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Was this what dating an ultra-attractive man would be like? Constantly catching girls leering at him? It wasn’t as if Keith and her other boyfriends weren’t attractive; they were, but they weren’t Hayden-level attractive. They were closer to intramural badminton, like her. The happy feeling that had danced inside her while she’d showered and as she’d gotten dressed, eager to be with her partner again, deflated around the edges. The other women wouldn’t just be looking at him—they’d be eyeballing her too, wondering why he was with someone like that. Lyssa normally had a healthy confidence in her physical appearance, but could her ego withstand constant assaults?

Lula led them past Hayden’s guest room to the other end of the hallway and opened a door that revealed a narrow, wooden staircase to the attic. When she reached the top, she turned and stepped backward, her arms spreading out to present an amazing array of electronics and sleek, funky-modern desks, shelving, and chairs.

“I thought that wireless signal was too strong for a simple, remote farmhouse,” Hayden said, moving into the room while Mark and Gina walked around, flipping switches and firing up the computers.

“We can do a lot of the basic research offsite,” Lula explained. “At home, libraries, Starbucks, wherever, but this is where we come to load the data and run stats and simulations. When we’ve sifted the data as far as we can by other means, we run our proprietary models to see how we can expect the companies and their industries to react in various economic scenarios. At this point, we’re no longer looking at the stocks individually—we’re seeing how they play off one another so we can get the right mix.”

She invited Lyssa and Hayden to each take a seat at a different computer where one of the analysts would walk them through various simulations. Gina naturally went straight to Hayden. The models were fascinating, and Lyssa had no trouble zoning in on Mark’s instruction until Hayden busted out a big laugh. She shifted her eyes in time to see Gina playfully slap him on the shoulder. Those two certainly seemed to be playing well off one another.

Returning her attention to Mark, Lyssa asked, “What are some of the red flags you look for that won’t show up on these screens?”

He listed a few different concerns, but the one that particularly caught Lyssa’s attention was the last: “We appreciate innovation and prefer companies that adjust to changing circumstances, but it’s almost always when a company seeks a one-eighty turnaround to ‘reinvent’ itself that things go bad. When a company strays from its core practices, we abandon ship.”

Lyssa nodded in thought, wishing she could pretend his statements only applied to publicly traded corporations. Wasn’t changing his core practices exactly what Hayden was doing by going out with her? She did her best to keep her mind on business for the rest of the visit, but as they passed Hayden’s room on their way out and she glanced at the rumpled, white sheets, she thought of how crystal clear everything had been while in that blissful bubble with him. They couldn’t stay in a magical fairyland forever. Once outside in the real world, everything would always be thrown back into question.

So the hell what? s
he told herself when she thought of his delicious kisses. Maybe this relationship was doomed from the beginning, but wouldn’t even a mere five minutes with Hayden be worth it? And when everything fell apart, the pain would be cushioned because she’d already have her expectations set on failure.

She ignored the all-too-curious way Lula watched her after they’d shaken hands a final time outside the farmhouse. Lyssa and Hayden assured the investment manager that they’d give her the highest recommendation at the upcoming Delicious Hawaii board meeting. Lula hadn’t called a limo this time. Instead, Lyssa slid into the front cab of Joe’s pickup truck with Hayden sliding in next to her, his thigh rubbing against hers.

During the drive, Joe made small talk about the storm the night before. When Lyssa admitted that the lighting and thunder had scared her, Hayden slipped his hand around hers, not seeming to realize what he’d done until Joe gave an obvious glance at their clasped fingers.

“You’re not going to tell Lula, are you?” Hayden asked.

“’Bout you two being an item?” Joe snorted. “She predicted this after your last visit.”

“Did she?” Hayden asked, slipping his hand away from Lyssa’s and propping his arm along the seatback behind her.

“Yup. She said you two were like a couple of greyhounds circling each other constantly but too damn dense to sniff each other’s butts already.”

Hayden chuckled and Lyssa smiled, but she didn’t seem to be able to come up with one single word to contribute to the turn in conversation. She simply listened as the men went on to talk baseball while she tried to calm her thoughts regarding Hayden. She didn’t need to overthink this. All she needed to do was go with it and see where it led her …
them
.

Joe made a joke. Something a tad off-color about bulls and baseball players; Lyssa only half heard it. She was more focused on the tip of Hayden’s thumb at the back of her neck, gently stroking up and down as he laughed and easily carried on the conversation. She glanced at his posture—relaxed, confident. In control of the universe. His thumb tickled along the baseline of her hair, and she stared through the windshield at the gray day. The serenity she felt in that moment with Hayden projected into the future—a future of his tender caresses and secure arms. A future of complete comfort at his side. She felt forever with Hayden.

She also felt as if her chest was caving in. “Joe, do you mind pulling over for a minute?”

“Sure.” The older man eased the car onto the side of the road as the corners of his eyes crinkled in concern.

“Feeling sick?” Hayden asked.

Lyssa reached over her partner’s lap for the door handle. “We need to talk.”

“Here? Now?”

“Yes.” Her stomach lurched.

Hayden stopped asking questions and slid out. Lyssa followed and grabbed his hand, pulling him beyond the truck bed, staying a safe distance from the road without going into the soggy ditch. When she stopped and turned to him, he watched her intently but stayed silent.

“Back there, this morning, in your room, I realized how much I miss being with a real, live man, and I know it’s time that I venture back into dating.” A small smile twitched at the corners of his lips, so Lyssa dropped his hand and rushed on before he could say anything. “But not with you.”

His smile died before it could fully form.

“Maybe it’s because we already know each other so well,” she said, “but it feels like it’s all moving too fast, and I think it would be better for me to step back into dating more gingerly.”

“We can go slowly.”

“No.” She shook her head. “It’s already too late for that.”

“Lyss.” He reached out and snatched her hand back. “I do know you, and I know we’re good together.”

“Please, Hayden. Don’t. I’ve put a nauseating amount of thought into this, and I love being with you, and God, I loved this morning with you, but how stupid would it be for me to deliver my tender heart on a platter to someone like you?”

“Someone like me?” His posture stiffened, and he dropped her hand.

“I’m not like Roni or Sabine or probably anyone else you’ve ever dated, and I could get severely hurt when you realize I’m not enough for you.”

“Have you not noticed that you’re already enough?” An angry edge had crept into his voice. “I haven’t had an ounce of interest in dating anyone else since those other two cut me loose. You’re the only one I’ve wanted to be with—that has never happened to me before. And trust me, I’ve put a disgusting amount of thought into this too. I tried writing us off as just friends, but it all became clear as soon as I saw the truth. I’m in love with you, Lyssa.”

She took half a step back and shook her head. “You
think
you are. I’m safe; I’m comfortable. After you were emotionally shell-shocked a month ago, it’s only natural that you’d be drawn to me. But it’s an illusion. It’ll fade.”

“This started more than a month ago. It’s been growing ever since that kiss in Texas—no, since before that. It just took my brain a while to catch up with what was going on. It’s not going to fade.” His legs shifted in place, as if he wanted to close the small distance between them, but he stayed where he was.

“Hayden … ” The heat in his voice and the intensity of his gaze made it so easy to believe him. But she’d been following her logical side for far too long and couldn’t ignore it now. “You’re right when you say that you know me, and that means you understand why I can’t be your experiment.”

“Experiment?” The muscles at the back his jaw tensed.

“After me being off men for so long, I can’t take my first step back into dating with—”

“Someone like me.” Any softness had completely retreated from his voice. “I thought if anyone in this world could see me as more than another womanizer, it’d be you.”

“No!” She took a step closer, “I see you as a lot more than that—and that’s the problem. It means I’ve got so much further to fall.”

“Because you automatically assume I’ll hurt you. Look, I can’t entirely blame you for being cautious, and I can’t predict the future—there’s never a guarantee when it comes to love. But for a relationship to start, both parties have to decide that the other person is worth the risk.” His beautiful eyes flicked over her, and the hope that sparked within them twisted her insides.

She clamped her eyelids shut to escape his scrutiny. “I’m sorry, Hayden.”

He didn’t respond. When the silence had gone on too long, she slowly lifted her lids. She wanted to say something, anything, to soothe his disappointment, but the hardness in his features smothered her voice. She’d seen him angry before, but at those times there’d been fire, life. The look he gave her now carried something that reminded her more of death.

His voice was leaden when he finally spoke. “There’s nothing more I can say or do to make you believe that I’m worth the risk. I guess that must mean I’m not.” He pulled his lips into a tight line, almost a wince, and turned. She watched him walk back to the truck and hold the door open for her when he got there. She forced her feet to move and dared a timid glance at him as she brushed past to get in, but he stared pointedly away from her.

For the next few miles, conversation was limited to Joe making random observations about things in the news and Lyssa and Hayden answering with polite nods and half-hearted grunts. Eventually, Joe gave up, and the rest of the ride was silent. At the airport, Hayden asked if she’d mind him requesting a change in his seat, and she strained to keep the shaking out of her voice when she said that’d be fine. It turned out to be a very good idea. This way he didn’t have to see the tears draining down her cheeks the entire flight back. She felt right in her decision, but she hated knowing she’d killed a great friendship. And she hated hurting him.

His seat was several rows ahead of hers, and he was gone by the time the aisle cleared after landing and she got her bag.

Chapter Twenty-One

Lyssa glanced at Hayden, but as had become the norm during the past ten days, when he wasn’t required to talk to her, his focus was in a different direction.

“Thank you for all your work on this project,” Shep said, warmly shaking hands with the entire Project Pineapple team. They’d all flown down to Dallas for the final meeting with the Delicious Hawaii board of directors. “Great presentation. I’m sure I’ll return to the room to find out you’ve impressed the board once again—which is a huge feather in my cap, since I’m the one who hired you.” He belted out a hearty laugh.

Once the board voted and made its final decisions, the asset allocation team would facilitate the transfer of funds and Lyssa would assist with investment manager communication as needed. The new reporting models were already in place, so the rest of Team Pineapple was free and clear. Which meant that Shep’s handshake had essentially dissolved Lyssa and Hayden’s partnership. She didn’t expect an offer of a celebratory drink or dinner this time, and she didn’t get one.

Though she’d hoped she and Hayden might move toward something closer to their old camaraderie while they worked together to prepare for the final presentation, the two of them hadn’t yet moved beyond polite civility. She appreciated that Hayden hadn’t re-broached the subject of dating but barely talking at all was worse. She missed him.

The week after returning from Texas, Carla sidled up to Lyssa’s cubicle and gripped the top ledge. “So are you going to turn your high-profile work on Pineapple into a job change too?”

“Too? Who got a promotion?”

“Not a promotion—a departure.”

“Who?”

“You don’t know?” She jerked her head back, and her elfin features twisted in genuine confusion.

“Carla! Who?”

“Well excuse me for thinking you’d already know that the guy you’ve been glued to for the last six months is leaving.”

“Hayden?”

“That’d be the hottie.” Lowering her chin to rest on the back of one of her hands, Carla crinkled her eyes, inspecting Lyssa. “Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen him swinging by lately to sit on the edge of your desk and flirt. And you haven’t worn that same silly grin whenever you’ve headed down the hall toward his place. Did something happen between you two?”

Lyssa narrowed her eyes—she’d never worn a silly grin. “Nothing happened. The project ended. I guess that means the friendship will fade.” It stung to say it out loud.

“Friendship.” Carla sniffed, shaking her head and standing straight.

“Where’s he going?” Lyssa asked.

“Boston. Some new investment firm. Back to my initial question—are you sprucing up your resume too?”

“Not at the moment.”

“Cool. I’d miss ya.” She winked and walked away, leaving Lyssa to stew on the new bit of information.

She didn’t stew for long. Approximately ninety seconds later, she stood in the doorway to Hayden’s office. “Were you even going to tell me?” she asked, indignation implanting itself into her voice.

He stood behind his desk and looked up from the box he was packing. “Nice to see the Fox and Keaton grapevine is in good working order.”