Unstoppable (10 page)

Kanae told my parents that she loved me, and she would love our children too. In the past I had worried that I’d never find a woman whom my parents would approve of because they are so protective of me. But God brought me a young woman who won their respect, their admiration, and their hearts.

Her feelings for me were obviously very sincere, and she expressed them with a depth that fills me with awe, humility, and gratitude. But it’s not just what she says that makes me appreciate and love her so much, she expresses her love for me with actions and deeds each and every day.

I first observed the depth of her caring for me in December 2010. We were only a few months into our relationship when I learned of the cash-flow problems at my business. We were not yet engaged, but marriage was definitely on the table. This was a time when I wanted my potential future bride to see me in the best possible light. Instead, she saw me at my darkest. Maybe, just maybe, there is a worse time in a new relationship to have a total meltdown, but I can’t think of one. There we were, a couple very much in the early stages, and the allegedly strong male went over a cliff and into a valley of despair.

In the previous chapter I gave you all the sorry details of my highly emotional overreaction to a temporary cash-flow problem at Attitude Is Altitude during the economic recession. What I did not tell you is that during the meltdown Kanae proved that her love for me is boundless.

I have never felt the power of unconditional love at such strength. Now that is saying something, because my parents, my brother and my sister, and all my aunts, uncles, and cousins have shown me nothing but unconditional love all my life. Yet they are family. Blood ties are one thing. Kanae’s ties to me were far more tenuous and newly formed. She very easily could have walked away. Instead, she came closer. She put her faith and her love into action in ways that seemed heroic to me.

At a time when I wanted to present myself as a successful provider, I had to admit to my new girlfriend that my business had fallen fifty thousand dollars in debt. In my anxiety I felt like a penniless failure. Why she didn’t run out the door and never look back, I don’t know, but I will be forever grateful that she chose instead to remain by my side, soothing me and encouraging me with her love.

I put a value on my worth as a human being when I felt worthless because of my business debt. Kanae reminded me that love doesn’t look for price tags. She demonstrated in words and actions that her interest was not in measuring what I had to give. Instead, she poured out for me all the caring, nurturing, and sustaining love she possessed.

One of the thoughts that really bothered me about the debt was that I’d been hoping to put some money into savings so I could pull back on my speaking schedule for a year or so. I didn’t want to be traveling all the time during our first year of marriage. Family and friends had been telling me for years that I should slow down, and finally I had a good reason to do just that—my wife-to-be.

When I told Kanae that my for-profit business was profitless and in
debt, her response was, “That doesn’t matter to me. I’ll get a nursing job and support the both of us.”

She did not hesitate. She did not flinch. She did not run for the door. She ran her fingers through my hair, comforted me, and let me know she would always be there for me.

It meant so much to me also that I knew Kanae was praying for me every day. Emotional support can be a big blessing, but prayers are even more powerful. To know that she understood my needs and prayed that they would be filled was so comforting. God is the ultimate provider of peace and patience, and Kanae prayed for Him to heal me and give me peace and joy.

I realized that she had become the bridge to all that I can be in Christ. Kanae is the key to my becoming all that I can be as a husband, speaker, evangelist, friend, boss, brother, and son. With her, I don’t have to ask for anything. I don’t have to tell her what I need. She knows. She feels what I feel, and she encourages me, but more important, she stands in the gap with prayer and asks God to give me what she can’t provide, which is His wisdom, His healing, His peace, and His patience. Finally, Kanae gives me her empathy. She is my greatest empathizer. Everything that affects me affects her. She is there for me, and I always want to be there for her when she needs to talk and to vent.

You know you are in a loving relationship when you are willing to give without receiving anything in return, when you put the other person’s needs above your own. I put Kanae above my ministry and my businesses, which means spending time together, watching movies, sitting in front of the fire, and just talking through our lives. I’m increasingly amazed at how many layers there are to a relationship like ours. The more Kanae gives to me, the more I want to be worthy of her love and devotion. She makes me want to be better.

A friend was telling me one day about his new relationship, and he kept saying, “I think she is too good for me. I don’t deserve this woman.” I told him that was a great place for him to be at that point in his relationship. We should be with people who inspire us and motivate us to grow, to be more godly, more caring, more giving, more empathetic. I am already a much more patient man than ever before. Of course the bar was not set real high during my single days when I tended to be self-centered and impatient.

My uncle Batta recently reminded me of a journal I kept years ago, and in it I’d made a list of ten things I wanted in my wife.

“Does Kanae fulfill all the things on the list?” he asked.

I had to go back and check it. Then I called him and said, “As a matter of fact, yes! Every one of them!”

It was a funny moment, and beautiful too.

I may be a few years older than Kanae, but she is wise in ways I’ve yet to learn. She has established the foundation for a relationship that is not contaminated by expectations or distractions or subconscious hopes. I believe this is a love that will grow deeper and richer over time. I’ve often said that if you aren’t growing in faith, then you are shrinking in it, and so it is with love. She is truly a child of God. She is royalty, and God has given her to me so that we can love each other and honor Him for His blessings.

Our love is contagious. An elderly woman saw us together one day, talking and laughing, and she came up to us with tears in her eyes and said, “Now I believe in true love again.” I can’t explain to you the joy I have when I see Kanae smiling or laughing, dancing, singing, and having fun. I can’t wait for the day when we can watch our children do the same.

You are God’s creation and therefore worthy of His love, which makes you worthy of a loving relationship too. I pray that you are as blessed by love as I have been, but remember to do your part and prepare yourself to not only receive it but to give it unselfishly too.

FOUR

E
ARLY IN MY LIFE
,
WHEN MY PARENTS WERE TRYING TO LOOK AHEAD AND
figure out what sort of future I might have, my father, the accountant, suggested that I follow him into his profession. “You are good with numbers, and you can always hire other people to be your arms and legs,” my dad said.

Crunching numbers is fun for me. Counting on my fingers and toes is not an option, but thanks to modern technology and my little foot, I can use a calculator and computer easily enough. So in college I went along with the parental plan and majored in financial planning and accounting. The thought of helping people make good monetary decisions, creating wealth for them and mapping out strategic plans for sustenance, appealed to me. I also enjoyed trading in the stock market, where I had both good and bad experiences.

Working as a financial planner seemed like a good way to serve others while supporting myself and, I hoped, my family too. Still, I never felt fully committed to that plan. There was always the sense that God was calling me to follow a different path. I’d begun giving talks about my disabilities to classmates in junior high. They responded to my words. I touched something in them, and God lit the sparks of a passion He’d placed within me.

Over time I spoke more and more about my faith. Evangelism and inspiration became my greatest passions. Speaking about my love of God and the blessings in my life, including my disabilities and the strength they give me, allows me to serve others. It’s given my life a purpose, one that I believe God created for me.

That is a great gift. Many people struggle to find meaning and direction in their lives. They question their value because they aren’t clear on how they can contribute or make a mark. Maybe you haven’t identified where your talents and interests lie. It’s not uncommon to cast about trying one thing or another before identifying your life’s calling. Changing course several times is increasingly common.

I encourage you to identify whatever it is that fulfills you and engages all your gifts and energy. Pursue that path, not for your own glory or enrichment, but to honor God and to make a contribution. Be patient if it takes time to find your way. Know that timing is important and that as long as you hold a true passion in your heart, it will not fade. Understand that even passions can come with risk. Remember, too, that if one passion ends, it is probably because God has something bigger and better in mind for you.

You’ll know you’ve found a passion when your talents, knowledge, energy, focus, and commitment all come together in a way that excites you like a
child with a favorite game or toy. Your work and pleasure become one and the same. You feel as though the opportunities are endless. What you do becomes part of who you are, and the rewards that come to you are far less satisfying than those that come to others because of you.

Your passion leads you to your purpose, and both are activated when you put your faith in your gifts and share them with the world. You are custom-made for your purpose, just as I am for mine. Every part of you—from your mental, physical, and spiritual strengths to your unique package of talents and experiences—is designed to fulfill that gift.

You put your faith in action by following your passion, defining your purpose, and building your life around developing and using your gifts to their fullest. What drives you? What makes you excited about each day? What would you do for free just to be doing it? What would you never want to retire from doing? Is there something that you would give up everything else for—all your material possessions and comforts—just to do because you feel so good doing it? What do you feel a sense of urgency about accomplishing?

Scripture tells us in John 9:4, “As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work.” If you haven’t found the work God intends for you, ask yourself the questions from the previous paragraph. If that doesn’t help you identify a passion, try asking those closest to you for their assessments and suggestions. What talents have they identified in you? Where do they think you could make a mark or a difference? What do they see you being most enthusiastic about?

Finally, before you decide what your passion is, I strongly suggest you check with the Ultimate Authority on the subject. I’m often asked how we can tell what God wants us to do. Whether you are trying to decide what your passion is, or you are facing a difficult situation and uncertain of what
to do, my advice is to pursue God’s love and get to know Him as a friend so that you can enjoy His presence. Pray to Him and meditate on His Word.

To know and believe in God is the best thing that can happen in your life because He can turn what appears to be the worst event into the best. He can transform your struggles into your learning. He can turn your suffering into strength. He can use your failures to bring success.

God has the power to give you “beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning [and] the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” If you are puzzled as to what His plan is for you and uncertain of which passion to pursue, pray to God for guidance. Ask others to pray for you as well. If the answer doesn’t come to you, my suggestion is that you find a way to serve others, whether on a mission trip or in your community. Try that for a while to see what comes of it.

I assure you, God pays for what He orders. He would not call you into His service without providing all you need to pursue your passion and purpose. At first you may not understand your calling. You may think that you lack passion for it. My dad was called to start a church, which he had no interest in doing. Yet he honored God and did what he felt called to do. Dad struggled at first with this. I’m sure Noah, too, had doubts when God put in an order for an enormous ark, but he didn’t say a word. He just built the boat. Following that order turned out to be a wise move. My father, like Noah, was eventually very grateful that he complied with his calling to build a church. People were drawn to it, and his work as a lay minister changed lives.

When God calls you to do something, you may not understand or be enthusiastic at first. But you should always be passionate about Him, which means you will do anything for Him. I’ve been blessed in that way. My
calling is to speak and inspire. My passion is to connect my listeners with God and with the best that is within them.