does one not lose their sense of self?

And then there were the words he wrote. Words like these never lie:

Entry #39 – Lieutenant Colonel Frederick Dagon

After the Armwick Battle, the northern front was as beautiful as I’d remembered it. Other than the desertion of the men at the front lines—which I immediately attempted to remedy, I couldn’t help but feel pride as the 4th Infantry Division came behind the enemy from the east and wiped them out. Everything executed as General Farthington had planned. A great number of the enemy died that day. A fine job! The 4th is well trained indeed.

Poor Karl was the lowest of all disappointments. However, I did tell my aunt that he died bravely in combat. Why horrify her with his cowardly desertion of his post? As a staunch supporter of the military and our cause to maintain our way of life, I would’ve broken her heart telling her that her son was a useless soldier—a waste to the Myria army.

I returned home to the best of news. My sweetheart, Justina Helmquest and I, have decided to formally court each other. One of my men, Major Yates, is also courting a young lady and would like to join us on outings...

The text kept going on like that. At times, I felt like I was reading about someone with multiple personalities in one body. One minute, he wrote fondly of Justina and described her as a beautiful hummingbird with blonde hair and dark brown eyes. In the next, he specified in horrific detail how he planned to torture others, like Quinn’s brother, to gather intelligence, using methods such as water torture, electric shock, and threatening harm to relatives. All of this took place within the span of less than two months.

By the time I had a list of six locations where Pete might be detained, I was ready to shut down the console.

“I’ve had enough,” I murmured.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” Quinn leaned against the door. “Do you want me to continue for you?”

“No, I can cover if someone shows up and I’m at the console, but you’d get in trouble.”

Not long after I closed up the office, I ventured back to the room by myself.

Rebecca was there waiting for me with Cecelia.

“You’ve been quite busy lately,” Rebecca said. “Where were you?”

My throat fell to my feet. From the way she glared at me, I hoped I didn’t look guilty. “I took a walk alone.”

“So far, I’ve been lenient with your behavior, but soon enough, the Master will take control, and I don’t need a mess for him to clean up when he does.”

The tart reply came quickly to my lips. “Wouldn’t that be a shame for him to feel inconvenienced?”

The tall woman’s eyebrow rose. “I’m trying to help you stay out of trouble, but just the same, it might be better for you to cut the rope to hang yourself.”

Her warning clung to me for the rest of the afternoon. Not only was I scared, but I still hadn’t slept, and I refused to lie down. Exhaustion slammed into my shoulders and made it difficult for me to focus on the book I had in my hand.

Cecelia stared at me with curiosity. “What’s wrong with you?” she asked when my head bobbed again for the third time. “Just go to sleep.”

When my eyes closed again, I panicked. What if I fell asleep? Would he control me again? Fear propelled me awake, but it was too late.

Laughter bubbled from my lips. Then the General purred, “She’s just trying to keep me out. Do you think trying to stay awake will help? You go ahead and try that. I’ll wait.”

I slapped my hand over my mouth. Under my palm, Dagon laughed again and again.

“Didn’t like it when I took over last night, did you?” he asked. “Perhaps I should allow you to be awake this time while I have my fun.”

Less than an hour later, he took over as promised. It was like before, but much worse. I had to watch as he ate his meat and drank his wine. He savored each sip, swirling the liquid through my mouth while he watched the roaring fire.

After his evening drink, the General showed me even more how much control I’d lost. He had Des and Penelope prepare me for a night out: makeup, dark red lipstick, curled hair, and a black jumpsuit that clung to my body. The final accent piece was a thick black cloak over my shoulders. With my purse in hand, I left the estate with Quinn and Cecelia. Two more personal guards rode with us to the nearest township. I’d never been to town before, but I’d heard the staff discuss their lives there. How the world continued to spin on its axis while I was trapped.

The narrow, uneven roads and white brick buildings should’ve drawn me in and welcomed me as a sanctuary from the estate. But with General Dagon in control, the place had an ominous appearance. What plans did he have there?