Unspeakable (37 page)

During the two months that Brody and I dated, Jaden was relatively quiet. Thankfully, he avoided us. But, like I knew he would, he told people I’d slept around with other guys while we dated. He made it sound as though it happened all the time. I’d known he’d try to trash my reputation. What surprised me was that people didn’t believe him. Not only was my reputation not ruined, but people also talked about Jaden sleeping around on me.

The truth was, I wasn’t sleeping with anyone. And thankfully, Brody wasn’t one of those guys who made up stories about bagging some chick to make their friends jealous or himself more popular. No, he was the type of guy who wasn’t embarrassed to tell people we hadn’t had sex. It didn’t bother him what others thought.

Although Jaden remained somewhat detached from the situation, acting as if it didn’t matter—maybe it didn’t—he still had moments when he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

It was a Monday, and Brody and I had just walked into the commons during lunch. We had to walk by Jaden’s table to get to my locker for my afternoon dose of caffeine.

“What do you have today, caffeine or caffeine and chocolate?” Brody asked. “I know how nervous you get before an exam. You might need a fix of both before our calc. exam,” he teased.

“Ha, you are so very funny. I think I’ll stick with the—”

“There’s the slut of Cassidy High,” Jaden shouted when he saw us walk by.

Brody’s fist darted out so quickly that no one had time to react. He landed a hard punch to Jaden’s jaw, knocking him off his chair. Jaden jumped to his feet and charged Brody, but his football teammates held him back.

Brody grinned. “Watch your mouth, Jaden.” He threaded his fingers through mine and walked away as though nothing happened. “So, what’s in your stash?” he asked when we reached my locker.

“You can’t do that. It doesn’t matter what he says, Brody. You can’t do that. Look at you,” I grabbed his hand and looked at his knuckles. “You’re hurt.”

“Nah.” He pulled me to him by the belt loops on my jeans and bent down, kissing me slowly. When he raised his head, he looked in my eyes. “I don’t like hearing him say things like that about you.”

“It doesn’t matter what he says. Just leave it alone.” When he opened his mouth to argue, I put my finger over his lips. “For me. Please.”

He nodded once and leaned his forehead to mine. “Okay. For you.” He pulled back and kissed my forehead. “Let’s get your caffeine and go eat.”

“Have you asked him yet?” Jenna asked in history class. It was Friday, and I was itching for school to end. Brody and I had a weekend full of things planned.

Jenna doodled little hearts across my notepad. I shooed her pencil away. “No. He’s coming over after school. I’m going to ask him then.”

“Is Ralph home this week?”

I blew a lock of hair out of my eyes. “He’s coming home tomorrow.”

Jenna started drawing hearts across the table. “You’ve got to tell him sooner or later.”

“I know. I thought we’d wait until the wedding.”

Jenna laughed. “Yeah, that might be a good idea.” She drew a big heart across the table and filled it with little ones.

“Vandal,” I said with a laugh.

“Yeah, I’m a rebel. I have detention this week anyway. I might as well make it worthwhile.”

“What’d you do this time?” I asked with a sigh. Jenna was a detention addict. She had detention as much as I had caffeine.

“I needed to use the bathroom in English and old fart bag Malone wouldn’t give me the bathroom pass. And I needed to go. It was a woman thing, if you know what I mean.”

I nodded. “And?”

“I just left and went to the bathroom anyway. She hunted me down and yelled at me through the bathroom stall. I yelled some four-letter words back. I wanted to throw my tampon at her, but decided that might’ve got me suspended, so I didn’t.”

“Good call,” I said, trying not to laugh.

I paced my room, waiting for Brody to get there. I was so nervous.

Get over it. It’s Brody. He’s the last person I have to be nervous around
.

The girls’ choice dance at school was in two weeks. I’d never been to one. Jaden didn’t do dances. This would be my first official school dance with a date. Providing, of course, Brody didn’t find them as repulsive as Jaden did. But even if he weren’t all that thrilled with school dances, he’d go if he knew I wanted to. Brody was like that.

I took the small slip of paper out of my drawer and read it for the hundredth time. A small smile curved my lips. Brody loved my sarcastic T-shirts, but I couldn’t wear one to the dance. So I wrote a sarcastic saying on a piece of paper, planned to show it to him, and tell him I’d pin it inside my dress so he’d know it was there.

The doorbell chimed, and I flitted down the stairs. “Hey, Ace,” I said when I opened the door.

“Hey, you.” He leaned down to kiss me just as my mother walked into the room. Curse her. He pulled back. “Hello, Mrs. McKenna. It’s nice to see you again.”

“Hello, Brody. Thank you. It’s nice to see you, too. Everything well? School going alright…?” She let her words trail off. I was shocked she’d even said that much.

“Yes, ma’am, I’m fine. School is great, although I find some of the material boring as it’s a repeat from my previous school.” Brody rocked back on his heels and gave her a small smile.

Although I loved that my mom liked Brody and was interested in him enough to actually start a conversation, I had to break up the Brody love-fest. “Come on, I want to show you something.” I reached for his hand and pulled him toward the stairway.

We were halfway up the stairs when the door leading from the garage into the kitchen slammed open. It hit the wall with a boom before it bounced back and slammed shut. I jumped and swung my head in the direction of the door.

“Willow!” he barked.

“Oh shit,” I breathed.

“What’s wrong?” Brody asked. When I didn’t answer, he pulled my face to him. “What?”

“Janine! Where is she?”

“Ralph, what’s wrong?” I heard my mother ask in her soft, comforting voice.

“That little slut daughter of yours, that’s what’s wrong.” He spat the words. So full of venom and hate, I flinched as though they hit me.

I felt Brody stiffen beside me, and my heart sank. I knew what was coming, and I knew Brody couldn’t be there for it.

“Hi, Mrs. McKenna,” Jaden said.

Jaden? Jaden. What is Jaden doing here?

“Jaden.” My mom acknowledged. “I didn’t expect to see you hanging around.” I could hear the false cheerfulness she forced.

“What the hell is he doing here?” I whispered.

Breathe. Just breathe.

I heard Ralph stumble around. His voice was closer, louder. “She’s been dating someone behind Jaden’s back. The whore. Where is she?”

“No, no, no.” I looked at Brody and shook my head. “I didn’t… I didn’t…” I shook my head, my mouth opening and shutting as I floundered for something to say. “Brody, I didn’t… I love you… I… no.” I still shook my head.

I put my fingers on my temple and pushed so hard it hurt. My mind was whirring, putting the pieces together as quickly as I could. Jaden had gotten to my stepdad, the one person who’d always been in his corner. According to him, Jaden could do no wrong, which is exactly why I’d kept Brody a secret from him and Jaden as long as I could.

“Ralph, calm down,” my mom said.

“Please, Brody, please, you have to go,” I told him, looking over my shoulder. I tried to push him toward the door. It was like trying to push a wooden bookcase full of books across a carpeted floor. He wasn’t moving. “We’ll talk later,” I whispered. “I promise. Please.”

“You’re back with Jaden?” Brody looked at me, confusion and hurt in his eyes.

I shook my head no. My mouth opening and closing as I tried to think of someway to explain what was going on, but I needed Brody to leave so I said, “Yes.” I nearly choked on the word. Bile rose in my throat and I felt my mouth fill with saliva, the kind a person gets right before they puke. It was sickening to say I was with Jaden, even if it was a lie.

Brody nodded once before looking into my eyes. “Tell me why you’re back with him and I’ll leave.”

“I love him.”

“You’re lying.”

“No. No, I’m not. I love him. Now leave, please.” I opened the door to push him out; he stood firmly in place.

I heard footsteps coming down the hallway.

Oh, no!

“Brody,” I whispered. “Please leave. You can’t be here... we can talk later on the phone and I’ll explain everything.” I pleaded with my eyes for him to go. “If Ralph sees you… please.”

He didn’t move.

I panicked and said the first thing that popped into my head. “We can’t be together. I’m not in love with you. I never loved you. I love Jaden. I used you to make him jealous.” I tried to think of anything hurtful I could say to him that would get him out of the house as fast as I could and keep him away.

Please go, hurry, hurry.

“Willow!”

I jumped, sucked in a sharp breath, and slapped my hand over my mouth to keep quiet. I could feel tears pressing against the back of my eyes.

“Brody, you have to go.” I jerked him by the arm toward the door. When he didn’t move, I looked at him and yelled, “Go!”

“Who are you yelling at, girl? You best be watching that smart mouth. Get your ass in here. Now!” he shouted.

Oh, he sounds really drunk. Please leave, Brody. Somehow, I hope you know I love you. Always will.

Brody walked slowly out the door. His eyes searched mine. Placing a hand lightly on the side of my face, in a broken voice, he said, “I love you.”

It took everything in me, but I made myself jerk away from his touch. “Goodbye, Brody.” I was screaming inside. ‘
No, no, no! I love you.
’ I couldn’t hear anything over the screams in my head and the blood rushing behind my ears.

The first tear rolled down my cheek just as I shut the door. I laid my forehead against the scarred wood and felt a sob ricochet through my body. It sliced through my insides like a shard of glass. Saying goodbye to Brody, hurting him, was more painful than anything I’d ever felt. It ripped through me more than any punch. It stole my breath worse than any kick, tasted worse than my own blood after getting backhanded. I’d gladly suffer through any of those to take back the hurt I’d seen in Brody’s eyes. The hurt I’d put there.

But he had to leave. If he’d seen Brody here, he wouldn’t have just hurt me. He would have hurt Brody.

I wasn’t worth it. I had to make him stay away.

Breathe. Just breathe. You’re strong. Breathe.

I sat in the emergency room, my arm cradled against my chest. I’d been there three hours, waiting to be called back to see a doctor. Ralph dropped me off with an order to call when I was finished. My mother wanted to come with me, but he refused. Said he hadn’t seen her all week and didn’t want her to spend time in the emergency room instead of with him. Of course, she acquiesced.
Nice. Thanks, thanks Mom. Makes me feel loved.

Kids screamed around me. Their piercing wails echoed off the tile floors and bounced against the bare walls. My head pounded. The man to my left vomited into a plastic bucket, and blood dripped on the floor from a dish towel covering the teenaged boy’s arm on my right. I tried not to look at either of them.