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Since realizing how much I cared about Cael, I had spent countless hours trying to talk myself into believing I needed to wait for sex. But the more I thought about it, the less I understood about waiting. I knew I was a virgin because I hadn’t wanted to go any further than a little touching and kissing with other guys. What I felt for Cael was so much stronger than anything I had ever experienced. There was no indecision or wondering going on in my mind. No hesitation. I was a little scared because of inexperience, but I knew I wanted him. And it didn’t matter if he loved me or that we’d only known each other a short time, because I felt like I was everything to him already. He made me feel beautiful, and special, and needed. And when I’d first come here and thought his life might be in danger, I would have given my own life to protect him. I still would. Wasn’t that part of love? I hoped so. But no matter what, it had to mean that choosing to have sex with Cael was good and right, and I couldn’t think of a single reason to wait. Grant it, this wasn’t the most ideal place, but it didn’t matter if we were in the back of car or in a penthouse suite. I wanted to be with him. I loved him.

Now that I had made up my mind, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wasn’t versed in the art of seduction. Perhaps I should have thrown myself at him or asked, “Hey, do you want to have sex?” In light of my lack of prowess, I went for five mile run on the treadmill.

Afterwards, I took a long shower and shaved. Then I blow dried my hair and put on a cream-colored cashmere sweater and a gray skirt whose hem was three inches above my knees. When Pippa and I had raided the closet earlier, we hadn’t found a pair of pants that fit. So we had grabbed what was left, feeling that anything would be better than green scrubs. Now, looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t complain. I had always liked skirts, anyway.

Taking a deep breath, I padded barefoot up to Cael’s room. His door was cracked, and the only light came from the lamp at his desk. He was bent over his computer, looking at one of the sites Jensen’s digital security system didn’t block. Papers were in piles that demonstrated his particular method of organization. His brow was furrowed in concentration, and I pictured him looking like this up at college, studying for a test. He was amazing, and I physically ached to hold him close.

With my heart pounding in my chest, I took a deep breath and pushed open his door. He looked up at me and gave me that familiar, brilliant smile that melted my insides. His eyes traveled slowly down my body and back up as I shut the door behind me. “You look beautiful, Iggy.” He stood and came over to wrap his arms around my waist, kissing me softly on the lips. Then he let me go. “Are you hungry? Would you like to go get some dinner?”

I shook my head. I wanted to tell him exactly what I wanted, but I couldn’t find the words.

“We could go listen to music in the library.” He gave me a lopsided smile. “I found a deck of cards. How about a game of poker?”

Biting my bottom lip, I picked up the remote control on his desk and pushed the button that locked the door. The click seemed loud. The smile on Cael’s face faded into a serious expression. Now that his lighter mood had vanished, his voice was its normal low pitch as he asked, “What are you doing?”

I was too scared to say it, so I put the remote down and walked toward him. I reached up to take his face between my hands and pull him down so I could kiss him. I let all the intensity I felt be transmitted to him through that kiss, and when I broke away from him to take a breath, he asked, “What is it you want, Iggy? Tell me. I want to hear you say it.”

“I want you, Cael.” No hesitation. No doubt.

He gave me a pleased smile. “Are you sure?”

I nodded. “Absolutely positive. I’ve been thinking about it for so long. I don’t want to wait any longer.” I stepped back and nervously tucked some hair behind my ear. “But I want to tell you that, um, I haven’t ever done this before.”

Cael pulled me closer and kissed the tip of my nose. “I’ll be slow and gentle. I promise.” He took my hands and backed toward his bed, leading me forward and smiling reassuringly. He pulled his covers down, and I felt even more nervous. I was sure my face was as red as it was hot. Then he tugged his shirt over his head, and I breathed in the sight of him. He was so perfect. And when I noticed a ridge of muscle on either side of his hips that angled down in a V, disappearing into the waistband of his jeans, my eyes widened, and I reached out to touch. My fingers slid down over the muscle of his right hip, and Cael sucked in a breath, grabbing my shoulders. He kissed me softly and tugged on the hem of my sweater. I held up my arms, and he pulled it over my head. The he slowly reached around me and unzipped my skirt, letting it fall to the floor where it pooled at my feet. I nudged the material aside and then my eyes were glued on Cael’s fingers as he unbuttoned his jeans and slid the zipper down. When he stood naked before me, I squeezed my eyes shut. He was beautiful, but he was also a little scary, and I looked up at his face instead.

He unhooked my bra and then tugged my panties down my thighs. I stepped out of them and looked at anywhere but at him, feeling uncomfortable knowing I was the sole subject of his gaze. I felt his fingers comb through my hair. “What’s wrong, Iggy?”

I breathed out, “I’m shy.”

Cael kissed my eyelids. “Don’t be shy, baby. You’re beautiful.” Then he picked me up, set me on his bed, and lay down beside me. He kissed me deeply, and then he pulled back and admitted, “I’ve wanted you for so long, Iggy. What made you come to me tonight?” He pressed his body along the length of my side. His arm slipped around me as he waited for my answer.

“I realized that when you love someone, it makes no sense to wait. I want every moment I can get with you. All of you.”

Propped up on an elbow, Cael asked, “You love me?”

I nodded, studying his face with wide eyes. He kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my chin, and then his lips tickled my ear as he said, “I love you too, Iggy.”

And then Cael kept his promise about being slow and gentle. Even after his lips and fingers explored my body and I was trembling with wanting something that he hadn’t given quite yet, even when I begged him to be faster because I was on the brink of discovering something incredible, he drove me out of my mind with the pleasure of his slow gentleness. He spent hours teaching me just how perfect slow and gentle is.

Chapter 28

Iggy

Consciousness seeped in and I opened my eyes. The most exquisite morning sound greeted me – Cael’s breathing, slow and rhythmic, near my ear. One of my legs was draped over his, and his arm was thrown across my hip. I was tucked into him, my hair partially fanning over the top of his head. I didn’t want to budge, but I had to use the bathroom.

It was a bit awkward – being naked and trying to get off the bed without waking him up. I disentangled myself half-way before his fingers twitched and he blinked sleepily at me. He smiled. I turned red. “Good morning,” he mumbled in a deep, rumbling voice that must be how he sounded when he first woke up. “Where are you sneaking off to?”

“The bathroom.” Then I moved quickly since he was awake and staring at my body.

After using his toilet, I decided to take a shower. And as the hot water pelted down, I stretched and smiled, replaying last night in my mind. I had read somewhere and heard some girls at school say that having sex for the first time was a little painful, but it hadn’t been for me. And though I was a little sore in new places, the thought of Cael had me wanting to do it all over again.

I was in the middle of rinsing the shampoo out of my hair when I heard a knock on the door. “Yeah?”

“Can I come in?” Cael asked.

My heart slammed into my chest and shampoo stung my wide open eyes. Now? While I was in the shower? “Okay.”

Cael using the bathroom and flushing the toilet seemed so personal that I was surprised he would be at ease enough to do that with me in here. But if he had to pee, why should he wait? After all, not much in life was more personal than sex. Then he really took me by surprise by asking if he could shower with me. Though a wave of shyness washed over me at the thought of him seeing me standing there naked – again – I agreed.

Cael stepped into the tub with the surety and grace of someone completely at ease with his body. The first thing he did was pull me to him for a long kiss that had me hoping for a repeat of last night. Then, holding me up off my feet, he turned us around so that he was the one under the spray.

“How do you feel?” he asked, grabbing the bar of soap and rubbing it between his hands.

“I feel very…nice. Happy,” I told him, watching rivulets of water slide over his lips, his shoulders, and his chest. I wanted to sip the water off his skin.

He slipped his arms around my waist and kissed me, sliding his soapy hands up and down my back, my bottom, and my hips. I grabbed hold of his arms as he gently swept my hair aside and kissed my neck and the tops of my shoulders before smoothing his soapy hands over the places his lips had been. As his palms glided over my body, he trailed kisses across my collar bone, my jaw and around my ear, and he said, “I love you, Iggy. I love touching you. I love watching you. I love everything about you. You’re so beautiful.” He paused to look at me. “I can’t believe you’re mine.”

His words melted me. His hands all over my body set me on fire and made me forget my inhibitions. After he’d explored every place on my body, Cael kissed me again, his tongue teasing me by mimicking actions from last night. He said, “You need to be thoroughly kissed.”

“I have been.”

He smiled and shook his head, then he kissed the tip of my nose and said, “No, you haven’t. I’ll show you what I mean.”

Cael backed me into the shower wall and began kissing me everywhere, making me gasp. Then he got down on his knees in front of me and kissed my stomach, my hips. And when I realized what he meant, I reached down to still his head. He looked up at me, sliding his hands up my thighs. “Please let me, Iggy.”

Staring down into his beautiful face, my fingers curved beneath his jaw, and I realized I could deny him nothing. I bit my lip, and then I nodded. And I learned exactly what being thoroughly kissed was like.

Iggy

I didn’t see much of anyone for the rest of the day or on Christmas Eve day. But at ten o’clock on Christmas morning, Devon went running down the hallways shouting ‘Merry Christmas’. Most everyone opened their doors to yell at him to shut up.

Pippa came by in the afternoon to tell me that she and I were wearing dresses to dinner, so we raided the closet again. She found a black one that hugged her lithe form, while I chose a Christmas-red one that was like a sundress with a flouncy skirt.

Staff started setting up dinner around four that afternoon. Long tables were brought in with red and green table clothes and garland to adorn them. Stacks of ceramic plates and bowls were laid out so we didn’t have to use the usual plastic trays. Every one of our round dining tables had a candle in the center, and lamps were brought in for subtle lighting that replaced the fluorescent rows overhead. Bottles of champagne – I guess it didn’t matter that none of us were of legal drinking age – were stuffed into the ice that filled three large coolers. But the best part was the milk chocolate fountain surrounded by a plates of fruit, graham crackers, cheesecake, and marshmallows.

Krish and Pippa started dipping fruit as soon as the fountain was functioning. Devon and Gavin each grabbed their own bottle of bubbly, forgoing the plastic champagne flutes next to the dishware, and walked around the halls chatting with whomever they came across. Val and Ezra partnered up in setting up the music; they propped open the library door and cranked up the stereo so that we could clearly hear it in the cafeteria and down the hallways. And though Krish and Ibram didn’t celebrate Christmas, they came to eat dinner with us anyway.

It turned out to be a lot of fun. It was as if everyone let go of the tension they’d been feeling and fell into camaraderie, laughing and sharing personal stories as if we were all best friends. Even Alex and Gavin, after several glasses of champagne, floated around talking with everyone, including me.

Of course, Wesley was the exception to the rule. I had to admit he looked hot in tight jeans and a black t-shirt. But he didn’t drink, and he didn’t relax. Other than Alex and a couple of visits from Ibram, Krish, and Jax, he remained somewhat isolated. He wasn’t in a very good mood to begin with, which made me a little sad. We hadn’t spoken much since I’d showed him what I could do with water, and after spending an hour eating and talking in the dining hall, he still hadn’t approached me to even say ‘hello’. We had always been so close to each other, and I didn’t know how he was feeling about our distance, but I was having a difficult time dealing with the one-eighty we’d pulled on each other. Though I was having an amazing time with Cael while laughing with everyone else, I caught occasional glimpses of Wesley staring at me, and I felt absurdly guilty. I tried to break the tension, but he would look away before I could smile at him.

Not long into our celebration, an exuberant and tipsy Devon insisted we weren’t having a party unless we danced. He recruited a few others to help him push the tables out of the way, and then he showed us that talent had nothing to do with dancing. Brodie, Gavin, Aaliyah, Pippa, and Brian joined in eagerly. Cael and I took a little more convincing. But after several glasses of champagne, I gave in and let Brodie pull me to our makeshift dance floor; I pulled Cael behind me. Someone switched the holiday music out for rock, which kept the beat and the energy going. The group of us were ridiculous, bumping into each other, inventing crazy dance moves, and singing horribly off-key.