Unspeakable (41 page)

I shook my head and went back in the gym to wait for the games to end. Cassidy won the regional championship and went on to win state.

Jaden never came to the tournaments or even asked about them.

April

The first day of the month, Brody’s birthday. Yeah, that day totally sucked. I tried to hold back my tears, but more than a few leaked out. The pain of losing him tore through me, slicing my heart along the way. Almost like it was happening for the first time. I knew I should ignore his birthday. He didn’t want anything from me, and why would he?

But I couldn’t ignore it. I bought a birthday card, not too mushy, but with a short poem that talked of love and friendship.

I kept what I wrote simple:

“I miss us. Happy Birthday, Willow.”

“
Write something more, Willow. This is your chance to really say something.” Jenna slid the card across the table to me.

“Like what? Please come back to me. I lied to you, but I still love you?”

“Well, no. We’ll think of something great,” she said.

“No. This is fine. I don’t want to garf it up with a bunch romantic crap and fluffy apologies.” I put the card in the envelope and closed it with the envelope seal that came with it. “There. Done.”

“Do you want me or Tim to give it to him? We see him at lunch. He always has that growth attached to him, though. I mean, Kara is nice and all, but she is so ditzy. I can’t believe he went from you to her. Talk about dating down, and down, and down, and down the dating scale.

I had to smile. Jenna usually found a way to make me smile. “No, I’m going to slip it in his locker. But thanks.”

I slipped the card in the vent of his locker. I wanted to do more, so much more, but I settled for the card. If he actually read it and didn’t toss it in the trash, it’d be a miracle.

April was also the start of baseball and softball season. I played softball on the varsity softball team. I was surprised to learn Brody tried out and made the cut for the varsity baseball team. I went to every one of his home games. I’d show up late and sit on the ground next to the bleachers where he couldn’t see me, and I’d leave early. If he knew I was there, he never gave any indication.

He was a good player, strong and fast. Watching him, seeing his muscles flex as he hit the ball or ran the bases, was torture. The sight of him still warmed places in me only he could touch.

I never saw Kara at his games and wondered if they were still dating. I asked Luce. If anyone knew, it would be her.

“Nope. He’s a free agent,” Luce told me.

“Did he break up with her or did she break up with him?”

She looked at me for what seemed like minutes before asking, “Does it matter?”

“No, I guess not. Thanks, Luce.”

“Anytime.”

Brody is single. Would I stand a chance if I could get away from Jaden?

My heart did a funny dance inside my chest. I had to remind myself that it didn’t matter. He didn’t want me, and I shouldn’t want him.

It was the middle of April. My mom, Ralph, and I were having dinner and I mentioned that Jaden and I weren’t a happy couple. That he’d been hooking up with other girls, and he didn’t bother hiding it. And maybe it was time we went our separate ways.

I don’t remember much after that, other than the blinding pain of the first punch that sent me flying out of my chair. Then Ralph was on top of me, slamming my head against the floor over and over and over.

I woke up alone in the hospital the next afternoon with a concussion, three broken ribs, and a punctured lung.

Within an hour of my regaining consciousness, the same case manager from the day my shoulder was dislocated came into my room. She asked me what happened, and for once, I didn’t have to lie. I couldn’t remember.

After the case manager left, I sat on the side of my hospital bed, looking out the window. It was raining and I stared at the fat raindrops as they hit the window, trying to forget where I was. The world seemed to slow, the raindrops pulling me away from my life. Just away.

I closed my eyes and tried to hold onto that feeling, but the smell of illness and antiseptic filled my nose, the constant beeping of machines in other rooms made my head pound, and the tubes hooked in my arms kept getting in my way. And I was pushed from my solitary world back into the hospital and the life that put me there. I just wanted to run away screaming.

I’d been there three days. My mother visited once. Ralph didn’t come at all. I didn’t really expect him to. Jaden was there nearly every hour. It’d been torture. Visiting hours were over in a little less than an hour. Jaden had just left.

I knew he was in the room before he spoke. I didn’t turn around.

“I always knew he’d put you in the hospital one day,” Brody said quietly.

I squeezed my eyes closed and bit my bottom lip to keep it from quivering. I nodded. When I thought I could answer without breaking down in tears, I said, “You called it, Ace.” My voice trembled.

“Are you okay?”

I took in a breath to keep the tears away, hoping Brody didn’t hear the shudder in it. “Never better.” A knot formed in my stomach, traveled up my throat, and lodged there. It felt like someone was strangling me from the inside. My hands fisted in the bed sheets so hard my fingernails bent against my palms.

“Glad to hear it.” I listened as he walked out of the room.

A sob ripped from my chest and I fell to the floor, pulling my IV from my arm. Blood and IV solution dripped on the floor and monitors blared. My nurse rushed into my room to find me lying on the cold tile floor, sobbing, holding my chest above my heart. It physically hurt. Could a heart really break? It felt as though mine had shattered.

“Honey, what happened? Are you okay?” she asked, kneeling beside me.

“No,” I whispered.

The best thing in my life had just walked away from me. No, that wasn’t true. I pushed him away. The one person I didn’t want to live without—couldn’t live without. I just pushed him out of my life like he meant nothing. Again.

Life was a vindictive bitch.

May

The first, my birthday. Jaden forgot. I don’t know why I was surprised.

Jenna and Tim surprised me with a gift certificate for a spa day. I so needed that. A lavender footbath sounded like Heaven. Jenna and I made an appointment to go that Saturday.

“I want to get my feet babied, baby.” I smiled at them. “Thanks, guys. This is perfect.”

But the best gift came from someone who didn’t leave their name. It was taped to my locker when I got to school that morning. A white chocolate and almond candy bar.

“Brody,” I whispered.

And my heart soared.

I was done with Jaden’s crap. It was over, whether he wanted to admit it or not. I didn’t bother telling him. I just wore a new T-shirt I had made. It was the one time Jenna was excited to go with me to get one of my horrible—her word—T-shirts. She even paid for it.

I walked into school and to my locker like any other morning. Jaden was waiting for me, his back against the locker door.

“Hey, Wills.”

“For the last damn time, don’t call me that!” I shouted.

“Whoa, watch how you talk to me. What’s up your butt anyway?”

“Nothing. Move. You’re blocking my locker.”

Jaden stepped aside. I opened my locker, got the books I needed, and threw in those I didn’t. Slamming the door shut, I walked away. Jaden caught up with me and grabbed my arm. My books scattered across the floor. Everyone around us stopped and stared.

Tim knelt to help me pick up my books. Jaden kicked them across the hall. “She can do it herself,” he said through clenched teeth.

Tim ignored him and picked up my things anyway. He carried them into class for me. I followed close behind him. I prayed the teacher was already in the classroom because Jaden followed me. He’d seen my shirt.

“Willow!” he bellowed.

I walked through the door into biology, and my heart sank. No teacher. Jaden came up behind me and jerked me around to face him. His fingers dug into my flesh, and I fought the urge to flinch away.

“What the hell is that?” He pointed at my shirt. Everyone in the room was silent as they watched the show.

“It’s called a shirt, Jaden.”

“I know it’s a shirt. I meant what it says, “
Yes, I’m single. You’re gonna have to be awesome to change that
.” What does that mean?” He poked me in the chest.

“Just what it says. We’re done. Through. Over. I’m single. You’re single. Go hookup with Sarah or whoever your flavor of the week is. I’m finished with you.”

He grabbed me by the collar and jerked me to him. His face was just inches from mine. I could feel his hot breath on me when he spoke. It made my skin crawl, like dozens of ants were swarming my skin.

“Remember the little secret I know? You wouldn’t want the police to find out what your dear mommy did, now would you? We’re through when I say we are.” His face was red, and a vein bulged in his neck. Spittle formed in the corners of his mouth. “I wish you’d learn that little fact. It’d make life easier for both of us.”

“Jaden, wish in one hand and shit in the other… see which one fills up faster. I said we’re done. I wish
you’d
learn that little fact. It’d make this so much easier.”