Unlovable (47 page)

“
You kept me sedated for 30
hours?”

“
No, I only gave you two
injections. One the first night, and one the next morning because
you were still thrashing about and crying out in your sleep. Your
body kept you asleep the rest of the time.” She dropped her
beet-red face back into her bandaged hands, even her ears were red.
“Don’t worry, the headache should be gone by tomorrow,” Cole
assured her.

“
Thank you,” she said
through my fingers.

She still looked fragile. I wished we
knew the whereabouts of Alan, I wanted this entire mess behind us.
I wanted Maggie to be able to move on with her life.

Gathering my blue robe around her
shoulders, I helped her off the bed. “Come, I’ll make you something
to eat and get you some aspirin, but first, I need to hold you.”
She sank readily into my arms.

35

Maggie

“
So what exactly was in the
plastic bags?” I tugged nervously at the sash on Seth’s robe, not
wanting to hear the answer.

“
Heroin, mostly.” I hung my
head as Booker continued. “We dusted the bags for fingerprints and
the closet ceiling as well. Your mother’s prints weren’t on any of
it.”

“
Really?” The news seemed to
soften the blow of her death somewhat.

“
Really. We did find
Hoffman’s though, along with those we assume are the Dreser’s. We
arrested Hoffman, and he spilled his guts.” Booker flashed me his
signature grin. “He said he would feed your mother vodka until she
passed out, then stuff the drugs in her closet. She didn’t know
anything about it. He used your home to hide it so if he was ever
busted, there were no drugs at his place to implicate him in the
heroin ring.”

“
He claimed he had no idea
where Dreser was,” Seth said. “He offered to try and find out for
us if we gave him complete immunity.”

“
Did you say
yes?”

“
Not complete immunity.
Three to five years if he’ll turn state’s evidence against Dreser.
Of course, once he’s in prison, he’ll be dead within six months for
testifying against a smuggler’s son. Thieves don’t take well to
rat-finks.” Seth shrugged casually.

My mom wasn’t involved! I felt as if a
huge weight had been lifted off my chest. In my excitement, I took
the last steps rather quickly and sent pain rippling through my
head. “Okay. Killer headache!”

“
I’ll make you some toast,”
Seth said after I sat down at the table. Booker and Cole sat down
next to me. They stared at me is if I were about to explode, and if
they looked away they’d miss it.

Seth set the toast, milk and two
aspirin down in front of me, along with a napkin. “Thanks.” I took
the aspirin and ate the toast while Seth cooked up some scrambled
eggs.

“
Ah, seen any good movies
lately?” I asked, finishing the milk, their stares were unnerving.
Seth was the only one to laugh. He set a huge plate of eggs down on
the table and pulled up a chair alongside me.

“
How’s the
headache?”

“
Still alive and kicking.” I
inhaled the entire plate of eggs within minutes. Seth poured me a
second glass of milk, which I drained too.

“
Wow, guess I was pretty
hungry. You’d think I hadn’t eaten in a week, or 30 hours anyway.”
I and I alone laughed. With my slightly shaky hand, I wiped the
milk moustache off my face with the napkin.

“
I’m okay, guys, really I
am. You can stop worrying,” I said softly.

Cole scooted closer and took my hand.
“I’m sorry for staring at you, professional habit.” He squeezed
gently. “I have to get going, I’m taking over for Dr. Taylor in an
hour.” I thanked him again as he and Seth walked out the
door.

“
Aren’t you going to thank
me, Magpie?” Booker asked, sitting down in the chair vacated by
Cole. “After all, I was the one who
moused
up from behind and tackled you
to the ground.”

We both laughed at his little cat
reference. “Thanks, Book.” I thought to tell him I was going to
give the glass chards to Cole right before he tackled me, but
decided I didn’t really want to talk about the embarrassing
incident ever again.

I peered up into his eyes. They were
still heavy with sorrow despite the smile on his mouth. I placed my
hand on his. “How are you doing?”

“
About as good as you
are.”

“
I’ll bet you didn’t go
mental on everyone.”

“
No, I didn’t do that,” he
laughed again, “and I’ll second what Cole said upstairs. Please
don’t doubt how much you’re loved. I love your spirit, and I love
your inner-strength, notwithstanding the other night, you’re one
strong young woman. I’m also grateful for the way you love Seth.
He’s like a brother to me, I’m glad he has you.” He ran a hand over
my hair and flipped it everywhere, causing my head to throb again.
“I guess that makes me your big brother.”

“
My very annoying big
brother.”

He took my hands carefully in his.
“You and me, we’re going to get through this. If you need anything,
please call.” He stood up and pulled me into his arms hugging me
tight. “I love you, Magpie.”

“
I love you too, Book.” I
held his arm as he pulled away. “Will you promise me
something?”

“
Anything,” he said without
hesitation.

“
Promise me you’ll protect
Seth. Promise me you’ll do whatever it takes, short of dying
yourself, to keep him alive. Please?”

“
There’s no need to make
such a promise,” he scoffed. “He’s more than capable of taking care
of himself. I do promise to do all I can to keep you alive
though.”

“
Promise me if you have to
choose between saving his life over mine, you’ll protect him
first.” He wouldn’t answer. “You of all people can understand why
I’m asking this.”

“
You need protection, not
Seth,” he reiterated.

“
Please,” I begged once. He
pulled me back into his arms and held me tight for several seconds.
He dropped his mouth to my ear and said softly, “I promise.” When
he pulled away, I caught him wiping his cheek.

I held up my little finger. “Pinky
swear?”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t you think
I’m a little too old for a pinky swear?”

“
You are never too old for a
pinky swear.” I wiggled my little finger, and he grudgingly wrapped
his around mine. “Remember this is eternally binding, there’s no
backing out on a pinky swear.”

“
I never back out on a
promise, or a pinky swear,” he said, trying not to laugh. Seth
walked in as we dropped our hands.

“
I have to go also,” Booker
said, walking to the door, “Hoffman gave us an address for Dreser
half an hour ago, and the chief issued a search warrant for the
place. I’m thinking a three A.M. wakeup call’s in order.” He
smiled. “Glad you’re doing better, Magpie.” He waved his little
finger as he left.

“
What’s the little finger
wave all about?” Seth asked, encircling me in his arms.

“
I love you with all my
heart and soul,” I said, ignoring his question. He drew me up tight
and kissed me. My pounding head pounded a bit harder, I didn’t
mind.

“
I love you and always
will,” he vowed.

“
I’m sorry about what I put
you through the past few days, you deserve better.” A yawn escaped
my lips. How in the world can I possibly be tired after sleeping
for 30 hours?

“
Bedtime.” He took my hand
and led me up the stairs. I climbed into bed, and as he tucked the
blankets around me, I pulled his mouth to mine for a long tender
kiss good night.

I didn’t wake until noon the next day,
and just as Cole promised, my narcotic headache was gone. I took a
quick shower and brushed my teeth, it felt good to be clean again.
Seth was finishing some homework at the kitchen table when I came
down.

“
Good morning,” he said,
pulling me onto his lap.

“
Good afternoon,” I
corrected him.

“
I have to head over to the
police station to take care of some paperwork, I’ll only be gone a
few hours. Cole is on his way over to stay with you. How’s your
headache?”

“
Fine, and I don’t need a
babysitter.” I stood up and folded my arms in front of
me.

“
I know you don’t.” A knock
at the back door, was followed by a familiar “Hello.”

“
Hey, Cole,” Seth said,
putting his books away.

“
How are you,
Maggie?”

“
I don’t need a babysitter.”
He laughed. I was glad he found it humorous.

“
I’m not here to babysit
you, I want to give you a quick check up and remove the bandages
from your hands. I also need to talk to you about some
things.”

And it was the perfect excuse for Seth
not to leave me alone in case I had another melt down.

Seth made his goodbyes as Cole pulled
out a stethoscope from his little black bag. He gave me a quick
once over, asked a few embarrassing questions aimed at my mental
state, and removed the gauze bandages from my hands, replacing them
with a few less-noticeable bandages, before giving me a clean bill
of health. I was tucking in my shirt when I noticed a bandage on
his index finger that wasn’t there last night.

“
What did you do?” I asked,
pointing to the bandage.

“
I shut my finger in the car
door this morning and lost part of the nail,” he shrugged. I
winced. “Doesn’t hurt,” he assured me.

“
Maggie, I’d like to talk to
you about something. First, if I cross any lines here, I apologize.
Some things you said the other night have haunted me these past few
days, and I only want to help.”

“
I thought you said my
breakdown was mostly from lack of sleep.”

“
I believe it was, but I
also believe there are some other factors that played a part in it,
such as the years of emotional abuse you’ve suffered.” He put his
ice-cold stethoscope back into the bag and pulled out some
pamphlets, handing me one.

“
Maggie, living with an
addict of any kind is seldom easy, and it’s not uncommon for
someone to become co-dependent.”

Co-dependent, I was familiar with the
term having learned about it once in my tenth grade health class. I
browsed through the pamphlet, realizing that while I didn’t have
all the signs listed, I certainly had some, like: minimizing, or
denying true feelings, perceiving yourself as unlovable, judging
yourself too harshly, or as never good enough, and untrusting.
Okay, so maybe I was a little co-dependent.

“
I’ve seen people suffer
their entire lives in silence,” Cole said. “And I’ve seen others
turn to the very addictions that caused the co-dependency in the
first place to try and deal with their problems.”

“
Have you heard of Al-Anon?”
I nodded my head. “Then you know that it’s a support group for
families, relatives and friends of those whose lives have been
affected by someone else’s drinking problem. There’s also a group
called Ala-teen, which is basically the same thing, only it’s
geared toward teenagers. I'm not sure which you might be interested
in so here are some brochures for both.”

Okay, total humiliation.

“
Maggie, I don’t want you to
go through life believing your mother didn’t love you. She did,
very much, her addiction masked who she really was. There was
nothing you could have done to change her, only she could have done
that. I feel these support groups will help you come to terms with
your mother, and they’ll help you wrap your mind around what
happened to you while growing up. You’re not to blame for her
problem.”

“
So if I go to these
meetings, I won’t freak out again?” I asked, trying to believe he
didn’t think I was a complete nut.

“
I don’t think you’re going
to,
freak out
again, as you put it. You were exhausted and had just buried
your mother, add to that everything else you’ve been through the
past couple months,” he said, “a lot happened in a very short
period of time. I’m hoping you and Seth will talk about this and
get started right away. There are meetings almost every night at
the hospital, and I think they’ll be a tremendous help.”

I studied him for a moment. “You’re
afraid I’m going to transfer my co-dependence onto Seth, aren’t
you?”

“
It’s a learned pattern, it
wouldn’t surprise me if you did.”

He was probably right, I didn’t want
to be this way anymore. It was draining, unfulfilling, and clearly
not healthy. I needed to heal myself, and this sounded like the
best way for me to do it.

“
Thanks, Cole.”

“
You’re welcome. Now, Seth
has a basketball standard just sitting in the driveway, begging to
be knocked around. How about we shoot some hoops?”

“
I stink at
basketball.”

“
Good, so do I. Seth and
Booker beat me every time. We’ll be the perfect match up,” he
grinned.