Underneath (21 page)

I groan and move to my bed. The alarm clock says seven fifty-two. I’ve got to set off to Niall’s mothers in just over two hours. I open my bedside cabinet where I keep Calpol sachets for Joe. I swallow two of them like Joe’s allowed. I’m too scared of liver damage to risk another and there’s no way I’m going downstairs. I set the alarm for ten and pull the quilt firmly over my head. I ruminate over my actions and decide that she definitely deserved it, though I vow not to bother with her anymore personally, and just ring the police should anything else happen. I have a family to protect, especially Joe.

I finally drag myself out of bed at ten twenty-four and hit the shower in order to try and make myself feel more human. I take a couple of Ibuprofen on an empty stomach because I can’t face food, get a breakfast bar out of the cupboard and a bottle of water out of the fridge for the car journey, and get on my way.

The drive to Brockton takes just short of two hours usually, but today I pull into a parking bay halfway and eat my breakfast.

On my way I periodically feel nauseous, but finally arrive at Niall’s parents’ village just before one. They live in a small village surrounded by farmers’ fields and everywhere you turn there’s a cow or a horse. I love this village. There’s something about it that is so relaxing. Just down the road from Niall’s parents’ home is a small art studio that sells pottery. I like wandering down there, past all the pretty cottages with their gloriously tended gardens, admiring the beautiful flower beds and shrubbery.

I pull into Glen & Rebecca’s gravelled driveway and slide my car in alongside Niall’s courtesy car and Glen’s BMW. They have a three bedroom bungalow with a bay window. There are overflowing red and yellow hanging baskets at either side of the door, with bees hungrily swarming around them. I leave my case in the car and ring the bell. I hear crockery clatter, and then Joe pulls open the door, with Niall coming up behind him.

‘Muuum, you’re here, hurry up you’re missing lunch.’

‘Well don’t let yours get cold. Run back along and eat up.’

‘You’re late,’ Niall says, ‘but I suppose you’ll have an excuse.’

I look up at him and I see him frown as he looks at my face, maybe he’s noticed the blackness underneath my eyes and the white pallor of my face.

‘Are you okay?

I shrug. ‘Not really.’

‘I gather it didn’t go well with Bettina.’

‘I have a lot to catch you up on,’ I confirm.

Niall looks over my shoulder. ‘What the
fuck
has happened to the car?’ He goes running out to assess the damage down the side of the paintwork.

I stand alongside him and watch as he runs his hand along the groove. ‘That’s what we need to discuss. I think it was Bettina.’

‘Lauren…’

‘There’s more to tell you before the car stuff, so don’t give me any lectures about having no proof. Let me get inside and get some lunch and we’ll talk this afternoon. Perhaps we could go for a walk around the village?’

Niall turns to me. ‘This is getting serious Lauren. I think we need the police.’

‘We’ve the rest of the weekend to figure out what to do.’ I look back at the bungalow. ‘I can’t tell you how pleased I am to be here.’ I realise that this is true. I’ve found Niall’s mother quite stifling at times, but today her home is a refuge and the scent of summer hangs in the air, a slight breeze blows the scent of the flowers my way. I breathe it in. I’m now ravenous and head inside to get some lunch.

‘I’m so sorry I’m late.’ I greet Glen with a smile but Rebecca gets up and gives me both a hug and a peck on the cheek.

‘We missed you last night. Are you feeling okay darling, you look awfully pale?’

‘I’ve had a headache all morning. I’ve taken some tablets and I’m feeling a lot better. I’ll be fine after this lunch I think.’ I indicate the glorious spread of quiche, various salads including Waldorf and potato, jacket potatoes, nachos, salsa and large bowl of chicken and bacon pasta, plus some garlic bread. I sit beside my family and tuck in.

Afterwards we walk through to the garden. The Lawler’s have a stable door that leads out to the patio through the kitchen. I love this door. For some reason, even though we didn’t have one, it reminds me of childhood. I like the idea that you can open it halfway and lean on it to chat to folks. Niall’s parents have a fat black cat called Tristan who must be around eighteen now. He is laid out on the patio looking like a comma, toasting his belly in the sunshine. Tristan is so pampered that when I bring him a tin of cat food he thinks that’s a delicacy and laps it up, finding his usual salmon to be completely beneath him now. Later he’ll come brushing around my legs and wonder why the tin lady hasn’t brought his treat.

The patio consists of square grey flagstones that extend from the outside of the kitchen door, all the way to the end of the living room where there are patio doors. We go to sit out on their furniture, a green rectangular glass table with six canvas chairs. Joe spots a new football lying on the tennis court sized garden and he’s off. Glen comes out of the house carrying a glass jug containing what I guess to be Pimms, judging by the fruit in the bottom. In his early sixties, his dad is similarly built to Niall; a tall, handsome man with wavy hair that has faded from blonde to grey. He has the same crinkly eyes when he laughs and I can tell by looking at him what Niall will look like in twenty years’ time. I’m wondering if I can face a Pimms, when he pours and hands me one anyway.

‘Kill or cure, Lauren. I reckon my Pimms Punch will put you straight.’

‘Or on your back,’ announces Rebecca coming out of the house with a tray of strawberry jellies, to which I know will have been added some rose wine as they’re her ‘house special.’ Niall’s mum is around the same height as me, five foot six, with short brown hair (topped up by the local hairdresser). She favours smart but casual, and is wearing some beige cotton trousers and a three-quarter sleeve silk top. Her reading-come-sunglasses are perched on top of her head.

We all take a seat around the table. I face out towards Joe so I can enjoy watching him run around the space, kicking his ball with abandon.

‘Grandad, come and play.’

‘That’s my sit down finished already,’ Glen says with obvious pleasure. He heads off to join Joe.

‘Actually, I think I’ll join them, looks like fun.’ Niall is away too, and then there’s just myself and his mum sitting at the table.

I lift my spoon and taste a bit of the strawberry jelly. It is refreshing and delicious, and I tell his mum this.

‘Oh it takes no doing Lauren. It’s one of those recipes that looks good and tastes nice, but only takes about five minutes of prep. I just can’t be bothered with cooking these days.’

‘Yes, well, make sure to pass me your mushroom soup recipe if you’ve stopped making it, because I can’t live without that.’

Rebecca takes a sip of her Pimms, considering me over the top of the rim.

‘So what’s going on Lauren? Niall and Joe arrive without you and he says you’re having trouble with some old school friend. Then you turn up today looking like, if you don’t mind me saying so, hell.’

‘It’s complicated,’ I reply. ‘I wouldn’t know where to start.’

‘Well,’ she leans over and puts her hand across mine. ‘I won’t pry but I want you to know that I’m here for you Lauren, if you need me. You’ve become the daughter I never had. I know you had a difficult childhood, and I just wanted to tell you that if you need a mature opinion or a chat, I’m always on the end of a phone.’

My eyes fill with tears. I’ve known Rebecca a long time now and she has always been motherly towards me, insisting on hugs and cheek kisses. I have always held her at a distance, being scared of letting a ‘mother’ figure into my life, for fear of being abandoned by another one. Now I look into her soft grey eyes and wonder why I’ve never let her in before. I need this person in my life right now. I put my other hand over hers, making a gesture of intimacy towards her that I never have before. Her hand initially jumps as I touch it but then she smiles at me. ‘I’m scared,’ I tell her, like it’s bedtime and the monsters are hiding in my wardrobe.

I tell her all about Bettina, my history with her from school, how she’s been hanging around Niall, the eBay business, the scraped car, the note, her telling Niall that Seb was flirting with me, Danny’s warning.

‘Oh Lauren. I really think you should phone the police.’

‘That’s what I want to talk to Niall about. He doesn’t know about my business and the story behind the keyed car yet. I’ve been thinking the same myself. I thought I’d maybe look into if I can get an injunction or something. I’m just a bit nervous that I don’t have any proof.’

‘She’s obviously been playing a very clever game. Well I know it’s not going to help now, but when school breaks up you are more than welcome to come here for a week or two to have a break from everything.’

‘I think we’d like that very much,’ I say. I breathe in the fresh air. ‘I love it here, it’s so peaceful.’

‘Not when the farmers plough the fields it’s not, and getting stuck behind tractors on your way to the shops isn’t a barrel of laughs.’

I raise my eyebrows at her.

She smiles. ‘Okay, I admit it is lovely around here. We are very lucky. I do wish I could see my grandson more though. There’s a hospital here, you know?’

I laugh. ‘Very tactfully put. Look, I can’t think of anything right now with what’s going on, but I promise to consider it in the future okay?’ I mean what I say.

She tops up my glass. ‘Cheers to that.’

We spend another hour or so companionably chatting about this and that. She fills me in on village life, her local yoga class that I’d love, and the village festival they are putting on in the next week or so. It brings to mind the summer fair and for a moment, clouds threaten to challenge the sunshine for my soul.

‘I’ve bought Joe a new Lego set, for after our evening meal,’ says Rebecca. ‘It should keep him busy for an hour or so, and then I’ll help him run a bath. He loves our rolltop. There’s a really pleasant walk around the village, and the Dog and Duck has a decent real ale selection. I think you and Niall would enjoy it tonight.’

‘Thank you.’ She’s giving me the opportunity to catch Niall up with recent events on our own and I am extremely grateful to her for it. I feel my eyes threaten to spill over again, so I pick up the jelly glasses and carry them into the kitchen. I look out of the kitchen window, at Rebecca relaxed in her chair, looking out over the men and at them laughing and joking around. They’re tormenting Joe with piggy in the middle and I wish I could stay here forever, wrapped warm and cosy like in an electric blanket. The other life, the hard life seems far away and surreal, and I wish I could toss it away like garbage and start anew here. I go to get my overnight case from the car and begin to spend time unpacking, feeling for the first time in a long time, as if I can relax.

Chapter 16

After a dinner of thick vegetable soup with an array of different breads; followed by pork, stuffing and apple sauce sandwiches, Niall and I head out for a walk. It’s still humid outside, the perfect temperature for a stroll and we meander around the village lanes, where quite often the pavement completely disappears and you have to keep a close watch for cars and cyclists. On the way to the pub we chat about how lovely the area is, and how spoilt Joe gets at his Grandma and Granddad’s house. Inane stuff, as we are both aware we need a major chat and beer is required. The Dog and Duck is a small village pub, very spit and sawdust with brass plates on the walls and a landlord and landlady that have been there for years. Although we don’t come here very often, Gary the Landlord, a robust, balding red cheeked man, who looks like he samples quite a few of his own wares, gives Niall’s hand a firm shake as we approach the bar.

‘Well you’re definitely not the milkman’s. I swear you’re morphing into your dad, Niall, and you, Lauren, are looking as gorgeous as ever.’ He lifts my hand and kisses it.

Thinking of the pasty and sallow face I arrived with, and doubting much has changed, I smile at the charmer. After how I felt this morning I can’t believe I’m going to have yet more alcohol, but as I walked into the bar and smelled the real ale my mouth watered, so I ask for a half of Theakston’s Old Peculiar, a drink I used to have long ago when Niall and I were first dating. We get ourselves a seat in a little nook that has a good window overlooking a little stream and flowered area. I take a sip of my drink, it’s thick and treacly and I smack my lips after.

‘Okay, well update time,’ I tell him. I take a deep breath. ‘Firstly, I know you won’t be impressed with me, so I apologise right now for what I’m about to say, but things have been really difficult and I didn’t want to get into it all yesterday with the car and going to your mothers.’

‘Get on with it because I’m sure what I’m imagining is far worse than what you’ve done.’

‘Right. Well, yesterday morning I went on my eBay account and it had been ruined with negative feedback from four different buyers, including two so-called business leads I’d had, so it would appear I’ve been set up.’

‘Lauren, are you sure you haven’t done something to upset someone, because this is getting disturbing.’