Unfinished (27 page)

“So what?  Why
did you even come here then?  Did you want to see the poor pathetic girl?  Did
you want to finish me off?  Completely destroy me?  Is that what you wanted? 
Does it make you feel better to see me broken?” I heard the quiver in my voice
and I hated it.

“Honestly, I
don’t know why I am here.  It was a mistake.  All of it,” he said. He leveled
his eyes at me when he spoke and the words cut that much deeper. 

All of it. 

Him and me.

A mistake.

He was still
by the wall, I was still by the chair and the distance between us never felt so
wide. I was fighting so hard not to break down.  I wished for anger.  I needed
the fury that would allow me to get through this moment.  He didn’t deserve my
tears.  

“I don’t even
know who you are right now,” I said finally finding my voice.  He watched me
with that same blank expression, almost as if he were waiting for me to lay in
to him. I was struck with the realization that this was probably the last time
I would see him. 

“You never
knew me. Not really.  If you had, you would have never answered that first
email,” he said coldly.

I stared at
him, trying to find the man I loved, trying to find any part of him in the cold
eyes staring back at me.  But he wasn’t there. I had lost him.  Still, I
couldn’t let him walk away without saying my piece.  If I did, I would regret
it. 

“You can stand
there and tell me that what happened between us wasn’t real. You can be the
asshole if that’s what you need to be.  You can walk out that door and tell
yourself that this was how it had to be, that it’s who you are.  But you’ll be
a liar.  Because this moment has nothing to do with your past, or who you think
you are going to end up becoming.  This is the moment that you choose to be
that person.  This is the moment you choose to be the asshole who can’t have
something real.

“I am not
gonna lie and deny that you’ve broken my heart. You have broken me. But, I
won’t pretend that I never loved you.  And even though you are taking
everything we shared over the years and you’re destroying it, I’m not afraid to
admit that it meant something.  Maybe I am a good girl.  I was good for you and
I would have worked each day to show you who you really are, who I saw, because
that guy was worth it.

“But you
should also know this, Owen.  When you think back about this moment don’t think
I am going to be sitting here broken for you forever.  I had a friend once who
told me not to waste my tears on insensitive assholes, that I was better than
that.  And he was right.  Because I will get past this and I’ll be happy.  And
you’ll still be an asshole with nobody around who really knows you,” I took a
deep breath,  “Now get out of my house and leave me the fuck alone,” I leveled
my gaze at him. He still gave nothing away and it helped me to shut down.

He waited
another moment and then he moved towards the door.  I held my breath as he got
closer and paused beside me. “Goodbye, Ally,” he said, his voice quiet.  And
then he was gone.  The door shut with a finality that hit my heart with a
devastating blow and I sunk to my knees and began to cry.

Epilogue

OWEN

It’s been six
months since I last saw her. Six months since I looked her in the eye and I
lied.  It’s been six months since that night, when I walked out her door,
pulled my car over and sobbed like a baby.  It’s been six months and I’ve spent
each day trying to live through the hurt and become the man that she deserves.

She doesn’t
know that I left my job the day I showed up at her door.  I never told her.
It’s why I showed up that night, to tell her, to ask her to forgive me, to see
if she still wanted me.

Then I saw
that look on her face. I saw the pain that I had put her through and I hated
myself for it.  I would have done anything to take it all back, to be able to
take that look away and the pain there in her eyes. 

But I couldn’t
take it back, so I did the unthinkable.  

I broke her
more.

I broke her
completely.

I saw it
happen and I had to stand there and pretend that it didn’t gut me inside. 

I took the
fragile thread that was holding us together, the hope that I saw in her eyes,
and I snapped it.

I destroyed
us. 

Because I
wasn’t enough. 

I did it for
her. 

I walked away
because she needed something more than I could be. 

That’s what I
told myself. 

That’s what I
tell myself each day. 

But I can’t
pretend anymore.

She is all I
ever needed. 

She is more
than I could ever want. 

And maybe it’s
selfish and maybe I have no hope of ever getting her back, but I know now that
I have to try.

And this time,
I’m going all in.

 
Acknowledgements

I have always been a lover of
words.  They can be so powerful; they break, they heal, they take you on a
journey you never expected. Words have always been my safe place.  I use them
to sort out my problems and fears and now I use them to give life to the
stories in my head.    

I have always wanted to write. 
The number one item on my bucket list was to write a book and send it out into
the world.  It feels really good to know that I have accomplished it.  There
are a lot of people who have helped me along the way and I’d like to take a moment
to say thank you to them.

Leslee for making me send you
that first sample of writing and for pushing me forward every time I doubted
myself. You are the other half of me. You are my person. Forever.

Erin, who at twelve let me walk
around aimlessly and tell her stories for hours.  Now, so many years later you
are still letting me tell you my stories and you are still sending me music to
keep me inspired. 

My family, both by blood and by
design, your support and encouragement are beyond measure.  I am so lucky to be
surrounded by you all.

My beta readers who were the
first strangers I let see the words:  Lisa Greenwood, Anna Chokheli, Angie
Luevano (who gave me my very first review with gifs!!), Ashley Melvin, and Amy
Crull. 

To Ari at Cover it! Designs – I’m
so thankful that I get to use one of your amazing covers!  You are an
exceptional talent.

To Jay, Sam Shem and Debbie for
welcoming me into a team of beautiful women that have changed my life in so
many wonderful ways, I treasure our talks, the pushes to be better and the
support that gives me confidence to jump. 

A special thank you to the
wonderful Jay McLean—I cannot thank you enough for your support, your
encouragement, your friendship and for sharing all of your wonderful words with
me.  You overwhelm me with your kindness and your honesty.  I would slay
dragons for you.   You are more than my Hoover…You are my McLean.

And finally to the man who loves
me through my crazy.  Travis, you are my heart and the forever I never thought
I would be lucky enough to find. Thanks for enduring all things BOOKS!  I owe
you a long cruise in the ’64.