Underwater (5 page)

“Well, let’s get back on track. As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted…” Bennie winked in my direction. “We are all here to learn how to deal with our reality and fill ourselves with positive thoughts and emotions, so when we get back home we’ll be able to bring it all back to our loved ones.”

While he spoke to the group, I tuned him out and thought about my dad. When I left the house, he and Mom had been fighting. Ever since Dad had gotten the news about his cancer, he was so damn angry. He was impatient, irritated, full of fury, huffing and puffing all day long, and I just... I didn’t know what to do anymore. I spent so much time trying to build bridges and put out fires that I felt like I had no control over my own life. All my energy was spent at home. That was one of the reasons I’d decided to come here today. Maybe I could find answers at this crazy place.

Watching everyone banter around with Bennie, I felt like I was on the outside looking in. Then, I felt someone’s eyes on me. From the corner of my eye, I saw movement in the far corner of the room. When I looked a little closer, I noticed a guy sitting in the dark, tapping his leg in slow, deliberate movements. His head was cast down, but his eyes... his eyes looked directly at me. My breath caught.

Turning away from his glare, I looked back to the front of the room where Bennie was telling us about a person who defeated cancer.

I tried to focus on what was being said, but the penetrating gaze from the guy in shadows made my heart pound wildly. When my eyes found their way back to him, I noticed the scowl on his face and immediately looked away. A part of me wanted to jump up and leave the room, go home, and forget about this whole thing. But I forced myself to stay.

For Lettie.

For me.

My goodness, this was going to be a long meeting.

W
ho was the tiny girl?

She looked as eager to be here as I did. I couldn’t help watching her.

Why did I find her so appealing?

From the moment she entered the room with a lost look on her pretty face and shy from all the attention, it was hard not to. She was so small. I was sure that if I stood next to her, her head would barely reach my shoulder. And oddly, no matter how tiny she looked, her presence dominated the entire room.

When she stood in the entryway, wearing denim skinny jeans and a white loose sweater, she looked like an angel. Her light brown hair fell down her back and her green eyes were bright and vibrant. I could tell their color from across the room. They reminded me of something long forgotten, but I couldn’t remember what it was. And I was intrigued to know the reason she was here.

Suddenly, I was angry for noticing her. What good would it bring? I couldn’t do shit about it anyway, so what was the point? And it made me hate my life even more now that I came across someone that I couldn’t keep my eyes off of.

She chose that moment to look at me. I knew she couldn’t see me clearly because I had chosen my seat carefully. I was surrounded by darkness, sitting in the corner of the room where the light didn’t reach. Ever since I started working here, it was my safe place. I could watch everything, but no one could see me. No one paid attention to me.

Until now.

Blue to green, our eyes kept finding one another. I didn’t want to scare her, but I found it difficult to look away. It had been so long since someone looked at me this way. It made me feel like a kid in an expensive porcelain store, wanting to touch, but only allowed to admire the beauty.

“Okay folks,” Bennie said, clapping his hands together and standing to his full height. “As you all can see, we have a new addition to the group. Aria, please stand up.”

Still watching her, I noticed her throwing him a death glare that could have set him on fire. She stood slowly and faced the group. I couldn’t help cracking a smile.

She stood upright and gave a shy wave to the group. “Hey guys, as you all noticed, I’m new. My name is Aria Maier.”

Thinking she was through with the introduction, she sat down. My smile stretched wider, knowing what was about to come.

“Not so fast little girl, we’re not done, yet,” Bennie said.

Daggers launched from her retinas. I could almost hear them whiz and slice through the air.

Looking as though one of the daggers had actually hit its mark, Bennie asked with less bravado, “Would you mind telling us more about yourself?”

“Yes, I would mind.”

I stared at her, willing her to look at me. When her eyes finally met mine again, I couldn’t control my smile.

L
ittle girl.

How dare he call me that? And why did people always feel the need to tell me how short I was? So I was 4’9”. So-freaking-what? When you spend all your life being called keychain, shrimp, squirt, half pint, and even Smurfette, you develop issues.

You develop
a lot
of issues.

Well, at least now I didn’t have to talk.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. Startled, I jumped and whipped my head around. A beautiful, friendly-looking Asian girl stood next to me. She was probably in her late twenties and she held a pen and paper, shifting it my way. “You need to write your personal information here.”
I gave her a
why-the-hell-should-I-do-that
look. She smiled, swinging her straight black hair to the side, and looking at me with kind brown eyes, she said, ”Don’t worry, we all wrote down our information when we first got here. It’s a contact page for the group.”

Reaching out her hand, she said, “I’m Mary, it’s nice to meet you.”

I extended my hand to hers. “I’m Aria. Nice to meet you too.”

When I finished writing my personal information, I ran my eyes along the names on the list. When I reached the end, the last name wasn’t filled in nor was there any personal information.

“Who is Dorian? There’s no information beside the name.”

“You don’t know who Dorian Black is?” I shook my head. She sat in the chair next to mine. Dorian is Bennie’s assistant,” she said. “You probably didn’t notice him, but he’s the guy sitting in the corner.”

Yeah, I noticed him.

“Why was he sitting in the corner?”

“He’s a veteran. He came back pretty messed up from his last tour, but no one knows for sure what really happened there. The war changed him. He’s different now, more…” She trailed off, looking up as she tried (I assumed) to find the right words. “Unreachable,” she said. “Untouchable. I’m not sure what his deal is, but he’s meaner. Like he saw horrors that he keeps on living. If the scars on his face are any indication, it was pretty bad.”

Scars?

“He keeps mostly to himself, doesn’t get close to anyone,” she continued. “No one in town is crazy enough to get close to him. I’ve been in this group for a while and never heard him talk, smile, or even interact with others. And honestly, he scares me.”

I gave her a sad smile that probably looked like a grimace. I felt uncomfortable talking about him. The fact that I still felt his eyes on me definitely didn’t help matters.

Bennie was already wrapping the meeting up with a story about having faith, believing in miracles, not giving up and yada yada yada. I wasn’t sure that this whole thing was for me.

“Okay people, that’s all for today. I’ll see you at the next meeting. Don’t forget…bring light to your beloved.”

Bring light to my dad
? How could I do that? He was lost in his sad world and wouldn’t let anyone step in or pull him away.

Feeling a shadow fall over me, I tensed, my muscles locking. I was afraid that if I looked up the guy from the dark would be standing before me.

I’ve been in this group for a while and never heard him talk, smile or even interact
with others
.

Looking up slowly, I found myself staring at Bennie’s brown eyes. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel relief.

“I’m sorry I called you a little girl.” I raised a brow and folded my arms across my chest. He looked more and more uncomfortable with each passing moment. “I noticed you were upset, and well… it wasn’t my intention. It’s just that you’re, well… little and cute.”

My eyebrow raised a notch higher.

“No, no…” he rushed to say. “I didn’t precisely mean little
or
cute. Those are adjectives you use to describe a Chihuahua. Not that I’m calling you a dog or anything, because I wasn’t.” He brought his hand to his neck and rubbed with a grimace.

I couldn’t help the flood of laugher that burst out of me. “Bennie, you’re digging your own grave with every word that comes out of your mouth.” Still chuckling, I smiled at him warmly. “I forgive you. Now please, shut up.”

He sighed with relief. “Thank you. This has been the most awkward apology in my entire life!” He grinned and bumped my shoulder. “So, would you come back?”

“Um... I’m not sure. Maybe.” I didn’t want to lie. Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn’t.

He messed up my hair with his big hand and then he was out the door with a smile. While we had been talking, the room had cleared out and I realized I was the only one left. I picked up my bag, slung it over my shoulder, and headed for the door. Preoccupied with getting home, I barely heard the deep voice that broke through behind me.

I halted my steps, petrified. A million possible scenarios from every horror film I’d ever seen ran through my head. I shut my eyes while my fingers closed into fists on either side of my body, readying to defend myself, but hoping I wouldn’t have to.

“Wait,” he said, his voice low and gruff. “Don’t leave.” Something in his voice made me turn around. When I did, his eyes pleaded with mine. “Not yet.”

I counted to ten in my head, my nerve endings were on high alert when it dawned on me who the voice belonged to.

The angry veteran hiding in the darkness.

Dorian.

“Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?”

—
Rumi

L
istening to that laugh of hers was one of the most fascinating things I’d ever heard. It did something to me.

When I realized we were alone, I couldn’t let the opportunity go by. I had no idea if she planned to come back, and I didn’t want to take any chances.