Unknown (Hooked Book 3) (6 page)

Logan’s eyes fell closed for a second. When they reopened, he looked so fucking sad it ate Malik’s gut. “I don’t want to be married to someone who hates me.”

Malik pushed his plate aside. He had said that. His stomach churned. “I didn’t mean it.”

“You can’t take it back. No matter what you do or say, you can never sweep those words under the rug. They’re permanently etched into my brain, slowly killing me… just as you hoped they would.”

“Look, I know I’ve done a lot of horrible things—”

Logan shook his head. “Don’t do that,” he said, cutting off Malik’s impending apology. “You’ve always had these beautiful dreams. When we met, I wanted nothing more than to be at your side as they became reality. You’re not wrong for wanting a better life. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I never wanted that. One of these days you’ll find someone who isn’t as needy as I am. They’ll be all about watching you win at any cost.” Logan swallowed and dropped his gaze to the table as if the thought was killing him on the inside. “I can’t be that person.”

“You’re wrong.”

Logan’s gaze never left the table. A sad smile touched his lips, breaking Malik’s heart. “Don’t feed me lies now, Malik. You’ve already rubbed it in my face that you’ve slept with other people. Please don’t act like you’ll never find anyone else after that.”

This wasn’t going at all how he’d planned. He’d known it wouldn’t be easy to win Logan back, but this was getting ugly. “That’s not what I meant, and I haven’t slept with anyone else.” Logan went from focusing on the table to a spot on the wall beside them. Otherwise, Malik had no idea if Logan believed a word he said. Most likely not. That was a conversation for another time. Today, he needed Logan to understand why he’d done the things he had. “I haven’t been killing myself because I have some dream to be a champ tomorrow. I did it for you.”

Logan’s eyes fell closed again. “Oh, baby. That makes it so much worse.”

Malik sighed. “Just hear me out, okay.”

Logan finally focused on him and nodded. “Okay.”

“You took that manager’s position at the restaurant and I could see how tired you were getting of having to travel. I didn’t like having to go places without you, and I was scared shitless it would finally drive a wedge between us. But I still had this dream I couldn’t shake. I thought if I could get to the top right away, then I could stop having to constantly go out of town without you.” Malik smiled at the rose-colored dreams he’d had for their marriage. “So many times I pictured being up under your feet all hours of the day, driving you nuts. People would know my name, and I’d have the best of all worlds. Everything I wanted out of life—you and the title. But the harder I worked at it, the faster everything slipped away. Then you were gone, and I no longer cared if I lived or died. Maybe a big part of me hoped I would die.” Malik’s eyes fell closed, and when they reopened, he found Logan watching him with zero judgement in his gaze. The confession fell from his lips with ease as if it hadn’t been his greatest secret. “Actually, all of me hoped I’d die every time I stepped in the ring.”

Logan’s eyes welled with tears, and he dropped his gaze once more.

Malik hated this. “I used to make you smile,” Malik said, incapable of speaking above the whisper under the weight of his pain. “When was the last time you smiled and meant it?”

Logan sniffed. “Eight months, four days, and…” He glanced at his watch. “Seven hours ago.”

It was one of the saddest moments of Malik’s life, because he knew the exact moment Logan referred to. They’d kissed. It had been innocent. That is, until Malik had gone for Logan’s zipper as if they hadn’t been in the middle of the grocery store. He could still hear Logan’s laughter. No one else made him forget where he was the way Logan did.

*

Logan set his elbow on the table with his arm up and palm open, silently inviting Malik to take his hand. Malik leaned forward and matched Logan’s pose. Their palms met. For a moment they sat like that, absorbing the sensation of their hands flattened against one another before Logan laced his fingers through Malik’s. It wasn’t enough. Logan set his other elbow on the table and took Malik’s free hand. Their gazes held.

A million thoughts ran through Logan’s head. They jumbled in his throat in the race to say something powerful enough to save them. He wanted to beg for Malik’s forgiveness. Equally, he wished everything was different. He needed Malik to understand he’d take it all back, if he could. Instead, Logan settled on the one fact that had always remained true.

“You are the greatest love of my life. I don’t want—”

“Oh my God.” The loud screech brought all the eyes in the restaurant their way as Logan’s mom and dad appeared at the edge of their table. “I told your dad that was you, but he told me to quit staring.”

“Hey mom,” Logan said, moving over a seat so she could sit down. Even though she was only four-foot eleven and three-quarter inches—her calculations, not Logan’s—Logan didn’t doubt she could push him aside with pure enthusiasm.

“Scooch over there, son,” Logan’s dad, Karl, said, forcing Malik over to the next chair. Malik dutifully moved. “We haven’t seen you in a while,” he added, not bothering to hide the lecturing tone.

Malik glanced Logan’s way, as if searching for help. “Yeah, I moved up a weight class a while back. Starting at the bottom again means traveling more.”

Logan found Malik’s legs beneath the table and ran his foot up the man’s inner thigh. Malik’s eyes flashed dangerously, letting Logan know he’d pay.

Karl released a barrel laugh—one that always surprised everyone. He was small, barely five-eight and one hundred fifty pounds, but he laughed like a man twice his size. More eyes moved their way.

“I know y’all are out of the honeymoon stage, but you best not be neglecting my boy. What I said at the wedding still stands.”

Malik’s mouth lifted in one corner. A dimple peeked out. No doubt, everyone remembered Logan’s father’s speech at the wedding. He’d sworn to wear Malik’s balls around his neck if Malik ever hurt Logan. When Logan’s mom, Annabelle, had pointed out Malik had seven inches and sixty pounds on him, Karl hadn’t hesitated in saying he knew people. Who his dad supposedly knew was anyone’s guess, but Logan had appreciated it either way.

“Don’t worry, sir. Logan is my oxygen. It would kill me if anything bad happened to him.”

Annabelle sighed. “Y’all are so cute. It makes me smile just looking at you. When can I expect a visit?”

It was Logan’s turn to shoot Malik a look, seeking help. Malik didn’t let him down.

“I have training scheduled on Friday and Saturday, but I’m free on Sunday if you don’t have plans then.”

“Oh, shoot. We have to go to Karl’s sister’s that day. Maybe I’ll just call you and we’ll figure out something soon. If nothing else, y’all have birthdays right around the corner and we’ll do something for you both then.” Since Malik’s birthday was two weeks after Logan’s, his mom had taken to celebrating them at the same time. Logan had been dreading the hell out of it since he figured that would be his cutoff date. He’d have to tell his mom before she planned another party that he’d split from Malik. Now, he didn’t know what to do.

“Anyhow,” Annabelle continued without encouragement, “I just wanted to say hi, since we’re all here, but y’all look so adorable, I think we’ll leave you to it.” After pushing to her feet, Annabelle kissed them on the cheek and Karl gave one arm hugs before moving back to their table across the room. It was almost funny how they hadn’t been that far apart, but Logan hadn’t seen anyone other than Malik.

As soon as they were gone, Logan focused his attention on Malik once more. “Looks like we’re having another birthday party soon.”

Malik took Logan’s hand and held on. He was steady and unwavering. It always melted Logan’s heart. “No matter what you decide about us, I’ll be there. You can tell them what you want when you’re ready.”

Logan’s tongue shot out, moistening his lips. Nerves set in like never before. “I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready,” Logan admitted. “It’s as you said, even if we’re never together again, I don’t know that I’ll ever let go. I know it’s unreasonable and stupid, but you’re the one.” Logan had to stop to clear his throat. When he’d married Malik, he hadn’t considered this scenario. “No one tells you this,” Logan said, hearing the pain in his voice and incapable of stopping it. “Everyone is always searching for a soulmate, but no one tells you what happens if you lose one.” Tears filled Logan’s eyes against his will. “There’s no emergency plan in place for this. No instruction manual. There’s only this gaping hole where you used to be. Not only do I not know how to fill it, I don’t want to. So, yeah, as to your earlier suggestion, I’d rather not get divorced. Just promise you’ll never hate me, okay?”

“You look so much like your mom. It shocks me every time.”

Logan’s heart sank. “You’re dodging.”

“It’s the eyes,” Malik added. “Not only are they shaped the same, they’re the same exact color. Maybe a bit of the smile too. Her red hair doesn’t match, but you did inherit a few of her freckles. Right across the bridge of your nose,” Malik added with a sexy smile.

With every word Malik spoke, Logan’s sense of dread increased. “I guess I have your answer.”

“I won’t hate you,” Malik said, bringing Logan’s fears up short before completely crushing him. “I’ll hate me. Well, I’ll hate me more, I suppose, since that ship has already sailed.”

Logan felt sick.

“You’re short like her too. Well, not that short, but definitely shorter than me,” Malik added, changing the subject once more. “It’s sexy. It makes me want to do sexy, bad things to you.”

“You know I’ve always loved your split personality.”

A sad smile passed over Malik’s features. “I’m not lost,” Malik said, sounding so fucking sincere it ate at Logan’s gut. “No one can tell you how to lose me because I’m not going anywhere. There’s no reason for me to hate anyone, because we’re not over. I refuse to let us be over.” The sureness in Malik’s voice made it sound like nothing would touch Logan. “You ready to get out of here?”

“Please?” Logan couldn’t hide his relief. His skin felt raw, and he was positive everyone was staring at him. Even though Logan wasn’t ready to leave Malik’s company, he really needed some silence. Maybe they just needed to be.

*

A strange sensation built in Malik’s chest. It took him a while to figure out what it was. He hadn’t known an ounce of real hope in so goddamn long it was almost impossible to recognize. Now, Logan had said all the things Malik needed to hear. He knew now Logan hurt the same as Malik did. The knowledge left him torn. He didn’t want Logan to hurt, but, yeah, he kind of did. Now, he was an inch closer to winning Logan back, and other ideas snuck in. How far would Logan go tonight? Would he go to bed alone? Could he taste the man’s lips? He told himself he wouldn’t press that he’d gotten more out of tonight than anticipated already. As his palms landed on the roof of Logan’s car, on either side of Logan’s body, and boxing the man in, all those speeches disappeared. The way Logan stared at Malik’s mouth went far at blanking Malik’s mind, making him animalistic. It sounded in his voice when he spoke.

“I know you don’t usually kiss on the first date, but I’m hoping you’ll make an exception.”

Logan’s gaze never wavered from Malik’s lips. “Is that what this was? A first date?”

Malik nodded.

Logan still wouldn’t look away from Malik’s mouth, almost as if he could already taste him. “What are you doing to me, Malik? There’s nothing left of me for you to destroy, if that’s your plan.”

Regret slammed into Malik. “I’m sorry. It’s like I can’t stop myself from always trying for more.”

Flattening his palms against the roof of Logan’s car, Malik moved to push himself away. If he didn’t force himself to leave Logan there, it might not ever happen. Malik almost made it. His shirt tightened across his back as Logan held onto the front. Before hope truly had time to build in his chest, Logan went up on his toes and claimed Malik’s mouth. Time stopped. All thought fled. Malik lost the ability to do anything other than feel. Love choked him. It had been so horribly long since he’d tasted this man who was his whole world. How had he survived it? Even Malik didn’t know. The way their tongues clashed and the way Logan tasted that was Malik’s heaven.

No one kissed the way Logan did—like worship. There’d been other people before Logan—people who’d made him feel wanted. No one else made him feel both desired and cherished. Their tongues brushed almost sweetly as if neither of them wanted it to end. They were one. The backs of Malik’s eyes burned. If Logan didn’t come home, Malik wouldn’t survive it.

Moisture touched his cheeks, and Malik realized Logan was crying. It took him a moment longer to realize, Logan wasn’t the only one. They weren’t meant to be apart. It was unnatural. How had they ended up here—broken? Malik held Logan tighter. “Tell me what you want,” Malik begged. “I’d give you anything. I don’t have to ever step foot in the ring again if I have you.”

Logan’s breath came out on a stutter. “That’s not what I want. That’s exactly why I left.”

“Then how do I fix us? I need to fix us.”

Logan shook his head, as if he had no more of a clue than Malik, but he still answered. “Make me love you without hating myself for resenting your dreams. It used to be that way, and then one day it was just gone. I haven’t liked myself in so fucking long.”