widely and his voice was too animated. “You used to like me, too.”
Rush closed his eyes for a moment. He hadn’t seen Lance since Lance had left
Malibu with Cody. His heart started to beat faster and his face felt flushed. “And you
used to like
me
,” he said. Then he turned his back on Lance and walked up the hill.
Lance jogged up to him. He put his arms around Rush’s waist and buried his face
in Rush’s neck. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered. “I don’t blame you if you hate
me. I deserve it after what I did to you. I’m so sorry.”
When Lance used the word hate, Rush’s eyes filled with tears. Even now, after all
he’d been through, he knew in his heart he could never hate Lance. If anything, he loved
him even more. But he pulled away from Lance and said, “I’ve changed since the last
time you saw me, Lance. I know what I want now and I’m not going to compromise
anymore. I’m not the same person I was back in Hollywood. Gay men of my generation
are learning they can have lifelong relationships…even marriages…just like everyone else. I want to be like the guys on the cover of that book we saw once, while we were
walking through SoHo. At least I want to try to be like them.”
Lance reached out and grabbed Rush’s arms. He looked into his eyes and said,
“I’m not the same either. I’ve changed, too. I want you back. I’ll do anything to prove it.
Just tell me what you want me to do. Tell me how I can prove to you how much I love
you. I’ll buy rings and we can get married, just like the guys on the cover of the book.”
Rush spun around. He clenched his fists and shouted, “You cheated on me, you
bastard. You cheated on me with
Cody
. How could you do it?” He stopped for a breath
and he wiped a tear from his cheek. “I love you so much. I don’t know if I can go through
that again.”
Lance lifted his arms. “What I did was a mistake. I know that now. But I didn’t
cheat on you. I’ve never cheated on you. When I was with Cody, you and I weren’t a
couple anymore. I was never with him, or anyone else, while we were together. I swear
on my life. When we were a couple, there was no one else.”
Rush looked up at the trees and rolled his eyes. “What about that night I called
your hotel room in New York and Cody answered? It sounded to me like you were about
to have sex. Cody told me pointedly that he’d just removed his pants.”
Lance shook his head. “Cody was lying. I was in the bathroom and Cody was just
leaving my room. We hadn’t done anything together yet. I told him we wouldn’t do
anything until I spoke with you. He tried to take off his pants and I stopped him. The next
night, I called and told you how I felt. Give me that much credit. I didn’t cheat on you.”
Rush knew how to read his face and he believed him. He took a deep breath and
sniffed back. Lance had a point. It didn’t make him feel any better, but at least Lance hadn’t lied to him and he hadn’t cheated on him while they were together. “I’m not going
back to New York or Hollywood,” he said. “I’m staying here for good.”
Lance put his arms around him and said, “Then I’ll move here. I can commute to
New York. We can keep a little
pied-à-terre
in the city when we have to stay over, and
we can make this our full-time home. I’ll sell the Malibu house. I haven’t been back there
anyway since you left, and I’m not going back there alone.” He kissed Rush’s earlobe.
“I’ll do anything. Just give me the chance to prove it to you.”
Rush’s body tingled and his legs felt weak. Since he’d moved to New York, his
entire life had been about taking chances, not giving them to someone else. With Lance’s
strong arms around him, he felt warm and safe again. But he wasn’t sure—he didn’t want
to return to the life he’d just left. He knew if he did, the deep, dark valley he’d escaped
from once would devour him this time.
So he lifted his arms and placed his hands on Lance’s neck. He rubbed the back of
Lance’s head and said, “I love you, too, Lance. But I’m not sure it’s possible anymore. I
don’t know if we can get back what we had.”
Then he kissed Lance on the cheek and stepped back. He turned and tapped his
thigh so Dustin would follow him up the hill. As he started to walk, he was terrified to
turn back. He wasn’t sure if Lance was following him.
When he finally reached the top of the hill, where the woods opened and there
was a view of a wide, flat meadow below, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Lance was right
behind him. Dustin looked up and tilted his head to the side. Rush didn’t move. “Just give me a chance to prove how much I’ve changed and how much I love
you,” Lance said again. “I’m only asking for one more chance. I promise I will not
disappoint you this time.”
Rush pressed his lips together and stared down at the meadow. He wanted to fall
back into Lance’s strong arms and make love to him right there on the road, but his body
remained rigid and he couldn’t move his legs.
Then, down in the meadow, not far from where they were standing, he saw
something unusual. He tilted his head to the side and leaned forward. Dustin was on the
other side of the road by then and wasn’t paying attention. Rush pointed and whispered,
“Lance, look down there. Do you see what I see? Am I losing my mind?”
Lance stepped up and stared at the meadow. He put his arm around Rush’s waist
and said. “I see it. I can’t believe it. But I see it.”
In the meadow, standing still in the snow, was a strong, regal deer. But it wasn’t
just any deer: this one had large antlers and white spots all over its back, just like the
calico fawn they’d saved the first weekend they’d spent together in Connecticut. The deer
turned and looked up at them. He stared in their direction without moving a muscle. Rush
leaned into Lance and rested his face on his chest. He sighed and said, “It can’t be the
same one.”
Dustin ran to where they were standing. When he saw the deer down in the
meadow, he barked a few times and wagged his tail. The bark didn’t frighten the deer,
but he did shake his head and turn in the opposite direction. When he started to slowly
walk away, he hobbled with a slight limp.
Rush pressed his palm to his throat. “Did you see him limp?” Lance nodded. He put his other arm around Rush and said, “See, even the deer
thinks you should give me a second chance. What we have together is as rare as a calico
deer with a limp.”
Though he knew Lance wasn’t joking, Rush laughed. He leaned into Lance’s hard
body, then put his arms around Lance’s shoulders and kissed him on the lips. When he
closed his eyes and inserted his tongue in Lance’s mouth, Dustin started to bark and run
around in circles.
A moment later, Rush stepped back and looked at Lance’s body. He was wearing
a black leather jacket, but he wasn’t wearing gloves, boots, or a hat. He looked like he
was going for a stroll in Central Park instead of a hike up a snowy New England road.
Rush smiled and said, “We’d better go back to the house. You must be freezing, and your
feet must be soaked.”
Lance laughed. “I’m fine,” he said. “And I’m not leaving this spot until I have an
answer. Can I have one more chance?”
Rush nodded. He didn’t have any doubts. He was stronger now and he’d learned
from his past mistakes. “How can I say no to the only man I’ve ever loved?”
Then he pulled off his gloves and gave them to Lance. “Put these on. Your hands
must be freezing. When we get back to the house I’ll give you dry shoes and socks. I’ll
build a fire and you can wait for me. I have to take my aunt to the airport this afternoon.
She’s going to Florida for a month to visit her cousin.”
When they started to walk downhill again, Rush turned back to call Dustin, who’d
gone over the hill to explore the other side. As he turned and shouted Dustin’s name, he
looked into the meadow again. The deer was on the other side of the meadow and he could still see its outline. The deer stopped and stared at him. They looked at each other
for a second, then the deer limped off to a wooded area on the other side of the meadow.
THE END
Visit
www.ravenousromance.com
for more great stories by Ryan Field.
