“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.”
—
Francis of Assisi
D
ust. I felt like I was I buried in a cloud of dust. I could smell it and I could fucking taste it. My nostrils were on fire and my eyes burned.
I was suffocating, unable to
inhale air into my lungs.
I ached in places I never knew existed. My head spun round and round from the intense pain, caused by the monster who found me among the wreckage. I could feel the long gash that branded my skin while the metallic taste of blood enveloped my senses.
I was lying on my stomach; face down, the hard wood beneath my limbs increasing my pain with every breath I took. Fresh blood from other parts of my body dribbled on the dirty floor; the sounds of the ‘drip, drip, drip’ echoed in the stillness. I had no idea where I was. All I could remember was the explosion that caught us off guard while on patrol. I could still feel the heat of the burning flames and I could still smell the smoke that made it difficult to breathe.
And then, I remembered the monster that walked through the inferno directly towards me with an evil glare, cutting me like I was a piece of meat.
Rage exploded in my veins and dread spread in the pit of my stomach as I remembered my brothers lying on the ground. I had no idea what had happened to them. Had they been captured like me? Were they even alive?
I needed to save my strength for the perfect moment to get myself out of this cell and find them.
Hearing the sound of a creaking door, my body tensed. From the angle I was positioned on the floor, I could observe with one eye what took place in the room without being noticed. Still as a statue, hardly breathing, I heard footsteps coming towards me.
The muscles in my body stiffened because I was fucking terrified.
In the eerie silence, a chilling voice echoed in the room. “Awake?” A second later, a splash of cold water spilled all over my skin.
I shot up and pulled myself into a sitting position. There were five people in the room. The guy who spoke earlier, who I assumed was the leader, stood in front of me. His body was huge, broad shoulders and all muscle. His demeanor screamed power, dressed in all black. He played with a knife, throwing it up, and then catching it in his hand, viciously smiling, his black eyes vacant, no emotion behind them. This wasn’t the guy who had sliced my face though. I would remember him.
“Who the fuck are you?” My voice sounded like I had swallowed glass.
The leader in black looked me up and down and then laughed, as if what I had said was a fucking joke. “You have some balls, boy, I’ll give you that.”
He approached slowly and when he was inches away from me, his phone rang. He stopped in his tracks, looked at the screen, and then muttered a curse, walking out the door, looking pissed.
I breathed a sigh of relief, but the storm was far from over. When the door slammed shut, one of the other men moved towards me. I sat still, my back pressed against the wall and I looked in his eyes, refusing to look away.
With a voice quiet enough for my ears only, he said, “Let me finish what he started. You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.”
I awoke screaming, and for a moment, I had no idea where I was. I sat up and swung my feet around so I could sit on the edge of the bed. With my head in my hands, I breathed in and out, trying to calm my racing heart.
I was safe
.
I was motherfucking alive
.
I needed to remember that. I rested my gaze on the clock that sat on my nightstand.
Four a.m.
I picked up my cell phone, took a deep breath, and pressed the home key. The screen lit up, alerting me I had a message. My heart beat harder and faster when I saw it was from Tiny.
Tiny: I’m impressed. If there was a way to reach out to me… you just found it.
Underwater - Nikki Flores. I’ll see you tonight.
She answered me.
She fucking answered me.
With a song.
I grinned like a loon from ear to ear and couldn’t contain my euphoria. I made a quick search on iTunes, downloaded the song she had sent, and hit play. The song expressed how much she wanted to do everything on her own. How much she didn’t want to rely on anyone, but no matter how hard she fought - she couldn’t reach the surface on her own.
I no longer cared about the nightmare that woke me up. Tiny was the only thing my heart beat for now.
You don’t have to do this on your own, sweetheart. I’ll help you.
I got out of bed and started to get ready for my day. I had stuff to do before I went to visit my mom and Lizzie.
And then… I was going to see her again.
I couldn’t fucking wait.
“It’s boring,” Lizzie pouted.
I sat on the couch in my old house, flipping through channels for what felt like the millionth time. Nothing was holding Lizzie’s interest for more than five minutes.
She stretched out on the couch, her small head resting on my lap with her face turned toward the TV screen.
My other hand stroked her sunny blonde hair carefully, getting used to touch again.
When I’d gotten to my mother’s house, my mom and Lizzie had been huddled on the couch, watching the Disney channel. I’d sat down next to them and the three of us watched TV until my mother retired to her room for her afternoon nap.
“What do you wanna watch now?” I had no idea what a nine-year-old girl liked to watch. (Apparently, she wasn’t fond of car racing movies.)
She let out a sigh and then moved into a sitting position. Turning her body towards mine, she put her legs on my lap. I sucked in a silent breath. I still struggled with the effects of her touch.
Although it was getting better, I would never forget the first few months after I returned home and the way I had responded. Lizzie was still very young. At first, she’d kept her distance, perhaps sensing how dangerous I was. Eventually she’d slowly warmed up to me, and because of my issues, I had to warm up to her too.
“I don’t want to watch anything anymore,” she murmured.
“Okay, so what do you wanna do, Smurfette?”
With the mention of her nickname, she broke into a grin that lit up her whole face. I turned off the TV and placed the remote on the table.
“Let’s talk!” She clapped her hands together.
Talk?
I wasn’t good with talking. I loved Lizzie more than anything in this world and I would do anything for her, but talking wasn’t my… well, I just wasn’t good at it.
“Okay,” I said reluctantly, trying to sound enthusiastic at the same time. After a long pause, I cleared my throat. “So...what do you want to talk about?”
She put her finger over her chin, patting several times while her eyes narrowed as she concentrated hard on finding a topic for our conversation. After a few quiet beats, she said, “I don’t like my teacher.”
I tensed. I didn’t know much about Lizzie’s school, but as far as I knew the teachers were decent.
“Why?” I asked. “Did something happen?”
“She didn’t do anything when I told her Zach was pulling my hair and shoving me into the sand,” she whined, her lips pouting.
Relieved, I nearly laughed, positive this Zack kid may have a crush on my sister.
“And that’s not all,” she continued. “He kissed my cheek before he ran away!” Her face twisted like she tasted something sour. “And when I told my teacher, she only smiled and said we were
cute
.”
I coughed to hide the laughter that slipped out.
Well, fuck me.
What could I tell her about that? I surely couldn’t tell her this kid had a crush on her. I didn’t want to give her any ideas. She was a handful without adding boys to the mix.
“And what do you think about this Zach?” I asked carefully.
She appeared deep in thought, closing her eyes while contemplating my question. A few seconds later, she opened her eyes and grinned. ”I guess he’s a little bit cute. And annoying.” She made a funny face. “But cute.”
“Hey now, you can’t date boys!” I blurted.
“What should I do? Date girls instead?”
What. The. Fuck?
How did I get myself into this mess?
“You shouldn’t date anyone.”
“Why?”
“You’re too young. That’s why.”
She sighed, then got up and left the room without a word.
That went well.
I leaned back and closed my eyes in defeat. When I heard a soft chuckle, I didn’t need to turn around to see who it was, but I did. My mother was leaning against the wall with her hands folded over her chest, an amused expression on her face.
“How long have you been standing there?” I groaned.
“Long enough. And someday soon,
you
are the one that’s going to explain the ‘birds and the bees’ to her.”
Now it was my turn to laugh. “Shit, where did she come up with that stuff? Dating girls?” I shook my head, still stunned.
When did my little Smurfette grow up?
I felt like I missed so much of her life. “Please, for both of us,” I pleaded, “don’t ever leave us alone again.”
Her eyes twinkled as she crossed the room and sat beside me. She placed her hand over my thigh. I tensed and held my breath. It was important for her to touch me when she saw me, at least once. I was sure that knowing she
could
touch me whenever she wanted was more important than the actual contact. Horrific images tried to sneak into my mind, but I fought them with everything I had. After a few seconds she let go. I breathed a quiet sigh. I was better, but I wasn’t cured.
“How are you, sweetie? We’ve missed you around here. Paul hasn’t gotten to see you in so long.”
Paul was there for my mom when she needed someone the most. I was grateful to him. He had no idea how much I owed him.
“Sorry, I’ll try to come over more often. I’ve been really busy lately.”
“Everything good with everyone?” When she said
everyone
, she meant Bennie and Toby.
“Yeah.”