Underwater (15 page)

“Good,” she smiled warmly. “Send both my regards.”

“I will.” We sat quietly together for a bit and then I said, “Hey, mom?”

“Yeah?”

“I went to see a shrink.”

Her eyes flashed to mine and then started to fill with tears. She blinked them away. “You did?”

She’d wanted me to go to treatment for the longest time but I had been against it after my first failed attempt.

I smiled. ”I did.”

“Why? Why all of a sudden?”

I wanted to tell her everything. That I met someone. That I almost hurt that someone. That after years of living in sheer darkness, someone lit up my personal hell with the brightest light.

But I wasn’t ready yet.

“It’s a secret.” I winked. “When the time comes, I’ll tell you.”

I could see the hope shining in her eyes. ”Okay, I’ll wait. Whatever it is, I know it’s something good.”

I left the house, feeling lighter than when I had shown up. The knowledge that I brought my mother some peace made me feel that I finally did something good in my life.

Later, I stood in front of the meeting room door, breathing slowly, trying to calm my pounding heart. I was really hoping she would be here. Pulling the handle, I opened the door and stepped inside.

And there she stood, in the middle of the room, talking to Mary.

My pounding heart was ready to explode. She was here.
She came back
. I closed my eyes and said a silent
thank you
.

Quietly, I shut the door behind me, and went to my usual spot. I watched her from a distance while she talked to the group gathered around her. She looked carefree with everyone. I could get used to seeing her around here. She brightened every place she entered. She fit perfectly into every part of my life. And there was something oddly familiar about her. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

When more people gathered around her, I noticed that a large portion of them were guys who watched her closely. She was like a breath of fresh air, and I would be damned if I would let any one of them inhale. One guy in particular stood especially close to her. He wasn’t a regular. It was the first time I’d seen him here. He touched her arm while she smiled at something he said. Without thinking about my actions, I jumped from my seat and marched straight towards her. She was the only thing in my line of vision. As I approached them, the conversation suddenly died. My hard gaze was trained on the guy who stood next to her. His eyes widened as I shifted my gaze to the hand that touched her arm, then back to his eyes. I pierced him with a look that made him move his hand away and take a step back.

I stood like a shadow behind her small frame, my arms folded across my chest. As though she sensed me hovering, she turned her head in my direction and looked up at me. A surprised expression flashed across her pretty face. She watched me with narrowed eyes before she turned her head back to the group gawking at us.

I suddenly remembered she didn’t like being the center of attention. And now, because of my jealousy, I’d brought the spotlight directly to her.

Shit.

When she turned around again to face me, her eyebrows were furrowed while she stared at me in confusion. She cleared her throat.
 
“Hey.”

“Hey.” I raised my hand and smoothed away the crease between her eyebrows. ”Can we talk?” I asked. “Alone?”

She nodded, and together we walked to a quiet corner in the room, away from the probing eyes of the other participants.
She hopped on a table, her legs dangling in the air. I positioned myself in front of her, shielding her.
I wanted her to see only me
.

I looked into her eyes and smiled. “You’re here.”

“I told you I would.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For… showing up.”

The color of her cheeks turned rosy. “You’re welcome,” she murmured.

We stared at each other. She bit her lower lip and all I could think about was bending my head towards her mouth and with the help of my teeth, freeing her abused lip. Shit, I needed to get a hold of my emotions.

“Why do they look at you like that?”

I rubbed my face, trying to stall my answer. “I’m... I’m not very friendly with anyone around here,” I answered truthfully.

“Yeah, I noticed. If their shocked expressions were any indication, you gave them a hell of a surprise when you decided to approach them.”

“I didn’t approach them. I approached
you
.”

I knew it sounded wrong, but it was the truth. I preferred my peace and solitude. Tiny was the only one that made me want something different. She evoked in me the need to approach her, to talk to her, and get to know her. She made me want to protect her. To touch, hug, and kiss her. To–

“You’re a good guy, Dorian, and you should let the rest of the world see that. All those stupid rumors and everyone’s fear, I don’t get why you let them believe it. I think that not knowing you is a loss and I’m not saying that because I’m your friend. I truly mean that.”

Warmth enveloped me from the sound of her sweet words. Her opinion meant more to me than anything in the world. The fact that she saw
me
and not my
complications
showed a lot of who she really was. Most importantly, I was pleased to know I was right all along.

This girl was an angel sent to save me from my dark cage.

I felt a strong desire to touch her, but I didn’t want to scare her.
Baby steps, Dorian, Baby steps
. So, instead of touching her like I wanted, I settled for brushing back a wild strand of hair that fell across her eye and then I ran the side of my fingers down to the base of her jaw. She smiled, her eyes fluttering closed, enjoying the touch of my hand on her skin. This knowledge filled my heart with hope.

“Oh my, look at what the tide brought in.”

Her eyes flew open while my fingers stilled. I turned my head to see Bennie standing in the middle of the room, an odd look on his face. His eyes jumped from me to her like a ping-pong ball. When I looked back at Tiny, she looked flustered, smiling timidly at Bennie. Giving me a shy glance, she shifted to the side, jumped off the table, and walked back to the circle of chairs in the center of the room. She settled in the chair furthest away. The guy who’d touched her arm didn’t waste a second, marching straight towards her and settling down beside her.

Motherfucker.

Bennie walked to the front and started talking. I went to my usual place, keeping my eyes trained on them for most of the meeting. She completely ignored his attempts at conversation, and it made me feel ten feet tall. Towards the end, Bennie decided it was time to bring Tiny back into the spotlight.

“Aria, last time you didn’t have a chance to tell us why you decided to attend. Do you want to share your story with us today?”

After a long pause, she contemplated the request. She nodded in agreement and stood.
I felt proud of her. I knew that standing in front of a crowd wasn’t easy for her.

“I’m nineteen years old. My dad was diagnosed with cancer a while ago. He’s in treatment now. It’s hard, living like this, and I came here hoping to gain some skills and knowledge to help him through the hard days. My wish is to make a difference in my family’s life. That’s about it.”

My heart twisted. I wanted to banish her sadness.

The group applauded encouragingly.

“Well done, Aria!” Bennie said. “We treat everyone here like family. We hope you will consider us your family too.”

“I would like that. Thank you.”

I found myself applauding along with them.
 
Only quietly. Her eyes searched the sea of people until they found mine. I winked and gave her a thumbs-up.

While I liked the idea of her feeling at home here, brotherly thoughts were the furthest thing on my mind when I thought about her.

The rest of the meeting passed in a blur. Everyone talked about their families and what all had happened in the last few days. They told us what they were going through, and all the ways they dealt with the stress. As for Tiny and me, we stared at each other frequently, our eyes always finding one another.

“Okay, guys!” Bennie clapped his hands loudly, silencing the murmurs of the group. ”I want to try something a little different today.”

He walked to the front table, opened a drawer, pulled out a black bag, and started handing out white candles to the group. When he completed his task and everyone had a candle in their possession, he moved towards me and gave me the last one.

“Dude, what are you doing?” I whispered.

“Trust me on this. I want to give them something to take back home.”

With that, he strode back to the front table and pulled out a pack of matches. He gave them to the first person on his right, with the instructions to light his candle and pass the matches around.

“What are we doing?”
Eve, the eldest lady in the group
asked. Everyone looked puzzled as they tried to understand what Bennie aimed to accomplish with candles. Only Tiny looked amused. Maybe she thought it was something normal around here.

“You’ll see,” he grinned.

While everyone passed along the pack of matches, Bennie brought over the guitar that hung on the wall.

I sensed a shadow falling over me and I held my breath. Slowly, I looked up and stared into Tiny’s eyes. She stood so close, I could smell her. In her left hand, she held the pack of matches.
 
Without a word, she lit the match. I clutched the arm of the chair tightly with my free hand, my body tensing while my ragged breath came in short gasps. The memories blurred my vision as I tried to focus on the small flame flickering in front of me.

Explosion. Fire. Destruction. Death.

Noticing my state, she shook her hand urgently and extinguished the flame. She then took the candle out of my hand, turned around (her back was to me) and lit the candle out of my sight. When she was done, she placed the candle on the far corner of the desk. It was there, but I didn’t see it.
I looked up when I felt her close, her body inches from mine. She lowered her head and whispered reassuring words, comforting me with the sound of her voice.

I closed my eyes and reached for her hand. When I felt her hand in mine, I threaded our fingers together. She was my lifeline until I calmed down.
When my breathing evened out, she pulled back, turned around, and started to walk away.

I grabbed her arm gently. “C-could you please... stay?”

She nodded. “No problem. Just let me grab my candle and I’ll be right back.”

Choked with suppressed emotions of gratitude and affection, I said, “Thank you.”

With her back to me again, she lit her own candle and placed it next to mine.

Meanwhile, Bennie turned down the lights. The room was cast in shadows as the faint glow of the candles illuminated the room.

It felt magical.

Bennie settled in his chair in front of the group. All the chattering ceased. “I want to play a song very dear to my heart. I want you to listen to the words carefully and I hope each one of you will take a piece of this meeting back to your loved ones.” He messed around with the strings of the old guitar and then murmured, “This is Chris Rice,
Go Light Your World
.”

He played the first few notes slowly, his fingers plucking the strings with unhurried strokes, creating a beautiful, soothing melody.
When he began to sing, every soul in the room stilled. It wasn’t the first time I’d listened to Bennie play the guitar, but today... today I felt like I heard him for the first time. He left me speechless.
 
He was guiding us through the song, encouraging us to carry our candles and illuminate the world for our dear ones.
 
I watched all the participants united together, holding the candles in their hands, swaying side to side while singing the words together in a soft harmony.
 
The words were full of optimism and positive thoughts and I finally understood what he was trying to achieve.

As everyone watched him with appreciation, I turned my head and watched Tiny. A smile curved at the corner of her mouth while she sang along softly. But her eyes… her eyes were sad.

When the song ended, everyone applauded. Bennie stood, and then bowed. “Good evening, I’ll see you all next week.”

While everyone else began to leave for the night, Tiny stayed unmoving, looking perplexed.
 
I reached out and touched her hand.

“Are you okay? You got lost in your head there.”

“Yeah, I’m good. It’s just... I really love that song. I haven’t heard it in a while. The words are so...” she trailed off, looking for the right words.

“Powerful?” I finished for her.

“Yeah. Exactly.
Powerful
.”

At the sound of muffled coughing, we both looked up simultaneously. Bennie stood in front of us, grinning.

“Aria,” Bennie said. “How does it feel to be back?”

“Good, actually. I’m glad to be back.” Her eyes found mine and I could see the sincerity behind her words by the way she looked at me.

“You two seem close,” he said, his eyebrows rising. “I hope you’re gonna stick around.”