Unforgivable (40 page)

She once thought she’d hated Gary, but it was nothing compared to the way she felt about the man she’d called her husband for seven years. A man she didn’t know at all. She wasn’t going to be intimidated anymore. 

He moved closer. Her fingers tightened around the gun inside the bag. She searched his face and saw only disappointment. 

“You love him, don’t you, Katie? Why couldn’t you love me like that?”

“Ben, please leave. I know you’ve got a lot of things to take care of, and you don’t need to worry about me. You don’t have to be my hero.” She thought of Gary lying in the kitchen. She had to call for help. And she had to find Silas.

He took hold of her arms. “You’re afraid of me, Katie. Why?” She wasn’t sure if he was smiling or grimacing.

She held back all those words about his manipulation and sabotage and said in a calm voice, “I don’t feel like I know you anymore.”

He touched her face, bringing the blood into her line of vision. “Oh, but you do know me, Katie. You do know, don’t you? I can see it in your eyes. Something gave it away. What was it? The tattoo. Yes, that’s it. That might have worked if you weren’t so in love with Silas that you wouldn’t believe me about his killing a woman. I should have figured love would be blind. And you don’t love me, never have, so you’re not blind where I’m concerned.”

It felt as though ashes coated her throat, filled her lungs and the arteries to her heart. Oh, God, what had he just admitted to?
Be calm, play along.
“I did…love you, Ben.”

“I used to think that, but now I’m not so sure. You’re right: you never knew me. No one did. That was the best part of the game.”

Dread mounted with each word he spoke so casually. “It was you, wasn’t it?” she asked.

“Ah, Katie girl, you used to be so quiet and meek, and you believed everything I said. Then you started acting up, seeing Silas on the sly, wearing those ridiculous clothes….So you’re asking me, straight-out, if I’m a killer? As a matter of fact, I am.” He smiled as horror dawned on her face. “I love this part. It’s even better than the sex.”

Even though Ben had her hands gripped in his, she still had the trigger in her grip. She couldn’t have moved at that moment, though, as the truth seeped into her brain and chilled her through. “Why?” was all she could ask.

His smile was even more chilling than his answer: “Because I like it.”

She knew that Silas was dead, knew that if Gary were still alive, he wouldn’t be for long. And she knew she was dead, too.

“How could you live with me and do…that to those women?”

“If you mean the killing part, it’s because I truly enjoy killing. It’s my secret pleasure. Having power over someone’s life is intoxicating. Even better when they beg for their lives and you let them believe, just for a while, that you’re going to let them go. If you mean the sex part, it’s the control that gets me off.” He shook his head in exaggerated movements. “It killed me that the one woman I loved, I couldn’t get excited with. When we married, I tried to go straight, I really did. But it’s addicting. I tried fantasizing for a while to stay hard while we had sex, but even that stopped working. The injury was a stroke of luck, even though it put me out of commission for a while.”

Her whole body was trembling in waves now. “Why didn’t you kill me?”

“Those women weren’t really women to me; they were objects. You were a woman, a person. My wife.”

He’d been fantasizing about murder while having sex with her. It made her stomach ache with disgust. She forced out the words, “And the shoes?”

“To keep me going between my guilty pleasures. I love having something as innocuous as a shoe on the side of the road symbolize sex and violence.”

Silas had been inside his head. It had been Ben’s thoughts and desires that had haunted him. Ben’s darkness hidden under the light he showed the world.

“Why did I start killing women, is that what you’re wondering?” he asked, mistaking the expression on her face. “You’re looking for that one incident, that one reason, aren’t you? Makes it simple that way; easier to digest. Maybe it started with the rejection I experienced as a child, being dumped on the church steps, tied to the door. Or maybe that’s
why
I was tied to the church. All I know is I never liked fluffy, baby chicks—I wanted to kill them. I never wanted to kiss girls—I wanted to hurt them. I learned early on that taking what I wanted, or hurting things I didn’t like, wasn’t acceptable, so I got sneaky about it.”

She felt weak and ravaged inside. Outside, smoke drifted past the window like phantoms. “Did the real Ben Ferguson molest you?”

“That’s when I knew I’d lost you, when you didn’t buy my story hook, line and sinker like you used to. No, he never touched me. I’d hit a dog with my bike, and he drove by and thought I was trying to save it. I went with him to the clinic and helped him. He taught me a lot about respecting animals. After that, I never hurt an animal intentionally.”

“Except for Silas’s dog. And the raccoon.”

“I wanted to hurt Silas the way he’d hurt me. I didn’t like killing his dog. Just like I didn’t enjoy killing Ben. He was a nice man who gave me a second chance. And I tried to take it, I really did. Just like with you. But he caught me at a few lies, and he wouldn’t tolerate it. He was real funny about that. I told him the kid who mowed the lawn was stealing the lawn equipment. I wanted to be the only kid in his world so he wouldn’t be tempted to replace me. I don’t think he believed me. I could feel it, that he was moving away from me. He didn’t believe what I said.” His face had transformed from the cold-steel expression to the scared kid. “I was going to lose my home and the only man who was ever like a father to me,” he whispered.

“So you killed him before he could reject you.”

He only nodded. “It was the first time I’d ever killed someone. It gave me no pleasure. It was a necessary killing.” He blinked in surprise when she pulled the gun out of her bag.

“Take me to Silas. Now.”

Once he was over the surprise, he took on a casual pose. “Katie, you’re not going to shoot me.”

She cocked the hammer. “I will.” All those times Silas had warned her to be ready to shoot someone she knew…how right he’d been. She touched the gold cross he’d given her when he’d warned her about the killer:
It
’
s someone you know.

Ben moved forward to take the gun. She could do this. Squeeze the trigger, hit the wall behind him in warning. Instead, the gun merely clicked. Oh, God, she’d taken the bullets out. He grabbed the gun and tossed it on the bed.

“Katie, I loved you, I really did. You are the only person I ever loved besides the doc.”

She realized something Gary had said. “Where’s Bertrice? You gave her a ride this afternoon.”

“And good thing, too. That’s how I spotted Silas’s vehicle near the barn. Even though I leave no evidence behind, I couldn’t take the chance that he would figure it out. You know, every time I’m around him, he gives me the creeps.”

Because he
’
s in your head,
she wanted to say, but kept it to herself. She tried hard not to think about Silas. “Where’s Bertrice?”

“The fire’s moving in, and it’s time to move on anyway.” He surveyed her. “If I let you go, would you tell on me?”

“No one would believe me, not since you’ve turned everyone against me,” she said, angry that he was giving her hope.

He smiled at her. “All because I loved you, Katie. You can’t blame a man for wanting his wife to himself.”

“As a matter of fact, I can.”

“Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you. Except the killings. Those were just for me. I’m taking the van and heading on down the road.” He tenderly touched her face, but she flinched away from him. “As I was saying, not that anyone will believe you, but you have a choice. See, I’m giving you that choice you say you never had, because I’m such a nice guy.” He waited for her to negate that, but she wasn’t fool enough to incite him. “You could get to town and try to convince someone that I’m the terrible bogey man. They might track me down, they might not. Or you could go to the barn and try to save Silas.”

She sucked in a gasp of air. “He’s alive?”

“If he hasn’t bled to death.” He chuckled softly. “He’s not going anywhere fast. And the fire’s moving in from that direction. So, that’s your choice: try to stop a killer or save your boyfriend.” He pinched her chin hard. “How selfish are you going to be, Katie girl?”

She was frozen as he casually walked to the door. He turned around, looked at her. “I would never hurt you. You believe me, don’t you?”

He
had
hurt her, and no, she didn’t believe him. She wanted to play along with him, nod her head, but she couldn’t move. He was pleased by her response—or lack of it—anyway. He smiled and walked out the door.

She ran to the dresser drawer to find the bullets she’d removed. They weren’t there. She would have shot him, she was sure of it. Because she remembered something from Silas’s books: serial killers don’t stop killing unless they’re caught or they die.

She ran to the front room in time to see Ben pulling out of the driveway in their van. She ran back to the kitchen and checked on Gary. He was alive, but still unconscious. She grabbed for the phone, but somehow expected only silence. He’d probably cut the lines when he’d returned. Ben wasn’t a fool. Which meant…

She ran outside to find Gary’s Explorer. Gary had parked on the side of the house so she wouldn’t see it when she returned from Silas’s. The hood was up, and inside, wires were dangling loose. The radio was smashed. She tried to start the vehicle anyway, but knew it wouldn’t start.

She glanced down the driveway. Ben was right; she might be able to run to town and find someone to alert, but they’d never believe her. Tate and Harold had virtually ignored her earlier. She glanced behind the house, where smoke drifted through the woods. Silas was there; she was pretty sure she could remember how to reach the barn, though it could take more than an hour to get there. She probably had only a couple more hours of daylight left. 

Ben could be lying about him being alive. It was a possibility she couldn’t ignore.

She already knew she’d have to take that chance.

CHAPTER  22

The smoke was disorienting, but Katie managed to find the barn. She heard sirens in the distance and the whir of a helicopter over the trees’ canopy. Help was right there, and yet so far away.

And Ben, where was he? Long gone or waiting somewhere for her? Playing his games?

Her heart hurt from fear, and her chest hurt from breathing smoke. She had prayed the entire way, and now she’d find out if those prayers had paid off. The door was padlocked. She called Silas’s name, hoping he was well enough to respond. No answer. She walked around the barn, telling herself she was looking for other ways inside and not for Ben. When she came around to the door again, she noticed it was only repositioned to look as though it were still intact. It had already been broken in.

She shoved the door open and peered into the gloominess. The first thing she saw once her eyes adjusted was the bed Ben had mentioned. Silas wasn’t lying on it cuffed to the railing. She searched the back corners of the barn, and then turned toward the front portion. What she saw shattered her heart…and caved in her insides.

Silas was nailed to the wall.

A guttural sound escaped her mouth. She fought the urge to turn away. There was a spike driven through the palm of each hand, just like Jesus Christ’s crucifixion. Blood oozed from a gash on the side of his head, another eerie resemblance. He was lying on the floor, his head leaning against the wall. She rushed forward and dropped to her knees at his side. 

“Silas, please don’t be dead. You can’t die yet, we’ve got too much unfinished business between us.” His pulse was a lot thinner than Gary’s had been. Ben had probably hit Silas with the pipe too, and then nailed him to the wall after he was unconscious. Thank God for that last part anyway.

After a desperate search, she found an old hunting knife tucked beneath the springs on the bed frame. “Oh, God, oh, God,” she said, standing in front of him contemplating her next task. There wasn’t time to be squeamish or gentle about it, though. She knelt before him and pried the stake out of one hand, then the other. Blood had dripped down his arms. Having them nailed at head level may have saved him from bleeding to death. She kept talking through the whole ordeal. She took off her white blouse and ripped the sleeves off with help from the dull edge of the knife. She wrapped each hand in one sleeve and put her blouse back on.

“Silas, hang in there. You were right, so right, and I was such an idiot. With all your charts, you must have figured out where he put the women he’d taken. I know everything now. I was married to a killer. And now I’m letting him get away, but I had no choice.”

Her voice got louder and louder as she worked, and when he finally slumped over, she sounded nearly hysterical. There wasn’t time for hysterics, though. She gently tapped his face and called his name.

Slowly his eyes opened, though they weren’t focused at all. His pupils were dilated. No way was she getting him to walk back to her house. Wait! His vehicle had to be there somewhere. Unless Ben sabotaged it as he had Gary’s Explorer.

“You think about coming around while I find your car. I’ll be right back.”

She stopped at the door. What if Ben was waiting until she left Silas for a minute? He liked letting them think he was going to let them go. She couldn’t forget that, not ever. 

She turned back and found him out cold again. “Silas! No time to sleep now! Dammit, come back to me!” She kissed his slack lips hard. “We’ve got to go, and no way can I carry you out of here.”

She waited some of the longest moments in her life until his eyes slowly opened again. They still weren’t focused. He started to lift his hands to see them, but she held his wrists down. Blood seeped through the white cotton bandages. “It’s not pretty, believe me. Keep your hands pressed together. We’ve got to get you and Gary to a hospital. Silas, please get up. I need you, more than I’ve ever needed you. Help me get you out of here.”