Unsuitable Obsession - Part One (5 page)

For now, I’m renting a one-bedroom/one bath bachelor
pad on La Cienega Boulevard. After I pass the BAR, I’m going to
purchase a condo somewhere along the beach: Malibu, Santa Monica or
Pacific Palisades. I love the sea air, the wide expanse of the deep
blue ocean. As I look out my window on top of the 15
^th
floor, I notice the hustle and bustle of the streets down below.
I’m part of that turmoil, and I love it. I love it! What a life I
lead. My dictation of it thus far has been straightforward, all my
goals have been met; I’m in charge. At least I was in charge,
because now I feel like I’m spinning out of control.

Running my hands through my hair, I find my bed
finally and lie down. Hands folded behind my head, Amber Fitzgerald
pops into my reflections of the day. I roll over slightly and try
to get comfortable, I can’t? That girl invades my mind again.
Another chuckle escapes my throat. Sounds silly, but I can envision
myself holding her...
oh hell
...that really is pointless.
Almost feels like...one day...I will? Good God, that is truly
insane...I must be getting sick, coming down with something,
catching a cold, a fever, something.

I roll over to the other side of bed. Again, she
pops into my head.

I roll back over to the other side.

I want to steal her, I’ve concluded, but I keep
brushing the thought out of my rationale. I have to keep reminding
myself that Amber is Victor’s
girlfriend.
She’s his
girlfriend, Eduardo. Girlfriend...darling...sweetheart, remember
sensing the attachment in your brother’s eyes? You would never act
on betraying him again. Never. Or would you? I could never exploit
my attraction to her, never. I can’t, I won’t. Well...maybe. No,
think of Victor. Your little brother...No can do.

The thought of it runs rampant throughout my brain.
My heartbeat is accelerating now. I wish Amber were lying here next
to me. Good God, this is getting hallucinatory!

Get it under control Eduardo!

But what was that feeling I felt when I was beside
her tonight, a connection? What the hell was that all about? I have
never experienced sensitivity like that before with any woman. The
moment I leaned over to welcome her company, I noticed Amber’s lips
parting from my presence. Instantaneously, I felt amazing
magnetism, a mind-boggling urge to stay near
her?
Fascination washed over me, my heart pounded uncontrollably, I
wanted to grab her in my arms and kiss those parted lips. I was
sexually attracted to her; I knew that straight away. Walking away
from my brother however, I knew I’d have a dilemma and recognized
instantly that I was in big trouble. I was around that girl for no
more than thirty seconds, but yet, I felt dispirited for drawing
away? I could either steal her away for the evening, or give my
little brother a gift. I love my little brother...I don’t like to
see him hurt.

I try and close my eyes, but Amber’s dark tresses
assault my sleep. She was definitely different. Diverse from the
other girls I usually favor.
Blondes,
any blonde; women with
caress worthy light-colored hair. Dirty blonde, light blonde,
platinum blonde, flaxen whatever, I settle for nothing less.
Baffles my mind how I’m suddenly attracted to this girl, with her
tantalizing raven splendor. Amber is no raving beauty; in fact,
she’s even sort of plain. Most of my dates wear make-up; she
appeared to bear none. She had a pert modest nose, supple
complexion; nothing stunning to say the least...it was
her
eyes
. Those eyes, not from any one color, but...hers looking
through mine; like she was handing over a mystery, a key to her
very soul and this is what is so baffling to me.

Why is she so damn fascinating anyway? I’m trying to
find the answer, but it escapes me. Maybe it’ll arrive in the
morning, I must get some sleep. But I’m one determined fool and I
always find the explanation, that’s my perseverance. Once I set my
mind to something, I always achieve my goal. But what objective
could this bring about?

With much effort, my eyes finally feel heavy. I’m
still not asleep, but I’m tired enough for my lids to remain shut.
Again, Amber pops into my head. Damn that sexual attraction!

There are two types of women who gain my full
attention. The first is a woman who could build up my salacious
nature—my physical attraction. There has to be a minimum of three
visible attributes I like about a woman, whether it’s her hair
(blonde), her eyes (usually blue or green, never brown) or her
body. The females that usually turn my head are the ones with
evident contours, slender waists, and tone bottoms with curvaceous
breasts. Did I mention breasts? Good God, checking out the rest of
Amber tonight definitely was my doom. Her height wasn’t even a
factor because her body was so amazing. Hourglass shape with round
shapely hips, long tone tan legs and a bra size I could only
imagine could contain the most desirable pair of breasts. My
perverted nature sends images of my mouth gliding across her pink,
projected nipples. The consistent semblance stirs an arousing
response in my better part.

Good God Amber Fitzgerald, get the hell out of my
head!

When I’m sexually attracted to a woman then heaven
help her. The female
will
be in my bed and she’d be leaving
totally satisfied a few days later. I can only think of two women
in my past that I’ve been harshly sexually captivated by. Back in
high school Stacey Somers (the girl who broke my heart by the way)
was a devote Christian and holding off for marriage. Good God, I
tried everything to get her to sleep with me. If I was determined
back then to get into her into pants, she was just as stubborn
fending my body away. The second girl was at UCLA; Tarin Howard,
was a highly sought after cheerleader and my pursuit of her was
unmerciful. We dated and slept with one another for several months
continuously until Tarin was offered to pose nude in Playboy. Well
Hell, that got me disinterested in her real fast, she’d rather
display her breasts for the whole God damn world than to me
privately? We broke up, Tarin posed nude and I concentrated on
education and graduated Magna Cum Laude.

As I roll over in bed for the umpteenth time, I’m
positive I want Amber Fitzgerald. Good God, her appeal was going to
destroy my better judgment! All my life I’ve never lacked for
anything. I have the personality, the mentality and the funds to
obtain anything (including women) that my heart so desires.

Inaccessible...

Unreachable...The challenge and the intricate
pursuit…

Good God...as I feel myself drifting away in dreams
of her...Amber Fitzgerald is going to destroy me...

My birthday is next month, I’ll be twenty-one. Never
thought I’d be married by this age, never thought I’d be lucky
enough to find someone to love and cherish as much as I love and
cherish Amber.

She’s everything I ever wanted in a girlfriend; why
not make her my bride? The way she makes me feel when I’m around
her, she makes me smile all the time. She’s got this cocky sense of
humor, I mean, it’s almost like a dudes. Direct and
straightforward, she tells you like it is, and I respect her
opinions. We never argue, and I think that’s a good thing. I’ve had
girlfriends in the past who’ve nitpicked everything I ever did and
it was always so laborious trying to make them happy or smile.

Why don’t girls realize that when we guys play
sports we can’t always give them our undivided attention? I mean,
I’m out in center field and she’s like
“notice me—I’m here—woo
hoo—notice me”.
I’m not one to date or sleep around. I mean,
don’t get me wrong, I’m no virgin, I just don’t see the point of
sleeping with girls I can’t have a conversation with. Not like my
brother,
bastardo
that he is, that guy doesn’t realize the
power he has over women. If I had just a tiny bit of his bravado
I’d be invincible, the man is a dating legend; I don’t know how he
does it. Gets girls phone numbers and then has them for
dinner—literally. Doesn’t he ever want to know what they’re
thinking rather than knowing what they look like naked? Can you
tell I’m just a little bit envious of the dude? Don’t get me wrong,
I love my brother, without him, I wouldn’t be half the man I am
today. He taught me how to come out of my shell (or rather how not
to be shy) and how to approach chicks. Without Eduardo, I’d be in
some jail cell or maniacally pushing the buttons on some video
game. And smart, damn, my bro is smart, I mean, intellectually
stupid smart. I don’t know how many times I’ve gone to him for help
with Algebra, Science, History, English—all those hard subjects.
He’s helped me bring my C’s to B’s and support me on the Varsity
Baseball Team. Hell, without him, I wouldn’t have lettered in
Baseball, Basketball or even Football for that matter. My C’s would
have been D’s, and I would have never been able to excel in sports.
Yah, I was a jock. But I wasn’t one of those exemplary jocks with
the conceited attitudes, like my
shit
don’t stink. I hated
those dudes. I guess you could say I was unpopular socially, I
hated those damn phony-ass lipstick chicks too, I’d rather hang
around other team members or girls I knew from class. I remembered
seeing Amber in my Photography class, but she was always so shy. I
often wondered what her face looked like if she pulled her hair
away from her face. But, I’m ahead of myself; let’s leave her for
last (the best for last).

I’ve always hung around white dudes. I hate speaking
Spanish outside my home (I am of Mexican decent and I’ve always
wondered why
Mexican
wasn’t considered the language of
Mexicans—but Spanish—or Español) whatever. I hate being asked to
translate to other Mexicans who happen to have just crossed the
border. I mean, I was born here, in the San Fernando Valley, I’ve
never stepped foot in Mexico. How can I be thrown in and
automatically associated with a group of Mexicans that I don’t even
know? I hate that too! Just because you’re Hispanic instinctively
means you’re supposed to speak Spanish? Whatever. Mama and Papa
insist I speak Spanish the moment I’m at home though, insist I
speak Spanish to my elders. OK. I can live with that, but around my
white friends? Forget it. And I think my bro has had it the hardest
really, he was born in Mexico. He had to learn English in
elementary, back in the 60’s when teachers looked down on
foreigners. He hardly had any friends, kids used to tease him
because of his accent and the color of his skin. Damn but it was
hard to grow up in a white-ass neighborhood! Kids were always
picking on us. Good thing I could kick a ball, or swing a bat,
otherwise, we’d be homebodies! At the age of seven, my bro would
lock himself in his bedroom and study for hours, trying to perfect
English and pronounce the language without a hint of an accent.
Damn that boy was determined. Told ya I wasn’t bright like Eduardo,
but hey, I can hit a 75-MPH fastball into center field! Eduardo
can’t even hit a pitch if it was lobbed to him underhand two-feet
away (laughing out loud)! But I love the dude; I admire him for
going to school for so many years and getting his goddamn
Bachelor’s Degree and then to top it off go to Harvard? What kind
of brainy psycho goes to Harvard? Eduardo Sanchez, that’s who, can
you tell I look up to the dude?

Amber and I, we like to kid around and joke with one
another and if we do happen to have an argument (which is almost
never), I’m usually the one who apologizes. I don’t know what it
is, but I don’t want her mad or upset with me. I guess what it
really boils down to is I never want her to
leave me.
All my
girlfriends have broken up with me; I’ve never been bold enough to
dump them first. Oh, not for the lack of wanting to, I’ve had some
really unhealthy relationships, especially when my bro is involved.
He can be a little annoying at times, especially in the female
department. Damn if he hasn’t already taken two of my steady
girlfriends. I don’t blame them really, although at the time, I was
really, I mean,
really
upset with him, like my
whole world shattered. But hey, the girls weren’t into me, I
figured they were just into my bro, and used me to get to him.
Skanks. No biggy, life went on, I found other chicks that dug
me.

Carla Pinkton (my first real girlfriend), man I
thought I loved that girl. She looked like Jodie Foster with dirty
blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She was awesome too and could
make-out for hours. I tried to get to second base with her, but she
kept pushing me away, I figured, no biggy, she’d let me rub her
eventually. We were going out for three months straight and during
the summer, she would come over to my house and go swimming.
Bad
idea.
Summer meant my bro was on vacation too and spent most of
his time at home. Carla and I barely stepped foot outside and I
noticed that she was entranced by the pool. I turned to look where
she was staring and there he was, his goddamn arms crossed above
his shoulders lying in his underwear on a lounge chair. He was
trying to get a tan and didn’t bother to put on a bathing suit. It
was his house too, but fuckin’ Eduardo, couldn’t he just be a
little bit more bashful? I remembered going over to him and kicking
his shin. His limbs lazily reclined off the sides of the plastic,
exposing not only the thickness of his
huevos
, but his hairy
ass legs. Eduardo opened up his eyes immediately and was about to
return the jolt. Damn but Carla didn’t nearly expire at the sight
of my bro standing there practically naked, bronzed from the sun. I
yanked her body away from his cocky attitude and pushed her into
the pool on purpose to cool her down. It didn’t matter; she ended
up trying to get me jealous by throwing herself at several of my
teammates too. Whatever.