Unworthy (23 page)

     “Where did you meet her?” My father asks as he pours us each a glass of whiskey.

     “She worked at the bar I first went to when I arrived in London. I saw her stepping off the subway walking towards the bar and I knew there was something about her. Turned out she was an apprentice at the London office and she was pretty much doing everyone’s jobs for them, but you already know how that went.”

     I take a sip of the liquid my father has given me and can feel the burn as it slides down my throat. I can see they are happy for me, I’ve never brought a girl to see the family before so they know how special she is to me, but I can tell there is only one thing they want to ask me and as if on cue my uncle asks.

     “What do you know about her?” I see my uncle take in a breath while the fear that I could be wrong consumes him. I feel for him, I do, to go through so many years not knowing anything about a part of you that lives on must be destroying and he’s been dealing with that sorrow for at least seventeen years.

     “She looks so much like the woman I once loved.”

     “Let’s not get our hopes up, William.” My father says as he takes a hold of my uncle’s hand.

     “She’s not very forthcoming about her past” I begin

     “All she has ever really told me is that she lived in a small town three hours away from London with her mother and then with a stepfather. There’s not much of a relationship there and she’s very much a loner. Keeps herself to herself, but she is the most amazing woman I have ever known.” I can’t help, but smile as I think of her and the future we could have if she would only let herself have one.

     “Does she know anything about her father?” My uncle asks me. I look at the longing in his eyes, the hope that she knows something that gives us a clearer picture of whether she is who we think she could be.

     “From what she has told me, no. She hasn’t mentioned it.” I can see both my father and uncle look towards each other with them both releasing big sighs. My uncle looks so deflated and lost and I feel so sorry for him. He’s been searching for years and he’s so close to the answers, but still they are too far away to reach. I can see his heart breaking as he takes in all the news I have given him.

     “Do we tell her?” My uncle asks again.

     “We would have to be careful how we approached this. As far as Grace is concerned her father left her.”

     “I didn’t leave her, her mother just took her.” My uncle shouts and my father places a gentle hand on his while he tries to comfort his brother.

     “She doesn’t know that, though, does she?”

     “We have to be gentle, this will be delicate.”  We talk for a few more minutes before we all stand and make our way out of my father’s office where I hear my uncle say

     “I just want to know.” He stops to wipe a tear.

     “I know it’s her, she looks just like the girl I remember.” I watch as the two men walk down the hallway to the entrance to the garden when I see Grace walk by with none other than the woman I despise more than anything. 

     I’ve known Kate for as long as I can remember, she’s been friends of Kimberley’s for years and because she has seen me grow she thinks she knows me better than anyone else. I’ve screwed her a couple of times, but that’s only because she is such an easy lay and she’s not the type of woman you would want to bring home to meet your mother. She’s a dirty slut, but she has the act of high society down to a tee when it comes to my parents. I hate her, but her family are very close to mine and that’s the only reason I tolerate her, so when I see Grace looking like she is ready to burst into tears I could physically hurt the bitch. How dare she hurt the first woman apart from my family that I actually care about above myself?

GRACE

     I can’t stand there any longer and listen to this woman remind me of how wrong I am for the man I am deeply in love with. She looks so sure of herself as she stands above me, hands on her hips with an evil smirk. I am so stupid to think he could see anything in me except an easy lay and I can’t afford for this woman to know that she has got to me. I don’t say anything as I turn around and make my way back through the house where I know everyone is. I can only hope that Samuel will sense my unease and say we can go.

     “That’s right; you’re no good for him. Just leave him to a real woman, little girl.” I won’t look back and give the bitch the satisfaction of getting to me, but I am forced to stop in my tracks when I hear his voice.

     “What’s going on here?” He looks so handsome just standing there waiting for an answer and all I can do is get myself as far away from him as I can.

     When I get back outside I go sit where we were earlier and watch as Samuel comes through and tells everyone we will be on our way. As we say goodbye to everyone I don’t see Kate, which settles the nerves in my stomach just a little. We settle in Samuel’s car and it’s not till we’re five minutes into our journey that he speaks.

     “What did that bitch say to you?” I look across at him and I can see genuine concern for me and it leaves me so confused.

     “She just confirmed something that I was too afraid to say.”

     “And what’s that?” He takes a glance at me before he concentrates on the road ahead of us again. I look at his perfect profile as he shifts gears and my knickers instantly become damp and I can’t believe how pathetic I am.

     “I’m not good enough.” I barely whisper.

     “What?”

     “I’m not good enough. I’m never enough.” I remain looking out the windscreen and every now and then I am sure I can feel Samuel’s eyes on me, but he never says anything to me and you could pierce the silence in the car with a knife.  Although the silence is awful the journey goes by quickly and Samuel is soon pulling up into one of his parking spaces in the underground carpark. We both get out at the same time and before I know what he is doing he is in front of me pushing me up against his car. I can feel his chest rise and fall in time with mine as his eyes search through mine, trying to find answers to what, I have no idea. He raises his hand and uses his fingers to brush away my hair that has come loose.

     “I never want to hear you say those words again.” I can’t answer his because as soon as he has uttered the words his lips attack mine and I can feel his hands move down my body to around my bum where he grabs hold and raises me up and I instantly wrap my legs around his waist. He walks over to the lift with ease and as soon as we are in the car he pushes me up against the wall with so much force that the adrenaline that bumps through my veins takes me out of my current mood. He kisses me with a hunger that I haven’t felt before and I know that what I had been feeling since that woman is rubbish. I may not want us to say the love word to one another, I may be too messed up for those words, but the way Samuel is kissing me right at this moment tells me that he has strong feelings for me and I kiss him back with as much force just to let him know I feel the same. We make our way into his apartment without him letting me go and he carries me off to his bedroom where we spend the rest of the evening.

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

GRACE

     On the morning of the charity event I awaken in Samuel’s bed. I almost forget where I am, but as I look out the window opposite the bed I remember I am in New York City, I’m looking out over Central Park. It’s beautiful as you see all the beautiful colors of the late summer taking life right in front of you. Even though I have had the best night’s sleep of my life I can feel my body’s soreness. My clit feels over sensitive and I can still feel a fullness within myself which leaves me with a smile.  The quilt is soft against my naked skin and my back and bum feel like they are melting into the mattress it’s that soft and comfortable. I pull the covers off my body and pull my body off the bed with reluctance as I slowly place a robe around my shoulders and tie it at my stomach. I make my way through the hallway and down the twisted staircase to a beautiful smell. As I enter the kitchen Samuel is standing by the oven working a pan. He’s wearing deep blue pajama bottoms which hug around his hip bones. His buns even through the material look firm yet soft and the muscles in his back are defined so beautifully that if I’m not mistaken make him look like a piece of fine art. The bastard. It’s not fair that he looks so gorgeous while I probably look hideous. I step closer towards him and my senses are overtaken by his masculine scent. I hear him sigh as I wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle my head into the juncture where his neck and shoulder join. I feel comfortable in my position, like this is where I belong, where I have always meant to belong and I have a feeling of immense happiness that I have never felt before.

     “You’re awake.” He says as he puts his hands over mine.

     “What are you making?”

     “I hope you like pancakes, Miss Grace?” He says as he rubs my hand with his own.

     “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never had homemade pancakes before.”

     “What?” Samuel says as he turns around to look at me.

     “My mother never made them for me.” He begins to shake his head in disbelief as he digests what I tell him.

     “You really missed out.” He kisses the top of my nose as a finger runs over my lips as he continues.

     “But don’t worry, you are about to taste the best pancakes in this State.” I raise my eyebrows at him and he releases a laugh.

     “You don’t believe me?”

     “The best in the State? Well, you better hurry, rich boy, because I’m dying to try these so-called pancakes.” His laughter becomes louder as he watches me and I have to stop myself from sighing as he bends down to pass me two plates.

     “The table, please, Miss Grace.” I take the plates from his grip and walk them over to the table which has an array of different fruits laid out upon it and I place the plates down. When I get back to Samuel he has left out cutlery and glasses and I take those to the table as well. He comes up behind me with a plate full of pancakes and a carton of orange juice. I watch him settle them on the table and then pull out a chair and gesture for me to take it.

     “Such the gentleman.”

     “Of course. You’ve met my family, would you expect any thing else?” I can feel his breathing at the back of my neck as he leaves a trail of kisses and then his fingers begin to travel down my chest to my breasts where I sigh as I feel his hands massage them, arousing me in pleasure. All of a sudden he pulls away from me and moves to his own seat.

     “Not now, Grace, we must eat.” I can see him from the opposite side of the table grinning at me, the bastard knows how much I want him and he looks like he couldn’t give a damn. Well, two can play at that game, rich boy.

     “Definitely not when all this food is waiting for us.” He looks at me with a certain look; he didn’t expect me to say that, checkmate. I reach over to take some pancakes and then some fruit and when I taste it the sweetness melts on my tongue.

     “Hmmmmm. That’s good.” I can see him shift in his chair and reach his hand to his lap where the table hides what he is undoubtedly doing. He remains in silence as he takes a taste of his own breakfast and we stay like this for at least ten minutes until he speaks again.

     “The charity event is tonight and I need to go into the office for a bit.”

     “O...OK.”

     “I already said I want you to come with me. I have arranged for my personal shopper to come by with some dresses for you to choose from and then you are going to get pampered.”

     “Pampered?” I say and he watches me as if to say don’t mess with me just do as I ask, but this is too much. I can’t allow him to do all this for me. I go to stand, but he places his hand over mine in an attempt to stop me.

     “This is my world, Grace, and unfortunately this is how it’s got to be. The press are nasty fuckers and if you don’t do things right they ridicule you. I won’t let them do it to you.” I know what he is saying, but that’s not me and it just comes back down to the two of us being two completely different people and even though the last few weeks have been wonderful and Samuel has let me see a side of him that only his family sees, it tells me more than any words can. You don’t belong here, you’ll never be good enough for him and you aren’t enough for his world either. I reach for my wrist, an action I know I haven’t done for a while and before I can start pulling and releasing my old friend I can feel Samuels hand press down on my hand to stop me.

     “You haven’t done that for so long. Please don’t start again.” He lets go and I watch him stand up and come round to me.

     “You know you’re everything to me, but I know what this world is like and I only want to protect you from it.” I look into his eyes and I know he speaks the truth, but it doesn’t take away the fears. I know what everyone else will think as soon as I am seen at a function with him. That undoubtedly is the truth and I know it. He stands up and gives me a kiss on my head and I get the feeling that all the work he has helped me with is instantly lost, that I’m losing him, losing more importantly his friendship and I can’t stop myself from crying as I hear the front door to his flat close. I have no time to dwell on my feelings as I am soon greeted by Samuel’s personal shopper. My first thought as she comes through the door and greets me with a warm smile is how skinny she is, why is everyone in this world so skinny. I’m not fat, I know I’m not, and the average female size in England is a fourteen and I’m a twelve, but even so I still feel so unworthy of being in Samuel’s company.