Valentine Present and Other Diabolical Liberties (24 page)

     
‘I don’t believe it. I just don’t believe it,’ repeats Fiona. ‘He’s never home early from a business trip. Talk about Sod’s Law.’

I hobble to the table and take a glass of champagne.

      ‘We’re having cocktails after the shoot Miss Harriet. Is there anything in particular you and Miss Fiona would like?’ asks Cedric.

     
‘Harriet is a champagne cocktail girl, isn’t that right?’ puffs Hamilton, pushing Margarita in her wheelchair towards us.

God, why does he keep saying that? It’s like the only bloody thing he knows about me is what I drink.

      ‘What I’d love is a Screaming Orgasm,’ I say.

Isn’t that the truth? I bet Brice Edmunds could cope with that. Hamilton’s jaw drops and Fiona lowers her eyes.

      ‘No need to tell the whole world dear, maybe just a little word in Hamilton’s ear,’ suggests Margarita as she wheels herself away.

     
‘Of course Miss Harriet, I can do that for you,’ says Cedric calmly, wiping a glass. ‘One part vodka, one and half parts Kahlua and one and a half parts Bailey’s. Does that sound right Miss Harriet?’

     
‘You know how to give a perfect Screaming Orgasm to a woman Cedric,’ I laugh.

Hamilton shifts uncomfortably and coughs nervously. He takes my arm and pulls me into an embrace.

      ‘Did you phone your parents?’

I nod.

      ‘Don’t worry Harriet, after Friday you’ll never see me again,’ he hisses nastily.

     
‘Really? Margarita due to pop her clogs at the weekend is she? Or are you knocking her off yourself? Oh, talking of knocking off, did you know Gregory was knocking off your mother, not to mention the fact that your father would knock off Fiona at the drop of a hat, or her knickers come to that. That’s if he hasn’t already. I don’t like to ask.’

     
‘How dare you,’ he snarls, his face turning beetroot.

     
‘No wonder your grandmother doesn’t want to leave the family business to you lot. You’d be too shagging busy to get any work done.’

     
‘Just watch your mouth Harriet, you’re getting too cocky.’

I’m getting cocky? I’m the only one not getting any cock if you ask me.

     
‘I’m warning you,’ whispers Hamilton, pulling me in closer. ‘We’re getting engaged in three days. You’re madly in love with me, remember?’

I stroke his bum.

      ‘How could I forget,’ I reply. ‘Nice arse Ham, pity you’re the arsehole that goes with it.’

I pinch his bum and his grip loosens. I seize the opportunity to step away. Sebastian and Brice stroll down the steps from the rear of the house. Brice looks gorgeous in a white Aran jumper, khaki trousers and a grey scarf. I could rip the whole lot off him right here, right now.

      ‘I’ll have to tell Alistair won’t I?’ says Fiona, making me jump. I was miles away in my little fantasy world of Brice’s naked body.

     
‘Tell him what?’

     
‘That’s it over,’ she says with a sigh.

Bloody
hell, that seems a bit drastic.

     
‘Because of Sebastian?’ I say shocked, I mean, she barely
knows the guy.

     
‘No, because he just isn’t caring or loving. We haven’t done it in months.’

Join the club.

      ‘That’s not a reason to end it surely? At least he hasn’t forced you to get engaged to someone else and had your goldfish killed, not to mention killing all your dreams and practically bankrupting you. I think you’ve got it quite good with Alistair, all things considered.’

She sighs.

      ‘Cedric, can I have a Screaming Orgasm too? I’m in desperate need.’

Brice
raises his eyebrows.

     
‘What’s this about screaming orgasms?’ he laughs.

     
‘I’m preparing them sir, may I offer you one?’

     
‘Well, I’ll never say no to an orgasm, screaming or otherwise,’ he grins.

His eyes meet mine. My legs tremble and I thank God for the crutches.

      ‘Good heavens, what is the world coming to?’ grumbles Margarita.

     
‘It’s only a cocktail old girl. Maybe you should try one.’

     
‘I’ve had more than my fair share of orgasms dear boy, all very overrated.’

     
‘I’ve sure you have, you naughty madam,’ he laughs and I want to do everything filthy under the sun with him. I feel my face and neck turn red and I avert my eyes.

     
‘I hear your partner is coming,’ Margarita says to Fiona.

Sebastian inclines his head to Fiona who shrugs.

      ‘Yes. Apparently his business trip came to an end earlier than planned. I hope it won’t be an inconvenience Sir Sebastian,’ she says fluttering her eyelashes.

He lays a hand on her arm and she visibly swoons.

      ‘Of course not, after all he was coming for the engagement party. We’ll have to monopolise you before he gets here.’

     
‘So you’re partial to Screaming Orgasms,’ Brice teases.

I bite my lip.

      ‘Yes, I am.’

     
‘Why am I not surprised?’ he says, offering me a plate of sandwiches.

The sun shines brightly on us and I watch as Cedric prepares for the shoot. Brice looks down at my foot.

      ‘I thought you were about to tell me something last night,’ he whispers.

     
‘I wasn’t,’ I whisper back.

     
‘Oh bugger, who asked that old fart to the shoot,’ says Margarita as Major Bates ambles towards us.

     
‘Afternoon all, spiffing day for a shoot. Thanks for asking me old man,’ he says, slapping a hand onto Sebastian’s shoulder.

     
‘Make mine a Chablis old boy, a nice large one if you would,’ he says to Cedric.

     
‘Well let’s get on with it or this old bugger will be as drunk as a skunk before we’ve got one pigeon in the air,’ says Margarita.

I hobble forward and give Hamilton a nod.

      ‘Keep clear,’ I say as I pass him.

     
‘Fiona, are you participating or observing?’ asks Margarita.

     
‘I’ll just watch. I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot. One of us hobbling around is enough I think.’

Not by the time I’ve finished.

      ‘Is the trap ready Cedric?’ calls Sebastian, lifting his gun.

I pull on my earmuffs and watch Sebastian aim and miss
.
I am about to turn to Brice when I see he is cocking his gun. Seconds later he has a clear hit.

     
‘Brilliant,’ yells Margarita, ‘a good kill, well done.’

Brice calls to Cedric to pull and aims again, getting another direct hit. Margarita gestures to Cedric for cartridges.
Brice lifts my earmuffs off and smiles.

     
‘Good shot,’ I say. ‘I expect you’re an expert horseman too.’

Whereas I am bleeding useless at everything.
Honestly, I can’t think what the fuck I’ve been doing with my time.

     
‘I’m still looking forward to seeing you in your riding outfit,’ he whispers. ‘I’m particularly interested in that riding crop of yours.’

I go weak at the knees and grab his arm for support.

      ‘I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with it,’ I say huskily.

     
‘I’m sure I could find a use,’ he says provocatively.

God, I’m going to have a screaming orgasm right here and now if he carries on like this. He pats my ear
muffs down as Margarita shouts
pull
. I grab my champagne glass and down the remains. Emily, in her starched white apron, refills my glass. I drink half and realise everyone is looking at me. It‘s my go. Here we go again. Let’s hope this time I hit the sodding pigeon. I load the gun more confidently and the feel of the metal in my hands gives me a strange sense of power. I could go mad for a moment and turn it on all of them couldn’t I? I could make them all listen while I tell them what a bastard Julian is and how horrible Hamilton has been. Yes, I could easily do that. Except standing behind a loaded shotgun while you force people to listen doesn’t make you look very sane does it? I slide forward the catch and shout
pull
. I aim carefully with my finger on the trigger and get the pigeon in my sight. Something catches my eye in the woods on the other side of the rose garden. I lower the shotgun and the bleeding thing goes off. I gasp as I see something drop.

     
‘Oh my God, I’ve hit something,’ I cry, pulling off the muffs.

     
‘What in buggeration was that?’ asks the Major pouring another glass of Chablis.

     
‘My God, was that someone out there?’ says Hamilton shakily.

     
‘Could have been a deer,’ says Sebastian.

     
‘Did you say someone? Good grief, why would there be someone out there?’ says the Major.

     
‘Oh God, it’s not Alistair is it?’ cries Fiona, frozen in fear.

     
‘Someone go and damn well see. Bloody fools whoever they are. Bloody trespassers no doubt, and idiots on top of that. They must have seen we were having a shoot,’ snorts Margarita who I‘m beginning to think should take a trip along the yellow brick road to find herself a heart.

I drop the gun and hobble after Brice who is sprinting ahead. I cross the lawn to the woods and look for Brice, but he is nowhere to be seen.

      ‘Brice,’ I call. ‘Where are you?’

     
‘Come in a bit further and we’re on the left,’ he shouts.

Oh my God,
who’s
we
? I’ve shot someone. I hear a groan and my stomach churns. Please don’t let it be Alistair, Fiona will never forgive me. God, I hope it’s not Julian, then again … No Harriet, you mustn’t think like that. No matter what Julian has done he doesn’t deserve to be killed. Jesus, I could go to prison. I don’t believe this. Ever since Silvia’s wedding, life has turned into a nightmare, and it just gets worse and worse. I shake my head and forge ahead until I see Brice leaning over a man on the ground. I put my hand to my mouth.

     
‘Is he dead?’ I whisper.

Brice looks up.

      ‘Of course not, it’s just a graze. He’s in shock more than anything. He must have been poaching. Honestly, no sense these people.’

I hobble closer and look down at the man on the ground and fight back a cry when I see it is
Babyface Jack. Jesus Christ, I’d only gone and shot one of the bleeding Jacks. And I thought they would be upset with me owing them the fifty quid, but this has got to be worse. I’m in deep shit now.

     
‘I’ll need to get him back to the house to dress the wound,’ Brice says calmly.

If
Babyface is here then Jack Diamond
and Mad Jack can’t be far away. I’m seriously debating whether to go back for the gun when Brice asks,

     
‘Harriet, are you okay? Did you hear me?’

I
nod dumbly.

     
‘You’ll need to get Hamilton to help me carry him to the house. He’s in a severe state of shock.’

I nod but don’t move. Diamond could be hiding behind a tree right next to us

      ‘It was an accident,’ I say loudly.

     
‘Yes, that’s right. He shouldn’t have been here. Can you fetch Hamilton?’

I nod and hobble back to the house.

      ‘It’s a man,’ I say. ‘He’s okay, it’s just a graze but he’s in shock. Brice asked if you can help carry him to the house. He needs to dress the wound.’

     
‘It’s one of the Jacks,’ I whisper to Fiona.

     
‘Fuck,’ she mouths.

I nod.

      ‘They’re going to cut off more than your ear,’ she mumbles.

We watch as Hamilton and Brice carry
Babyface across the lawn.

     
‘Who in damnation is that?’ asks the Major.

     
‘Have another drink Bates,’ snaps Margarita.

     
‘I’m going to help,’ I say and follow Brice and Hamilton to the house. Babyface is taken to a bedroom. I wait until Hamilton comes out before venturing in.

     
‘Don’t you think you’ve caused enough damage?’ Hamilton says nastily. ‘No one has ever shot a poacher on our land before.’

I lower my eyes and hobble into the bedroom. Brice is filling a bowl of water from the en suit
e bathroom, and Babyface looks at me with fear in his eyes.