Unorthodox Therapy (41 page)

Katie looked hesitant as to whether she should tell me more. I must have really looked like death. That was how I felt, anyway, like I was in the process of a slow, painful death.

“Let me at least get you a glass of water.”

“Katie, please, what the hell is going on?” Despair was choking me and tears brimmed over in my eyes.

“Lina, I know it's difficult, but try not to have a heart attack.” Clearly, Katie realized how silly her words sounded and immediately cut to the chase. “The e-mail arrived this morning at about 4am, and all the images in it are of you... in a similar pose.”

She avoided looking at my eyes and the horror choked me even harder. “Everyone at the company has recieved it, as well as some of our biggest clients. The phone hasn't stopped ringing ever since I arrived this morning. I told them you'd get in touch as soon as possible.”

About a week before, I’d had a terrible nightmare. Thomas had tied me up in the dungeon with a blindfold on and whispered he had a surprise for me. There was no sound except for his echoing footsteps and my voice begging him to come back. Who knew how long I'd been alone in the darkness, sobbing, close to falling unconscious. When someone finally ripped the covering from my eyes, I was faced with his cruel smile and a crowd of people from the company. He pointed at me and called out to them,

“Take a good look at your boss. Isn't she formidable? See the pathetic slut you're all working for.”

Who would ever have suspected my dreams were prophecies?

I’d woken up in tears, screaming at the top of my lungs. My body was numb and I couldn't stop shaking while he held me tight in his traitorous arms. “It was just a dream, pet. You know I'd never do that to you.”

Katie brought me another glass of water, as if the cold drink could ease the pain twisting my insides, tearing at me. Or help me remove the knife sticking out of my back. It only refreshed the acid taste in my mouth and helped me climb out of my catatonia. It just increased the pain I was in.

“Thank you, Katie,” I muttered and forced myself to get up from her chair. The movement made the nausea resurface, but staying in the same spot would mean death to me. “Hold all calls and tell everyone I'm in a meeting.”

While I trudged my way into the office, my feet felt heavy as if they were made of lead. Katie wasn't used to being so helpless and called after me.

“Is there anything else I can do, Lina? Can I get you a pill or something stronger? You look horrible. Maybe you should visit a doctor?”

I placed my hand on the door handle and turned around to her with insane laughter, dangerously close to hysteria.

“How about some scotch and a gun?”

What a nice wrap of the Lina Riley Lifetime Project. A successful career as an IT entrepreneur, an empty emotional life followed by a disgraceful plunge and a murder – suicide. Before Katie could show more of her sisterly concern, I opened the door and slammed it behind me with a little more force than I intended.

Much to my dismay, I spent the first hour at work lying on the couch curled in a ball, just staring at a point ahead of me. The shock hadn't completely cleared my mind. I wasn't even able to cry. The phone kept ringing and the sound of e-mail notification alerts on my laptop wouldn't stop beeping every few minutes. I wasn't ready to face the music and ignored them all. If only there was some way to switch myself off forever.

Well, there was. It wouldn't need a gun. Several handfuls of pills and copious amounts of hard liquor would do the job just fine. Just an hour and I could be untouchable by all earthly worries. Angry customers, a board of directors, public disgrace, backstabbing boyfriends – none of it would matter. Lina Riley would leave an empire behind, as well as a beautiful corpse. Rise and fall, love, lust, and tragedy. What more could one ask of their life story?

I shook my head and got up from the couch. My feet were still shaking. The nausea was gone, replaced by my oldest friend. The one that had always helped me out of the swamp. My raw determination. Falling asleep forever would be a coward's way out. Wallowing in pain and self-pity would feel good for a short time. I could always indulge in them later. It was time for war and sacrifice.

The first step was to look at the pictures that had provoked the chaos. I sat behind my desk and opened my e-mail client. The notorious message from 4am was flagged as important. The sender was anonymous and the e-mail was encrypted. My hand trembled on the mouse when I clicked on the attachment icons. For a short moment, the hope it could have been a misunderstanding overwhelmed me. It was soon crushed, though, as I went through the images.

I wished I could say I was entirely a victim of Thomas's manipulation and this was the first time I’d seen those photographs, but it would have been just as bad as stuffing myself with pills and whiskey until death took me away.

I'd given my consent for Thomas to take pictures of me in the dungeon about a month ago. He claimed he wanted to remind himself of his beautiful pet when we were apart. My lover persuaded me with tender reassurance that no one else would ever see the pictures, that they would be just for us to enjoy and savor. I was also curious to really look at myself in my times of total submission.

Thomas promised he'd make sure those files were protected and he'd only store them on his home computer.

I cupped my face and dragged my nails across my skin in some attempt at self-punishment. Had it all been a lie? Was he faking the whole time just to disgrace me? Did he orchestrate it all to gain my trust so the final blow would be lethal?

It didn't matter. The man I fell in love with, my Master, lover and best friend, turned out to be just a lying, cheating scumbag. Like all of them. The difference was that this time, my heart was bleeding with his betrayal.

It's no time to cry
, I repeated to myself and pulled my phone out of my purse.

There were at least 15 missed calls and several texts from Thomas.

“Please, call me ASAP. It's not what it seems!”

“Lina, are u there? Are u OK? Please, talk to me.”

One of the last ones was screaming in capitals.
“I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!”

In other circumstances, I'd have found it amusing. They all said the same clichés when they were caught with their pants down, but my ability to laugh was gone, drowned in agony. I pushed the phone away, not even bothering to respond. He would never deceive me again. ChaosTech Solutions took priority over my messed-up emotions and shattered heart.

The reactions in the different e-mails I’d received varied from indignation to confusion. By the time I finished reading the first two, my head was pounding. My death wish moment was over but perhaps some scotch would really not be such a bad idea.

So Thomas had sent the disgraceful images to the company mailing list as well as to clients from an anonymous e-mail address. However, things wouldn't be so bad, if no one spread them via Facebook and the rest of the social medias platforms. We had some more conservative clients, but with some of my persuasion skills, data of the successful rates and provided there was no leak into the public domain, the damage could be superficial. Just when I started searching the web, my cell phone buzzed again. At first, I thought it was Thomas but then my heart froze in my chest. The call was from the last person I wanted to deal with in my fragile emotional state.

My plan was to cave in today and figure out a strategy. Any confrontation could be fatal. However, it would be bad to shut myself off from the world and be the last to learn of a potential takeover.

James Douglas, my beloved vice president – greasy, old school type of businessman who had been the thorn in my side forever, like most of the board of directors. I laughed as I thought how close I'd been to getting rid of him forever.

“Hello, Lina. What a highly unpleasant situation you've found yourself in. I've had several less than polite conversations with Solar Media representatives this morning. You've been virtually untraceable. I expected better of you, young lady, but I didn't expect you to throw such a bomb at us either.” As if the week wasn't shitty enough, he also had to drill my nerves with his annoying voice and condescending attitude.

“Don't worry, James.” I closed my eyes and breathed in to calm down. “I'm preparing a public statement and will personally talk to–”

“Lina, I'm afraid it won't be enough. Several clients are considering withdrawing from ChaosTech Solutions. We need to have a boardroom meeting and make a decision on what to do about your... situation. Unless, of course, you decide to do the reasonable thing and resign.”

“You know me better than that, James. Do you seriously think I'd forfeit without a fight because of some dirty pictures? You’ll have to work harder if you plan to kick me out.”

“No one wants to kick you out, as you less than elegantly stated.” James snorted. “You can always stay as a silent partner. We'd get to keep our clients without much noise.”

“Forgive me for not being excited by the idea of being a voiceless soul in the company I built from scratch,” I said as calmly as possible.

“I'm not sure you have a choice, Lina. We're calling a meeting on Friday and there will be a vote for your dismissal as a CEO. You'd better be prepared, miss.”

Keep calm. Keep calm. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you angry.

“I'll defend myself.”

“Your funeral, dear Lina. If I were you, I'd consider my resignation. The board members aren't impressed with your... artistic performance.”

“Then I guess I'll see you in the boardroom,” I said with a saccharine voice while clutching the desk with my free hand. I wished it was his throat. “It will be an enlightening experience.”

James laughed, convinced of his pathetic, slimy victory.

“You'll receive an official notification, missy.” If I sued this waste of space for each time he was inappropriate or politically incorrect, I'd have wasted my whole life in court rooms. “Don't say I didn't warn you.”

“Ah, James, the voice of reason always speaks through you.” My voice turned sickly sweet and drenched with sarcasm. How lovely it would be to crush his balls in one smooth move. Not yet. “Have a nice day and you may let the rest of the boys know I'm dying to meet them.”

I hung up on him before he had a chance to retort, just in time to receive another text from Thomas.

“River Cafe. In 15 minutes. PLEASE!”

I'd already started my morning of soul crushing conversations but was I ready to meet the man responsible for my public demise? There would never be an appropriate time. Eventually, I'd have to make the difficult decision about what to do about him. It'd better be now. My wrath was fresh enough and it was less likely I’d fall victim to his emotional manipulation.

He'd been playing me from the first day we met, always appealing to my feelings rather than logic. The sad, scared boy searching for his way through life. The suave young man who put me under his spell and swept me off my feet with an acquired confidence. The angry psychopath. The distressed lover too terrified to make the same mistake again. How many masks did he have? They covered well the soul of a sadist who would have no qualms about throwing me under the bus.

A woman past her mid-thirties should know better than to fall in love like this.

I sighed and texted him a simple ‘ok’ in response. Steeling myself would be crucial.

Before leaving the office, I dialed one last number.

“I'll need your services.”

Weeks later, while I was replaying the events over in my mind, I'd realize it was the first time of crisis when I didn't even think of cigarettes.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Thomas

I should have seen it coming. The blow would leave me lying on the ground with a sore jaw and blurred vision. Life had been too good to be realistic. Happiness had wiped away the constant anxiety, my companion ever since the beginning of our therapy. For the first time, I couldn't ask for more. The challenge of a job I was passionate about and a relationship with the woman of my dreams made me feel powerful. Confident. Anything was possible. My imagination was drawing brave future plans. Lina was at the center of them, like a strong, bright flame, which kindled my passion and made me strive for more. The thought of being with someone other than my passionate tigress was meaningless.

I had no doubt my boss was the perfect submissive for me even though our relationship was so new. The memory of Lina rising above her pain and distress, offering herself in spite of everything I put her through still gave me chills. She deserved the best and I longed for her to see herself through my eyes and realize how special her surrender was.

And where were we now? Our special connection was once again in shambles because of my stupid, selfish desire. It was my fault. Maybe this time, the damage was beyond repair.

That sensation grew stronger when Lina walked in the cafe, as pale and out of shape as you would expect in such a crisis. When the woman approached the corner table I picked for our difficult conversation, I recognized the steel in her blue eyes. The emotional armor was back. Pleading for her to open up to me again, to trust me, wouldn't work. The cold gaze, the clenched jaw and the despair she exuded spoke volumes.