Vicarious (14 page)

Turning from the violence, I make my way through the crowd. A girl dressed in a sheer green dress and thigh-high boots approaches me. She's got stick-straight white hair that hangs to her waist.

“Dance with me,” she says.

I reach out to stroke her hair and she smiles. Our bodies twist and sway to the pounding drumbeats. A couple of guys in the crowd break away from their partners and circle around us—one dark skinned with dark hair, the other pale and blond. The lights flash and move overhead, blinding me for a few seconds. The music pulses through my blood.

The dark-skinned guy pulls me into his arms. “What's your name?” he asks
.

I recognize him—Lamar Silver. He's a local rapper who's supposed to have his own reality TV show this summer. He's also known for starting up an animal rights charity and working with inner-city youth. All that and handsome too—the kind of guy who reduces most girls to stammering and blushing. I'm amazed at how cool and collected my sister is feeling.

“Lily,” I say.

“Lily,” he repeats. “That's pretty.”

My lips curl upward in response. He drags his fingertips up the side of my rib cage and then leans in like he's going to kiss me. I press one finger to his lips and then pull away. He laughs.

Suddenly a hand clamps down on my wrist. A girl spins me around and pulls me toward the center of the dance floor. “I've been watching you for like ten minutes,” she says.

She's wearing a brown-and-black wig that makes me think of burnt toast, but I recognize her. It's Natalie, another of Gideon's recorders. I've spoken to her only a couple of times in passing.

“Do you actually know Lamar Silver?” she asks.

“I know of him.”

“And you passed up a chance to kiss him?”

“I think he was just flirting.” I flip a glance over my shoulder. Lamar is now dancing with the white-haired girl, his hands crawling their way up her naked back.

I pause the recording again to study Lamar. The way he went from my sister to the other girl in five seconds convinces me he doesn't have any serious interest in Rose. To him, she's just a girl out dancing at a club.

“I saw some hockey players up at the bar,” Natalie says. “And Stellan Hillberg, the fashion designer. This place is unbelievable.”

“How did you get in?” I ask.

“The same way as you, I imagine—Gideon.”

I shake my head. “I was going to surprise him with this recording. Do you know how many people would love to see the inside of this place? I can't believe we both had the same idea.”

“Don't have a meltdown. I'm sure we can have completely different experiences.” Natalie cocks her head toward one of the cages. “I might see if I can find a hot guy or two to battle with me later.” She winks.

I can see my sister editing this clip, cutting out the exchange so Natalie appears to be just a strange girl who wants to dance with her.

Natalie twists seductively around me. Her hands stroke the sides of my face. She pulls me in close, pretends like she's going to kiss me. “I see this guy who's totally staring at you.”

“You act like that's not an everyday occurrence,” I say.

“No, but there's something creepy about this one.”

“What?” I can barely hear over the loud music.

She gestures toward the back of the room. The people are packed in tight. My eyes linger on a man in a long gray leather coat. His features are completely obscured by the pulsing lights and the black fedora he wears pulled low. I laugh a fluttery little laugh before turning my attention back to Natalie. “He's a little overdressed, isn't he?” I say.

I struggle to get a better look at the guy, but Rose turns away from him too soon. Without thinking, I open my eyes as I fight the ViSE, and the landscape of Zoo overlays itself on my bedroom. The effect is immediately disorienting. My stomach churns. Quickly I let my eyes fall shut again.

It's impossible to move independent of the ViSE. I know this, but I'm dying to turn back and study the crowd, to see who Rose and Natalie are talking about. But I stay trapped in her body and let the recording play out until the end, my eyes doing their absolute best to scan the blurry figures for anyone who might be familiar. The dancing continues for a few more songs, but I don't see anyone I recognize, and as far as I can tell, neither does my sister. She works the crowd, dancing with several attractive guys but never letting them get too close.

I stop the recording and open my eyes. The real world rushes back all at once—the stark black and white of my room in direct contrast to the pulsing lights and garishly bright dresses at Zoo.

Removing the headset, I massage my temples for a few moments. I breathe in and out slowly until my nausea subsides. Then I find a blank notebook and a permanent marker in one of my drawers and open it to the first page. I write #1 and next to it the words
NYE fashion show.
I label the memory card with a 1. Next line: #2:
Zoo dancing
. I label that card with a 2.

I grab my phone and scroll through the list of contacts to find Natalie. She's only in my phone because Gideon made all of his recorders exchange numbers, but judging from the way she and Rose joked on the ViSE, my sister knew her better than I do. I leave a voice mail message asking her to call me back. Reluctantly, I slip the headset back over my ears.

I'm about to start the next ViSE when my phone rings. I pick it up expecting Natalie, but it turns out to be Jesse.

“How are you doing?” His words are slow and precise. Hostage negotiator voice.

“I'm all right.”

“Are you still at the gym?”

“No, sorry. I was just getting ready to call you.”

“You stayed at the gym for three hours?”

“I've been home for a little while,” I hedge. “You want to help me with something else?”

A pause. A long breath. “With what?”

I fidget with one of the prongs on my headset. “I need to get into Zoo.”

“I thought you were going to Inferno.”

Damn it. I forgot all about that when I found Rose's ViSEs. “I can get into Inferno on my own, but I know my sister also did some work at Zoo lately. Natalie told me there was a creepy guy there who seemed like he was watching Rose.” I push away a prickle of guilt. Technically not a lie. Natalie did tell me, on the ViSE. And I'm sure she'll tell me again once she calls back.

Jesse whistles long and low. “Until something even flashier opens up, Zoo is kind of off-limits to commoners like you and me, even on a Sunday night. You'd have to be a rock star or a professional athlete to—”

Perfect. I cut him off. “Never mind. You just gave me a great idea.”

“I did?”

“I ran into Andy Lynch in the gym. I bet I can get him to take me.”

Jesse makes a choking sound. “After that fumble on the four-yard line, he might not be cool enough to get in either.”

“Be nice. So he got nervous and screwed up. He was on the news. He's on the cover of
Sports Weekly
. That's cool enough for Zoo.”

“I didn't know you read
Sports Weekly
,” Jesse says dryly.

“I don't. Some guy came up to Andy when we were working out and—”

“So now you're gym buddies with Andy Lynch? I thought you liked working out alone.”

“Seriously? Now is not the time to get jealous,” I say. “Besides, he's in love with Rose, all right? Apparently they were dating. He was working out downstairs hoping to catch a glimpse of her on his way in or out.”

“I'm not jealous,” Jesse says. “But think about it. Rose gets killed, possibly because of a ViSE, and now Andy Lynch is suddenly your best pal? Maybe he had something to do with it.”

“Andy?” I scoff. “Doubtful. He seems more like a puppy than a murderer.”

“If you say so.” Jesse still sounds a bit miffed. “But Gideon is going to want me to go with you.”

The phone beeps. I look down at the display. Natalie. “I have another call I have to take,” I say. “I'll call you back.” I switch over.

“Hey, Winter,” Natalie says. Her voice has that “heaping with sympathy” sound to it and right away I can tell someone has told her about Rose.

“Hi. I guess you heard about my sister. I've been playing some of her ViSEs and I saw one with you two at Zoo.”

“Yeah?”

“You and Rose were dancing. You said some guy had been staring at her.”

“I did?” Natalie doesn't say anything for a few seconds. “Sorry, I've run into her more than once at Zoo, and I get pretty trashed when I go clubbing.”

“It was a night Lamar Silver was there. The guy you were talking about was wearing a long gray leather coat.”

“Oh, right, the guy in the hat and coat. Who keeps their coat on at a dance club? Yeah, I saw him checking out your sister several times that night.”

“Did you recognize him?”

“No,” she says. “But Rose didn't seem worried about him.”

“Did you see him there more than once?” I ask.

Natalie exhales deeply. “Maybe? I'm not sure. Sorry.”

“Do you know if my sister was dating Andy Lynch?” I ask suddenly.

Natalie coughs. “The quarterback?”

“Yes.”

“If she was, she never mentioned him.” Natalie pauses. “I always got the feeling Rose wasn't looking for a relationship.”

“Could the guy at Zoo have been Andy Lynch?”

“Hmm. I don't think so, but I can't say for sure.”

“That's all right,” I say. “Did she ever seem worried to you? Afraid?”

“I only knew her from the clubs, but Rose never seemed afraid of anything or anyone,” Natalie says. “At least as far as I could tell.”

 

CHAPTER 14

As
soon as I hang up with Natalie, I call Andy.

He picks up immediately. I can hear the clanging of weight stacks in the background. “I went back to the gym,” he says.

And I thought
I
was obsessed with exercise. “Don't you have stuff to do besides work out?”

“Officially I don't go back to school for another week. Assuming I go back at all.” He clears his throat. “Exercise helps keep my mind off stuff, you know?”

“I do,” I say. “I'm calling to ask you for a favor. I still haven't heard from my sister and I'm starting to worry. She actually didn't come home last night. I didn't want to tell you that earlier, because I figured you'd assume, well, that she was with another guy. But I don't think that's what it is.” Without mentioning ViSEs or Rose's job as a recorder, I try to explain why I want to go to Zoo. “I know Rose has gone there multiple times recently and I talked to one of her friends who said a guy there seemed to be following her around.”

“But if you really think something might've happened to her, shouldn't you get the police involved?” Andy asks.

“I did,” I say. “We talked to a detective, but Rose has stayed out all night before and he didn't seem all that concerned. I'm going a little crazy just sitting around, though. I'd feel better if I were out looking for her.” I'm amazed by how easily the half-truths flow from my tongue. After talking to Andy in the gym, my gut doesn't really think he had anything to do with what happened to Rose, but I still can't bring myself to tell him the whole story.

“Okay. I can get you into Zoo,” Andy says, his relaxed voice going taut with worry. “It still packs up every night, though. It'll be easier to get in if we go earlier.”

“Maybe ten?” I suggest.

“Sounds good. I can pick you up.”

“All right.”

I hang up and check the time. I've got about two hours to go through more of Rose's ViSEs. The next one is a recording of Rose bungee jumping from a bridge downtown during last year's Fourth of July celebration. It's a ViSE that Gideon probably would've assigned to me if crowds didn't make me so uncomfortable. No one stands out on the recording except for Rose, Gideon, and a man from the ropes company.

Next.

I'm sitting in the audience of an auditorium. Around me, a few people are raising their hands in the air, but most are slinking down in their seats, feigning interest in their phones. My hand is waving wildly. The guy on stage points at me and suddenly I'm being escorted from my seat by a couple of stagehands.

“Are you afraid of knives?” the man asks. He's a full head taller than me with hair as black as raven feathers and eyes to match. He's wearing all black except for a satin cape adorned with silvery stars and moons.

It's the circus, I realize. I can't remember how long ago the circus was in town.

I shake my head as I stare at the trio of shiny blades in the man's hand. “I'm not afraid of anything.”

A murmur runs through the crowd. The man sets the knives on a nearby stool and wraps his lean fingers around mine. He kisses the back of my hand.

“Good. You have nothing to worry about. I almost never miss.”

Another murmur from the crowd, this one tinged with laughter.

The knife thrower's assistant leads me to a wooden wheel at the far end of the stage. She looks critically at my outfit and declares in a thick accent that I will be fine. I step onto wooden pegs for my feet and she secures my wrists and ankles with leather straps.

She produces a black silk handkerchief from some invisible pocket in her sequined costume. “Do you wish for a blindfold?” she asks.

I shake my head. My heart pounds as the assistant walks toward the far side of the stage. Music plays from the speakers as the knife thrower shows his three knives to a man in the front row to prove they are real. Then the knife thrower casually juggles them as he steps up to a line directly across from me.