Underneath (17 page)

The rest of the evening and the following day passes quickly. We have had a pleasant time, although there were some occasional tears and silences on Mon’s part. Monique hugs me as I leave.

‘Thank you. I can’t tell you how much I needed that.’

‘You’re welcome. I was glad to spend the time with you.’

‘Do you think Niall would let you come up for the weekend?’

I step back. ‘I doubt it, Mon, he’ll expect me to be with him and Joe. I’ve already spent two days away this week.’

‘Course, I’m being stupid, sorry.’

‘Don’t be daft, it’s understandable, you just don’t want to be on your own. I’ll try and sneak over at some point for an hour, okay? But I need to spend time with my family, especially now me and Niall seem to be getting on a lot better.’

‘Well, anytime you can get over will be great,’ she says.

As I pass the main school doors on our way home, Seb crosses my path. ‘Could I have a quick word Mrs Lawler? It’s about the fundraising?’

I step to one side, out of the way of the streaming crowd of other parents, carers and children, and tell Joe he can go on the play equipment. As he’s usually banned from this before and after school he thinks it’s amazing and runs off.

‘I get what you said on Facebook Lauren, but can’t I just see you occasionally? I know you felt something too.’

I look at the floor. ‘There’s absolutely no point. So, please, just leave me alone? Nothing happened thank goodness, so let me be.’

‘That’s not entirely true though is it?’

My shoulders slump and I feel a bit teary. The last couple of days have left me feeling raw and emotional. ‘Seb, I’m asking you to leave it, please.’

‘But I know you feel something for me.’

I touch his arm. ‘The truth is that I think of you so much and I shouldn’t.’ I feel the heat of him through my touch and move my hand away. ‘I love Niall. I’ve never cheated and I don’t intend to. It hurts because I’m so tempted to see you, that’s why I closed the internet page, because I knew I’d not be able to keep away.’ I rub the middle of my forehead with my fingers; I can feel a headache brewing. ‘I have to though, Seb, for my marriage which I value, and for Joe.’ With that we both look at him playing happily on the frame.

He sighs. ‘I’ll try and leave you alone,’ he says. ‘But only because I care for you so much.’

‘Oh please don’t say that.’

‘Is everything okay here, Mr Kingsley? You look a bit upset, Mrs Lawler.’ Mrs Sullivan has appeared.

I step back. ‘Yes, it’s fine. I was just chatting about Joe being a bit behind with his maths and I got all emotional, silly really.’

Seb adds. ‘I was saying that next year I’ll make sure he gets some extra help if its needed.’

‘Well don’t forget my office door is always open Mrs Lawler. I understand Mr Kingsley is Joe’s next teacher and you worked together at the fair, but the first route for concerns is to Joe’s current teacher, and then me.’

‘You’re right. I apologise for monopolising your time.’ I state to Seb. ‘Joe,’ I shout. ‘Time to go home now.’

Of course, as I’m walking down the drive wanting to hurry home, Bettina calls out for me ‘How’s Monique?’

‘We had a really good time thanks, she’s feeling a lot better. Thank you for helping out with Joe. I hope you don’t feel I’m putting on you. Niall thinks I’m taking advantage.’

‘Oh I think we’re okay now that he knows me a little better,’ she replies. ‘You’d forgotten to pack Joe some clean pants so I popped over to yours last night. I thought Niall was bound to have not eaten so I called to the fish shop on the way. We all ate together before I brought the boys back. I think he was a bit narked that Joe still wanted to come back with me though.’

‘You had tea together?’

‘It was a right laugh. You have some lovely crockery, it seemed a shame to put chips on it, but I can’t eat them out of the wrapper.’

‘Niall always does.’

‘Well he didn’t yesterday. Oh and your bedroom is so pretty. I’m thinking about doing mine a similar colour.’

I grit my teeth. ‘You were in my bedroom?’

‘Oh God, don’t look so panicked. I wasn’t seducing your husband. I just asked for a guided tour.’

I give her a beaming smile. ‘Well, I must get back, thanks again for having Joe.’

‘Any time you need me to mind him, it’s no problem. It was a pleasure yesterday, he’s a lovely boy.’

I ask Joe about everything on the way back. ‘We were only there ten minutes, Mum, eating our chips. Then dad said he really needed to get on with some jobs whilst we were all out of the house and we went back to Bettina’s.’

‘Okay darling,’ I say. Once again I’m reading too much into things. So what if she took the kids to our house for tea, she was just getting Joe stuff I’d obviously forgotten to pack in my rush to get to Monique’s.
Failing as a mother again
, I hear in my head. I’ve a bit of a nerve worrying about Niall when I consider what I’ve been up to with Seb.

All thoughts of Bettina are forgotten as I enter the house. Monique’s okay, business is good, and I’m looking forward to seeing my husband when he gets in from work. Therefore I’m surprised to find Niall already at home and in the lounge.

‘What’re you doing home this early?’

‘I took some time owing. I had something I needed to do.’ His face is frozen into a tight mask. He turns to Joe. ‘I’ve charged up your DS, it’s on your bed if you want to play for a bit before your homework.’

‘Cool,’ Joe goes running upstairs, it sounds like a stampede, not the small feet of a nine year old boy.

‘What’s wrong?’ I ask.

‘This came in the post today.’ He hands me a piece of paper.

I unfold it. It’s typewritten in capital letters and says YOUR WIFE HAS A SECRET. TRY 19, 5 AND 2.

My brow creases. ‘What? ... I don’t understand.’

‘Letters of the alphabet. Didn’t take much working out,’ says Niall. ‘It spells Seb. What secret do you have with Seb then?’ He spits the word Seb out like a venomous snake.

My heart is pounding. ‘Niall, there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Seb Kingsley.’

‘You’ve had plenty of opportunity with those fair meetings.’

I thrust the paper at his chest. ‘I have opportunities to cheat all the time while you’re at work and Joe’s at school.’ I feel air pumping out of my nostrils. ‘That however, does not make me a cheat.’

‘Well you’ll not mind if I check your laptop,’ he says. ‘You’re always on that bloody thing, I’m going to see what you spend your time doing.’

‘I’m running my business.’ I feel myself tremble. ‘If you do this, you’re showing that you don’t trust me, Niall. That’s a heavy weight to put on our relationship. Do you really want to do that?’

He hesitates. ‘If it’s not true then why would someone do this?’ He waves the paper around. ‘Why would they go to the trouble of posting a note?’

‘I have no idea,’ I say, but then it comes to me.

‘Oh my God, it’ll be her, Bettina.’

‘What?’

‘She’s trying to ruin things for me. She told me she turned up for tea last night and you were all cosy together. She turned up at the house the other day when she thought I was out. It’s just like Danny said, she’s trying to ruin me.’

‘Danny?
Danny Southwell
? Her ex? When have you seen Bettina’s husband?’

‘Last Saturday. He turned up here as I was about to set off to the car boot. He came to warn me about her. Told me that she’s nuts and was out to get me. Oh my God, it’s true.’

‘That psycho turned up at the house? Where was I?’

‘In the house with Joe.’

‘So you’re telling me that Danny Southwell was outside our house, that you didn’t shout for me or come and tell me, and you didn’t bother telling me afterwards that he’d been?’ He shakes his head from side to side. ‘Did you even go to the car boot that afternoon Lauren? I thought it was funny you returned without anything.’

So he had noticed.

‘You talk about trust,’ he looks at me with a sneer, ‘where was it that day?’

I’m silent. I don’t know what to say that at this point that won’t make things worse. How can the day have come to this when I was so positive about everything? I can’t stand seeing Niall look at me this way.

He folds his arms across his chest. ‘I want to see your computer, Lauren,’ he says, ‘so go and get it.’

Chapter 14

I open the computer with my password and hand it to him. I walk away, open the back door and sit on the doorstep. I often come out here to think. I breathe in the cool, fresh air and listen to the sounds of traffic passing the busy parkway near the house. It was going to be such a nice evening.

Niall will find nothing of course, thanks to my fortuitous deleting. I had ensured all comments to Monique were deleted too, so all that remained was our usual chat about life in general with inane comments about shoes. If he came across some crass comment in there about himself, well it served him right for reading my private stuff.

For some reason, even though I know full well I kissed Seb, I am damn angry that Niall was so quick to think I would cheat on him. He didn’t trust me at all. My teeth are clenched and I feel the need to hit out at something. Over in the corner of the garden, behind the shed, is an old tin bath that we haven’t got around to taking to the tip. I stand up and walk over to the garage, unlock it, then heave the door open over my head and walk to Niall’s shelves where I grab a large hammer. I stride to the back of the garden and take great heaving swipes at the bath. It reverberates loudly, how I imagine standing next to a church bell would sound. The bath begins to dint and I feel my anger pouring out like an overflowing red hot bath. Bang. Bang. Bang.

Niall comes running out of the house and I notice his first thought is to look up at the neighbours’ windows to see if any of them are watching. All reason leaves me and I throw the hammer, watching as it sails through the shed window. The plastic cracks, and it leaves a gaping wound.

‘For God’s sake what are you doing?’ He yells as he runs up to me and grabs my arms.

‘What does it look like?’ Tears stream down my cheeks. I begin to smack my fists into his chest. ‘You think I’d have an affair? You’re a total bastard. I hate you.’

Niall wraps his arms around me so that mine are trapped and drags me into the house whilst I kick him in the shins the best I am able. ‘Stop it, Lauren. Calm down.’

‘Calm down?’ my voice gets even higher.

‘Think of Joe,’ says Niall. ‘He’s just asked what’s wrong with you. I’ve told him you’re sad and angry about something that’s happened with Monique.’

I am shaking, I take some deep breaths for he is right, I will be frightening Joe.

We are silent for minutes, each not knowing how to get past this.

‘How could a note do this to us? You didn’t believe me ... after all these years?’

‘Well, it wasn’t just that,’ Niall puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs his shoulders. ‘When Bettina came over with the kids the other night, she kind of warned me about him. Said she felt he was really into you and was flirting while you were arranging the fair.’

‘
So what
? He flirted with me, big deal. At least he paid me some attention, which is more than you’ve been doing lately.’

‘I suppose I deserve that.’ He adds quietly. ‘Did you flirt back?’

‘I had a bit of banter yes, but nothing major, just like how you are with nearly every female you ever meet. I’m not going to apologise for it. I’ll tell you right now that it was nice feeling that someone found me sexy. It made me feel good about myself. Like I said, this is all down to Bettina. Well good for her, she’s managed to drive a wedge between us, score one for Bettina.’

‘She was just looking out for you.’

‘You’re going to stick up for her, even though I told you about Danny coming to warn me?’

‘He’s supposed to be a bloody psycho; I wouldn’t rate anything he said.’

‘Yeah? Well Monique warned me weeks ago that she thought Bettina was shifty. That night she went to the cinema with her, apparently she never stopped asking questions about me.’

‘She was like that in the car on the way there with me too. She just seemed nervous and we didn’t have anything else in common but you. It was probably the same with Monique. You can’t assume from a small piece of conversation that she’s out to get you. She’s had plenty of opportunity to kick your arse if she wanted to.’

‘She’s going for a less obvious way instead.’

‘It doesn’t appear that way to me. Lauren you’re being paranoid.’

‘I had a fucking poison pen letter sent about me today, I think I’m entitled to be a little bit paranoid.’

‘Look,’ Niall runs his hands through his hair, ‘I overreacted big time, Lauren, I’m sorry. It was just the thought of that nerd having his hands on you.’ His own hands ball into fists as he speaks.