Underwater (29 page)

Her words brought me peace. I was her hero after all. The constant war brewing within me finally began to reach an end. I brought my hands up and covered hers with mine. “I did some bad things in my life, Tiny. I’m not a saint, and I did things that I’m not proud of. But I have a bigger confession to make.”

“What’s that?” she whispered.

The side of my mouth curled up. “I…” I breathed air into my lungs, suddenly afraid to keep going.

Ah, fuck it.

“I love you,” I said. I dropped my hands to her lower back, drawing her body securely against mine until we were both sitting on the grass, swings long forgotten. “I love you more than words can say and emotions can express. I love you more than my eyes can see, and more than my hands can feel.” I kissed her. “I love you every second, minute, and hour of each day, and I know that no matter what happens to us in the future, these feelings I have for you will never change.”

She rested her forehead against mine, her eyes fluttering as she tightened her grip on my shirt. “I love you, too. I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

She loved me.
She. Loved. Me. I couldn’t motherfucking believe it. I tightened my grip around her body, holding her to me like she was the only thing keeping me tied to the earth. Fuck. I loved her so much.

We stayed like that – two lovers embraced in each other’s arms – under the dark sky. After what felt like hours, Tiny pulled back and looked at me. “You looked a bit wired when you sat beside me earlier, what happened?”

I’d almost forgotten about the dream that had made me wake up and look for her.

I sighed. “I had a nightmare.”

“Oh.” She quieted, contemplating my words. “You want to tell me about it?”

“I have no idea where to even begin...”

“Maybe from the start?”

“Smart ass.” I settled my hand under her knees and arranged her body in my arms, then pulled myself up. I placed her on the swing and then sat on the swing next to her.

“When they captured me, I was held in some kind of underground cell. One of my hands was chained to a cuff that was attached to the wall. The first few days, they made me stand up for hours on end. Until I couldn’t feel my legs or hands. Until I couldn’t feel anything. When I was on the brink of unconsciousness, they lowered the chain so I could lie on the ground. The days passed with torture, anguish and misery.” I sucked in a breath. “I won’t get into the gory details. There is no point in tainting you with ugly specifics.” I swallowed hard. “In my dream, I was in that same cell, lying on the floor, and suddenly, a little girl I’d met a long time ago showed up.”

“A little girl?” she asked.

“Yeah. She was the reason I joined in the military in the first place.”

“Really?” She looked up at me with her big green eyes. “Why?”

“I saved her life a long time ago, and ever since then... I could never forget her. And I could not forget how it felt to save someone’s life. The sensation that passed through my veins, the adrenaline and feeling elated that I was able to do that. It was unlike anything I ever felt before. And for a teenage boy, it was a fucking big deal. The beginning of big dreams,” I smiled. “The encounter with her was like a seed that, as time passed by, all of the dreams and aspirations I held inside gave the seed life. And the only thing I could do was to go out there and keep doing that.
Save lives
. Keep people
safe
. At the time, the army was the answer.”

“Whoa, that’s pretty amazing,” she murmured, biting her lip. “I’m curious about something, though.” She seemed nervous.

I nodded, telling her without words to go on.

“If she was the reason you joined... after everything you’ve been through… do you regret that? Do you think that meeting her was a blessing or a curse?”

“A blessing,” I told her immediately. She smiled. “No matter what happened to me out there and how it changed me in the process... I don’t regret anything. Even though I met her only once, she was significant and I couldn’t stop wondering what happened to her.”

“Hey.” She bumped her shoulder with mine, her swing half swiveling in the process. “Little girl or not, I don’t want you to think about any other female besides me,” she said teasingly, but I detected a small part of her vulnerability.

Well, now I felt kinda better for hating her
stranger
. I wasn’t the only one.

“There is no other female in the world that consumes me the way that you do, and there never will be. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Good.”

“She was in my dream today,” I continued. “With her dog.”

“Her... dog?” she repeated, her voice quivering, eyes widening.

“Yeah, she had this little puppy with her and…” I stopped abruptly, seeing Tiny’s expression suddenly morph into alarm. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Oh my god,” she cried out, jumping off the swing. “ACE!”

Ace
.

A feeling of déjà vu hit me. Hard.

A memory started to form in my mind. As the memory broke through, the air left my lungs in a rush. I felt like I’d fallen from a great height, and upon impact with the ground, had the wind knocked out of me.

“Ace! Now it all makes sense!” she half-shouted, as she looked around. “The weird sensation I had earlier – that something was missing. He wasn’t here when we got back to the house! With everything that happened tonight, I completely forgot. Where is he?”

“Where is Ace?” the girl screeched
.

“Ace?” I rasped, but I already suspected the answer.

“Yes! Ace is my dog.”

I drew in a sharp breath. “When you said you’d been saved by a stranger, you used the word
us
. Who did he save?”

“Ace,” she said. She was so worked up, hopping from place to place, so fidgety she barely noticed I was asking her questions while she answered on autopilot.

I got up and marched towards her.

I halted her restless movements, piercing her with my gaze. “Who gave this dog to you, Aria?”

Her eyes widened. It was rare when I called her by her name. “My big brother. Ace was a gift from him just before he died,” she breathed out. “This dog means the world to me.”

“What is your brother’s name?” I rumbled, my whole body shaking.
It wasn’t possible.
It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t possible.
It’s not possible
.

“River.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. “River sent you to me from the sky. Thank you for saving me and Ace.”

Fuck. Me.

It was her.

Tiny was
her
.

I brought our foreheads together, closing my eyes and breathing her in.
My girl was my little girl.
Fuck, I needed a damn minute.

“It’s you,” I whispered out loud.

“Dorian?” She sounded wary.

“I can’t believe I found you.” I opened my eyes, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time.

“Found me?” She looked perplexed, brows furrowed, and eyes cautious. “What are you talking about? I’m here.”

I stared at her for longer than necessary, and then pulled her to me, embracing her tightly in my arms.

“What’s going on?” she mumbled. “You’re scaring me.”

“Just for a moment,” I murmured, burying my head in her neck. “Let me hold you… please. Just for a moment.”

I hugged her closer to me, feeling her body pressed against mine. Remembering our short but meaningful encounter, the years in the army, and unexpectedly, finding her again.
Was it fate bringing us back together?
The story that she told me earlier today, about her stranger. Motherfucker. It was me.
How could I have been so blind?

It was me
. I was her stranger.

And she wanted to
forget
about me.

Like a bucket of ice water had suddenly poured over my head, my heart sank
.
How could I tell her about this? She said I was connected to the darkest day of her life. How could I tell her who I was? How could I tell her I was her stranger?

How did she not realize it was me too?

She was too worried about her dog to pay any attention
,
that’s why
.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but we have to look for Ace. Please,” she said, sounding desperate.

Damn it. With everything that was going on, I completely forgot about his disappearance.

I pulled back to look at her.
Those are eyes I will remember forever
. “We’re gonna find him,” I vowed.

I’d found him once, and damn it, I would find him again.

“Your body is away from me,

but there is a window open

from my heart to yours.”

—
Rumi

A
fter a long, thorough search of the house and after we frantically searched everywhere in the backyard, we noticed that the back gate was halfway open. Feeling motivated for the first time after only coming up empty-handed, we stepped out of the gate and went looking for Ace in the quiet neighborhood.

After lengthy rounds, where we held hands and called out his name in whispers, we finally found him lying on a pile of sand, looking tired and half asleep in the middle of the neighborhood playground.

As soon as Tiny noticed Ace, she rushed to his side and hugged the living shit out of him. Waves of warmth washed over me from watching the amount of love she had for her dog.

Sometime later, after she was done fussing and checking that everything was fine with him, she stood and made the introductions between us.

I couldn’t help but smile. She was adorable.

“Ace, this is Dorian.” She ruffled the dog’s head while pointing at me with her other hand. “Dorian, this is my best friend, Ace.”

The dog had sure grown up since the last time I’d seen him. Older now, he looked like a noble purebred German shepherd with a great deal of gray hairs scattered all over his brown-black fur. He stood proudly next to Tiny, on alert, watching me.

“Listen, he doesn’t really like people, so don’t feel bad if he doesn’t like you. He won’t bite, though, I promise,” she added with a sheepish smile.

“Oookay,” I murmured, then took a step back, keeping a safe distance from the huge beast
.

The dog stared at me, his posture motionless as he stood protectively in front of his owner.
Good dog
. I was satisfied to know that she had him by her side for times I wasn’t close by.

But when I was here – and I planned to be by her side a lot – I had to get along with him.

I took a breath and after a brief internal pep talk, I crouched down, following my instincts. I sat still on my knees, watching him watching me. We stared at each other for a long while in some strange battle for control. I didn’t know a whole lot about dogs, but I knew that I couldn’t show any weakness or fear. When I felt it was time for stage two in my
winning-over-Ace-plan
, I reached out my hand slowly, tentatively toward him, all the while staring straight into his eyes, not daring to avert my gaze. When I was a few inches away from his face, I stopped, praying that I wasn’t making a huge mistake and about to lose a finger. With an open palm in front of his face, I waited. He slowly brought his nose closer to my hand, and then
finally
– sniffed me.

Tiny stood next to me, and from the corner of my eye, I noticed her watching our exchange with stillness.

When Ace was satisfied with sniffing and memorizing my scent, he closed the few inches that kept us apart and touched my hand with his nose. Carefully, I stroked his head. The dog closed his eyes and gave me the permission I needed to pet him. I sighed, and marveled at the softness of his fur.

I heard Tiny gasp, “Holy fucking shit.”

I smiled, pleased with myself that for some insane reason, this dog liked me.
Was it possible that he remembered my scent from so long ago?
No... it wasn’t possible.
Was it?

After I gave him one last gentle stroke and planted a kiss on the crown of his head, I murmured my thanks in his ear, for accepting me and for watching over my girl all those years. Only then, I stood up. Turning towards Tiny, I noticed that she had a strange expression on her face. Her eyes were running between me and Ace while her lips murmured incomprehensible words. She looked like she was connecting all the dots in her head, her eyes clouded and filled with memories.