Unstoppable (9 page)

Just then, Kanae entered with her boyfriend, who dashed up the stairs as soon as he came in the door and did not see me.

Tammy did. Watching from the kitchen, she noted my look of disappointment, and her face went white. She realized where my heart had been directed when I struggled to smile at Kanae’s enthusiastic hug. Actually, I’ve never been so cold and mean to a girl in my life. Playing it cool was no longer in the game plan.

“So, you have a boyfriend?” I said. “How long have you been going out together?”

“About a year,” said Kanae.

The abyss suddenly seemed deeper.

I was so mad at myself for misreading this girl who obviously had no interest in me beyond friendship. I wanted to go off somewhere and use my forehead to pound nails, but there was steaming homemade lasagna on the table. Dinner was being served. Kanae’s boyfriend joined us, introducing himself. He was friendly and seemed like a nice enough bloke, but I wasn’t much in the mood to buddy up. God forgive me, this guy hadn’t done a thing to me other than have a girlfriend whom I’d fallen for like a sad sack of bricks.

I managed to get through the meal without biting off the head of the poor unsuspecting boyfriend. My caregiver and I were staying at Tammy’s house and so were Kanae and Yoshie, so this was looking like a long night.

I wonder if there’s a Red Roof Inn nearby?
I thought.

But that would have been bad manners and hard to explain. I had to buck up and make the best of a bad situation. I joined Tammy and her kids in the recreation room, burrowing into a comfy spot on the couch. Kanae joined us after her boyfriend left. When Tammy and the kids went off to bed, I was left alone with my crush, and I briefly thought about pouring out my heart to her. I decided instead to maintain some dignity and let it go.

Maybe I sighed a couple of times. I might even have whimpered once or twice. Despite great temptation I did not cry like a banshee. I was so busy wallowing in self-pity that I did not see Kanae leave her chair. Suddenly, she plopped down on the couch next to me and stared intently into my eyes.

You are so beautiful, and you have no idea how I feel about you
, I thought.

“Nick, can I talk to you about something?” she asked.

My Ice Man act melted. I could not resist this woman. I could barely breathe around her. Using every ounce of what little self-control I still had, I responded as matter-of-factly as a quivering, lovesick mass of a man possibly could. I was thankful my nearby caregiver was listening to some music with his eyes shut.

“Sure, what’s up?”

The woman of my dreams proceeded to pour out her heart to me—about her boyfriend. The relationship wasn’t what she’d hoped it would be. Kanae had doubts and concerns about where it was headed. Her family did not approve of him, and she had been pondering a breakup for several months, even before we met. She liked him, but he was not the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, she explained.

I put on my best “listening intently” expression. My concerned and caring face. My wise and empathetic look.

As much as I wanted to be the crowbar that pried Kanae apart from her boyfriend, I knew she was seeking my guidance and putting her trust in me. Like a judge who has a conflict of interest, I had to remove myself from this case and defer to the most Supreme Court.

“I understand your concerns. They are valid. You should pray and ask God to help you make a decision,” I said.

If she had simply thanked me for my advice, left me on the couch, and
walked away, our story may well have ended there. Instead, she lingered, so close, with those big, warm, dark eyes.

I heard the words and at first couldn’t believe they were coming from my mouth: “I have a question for you. Would you tell me what comes to your mind when I say two words: Bell Tower?”

“Our eyes,” she replied without hesitation.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Our eyes,” she said again. “I felt something when we looked at each other, and I freaked out because I’ve never felt that with anyone before.”

Whoa! It wasn’t just me, after all
, I thought.

“Nick, ever since then I’ve been praying and fasting on what to do,” Kanae said.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend back then at the Bell Tower?”

“I was going to ask Tammy for your e-mail to tell you everything, but then Tammy told me that you texted her about my sister taking your breath away …”

“No, no, no,” I said. “That text to Tammy was about you, not Yoshie.”

“It was about me?”

“You were the one I talked the most to that day. You were the one who caught my eye and held it during my speech, and you were the one I texted about to Tammy.”

“Well, I thought you were just a player flirting with us both!”

“No,” I insisted.

We both paused a second.

“So, now, you are telling me that you were praying to God and fasting about me?” I asked.

“Yes, I didn’t know what to do,” Kanae said. “I have a boyfriend, but I’d never felt what I felt when you looked at me.”

“Are you serious?” I said.

She fell silent.

Me too.

We’d run out of words. We’d been drawn to each other, but we’d both been torturing ourselves because of a misunderstanding. Our eyes locked again, and the longer we sat there, the more I never wanted to look anywhere else.

I was mesmerized.

Then panicked.

I felt an overwhelming urge to lean forward and kiss her. The emotional barriers were down. We’d opened up and shared our hearts. Yet she still had a boyfriend, which saddened me beyond belief.

She sensed what I was thinking.

“What do we do?” she asked.

“We can’t do anything. We’ve got to let this go. You have a boyfriend.”

Did I really just say that?
I thought.

“You’d better go now,” I told her.
Because I want to kiss you so badly
, I thought.

I was whipsawed by thoughts of joy and feelings of panic. This beautiful young woman had genuine feelings for me. She could love me! But she still had a boyfriend.

I had to put my feelings on lockdown.

“Give me a hug and go upstairs now,” I told her. “We need to pray for God’s help. No matter what these feelings are, we need to ask God to take them away.”

I was torn, and so was Kanae. We decided to go our separate ways and believe by faith that if we were meant to be together, God would do miracles.

After Kanae left, I prayed on the couch for at least an hour, asking God
first to calm my heart. Then I prayed for Him to help me stop wanting to be with Kanae if He did not want us to be together. I tried to convince myself that if she was not the one, I could just move on.

I dreamed of Kanae all night, and then in the morning, I had to say goodbye to her. Before leaving, she and Tammy and I huddled in the kitchen and talked through all that had happened. Tammy apologized for assuming that I’d been referring to Yoshie instead of Kanae when I texted about my feelings after the Bell Tower speech. We accepted her apology and forgave her for an honest mistake. Then we said our farewells to one another.

I left, not knowing if I’d ever see Kanae again, let alone be with her one day. I was emotionally exhausted from the highs and lows of the last twenty-four hours. All I could do was put it in God’s hands, but that didn’t stop my heart from aching. There was some consolation in the fact that she had admitted to having feelings for me. Just knowing that meant a lot to me. Her attraction to me confirmed that I wasn’t making up things in my head or thinking wishfully.

The fact that a smart, godly, and beautiful young woman like Kanae could see me as someone she might love was itself a blessing, and I had to acknowledge and thank God for this great gift. Kanae had impressed me as a Proverbs 31 woman, a wife or woman of noble character. Her character and faith in God blew me away. Part of putting faith into action in relationships is working to be your best and then believing that it is possible for someone to love you. It’s about believing there is a person out there who could look at you, see beyond all your flaws and shortcomings, and still love you.

My story should encourage you in this. Know that if it is possible for me, it is possible for you. If that is not enough, look around you. The world is full of imperfect, normal people who have found love and companionship.
Love is possible for you too. I pray that your soul mate finds you soon, and I pray also that your bonds are stronger than the challenges you will face.

Six weeks passed without any communication from Kanae. I had to return to Dallas for another engagement, and I was torn about whether I should call her. Tammy had extended a standing invitation for me to stay at her house whenever I was in the area, but I didn’t want to put Kanae in an awkward position. I decided to stay with another friend in town, but I forgot to call him to check if he’d be around. When I called him from the Dallas airport, he was out of town.

My caregiver and I had been traveling so much neither of us wanted to stay another night in a hotel. I was road weary and feeling down. My mind, body, and soul were weak, and so was my willpower. The thought of seeing Kanae and maybe talking to her a little bit—even if her boyfriend were still in the picture—trumped any thought of staying in a hotel.

I called Tammy to see if we could spend the night. Mark and the kids were home and welcomed us to come by, so we headed their way. And, yes, Kanae was there too.

During the drive from the airport, I had another talk with God.

You know I’m tired, and I am going to Tammy’s instead of a hotel. You know who is there and …
I smiled at God’s sense of humor. I suspected God was smiling too.

I should have been more apprehensive and guarded, but I was so exhausted and disoriented from my travels that I had a goofy grin on my face. “This is going to be fun,” I told my friend as we pulled into the driveway.

Mark and Tammy’s kids ran out, greeted us, and grabbed our bags, so we went into the kitchen. Kanae was there and we locked eyes.

“Surprise!” I said, feeling a little sheepish.

She laughed and smiled. If I’d had legs, I’m sure they would have gone weak. As it was, I felt as though I’d walked out of a one-dimensional, black-and-white world into a 3-D Technicolor planet. The chemistry between us was ten times stronger than before, and any remaining doubts were dissipated as soon as Kanae walked up, placed a hand on my shoulder, and said, “After praying all this time, God has put peace in my heart to break up with my boyfriend. I want to be with someone who I can see spending the rest of my life with.”

Yes!

All the disappointments, struggles, failures, fears, and tears in my life became irrelevant and forgotten in that God-given moment of victory. My mind could hardly wrap around the fact that such a special young woman was saying that she would be willing to spend the rest of her life as my wife.

My
wife!

Kanae told me that she’d been attracted to me from our first meeting, but beyond that, she’d felt such a strong emotional connection that it scared her. Mature beyond her years, she wanted to act on faith, not emotion, so after we first met, she pulled back and prayed for God’s guidance.

“I prayed for God to tell me what those feelings were, whether they were just a physical chemistry or emotions, or if this really was God’s call for a lasting relationship,” she said. “I didn’t want to rely on my emotions. I didn’t want to step forward only for that reason, so I just kept praying.” In other words, Kanae put her faith into action.

My prayer for you is that someday, when you are ready to receive it,
God will put contentment in your heart, either by blessing you with someone who loves you or by allowing you to feel fully blessed without someone. Prepare yourself by staying in faith and being the best person you can be. Give as much love as you can. Put it out there, and God will take care of the rest.

As much as that moment felt like the greatest romantic movie ever written—or at least the greatest in which I had a starring role—it was not a movie. This was real life, and you know how that can go. Once we committed to each other without reservations, the next step was to introduce ourselves as a couple to our families.

Kanae’s mother and sister gave their blessings right away, and I was very grateful for their love and understanding. When she told her mum, my future mother-in-law actually said, “Glory to God!”

Yoshie had told her mum weeks earlier that there was chemistry between Kanae and me, and their mum said she had been praying and fasting that a relationship would blossom. I won over her grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins by dancing to a mariachi band at a family party and then sharing my faith with them. They weren’t worried about my lack of limbs. A few harbored concerns that I might be a shallow celebrity who lacked substance, but after I shared my testimony and Kanae and I professed our love for each other, those fears went away.

I actually put off telling my parents about this new relationship for a couple of weeks because my dad tends to be wary and likes to interrogate me when it comes to women. My mum and dad quickly came to love Kanae too. She has a level of wisdom rare for such a young lady. Her
parents divorced when she was five years old, and Kanae had to take on some adult responsibilities at that early age.

Her maturity became especially apparent when my parents asked Kanae a very difficult question. While my lack of limbs was not the result of an inherited gene—my brother and sister have all their limbs—my parents nonetheless asked how she would feel if one of our children came into the world like me.

My future bride, who had already decided she wanted a large family, replied, “Even if all five of our kids have no arms and no legs, I would love them all. And I know I have it easier than you, because Nick came out of the blue for you, but I would have him as their role model and guide.”