Vampire Charming (14 page)

Jane
needed to get home.  Not that her miserable apartment really counted as a “home.” 
Jane had never actually had a
real
home.  But, if she was ever going to
see her lovely tenement again, Roland had to butt out of this story and Fang
needed to die a Hollywood villain death.  Then, Slade could marry Alla-ka-whozits
and Jane could be a
lakazamed
back
to her real life.

So
why was at least one step of that plan beginning to bug the hell out of her?  She
reached the top of the waterfall, wondering if she was losing her mind.

“Jane
Squire!”  Slade came bounding over, ducking through the trees and she was
actually happy to see him.  So yeah. 
Definitely
losing her mind.  “
There
you are!  I awoke with many new ideas to share with…”  He stopped short, as he
caught sight of her.  “Dear gods!”  Caribbean blue eyes swept up and down her
blanket-wrapped form.  “You cannot be walking around like that, woman!”

“Why
not?”  She demanded testily.  Picturing his wedded bliss with Princess Pinup put
her in a lousy mood.  And it wasn’t like anyone here cared much about dressing
for dinner.  She was pretty sure they were having squirrel.

Again.

“
Why
not?
”  Slade repeated incredulously.  “Because you’re not wearing
anything!”

“Please. 
This blanket covers so much even my Aunt Maybelline would’ve approved.”

Slade
didn’t seem to hear that.  His gaze went down to her bare feet, then jerked up
to her completely covered chest and lingered for a beat.  He gave his head a
quick shake and looked over his shoulder, as if all sorts spies could be lurking
in the brush.  “You must put your normal clothes back on.  Scandalous as they
are, they are far better than this.”

Jane
was starting to get annoyed.  Every day, she had to hear him complain about
“unseemly” pants and now this.  “What would you know about ‘normal’ clothes?” 
She demanded.  “You always dress like you’re about to swashbuckle something.”

Slade
was wearing in his usual open-throated, cover-of-a-romance-novel pirate shirt. 
No doubt laundry nymphs or washer-witches or some other idiotic, lovesick women
fell all over themselves to clean it for him every day.  Tonight, he’d added a sweeping,
black coat to his ensemble, which topped off the whole
should’ve
-been-stupid-looking
look.

…Except
it wasn’t stupid looking.

If
God ever punished the world and allowed
From Here to Infinia
to be made
into an actual movie, this was the exact outfit Slade should wear on the
poster.  No one could look as good as he did.  It just wasn’t fair, damn it.

He
wasn’t done bitching about her lack of fashion sense.  “You must find other
attire.  Even your normal clothes are preferable.  They are indecently alluring,
but they are far better than
this
.  You will tempt the men in the
village even more than you usually do.”

“Oh,
you’ve
got
to be kidding me.”  Every word of that statement was crazier
than the last and, considering Slade was the wellspring of all craziness, that
was
really
saying something.  “No one will even notice me with all the
Miss America candidates around here.  I promise you.”  Jane rolled her eyes and
started passed him.  “I’m not sure what your deal is, but my clothes are wet
and I’m not wearing a costume from
Camelot
, so…”

Jane
stopped short when she ran straight into his huge chest.  Slade had shifted
into her path, so she couldn’t get by.

Her
eyes flashed up to his in surprise, no longer feeling cold.  Heat spread
through her system like a cyclone of fire.  Being so close to him sent her
heart pounding and had her breath catching in her throat.  Slade’s body pressed
against hers and suddenly she saw his point about the blanket.  Jane could feel
the strength of him right through the fabric.  She swallowed hard, staring up
at him.

Blue
eyes burned into hers, his jaw tight.

Holy
Jesus, he was pretty.

Jane
had never experienced anything like the helpless pull she felt towards Slade.  He
was unnaturally, impossibly, amazingly gorgeous.  That was certainly part of the
problem.  But, he was also a
fucking
Vampir
e, and a crown-obsessed
lunatic, and he’d ruined her life.  All of that would trump good looks, if his
face was his main attraction.

There
was something deeper at work between her and Slade.  Something that kept
dragging her into his obit, even when she knew it was a terrible idea.

“Jane.” 
He whispered, like he felt it, too.

Which
wasn’t damn likely, since he was Prince Charming and she was the girl no one
invited to the ball.

Jane
jerked back, her eyes falling from his perfect face and settling on some random
tree.  For a desperate moment she cast around for something to say.  Nothing
brilliant sprang to mind, so she went back to the stupid blanket.  “Alright. 
Give me your coat.”  She finally relented, because she was willing to wear just
about anything if it got her away from him faster.  She couldn’t think when
Slade was so close.

“My
coat?”  He repeated, as if he’d never heard the words before.  The guy seemed a
little dazed.  He stepped forward, closing the distance between them like he
was on auto-pilot to get closer to her.  “Why do you want…?

She
cut him off, backing up another step.  “Just give it to me.”

She
was close enough to the edge of the waterfall that Slade froze.  He held up his
palms, apparently worried that any sudden movements might frighten her into
doing something stupid.  “Jane, please be careful.”  He whispered.  “The rocks
are slippery and humans are far too breakable.  I will give you whatever you
desire, just do not fall.”

“I’m
fine
.”  She glanced over her shoulder and winced a bit at the ledge
directly behind her.  Shit.  That was quite a drop.  She quickly looked away,
again.  “Look, I’ll take off the blanket and put on your
off-to-fight-a-duel-for-the-heroine’s-fair-hand coat, instead.  Will that
soothe your offended sensibilities, Tim Gunn?”

Slade
ignored her waspish tone.  “So… you’ll don my clothing?”  He translated slowly,
edging away to give her more room.

“Just
until my stuff is dry.  Alright?  Problem solved.”  She stepped forward and
breathed a sigh of relief to be on more solid ground.  “Come on, hand it over.”
 She gave her fingers an impatient snap.

Jane
wasn’t very surprised when he obediently shrugged it off.  Slade was always a gentleman,
even when she was bossing him around.  Sometimes it was easy to believe that
he’d been born in another time, when manners and chivalrous conduct mattered.

“I
am pleased with the idea of you wearing something I own.”  He decided.  “It is
a strange sensation, but it feels… right.”  His voice grew softer.  “Many
things feel right when I am with you, Jane.”

She
refused to respond to that.  Jane was pragmatist.  All the “rightness” he felt would
fade real fast when he slipped a massive diamond onto Allandrina’s manicured
hand and won himself a kingdom.  The thought made her teeth grind together.

“I’m
not going to put the coat on with you watching, idiot.”  Jane made a “turn
around” motion with her finger.  “Turn around.”

Slade
obediently faced the other way and cleared his throat.  “I sought you out
because I had a new idea on how to defeat Fang that I wanted to discuss.”  He
said, as if he wanted to fill the silence.

“Thrilling.” 
Jane muttered.

“Yes,
it’s a very brilliant and complex stratagem.  We --uh-- must pour over each
detail so we can…uh…”  He trailed off, losing his train of thought.  “So… Are
you
completely
naked under that quilt?”

The
man was unbelievable.  “Is that something a king should be asking me?”  Jane
demanded.

“No! 
Of course not.”  He cleared his throat, again.  “I apologize.  It was an
inappropriate comment to make to a lady.”

“Uh-huh.” 
His jacket was warm and comfortable and smelled like him.  She should have
stuck with the blanket.  This was like being wrapped up in Slade’s arms and
that was the last thing she needed to cool her desire.  “Just tell me your
stupid plan to get us out of here.”  She grumbled.  It wasn’t his fault that
she was so pitifully, helplessly attracted to him, but she still couldn’t stop
herself from glowering at the back of his head.

Jackass.

“Oh. 
Yes.”  He seemed to rally at bit.  “Well, I was thinking of how we could defeat
Fang.  And it occurred to me that we should try to gain the Silver Sword.”

“The
Silver Sword that
Roland
has, you mean?  Given to him by the Dying Old Knight
Guy, as part of his prophesized fate or whatever?”

“Yes,
the very one.”

“Right. 
And you think Roland is just going to hand that over to you, huh?”

“Why
wouldn’t he?  I am clearly the best candidate to defeat Fang.  We shall find
this boy.  He will see my innate glory and incredible leadership qualities. 
Then, he will give me the sword, so you and I can complete our grand task.”

Jane
couldn’t believe that anyone was so clueless about human nature.  She rolled
her eyes and buttoned up the last of the coat’s buttons.  The damn thing fit
her like a shroud, so he was sure to be happy.  Even the ugly bracelet was
better than this and she had no clue why she was even still wearing that
hideous hunk of metal.  For some reason she’d rather not examine too closely,
she hadn’t taken it off since he’d given it to her.  She wasn’t feeling so
disgustingly sentimental about the coat.

She
tied the belt with agitated movements and hoped the jacket didn’t make her look
as fat as she already
knew
it did.  “Slade, no way is Roland just going
to surrender Infinia’s crown to you, no matter how awesome you are.”

“I
am
vastly awesome.”  He agreed, because of
course
that’s how he’d
interpret that statement.  “It is good of you to notice.”

She
tried again.  “Roland’s supposed to be the star of the movie.  He’s not going
to want to give that up.”

“Oh,
Roland will surely do what’s best for this kingdom.  We just need to explain
things to him and he will realize that
I
am the one destined for this
glorious quest.”  Apparently feeling that he’d given her enough time to change,
Slade turned back around.  He smiled in satisfaction when he saw her dressed in
his jacket.  “This is
much
better.”  He decided.  “See?  You need and I
provide.  All is how it should be, no?”

“No,
all is
not
as it should be, because I’m still stuck here in
World of
Warcraft
.  When all is as it
should
be, I’ll be back in reality and the
only Vampires in my life will be reruns of
Buffy
.”  She stalked around
him and this time he let her pass.

“How
can your mind still dwell on that silly realm of yours?  I do not understand
it.  It is a world without heroes.”  Slade shook his head in annoyance and fell
into step beside her.  “No matter.  You will come to your senses once we have
the Silver Sword.  Fang will be defeated and
then
all will be as it
should be.”

“Uh-huh.” 
There was no sense arguing with him.  Nothing she said would change his mind.  Slade
was stubborn as mule a when it came to that “destiny” bullshit.  “Alright, so if
you think my only way home is through Roland, then we’ll have to find Roland. 
How do you propose we do that?  We can’t exactly walk out of this forest.  It’s
a maze, remember?”

“Of
course, I remember.”  He said, taking her literally.  “But all mazes have a
solution.  We shall just have to work harder to find a way out.  The rebels
must
know of one.”

“They
say they don’t.”  She arched a brow.  “And I believe them, given the fact that
they’re still here and not --you know--
anywhere
else.  Also, they’re
morons.”

Slade
flashed her a disapproving frown.  “You should not insult our subjects, Jane.”

“
Your
subjects.  Not
my
subjects.  I just work here.”  She rolled up the
cuffs of his coat, trying to uncover her fingers.  “Besides, it’s not an insult
if it’s true.  They’re morons.  More importantly, the screenplay says no one
escapes the Endless Woods once they enter.  It repeats the line --like-- forty
times.  So, I don’t see how we’re going to just walk out of here.”

“I
dislike that cinema script.  It lacks literary merit.  I feel it best that we
ignore the limitation it attempts to place upon us and blaze a path for
ourselves.”

Jane
snorted.  “Very inspirational.”

It
actually
was
a little encouraging.  Slade would never, ever give up.  It
wasn’t in his nature.  The guy would keep charging ahead until he got
exactly
what he wanted.  So far his crazy self-confidence had helped him travel across
dimensions, put him on the shortlist for a supernatural crown, and won him the
hearts and minds of the Infinian rebels.  He would figure out a way to escape this
forest, if only because he was eager for his climactic battle scene to begin.