Unspoken (11 page)

Seventeen

“So, I’ll see you tonight at the party?” Jackson asked me as we both were in bed at the pool house. He had come back 5 days earlier and it was the first time that we had agreed on seeing each other somewhere instead of “bumping,” into each other. There was never a bumping thing. I always made Alexa found out where he was going to be and Jackson always made Connor found out. It was just that our stupid rules said no dates, no cell phones, and no social media. At the time seemed so romantic and filled with adventure. We broke the rules because we decided that we wanted to start the New Year together. We would’ve anyway.

“Yes, I’ll see you there,” I said and smiled,
kiss me.
He laid on top of me and kissed me.

“Jackson, I was… oh!” we were interrupted by the voice of a woman. I sat up immediately covering myself with a sheet.

“Mother,” said Jackson in a warning tone.

“You are busy, I see,” said Sara. I was startled and didn’t know what to do. I felt Jackson trying to cover me from his mother and I am sure they said something to each other but all I could think was that that sophisticated dark haired woman was Jackson’s mother and she had seen us in bed, kissing, naked!

“Are you ok?” I heard Jackson’s voice far, far away and I turned to see him not really registering what he had said. “Are you ok?” he repeated and I nodded.

“Yes,” I confirmed to him that I was ok. Startled but ok. “ I have to go,” I jumped out of bed and began gathering my clothes.

“You don’t have to,” he said with sad eyes.

“I have to get ready for tonight,” I said smiling,
What is she doing here?

“Apparently there was a last year’s brunch thing at the club,” he said shrugging and I nodded while putting on my jeans.

“Yes, my mother went too.”

“She’s leaving tonight, though,” he grinned,
We’ll have the place for us.

“Good,” I said and leaned in for a kiss. “I have to go. The looks of you laying in bed are too tempting,” I said shaking my head and looking for my purse.

“Can I tempt you into staying?” he asked and I looked at him.

“No,” I shook my head as my hair flapped around, “there’s no way I’m having sex knowing your mother is around,” I shook my head again before tying my hair on a bun.

“We had sex all summer long and my mother was here every day,” he said still laying in bed with a sheet that only covered half of his body.

“Yes, but she hadn’t caught us in bed,” I smiled,
I really have to go.

“Fine,” he said waving his hand around.

“See you tonight,” I said as I walked towards the door.

“You better look hot,” I heard him say as I opened the door.

“Don’t I always,” I said as I closed the door with a smile that was instantly erased when I bumped into Sara Bardwell who was waiting, in a very creepy way, outside the pool house. I was so thankful that we hadn’t had sex.

“Now I get Jackson’s sudden obsession with the Hamptons,” she was using a very fake but pleasant voice that screamed DANGER to me.

“Mrs. Bardwell I am so sorry we met under these circumstances, I…”

“You are Monica Galloway’s daughter right?” she interrupted me.

“Yes, I am,” by this point I was breaking into a cold sweat because this woman seemed a bit cruel.

“I won’t ask you to stay away from Jackson,” she gave a tiny fake smile. “He needs all kinds of...” she gave me the onceover, “…distractions before he actually finds a woman he wants to marry,” I wanted to run away. I was 17 years old and under attack by a grown woman.

“Because he will marry a girl that is not beneath him, darling. I just wanted to make sure you do not have any expectations in regards of him,” I wanted to cry but I wasn’t about to give her the pleasure of my sadness.

“What do you think you are doing, mother?” I heard Jackson’s voice as he flew open the door still shirtless. I guess he could listen to our voices.

“Nothing, just making sure your friend knew her way out,” I could feel the nails scratching on a blackboard as she used that horrible tone.

“Marion, her name is Marion,” said Jackson.

“Marion,” said Sara looking at me with a knowingly look and then turned around to leave.

“Are you ok?” he asked and I just nodded. I wanted to get the hell out of there.

“Am I a distraction?” I blurted out.

“What? No! What are you talking about?” Jackson asked me taking me by my shoulders. I just shook my head.

“I’ll see you tonight, ok?” I looked up to him and smiled,
I am ok.

“Don’t listen to whatever she said,” he blurted out really serious. “You are not a distraction FROM anything or FOR anything,” I nodded and hugged him. I believed him. I believed everything he said just because he said it. Sara was an evil woman that had planted a horrible seed inside me. I doubted that I was enough for Jackson something that had never ever occurred to me. I hated the woman that gave birth to the reason my whole life shone.

I banged my forehead against the door twice and then I stood still with it against the door. I was supposed to spend the night at Leonard’s but he said that maybe I should get back home and let Jackson know what had happened. Yes, he was perfect.

I sighed and took my shoes off; knowing that I had to tell Jackson about his mother I went up the stairs to find him sitting on my bed with his eyes glued to the ceiling and the T.V on.

“She was a bitch, right?” he said the moment I got to the top of the stairs.

“Not really,” I said dropping my shoes next to the bed and putting my purse on the night stand. He turned to look at me smiling,
C’mon you can tell me.

“Really, she wasn’t,” I said untying the French bun and letting my hair fall down. I sat next to him on bed and glued my eyes to the ceiling just as he did.

“I think she is on to you, though.”

“What do you mean?” he asked still looking up.

“She asked me if I had heard about you,” I sighed.

“She wanted to hurt you,” he said with pain on his voice.

“That too,” I nodded.

“What did you say?” he finally turned to look at me. I could sense he was worried.

“That I haven’t for 6 long years,” I felt tears forming on my eyes because it hurt. It hurt that even after 6 years I was in the same position or worse. I couldn’t have Jackson and it was worse because he was here, literally, next to me and nothing could happen.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said.

“For what?” For coming back? For having such an awful mother? For giving me hope when obviously we were hopeless?

“Everything,” he finally turned and laid on his side looking at me. I kept my eyes on the ceiling, “for not coming back, for my mother, for being such a coward…,”

“Now or then?” I finally looked at him. He seemed confused, “A coward. Now or Then?” I was serious about this question.

“Both,” I nodded and looked up at the ceiling.

“Did she have anything to do with you not coming back?” I asked. I knew the answer would hurt me like hell but I was ready to know the reason why everything ended or NOT ended.

“Yes,” that did hurt like crap. I felt someone stabbing my chest multiple times as all air left from my body. I let a couple of seconds pass by waiting for the air to come back where it belonged, to my lungs.

“I WAS a distraction,” I said in what sounded like sobs but it was just me trying to get air into my lungs.

“She thought so,” he whispered.

“I know that but what did you think, though?” I turned to look at him.

“I was scared,” that was an explosion of information. It was too much but I had to know. I could not NOT know.

“Of…,” I let the word linger.

“Of what I was feeling. I actually forgot to send my law school application,” he chuckled and shook his head “you occupied my every thought and I was scared that at 22 years old I’d found my reason to breathe.” Yes, I was crying, “ I was scared of the immensity of what I felt for you. So, when my mother had the talk with me about my future I held on to what was known to me and went on with what my parents had designed for me,” he reached with his hand and wiped a few tears from my face.

“I was a distraction,” I said again.

“No, you were everything,” he smiled,
You ARE everything.

We didn’t say another word, and just laid there in silence until we fell asleep. Everything he said had given me hope; hope for his feelings, for mine, for my future, for his. It was too much and too little because he had admitted that I was important to him, just as he was to me but still, we hadn’t make any advance on where we were. We were there, stuck in what looked like a friendship but all it really was, was a long distance relationship within a few inches of distance. We were fucked up.

Life went on. It seemed as if Jackson’s revelation from the night before would make things around look different, but no. As I stood in the middle of Bake It Off I realized that life, indeed, went on. Days went by, jobs needed to be done and life just went on.

“What are you doing?” I jumped a bit startled by Alexa’s voice.

“Contemplating the meaning of life,” I said with my hands on my hips.

“That means you are thinking about Jackson,” she said going to the kitchen to grab her black apron.

“Maybe,” I shrugged and went on to prepare everything to open up.

Life went on and so did my day. Jackson came by for breakfast, then after lunch and then a bit before dinner, the usual for him, and neither of us mentioned our conversation but still we both knew something had changed. I saw him under a different light. He had definitely shown that he was alive, that he was the man I once knew. We both knew that we’d shared feelings that had moved us somewhere else; it was up to us to figure out where that was.

“Chocolate cookies,” I heard him say to Alexa while I took the last batch of carrot muffins from the oven. It was a Saturday and on weekends everything was always pretty slow. The baking always ended early.

“Yeah, you must have done a number on her,” said Alexa and I rolled my eyes.

“We had a good talk,” he said and I nodded even if neither of them could see me.

“So good that she had to bake comfort food?” Jesus Alexa just shut the fuck up.

“I didn’t say it wasn’t difficult.” Exactly! It was a very much needed talk, a good talk but with so many feelings than went straight into the chocolate cookie mix.

“Anyway,” Jackson went on “Mar!” he raised his voice and I tried to look busy and not at all eavesdropping.

“Yes?” I almost whispered because I so thought that doing that would appear to be as if I hadn’t been listening to them talk about me.

“I say you close early today,” he said. I frowned. “Oh really? Anything else, oh mighty lord of my time and income?”I heard him chuckle as I walked out and leaned on the kitchen’s door frame. He looked so…young. He seemed that the talk last night had taken a weight off of his shoulders.

“I’m just saying that you might want to close because we need to look at the results of your first cupcake contest,” he shrugged. I knew I had to look at them at some point, I just didn’t want to make an event out of it. Having Jackson and Alexa with me could be good in case I hadn’t won; we could stuff our faces with chocolate cookies and carrot muffins while I whined about my lousy baking.

“Ok,” I nodded.

“Really?” Alexa asked.

“Yes,” I said untying my bun and putting the apron aside, “That way you could see the results and let me know,” I grinned and they both laughed.

“Ok,” said Jackson as he took out his computer and opened it up in one of the tables, “let’s do this.”

Alexa jumped up and down and then ran to place the
Closed
sign on the door and then ran to sit next to Jackson as they both looked at the screen while Jackson typed something.

“Mar?” Jackson asked as he kept on typing.

“I’m good here,” I said from the counter while I cleaned the top of it. I was too scared to look so it was better if I kept doing something irrelevant, then I heard a tiny whimper come out of Alexa as both of them turned to look at me.

“You won,” said Jackson smiling,
I knew you would.

“I did?” I asked and Alexa nodded furiously. “Wow,” was all I could say.

“Aren’t you excited?” asked Alexa.

“Sure,” I said shrugging.

“Sure?” Asked Jackson as he got up from his chair and walked up to the counter, “Do you even want to know how many votes you had?” he said going behind the counter with me.

“Sure,” I nodded. Truth was I was really excited and doing summersaults in my mind but I didn’t want to show anything because it was stupid and it would show that I cared too much about getting validation.

“Sure?” Alexa said again.

“Mar, you had 70% of the total votes. Everyone loved your cupcake and they haven’t even tasted it,” he said smiling,
Are you excited yet?