Unspeakable (38 page)

“Willow Rutherford,” a nurse finally yelled.

“I’m here.” I got up and followed her to an exam room.

“Why are you here today?” she asked. She was pretty and had kind, chocolate-colored eyes. I tried not to look at her. I didn’t want to cry, and she had the kind of face that made me want to cry and tell her all of my secrets.

I’d protected my secret for so long, it was like a vital organ in my body. One I couldn’t cut out.

“I fell down the stairs and hit my shoulder against the wall.”

She wrote something in her file. “Who’s with you?”

“No one.” I hated how my breath hitched. I wasn’t just alone at the hospital, but I was truly alone. Brody’s face flashed in front of my eyes. The hurt look. The questions in his eyes. The love. I swallowed down the lump that formed in my throat and tried to pull myself together. One problem at a time. That was the only way I’d get through this. One problem at a time.

She nodded and jotted something else in her file. “Okay, the doctor will be in shortly. Do you want me to turn the television on for you?”

I looked at the small TV hanging in the corner of the room and shook my head. “No, thank you. I’d rather just lie down.”

“Okay, sweetie. Buzz if you need anything.” She walked out of the room, pulling the door closed behind her.

I looked around. It looked like any other hospital room. Scuffed white walls, scary-looking machinery, heart monitors, IV poles, and stuff I had no idea what it was. I hated it. Laying back on the gurney, I closed my eyes. I breathed deep, trying to ease the pain in my shoulder.

There was a quick rap on the door and a tall, white-haired man walked in. “Ms. Rutherford?”

“Yes?”

“I’m Doctor Sebastian. What brings you here?”

I sighed. I already answered this. “I fell down the stairs and hit my shoulder against the wall.”

“Can you move your arm?”

“No.”

“We’re going to take some x-rays and see what’s going on in there.”

“Okay, thank you.”

Minutes later, a guy that didn’t look much older than me pushed a huge piece of machinery into the room. “Rutherford?”

“Yes.”

“I’m from X-ray.”

He took several shots from different angles. It hurt like hell, and I cried out several times. “I’m sorry,” I said, biting my lip.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I have to bend it around. I know it hurts, but I’m almost done.”

When he finished, he told me the doctor would be in shortly to discuss the results with me. I waited an hour for the doctor. I sat on the gurney with my eyes closed, trying to focus on something other than where I was and what had happened to put me there. But all I could see were Brody’s blue eyes and the hurt in them.

My forehead leaned against the door Brody had just walked out. Tears and flashes of the pain in his eyes were all I could see. I felt like I cut a piece of me out when I hurt him. And I knew I hurt him. I could feel the pain radiate from his body.

He grabbed a handful of hair and jerked me backward. I couldn’t hold in my small scream, and he smirked. Next to hitting me, his favorite thing was hearing me cry and scream.

“What the hell were you doing? Cheating on Jaden with some punk. Who do you think you are?” A punch to the side punctuated his question, and the air whooshed out of my lungs. Ralph let go of my hair, and I dropped to my hands and knees. I saw Jaden leaning against the wall at the end of the hall. He smirked at me.

I grabbed the staircase banister and pulled myself up, only to be on the receiving end of another of Ralph’s fists.

“You know the only reason someone like Jaden even looks at you is because I’m friends with his family. He’d never waste his time on white trash like you if it weren’t for me.” He wrapped his hand around my upper arm and squeezed so hard I knew there’d be bruises the next day.

He pulled me to face Jaden. “Jaden has graciously agreed to take you back.” He looked at Jaden. His voice softened and he even grinned at him. Grinned. It was sickening, and it made me hate them even more. “Am I right, son?”

“Yes, sir. There will be rules, of course.”

“Definitely. Willow needs rules and punishment to keep her in line. She seems unable to make good decisions otherwise.” Ralph slapped Jaden on the back like they were old buddies. “Good, good, I’m glad we’ve got this worked out. Let’s go have dinner. I’m starving.”

Ralph shoved me toward the dining room. My arm and shoulder hit the doorframe hard, and I felt a pop followed by a searing pain.

I couldn’t use my arm throughout dinner, and when I tried to move it, the pain was so intense that bile rose in my throat and I was sure I’d either throw up or pass out from the pain. I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to think of anything other than the agony sawing through my body.

“Willow? Open your eyes,” my mom asked when dinner was over, but I hadn’t moved from my chair. When I didn’t, she knelt in front of me and realized my breathing was ragged and a fine sheen of sweat covered my face. She turned and called to Ralph, who’d already plopped down in his recliner and commandeered the remote. “Ralph! Ralph, I think she needs a doctor!” She silently looked in my eyes and cupped the side of my face before helping me out of the chair.

“Oh, for shit’s sake. Anything to make my life more difficult. Let’s go.” Grabbing his keys, he walked out the door. He didn’t look back to see if I needed help.

Jaden stood in the same place he had when the spectacle began. When my mother and I walked by, he twiddled his fingers at me and smiled. “See you at school, Willow.”

If I’d been able, I would’ve kicked him in the crotch so hard he’d have to pee through his nose for the rest of his life.

I jumped when the door opened and Dr. Sebastian, a tall, dark-skinned man wearing a white coat and looking at a computer tablet, walked in. “Ms. Rutherford?”

I looked up. “Hi.” I tried to smile. I didn’t think I managed it.

“I’ve reviewed your x-rays and the good news is nothing is broken. The bad news is your shoulder is dislocated.”

“Oh. What happens next?” My teeth chattered, and I wasn’t sure why. The exam room was warm, and the nurse had given me a heated blanket.

“Well, we need to set your shoulder, then we’ll take another x-ray to make sure everything looks okay, and then you can go home.”

Two nurses entered the room and the doctor took hold of my arm. I couldn’t really say what happened next. All I knew was it was the worst pain I’d ever felt in my life. I tried not to, but I screamed. A lot. And loudly. Then it was over.

“You did good, honey,” the pretty nurse told me. “Listen, Willow, is it okay if I call you Willow?” I nodded, and she smiled. “Are you sure there isn’t something you’d like to tell me about what happened?”

“No. I fell down the stairs.” I was getting good at lying. Once I decided what my story was, I almost believed it myself.

She patted my leg and smiled. “X-ray is here.” She left, and the same guy rolled the x-ray machine into the room.

He asked me how I’d hurt myself while he took the x-rays. I repeated my story to him.

A few minutes after X-ray left, an older woman who wore too much perfume and was wearing a blue suit that didn’t quite fit came into my room with my nurse.

“Hi, Willow. I’m Joyce. I’m a case manager for the hospital.”

“Okay,” I said slowly.

“I just want to make sure we understand exactly what happened to you today. Can you tell me in your own words what led up to your accident?”

No, but I can lie to you.

“I was rushing down the stairs to answer the door. My foot missed a step. I fell down them and hit my shoulder against the wall at the bottom of the stairs.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Who’s with you today?”

“No one.”

“How are you getting home?”

“My stepdad said to call him when I was finished and he’d pick me up,” I whispered.

All through our conversation, Joyce wrote in her file. When she’d finished with her notes, she looked at me. “If something else happened, you can tell me. Anything you say in here is strictly confidential.”

I shook my head and bit a hangnail on my finger. “Nothing else happened,” I lied.

“Okay. The nurse will get your discharge papers ready.”

“Thank you,” I said, my gaze locked on the floor.

An hour later, I was in the car with my mom riding home. My arm was in a sling to allow the tendons and crap time to heal. I didn’t know. I didn’t really listen. They gave me something for pain, my discharge papers, and told me to see my regular doctor in a week. I wouldn’t.

My mom let me stay home from school Monday, partly because my shoulder still hurt and the pain pills made me sick, and partly because I think she felt guilty.

She should have stopped it. She should have done something, anything, except what she did. She just stood there and did nothing, because if she did something, he might expose her secret. Tell what she did. And then people would know she was something so much worse than white trash who snagged the most sought after bachelor in Middleton.

Tuesday was my first day back at school. The first day I’d see Brody since telling him I didn’t love him. I dreaded going into biology. I tried to rearrange my schedule so I could avoid him—seeing him every day was going to be torture—but there was only one AP biology class, so I was stuck.

Brody wasn’t there when I walked into class. Jenna carried my books for me. She laid my bag on the table in front of my chair and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you in history. If you need anything, text me. I don’t care what it is, Willow. Text me. I mean it.”

Nodding, I sat down. I didn’t look at anyone, and I didn’t speak. I just sat staring straight ahead at the whiteboard, waiting for the teacher to start his mind-numbing lecture. Steeling myself for Brody’s arrival.

Someone slipped into the chair next to me, and I stiffened. I let out the breath I was holding when he spoke. “Hey, chickie. How ya doin’?” Tim asked, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I shrugged a shoulder—my good one. Tears pressed behind my eyes. I knew if I said anything, I’d start to cry. Again. So I didn’t say anything, and Tim was okay with that.

“Um, we switched seats. I thought it might be easier for you,” Tim murmured. I nodded again and looked away. “I’m only gonna say this once because I know you won’t want us to keep bringing it up, but I’m really sorry. You got a shit deal, Willow. I know you love Brody. I don’t know what happened with Jaden, but I know this isn’t what you want.” He looked at my arm. “It isn’t what any of us want.”

I didn’t say anything. The single tear that ran down my cheek said everything for me. I swiped it away before anyone other than Tim saw. He rubbed his hand up and down my back before he got my book out of my bag for me.

I couldn’t concentrate during class. All I did was wonder if Brody was sitting in Tim’s old seat—two rows behind me and the table to the right. I wanted to turn and look. I didn’t.

After class, Tim helped me gather my things and put them in my bag. He swung the strap over his shoulder. “I got a pass from the office excusing me for being late to my classes so I can carry your things to each of your classes until you get the sling off your arm next week.”

That’s something Jaden should be doing. But, no. It’s not about him. Thank God for Tim and Jenna.

“Thanks.” It was the first word I’d said since walking into the building with Jenna that morning.

Tim and I walked silently to my English class. I hesitated outside the door. Tim waited quietly beside me. The warning bell sounded, and I knew I had to go inside, but I couldn’t get my feet to move. I could feel the panic welling up inside me like a tumor growing. It was suffocating me. I couldn’t take a breath. Blood rushed behind my ears and I felt sweat slither down my spine, causing my shirt to stick to my skin. My whole body began to shake and my teeth chattered like I was standing outside in the middle of winter, but the school was warm.

I can’t do this.

Images of Brody played in front of my eyes. The night at his Aunt Bess’s bar when we played pool and I made him think I’d never played before. The night in the tent, laying under the twinkle lights. How he looked as he leaned down to kiss me for the first time. His crooked grin, sapphire eyes… the images ran like a slide show in front of my eyes, faster and faster until I was dizzy. I reached out and steadied myself against the wall.

“Hey, are you sure you’re up to this?” Tim put his arm around my waist, and I leaned into him.

Then the tears started. I couldn’t get them to stop. They just kept coming, one after another after another until I thought I’d drown in them. I buried my head in Tim’s shoulder and cried silently, trying not to draw attention to myself. I had enough attention without everyone seeing me have a mental break in front of my second-period English class.

“Let’s go. We’re outta here,” Tim said, pulling me gently away from the door.