Vibrizzio (25 page)

Leaning a shoulder on the doorframe, she crossed her arms, silently waiting for his answer.

“Yes, I was going to tell you. I just … hadn’t yet.” He stopped putting things in the box but looked down into it, picking at a corner of the cardboard with one hand.

“The job’s with Carlo and company, I presume.” Her tone had shifted from angry to stiff.
He just hadn’t yet?
What kind of a reason was that?

“Yes. He called again a few weeks ago, and I flew out there last weekend. Everything sort of fell into place. He upped his offer from last time, and I’ll start out as a junior portfolio manager.”

She nodded and worked up a small smile, pushing aside her hurt feelings. “They seem to have a good thing going, and I’m glad he didn’t count you out for staying loyal to DH when he first approached you.”

“Thanks.” He looked up from the box and smiled back, but his grin was missing its typical brilliance. It was almost worse than watching him frown.

“Hayden … ” Stepping into his office, she closed the door behind her. She might never get another chance to say this. “I want to be friends again. I hate this coldness. If you thought what we had was worth growing into something bigger, then are you really going to trash the whole thing simply because I don’t want to move beyond platonic?”

He seemed to grow taller as he took a deep inhale, shifting his gaze to the ceiling for a long moment before leveling it back on her during the exhale. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a dick these last weeks. I honestly haven’t meant to be, and you don’t deserve it.”

“You haven’t been a dick. It’s understandable that you’d want to back away for a while. But can we please move past it now?”

“I don’t know. I … I’m dealing with a whole set of emotions that I’m not used to, and keeping distant from you has made it easier.”

“Is that why you’re going to put hundreds of miles between us?”

“Are you asking if the reason I’m going to Boston is to get away from you?”

Her throat clenched, and she nodded her yes.

“No. That has nothing to do with it.”

“So … if we’d become a couple, would you still have accepted the position?”

“Probably.”

“Well then, I guess my instincts were right.” She gulped through the increased tightening in her throat and hoped he didn’t notice the slight squeak in her voice when she said, “We’d have ended before we even really began.”

“No. No way.” He came around the desk to stand in front of her and hold her by the shoulders, piercing her with his suddenly intense blue eyes. “Moving away doesn’t change a thing about how I feel about you. Between Skype and cell phones and airplanes, we’d make it work.”

“Like with Roni?”

“Not anything like with Roni.” His eyes bored deeper into hers, and the fire that had been missing in them reignited. “I’m taking a cue from Carlo—just because you said no once doesn’t mean my offer won’t still be open if you change your mind.”

Right. Change her mind about a guy who was willingly leaving her. That’d be a good idea. “What about the offer of a BFF? That one still good?”

His grip on her shoulders lightened, and he trailed his hands down the side of her arms before breaking contact entirely. “It’s still good.” He gave her a tight smile beneath his perfectly manicured stubble and backed toward his desk, retreating to the protection of his box.

Watching his strained features as he fumbled about his desk, she was mystified as to how she could have this effect on someone so beautiful and confident and amazing. She wondered if her disbelief was what kept her from moving forward with him—as if jumping into the dream would make it pop and disintegrate.

“You’re worth it, you know—the risk,” she said, her voice small. “I’m just not the right kind of person to take it. Please don’t think my reluctance is any reflection on you and what kind of person you are, okay? It’s all on me.” She gave him a weak smile, but he didn’t see the pathetic effort because he was too focused on packing things into the box. “When do you leave?”

“Next Thursday.”

Thursday. The word slammed into her chest like an anvil. It was so soon. “Okay, well, I’ll let you pack. But let’s do lunch or something before you go.”

“
Do lunch
, Bates?” He glanced up and attempted a teasing smirk, but there was too much pain in it to be convincing.

“I said
or something
.” She wrinkled her nose and then got the hell out of there before the stinging in her eyes became tears. She and Hayden wouldn’t do lunch. They wouldn’t do anything. He would leave, and all she could do was hope their friendship would survive through the wonders of modern technology.

Back at her desk, she aimlessly fidgeted, warding off the tears that still threatened to break free. She needed to get herself under control before anyone else noticed her agitation. Her first thought for comfort was Vibrizzio. A nice, long, slow session with him when she got home would soothe her. Like a security blanket. She considered feigning illness right then so she could go home and get to it. Then her mouth went dry at an unwelcome realization—one day she was going to be found dead mid hump on a polyurethane phallus.

* * *

Lyssa studied Sean across the bistro table while she twisted her fork into her arugula. Amy’s cousin-in-law was as virile as she’d remembered, more sexy than attractive, with a natural magnetism about him.

He glanced up, and her curiosity must’ve shown, because he quirked an eyebrow and asked, “What?”

She shook her head, embarrassed that he’d caught her. “Nothing, I … I’m just surprised you called me after what happened at the wedding.”

He shrugged, appearing slightly embarrassed himself. “Bygones, right?”

“No, I need to apologize. I’m really,
really
sorry about ditching you last time. I was at a very strange place emotionally, and I— ”

“Stop.” He held up his hand. “I get it. And it serves me right for being so confident that you were gettable. Let’s start fresh tonight, okay? I won’t be so obnoxious, and then maybe you’ll want to stick around a little longer.” He tilted his head slightly forward and looked steadily at her, the firm grip of his gaze assuring her of his sincerity.

She exhaled, relaxing more than she had since he’d met her downstairs in her apartment building. “I like that plan. But … what
did
make you call me?”

“As soon as I knew I’d be heading here on business, you popped into my head, and I couldn’t shake it. So I called Chuck, and he said he didn’t think you were dating anyone, and then Amy jumped on and said I should definitely call you. I’m glad I did.” He smiled, sparking a light in his bright green eyes.

“I’m glad too.” She smiled back. It was quite possible that Sean was as much of a player as Hayden, but Lyssa didn’t have any expectations with Sean, and that made him the perfect ease-back-into-flesh-and-blood guy. “So how has your work gone since you’ve been in town?”

“You want the short, non-committal answer or all the painful, intimate details?”

“How about something in between?”

He filled her in on his business dealings and then asked about her work—and actually listened. He laughed at all the right times, poured more wine before her glass was empty, and was an all-around excellent date. By the time they’d finished eating and passed on dessert, they’d fallen into a comfortable flirtation, and she felt inclined to invite him up to her apartment for a bit of kissing.

He held her light leather jacket while she slipped her arms in, and after she draped her billowy cotton scarf around her neck, they stepped into the mild spring evening. The rains seemed to be done for now, but March in Chicago always carried moisture in the air. Acoustic, coffeehouse-type music spilled onto the sidewalk from one of the neighboring businesses, setting a relaxed mood, and Sean laced his fingers into hers.

“Mind if we stop by a cigar shop Chuck told me about?” he asked. “I think it’s about a block from here.”

“I know the one.”

“Yeah?” He raised an intrigued eyebrow. “Would you like an after-dinner puff?”

She tilted her head, giving him a coy grin. “Sure.”

After a soft chuckle, he slipped his fingers out of hers and used them to touch her chin and lift it toward him. “Well then, I suppose I should get this out of the way before you get cigar breath.”

His eyes dropped to rove over her mouth, but before he leaned in, a familiar gait—or was it his cologne carrying on the wind … or maybe an extrasensory perception—caused Lyssa to turn her head to the side. Hayden was no more than two yards away, heading straight toward them. Of all the sidewalks in all the neighborhoods in all of the city, he was walking down hers, and it was impossible for her to pretend she didn’t see him. His eyes locked onto hers, and they both automatically plastered on identical fake smiles.

“What are you doing here?” she asked as he drew closer.

“My favorite men’s store is a few blocks away. I was getting fitted for one last suit.”

“Oh.” Shaking off her surprise at seeing him, she said, “Sean, this is Hayden. We work together or did until he got a better offer on the East Coast.”

“Yeah? Where on the coast?” Sean asked, offering his hand.

“Boston.”

“I’m in New York.” The men pumped once and let go.

That’s when the awkward silence set in. Lyssa was afraid to look directly at Hayden again. She didn’t want to see the pain or the frustration that’d be written across his features. Did he realize she and Sean were on a date? Had he seen the almost-kiss?

“Well, I’ve got a lot to get packed and squared away, so … ” She braved a look up, and Hayden’s smile looked less tight than it had before. She saw neither pain nor frustration in it. What she saw was a determined acceptance. “Nice to meet you, Sean. Take care, Bates.”

He stepped around them, and Lyssa watched as he continued his way down the sidewalk. The mellow, beatnik tunes that flowed from an unidentified source seemed to bounce off of him, and a range of emotions surged through her. She was losing him. Or maybe she already had. His “take care” had sounded like a permanent goodbye. Hayden was attempting to pare her all the way out of his heart, and he’d succeed, she was sure of it. He disappeared around the corner, and the anvil was back, crashing straight through her ribcage. She couldn’t breathe. She was losing him.

“Where were we?” Sean said, moving in close. He guided her face toward his and ran his thumb over her lower lip. Why was she willing to give this guy, this stranger, a chance while she let everything she cared about walk away? Hayden loved her; she believed that, and she loved him. In the history of risk taking, had there ever been a better reason to take a chance than genuine, heart-pounding, scary-ass love?

Sean bent to kiss her.

With both hands to his chest, she held him back. “I have to go.”

One side of his mouth raised and he half chuckled, but when she balanced herself with a hand on his shoulder, pulling off her shoes while she babbled in a rush, “I promise I’m not a horrible person. You just keep catching me at really inconvenient times. You’re a great guy, really, and maybe in other circumstances—” he straightened up, causing her to wobble.

His smile vanished. “You are
not
fucking serious.”

“I’m so sorry.” She backed away with a high heel in each hand, the bottoms of her bare feet chilled on the cold sidewalk. “I love him, and I have to tell him right now.”

“I am going to mur
der
Chuck and Amy and all their future offspring
while they sleep
!”

His abruptly prickish attitude alleviated some of her guilt, and she didn’t have time to deal with his tantrum, so she shouted, “Give them my regards!” and pivoted away from him. She didn’t look back as she dodged pedestrians on her way to Hayden. Navigating around the corner, she searched through the stream of people and spotted the black waves at the back of his head. He was already so far away, and she panicked, feeling like he could disintegrate out of her vision at any second and she’d never be able to find him again.

“Hayden!” she screamed. Along with several other faces, his turned toward her. After assessing that it was only a crazy lady, all but one head swiveled back around. Hayden’s gaze stayed steady upon her, his eyebrows pulled together, and his mouth pressed into a straight line, as if he too thought she was nuts.

She was.

“Hayden … ” Her whimper was so quiet that even she almost didn’t hear it. With her eyes fixed only on him, she sprang back into the throng, her feet slapping the cold concrete. Hayden took one step toward her, keeping an eyebrow slightly cocked, but then he stopped and stood in place, watching her. After all her waffling, she couldn’t blame him for being unsure about what she was up to now.

As she drew closer, she saw only one way to make her intentions absolutely clear. Launching off one foot, she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and planting her mouth on his. She’d never been so glad for her penchant for pants than when his hands cupped around the very top of her thighs and lifted her so she could circle her legs around his waist. His hands slid to the small of her back as his mouth opened under hers, and they indulged in a full-on make out in the middle of the busy sidewalk. She was barely aware of the clapping and catcalls in the background.

When she emerged from his all-consuming taste, she continued to touch small kisses to his lips, whispering, “I love you, Hayden. I love you. I want to try.” His hands lightened their pressure on her back, and she unwound her legs, lowering her feet to the ground. But she kept her arms crossed behind his neck, a shoe still in each hand.

Cradling the side of her face with his thumb tickling her cheek, he said, “Let’s do this right, okay?”

“’Kay.”

“Lyssa Whatever-your-middle-name-is Bates, will you be my one and
only
girlfriend?”

She giggled through her yes, and they kissed again. But soon, she slid her shoes to either side of his face and used the heels of her hands to pull him back. When he opened his eyes, her expression fell into a foreboding scowl. “Before we go too far down this road, there’s something you should know.”