Venus Envy (29 page)

can’t rehearse with me, because he can’t see the dress, and I thought it might be bad luck, anyway. If he walks me down the aisle once it’s a miracle. Twice would be pushing it,’ but she didn’t smile.

She was looking miserably at my dress.

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‘Who’s that pretty lady?’ asked one of the flower carrying brats behind me.

‘That’s cousin Ellen, darling,’ said her mother proudly.

‘No, not fat Ellen,’ said the brat loudly, ‘the pretty one, the one in the blue.’

Everybody talked very fast while Ellen went very red. I should have felt a fist of victory form over my heart, but to tell you the truth, I didn’t.

Maybe it was Ellen’s beaten-dog look. Or worse though I didn’t want to admit it - maybe it was Tom Drummond’s glance of absolute, profound contempt.

‘It is - it is a much nicer dress,’ Ellen struggled gamely. ‘Gosh, it makes me look like an elephant. A white elephant, huh huh.’

I was conscious of the approving grins from the men in the paty, and Snowy White giving me an extravagant, rather cruel wink. She got up from her chair and walked back towards the house, but not before she’d given Ellen a despising once-over. And she was smiling at me like I was thinking the same thing.

An unpleasant feeling started to gather in the pit of my stomach. Guilt. And unease. I didn’t care for that knowing expression on Snowy’s face.

‘Actually, Ellen, do you know what,’ I started to say, ‘I, uh - I don’t think this dress is right after all. I was only trying it out.’

‘But it makes you look so pretty, Alex,’ Ellen said bravely, ‘of course you must wear it.’

‘No, really. It’s not weddingy enough. And, uh, it does clash with your flowers.’

‘You haven’t seen the flowers.’

-‘You’ve told me what colour they are, and I know I’m going to clash. I’d much rather wear the other dress, honestly,’ I told her fervently. But I saw to my horror that Ellen had tears prickling the corners of her big eyes. She kept glancing at her little bridesmaid -

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that’s the bugger about kids, they tend to speak the truth - and I suddenly sensed the awful, dreadful humiliation of what had just happened to her.

It wasn’t a game any more. This was her wedding and I was ruining it.

‘Nothing you wear is going to make me less of a fat lump,’ Ellen said, striving to be wry, but just ending up with a big tear trickling down her plump cheek.

‘Don’t be silly. Pre-ceremony- jitters,’ said Tom comfortably, getting out a crisp linen handkerchief and dabbing at her. He was smiling warmly, but disgust for me showed in his rigid back, the way he couldn’t even look at me.

In desperation I picked up my heavy boots and ,clamped them down on the hem. Then I toppled myself forwards, ‘til I could hear the fabric tear. I put out a hand to steady myself against Tom, but he shrugged away, like the contact would sting him.

‘Shit!’ I cried. ‘I’ve ripped the damn thing, I’m going to go in and change.’

:I’ll come with you,’ Ellen said. ‘The dratted pollen, it’s making my eyes water.’

I daren’t look at Tom as I clumped back with her to the house.

‘Why don’t we both get changed? And you can go and get Charlie,’ I suggested desperately. ‘Do the practice in something else. No need to ruin that lovely dress.’

However, now we were safely inside, Ellen’s thin control had ripped apart like my dress. She was properly crying now. It made me frantic with worry, like when I was a teenage babysitter and my charge was screaming itself blue.

‘Why - why would I go and see Charlie? He’s probably flirting with your friend,’ Ellen sobbed. ‘I knew it was too good to be real. Why would he want a fat lump like me?’

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‘You’re not fat. You’re voluptuous,’ I lied. I tore my dress off my skin like it was napalm, reached frantically for the magenta horror. Oh God, I would have added neon stripes to it if it would have made Ellen feel better. ‘He loves you, Ellen, nobody forced him to ask you.’

‘Then why is he hanging around with Olivia?’ Ellen asked, her face crumpling. ‘If only she’d listened to you. Tom told me you were going to ask her to leave.’

I flopped down on the bed, ruffles and all, vowing to not wash my hair tomorrow, and to do it without make-up, even concealer.

‘I… yes,’ I stuttered, panicking. I didn’t know what to say to her. I felt like the smallest worm in the whole of creation.

‘You’ve always been such a good friend to me,’ Ellen sobbed, ‘ou always stood up for me when nobody else would.’

‘Tom will sort it all out, don’t worry,’ I said. I clung rather pathetically to that. I thought it was true. Tom would know what to do, how to make her feel better. I would speak to Snowy tonight, drive her out of here myself!

You silly little cow, said the voice in my head, look what you’ve done because you were feeling sorry for yourself.

I tried to give Ellen a hug, as far round her as my arms would go. I was seeing myself as Tom had been seeing me, I realised, and I hated my reflection.

His heavy footsteps were padding down the corrio

dor.

‘Quick, put something on,’ I said, flinging my dressing gown at her. ‘Tom will get rid of her. Tom! Tom! Come in here!’

The door burst open. But it wasn’t Tom, it was Charlie. And he was dragged into my room by Snowy,

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who had one arm through his elbow, and who was grinning from ear to ear.

‘Oh Alex, thanks so much for warning me! I had to persuade Charlie in time.., oh,’ she said, flushing just a little at the sight of Ellen’s bulk, wrapped in a dirty towelling gown.

Ellen’s mouth was a round O of amazement. Charlie wouldn’t look at her, at first, but then he raised his head and set his mouth sullenly.

‘You’d better tell her, darling,’ Snowy said softly. Ellen gave me a quick look. There was such a world of betrayal in her eyes I couldn’t bear it. ‘You were helping her,’ she said.

‘Come on, darling, best get it over with,’ Snowy ‘ insisted.

Charlie cleared his throat in a fury of embarrassment and shame, but he knew he was cornered.

‘Sorry, Ellen,’ he muttered. ‘The wedding - uh - we’ve got to call it off.’

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Merry hell broke loose. Ellen burst into tears and tried to flee past the door, but she tripped in the corridor, and had to scramble to her knees, her large back wobbling as it shook with her sobs. Snowy leant back against the wall with a smug grin, and Charlie passed a worried hand through his hair.

‘Better that she find out now,’ Snowy said smoothly. ‘But not like that. Bloody hell,’ Charlie cursed. ‘Come.on, sweetheart. Let’s get out of here,’ Snowy pressed him, leaning her slim flame in towards him and licking her lips. ‘It’s going to blow up now. We shouldn’t be here. I can grab the car and we’ll shoot off to London.’

‘I’m not going to run away,’ Charlie said flatly. ‘It’s not running away, it’s for Ellen - she’s not going to want to see you and me in the house,’ said Snowy, angelic as you like.

‘Fucking hell! Why don’t you just go to Gretna Green?’ I snarled.

‘Good idea,’ Snowy agreed. She gazed at me with complete indifference. I had never seen anyone look so calculating, not even my oldcat Luther when faced with a nest full of chicks. ‘We can’ stick around here, love - think of Ellen.’

‘Oh hell,’ Charlie said again. He looked mesmerised by Snowy, his eyes were simply glazed over with lust. I could see the idea of doing a runner was highly attractive to him.

From the garden below came the sound of people

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running up to the house, attracted by Ellen’s wailing, which was drifting over the house like an air raid siren.

‘Charlie, you know you love Ellen,’ I pleaded, ‘don’t do this to her. And Snowy - Jesus, he’s getting married tomorrow!’

‘Shut up, Alex, you ghastly hag,’ Snowy spat. She was beautiful when she was angry, as they say. Spitting and fiery like a puma. ‘It was love at first sight. You can’t expect him to spend his whole life with a pig like her!’

‘Better a pig than a vicious bitch,’ I gasped.

‘And anyway, you’re in no position to lecture me on married men, you little tramp.’

She flounced out of the room, pulling Charlie obediently behind her.

I admit, I did nothing for the first thirty seconds. Well, would you? I sat on the bed in all my ruffly glory and started to cry.

I’d done bloody marvellously. I’d managed to make an enemy of my boss, ruin an old friend’s life, and utterly alienate the man I’d fallen for as heavily as Robbie Coltrane doing a high dive.

I collected myself as soon as I could and rushed down the corridors, looking for Ellen. My eyes were red and my nose was streaming, or was it the other way round? A sweat of sheer panic made my skin damp and clammy.

I crashed straight into Tom, who appeared bounding up the top of some stairs.

‘Oh, it’s you,’ he said flatly. ‘Where are you going? Not caused enough misery for one visit yet?’

‘I was going to find Ellen,’ I said, fresh tears running down the bridge of my nose.

‘Well, don’t bother. She doesn’t want to see you. The best thing you can do is to pack up and get out. Your sister and your other friends are already loading

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their car, but I did apologise to them - this mess isn’t their fault.’

‘Tom,’ I sobbed, ‘I swear I didn’tn’

‘I’m not interested in your excuses, Alex, OK? Amazing though it may sound to you, you are not the first person on my mind at the moment.’

It hurt like a punch in the stomach. His face was set against me like flint.

‘I’ll go,’ I whispered. ‘Right away.’

‘Good.’ Tom’s dark eyes were almost curious as they bore down on to mine. ‘To think I once fell in love with you! You have no idea how you’ve changed. You used to be such a beauty in your cheap jeans and T shirts and messy hair. And now you’ve got designer clothes and style and you’re just wallowing in selfishness. I’ve never seen anybody more sorry for themselves.’

‘What?’ I stammered.

‘Oh, you heard me. You think that being a stunning beauty entitles you to everything. But you do nothing for me. I need a girl who loves something in this world more than her mirror,’ he barked, and strode off towards Ellen’s bedroom before I could say another word.

Keisha had the car engine running when I staggered out of the front door, laden with open cases. I hadn’t even bothered to pack. I couldn’t take it, the funereal groups of people gathered at the foot of the stairs, the way they shut up when I approached.

I could hardly see the car doo? for my floods of tears. I dropped one bag on the gravel, and all my knickers spread out over the drive.

‘Oh, for Christ’s sake,’ Gail said, jumping out of the car to pick them up, ‘this is all your fault, Alex! Maybe you could embarrass us some more? Why don’t you strip and do a cancan?’

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‘Shut the luck up, Gail, and get in the car,’ Bronwen said calmly.

Finally we had all my underwear and stuffed it in the boot, and Keisha tore off, spraying gravel like she was Damon Hill. Say what you like about that girl, but she sure can drive fast. Actually she has her own chapter in the road rage book of all-time greats - ‘Get out of my way, you fucking walking corpse!’ as she shrieked at some old-aged pensioner who took a left a bit too slowly - but that’s another story.

‘I don’t know why you didn’t listen to Tom,’ Gail sniped all the way home. Eventually I told her Tom was a snob and a self-righteous bastard.

‘I think he’s lovely,’ Gail said, ‘and you needn’t xpect me to drop him just because you’ve had a fight with him.’

‘What do you mean, drop him?’ I was aflame with jealousy. ‘You never even had his phone number.’

‘Well, I’ve got it now,’ Gail triumphed, ‘and we got on wonderfully. I can’t think why you were so horrid to him. Still dying for Seamus, I suppose.’

Seamus! My crush on him seemed about as relevant

as my schoolgirl crush on Paul Weller.

‘That’s over.’

‘You could have fooled Dolores, she was highly upset by all your little chats. I don’t know why you had to be so obvious. Anyway, Tom told me I had flowered. He’s going to give me a call some time.’

I said nothing. I watched Gail toss her golden hair in the back seat.

‘He makes over a million a year,’ she said proudly. ‘Bully for him,’ I sulked.

‘He said Snowy wasn’t a fit person to be our friend,’ Gail insisted. ‘You ought to have paid more attention.’

‘I don’t see how he could jump to that conclusion. He didn’t know she was going to run off with Charlie. He’s not a mindreader.’

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Keisha turned towards me and smiled. ‘Oh man, you two really didn’t twig, did you?’

‘Twig what? Tom said it wouldn’t be right to tell me why she wasn’t suitable)

‘How old fashioned,’ Keisha grinned. ‘I could almost fancy that gentleman act myself. Do you think a guy like him would like a bit of black?’

Ridiculous, now I wanted to warn Keisha off, and she was my best friend.

‘Why is it old fashioned?’

‘He’s trying to spare her reputation. You blind

idiots, don’t they have any call-girls in Surrey?’ ‘Any what?’ I gasped.

‘Not-so-Snowy is on the game,’ Keisha laughed. ‘No wonder he wanted to get her away from his brother.’

We got back in to the flat to find it reeking of dead fish. Bronwen forgot to empty the bin again. So before I could collapse into bed, we had a halfhearted onslaught on the mess. Our sofa was thick with enough dust to blanket the moon and our fridge had sufficient wildlife in it for a preservation order. I reckon we had a reverse case of the elves and the shoemaker. At night they came with their magic wands

and turned our dwelling place into a dumping ground. ‘I’ve found it,’ Keisha said to me. ‘What?’

‘Your bedroom carpet. It took a while, but now I’ve found it.’ She threw Some of my dirty laundry into the laundry basket.

‘Yeah, well, at least my relationships aren’t a case of “‘Til Dawn do us Part”,’ I cracked back feebly.