Victory Lane (Shady Falls #1) (27 page)

I tried to make sure we spent time together as opposed to only focusing on work all of the time. Our late night meetings at the tracks turned into movie nights with Kyle and Margie in my trailer on the infield. Toni would often stay with me as opposed to going back to the hotel, but she always slept in the spare bed. Toni and I were still rarely alone, but at least we were together.

It wasn’t long before Wednesdays turned into our unofficial date night. Wednesdays were the only evening it was even possible to get out of the shop at a reasonable hour. It surprised me when she didn’t argue and she actually invited me to spend time with her at her house. I learned quickly that although she seemed to trust me for the most part, she felt safest at her house. With her Uncle Bobby and Mia living there, and Jake and Cade coming in and out all of the time, I knew this was where she was most at ease.

We sat together on Wednesday evening at Toni’s house, discussing the weekend’s All-Star Showdown in Charlotte. For once, we were actually alone. It was rare that at least one of her friends wasn’t in the house somewhere. But tonight Mia was out with Jake and Cade, and Toni’s Uncle Bobby was visiting her father in Shady Falls. We sat together in the quiet of her living room, eating the dinner she prepared and watching a movie. Instead of allowing me to order food, she’d insisted on cooking for us.

“So you ready for the All-Star Showdown?” Toni asked between bites of spaghetti. I was actually surprised at how good her cooking was. Growing up with just her father, I figured she wouldn’t have learned to cook, but I was wrong. 

“Yeah, I’m feelin’ better about it since we got the win at Bristol. Our finishes have been consistent, but we needed the win. How about you? You know the atmosphere is different at the Showdown than normal races.” I paused for a moment then hummed my appreciation. “Toni, this is amazin’. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

“Dottie taught me,” she explained. A huge smile graced her face.

“Well it’s fantastic. If you cook like this, you’re gonna have to cook for me more often.”

“Well, that’s a change. Most people only want me to work on their cars. I like cookin’, but I rarely get to do it.”

“Well, you can cook for me any time you want,” I said with a smile. “So, what about the race? What’re you thinkin’ about the car?”

“It’s good. We’ll have some adjustments to make after practice on Friday I’m sure. Overall though, it feels pretty good.”

“Are you gonna commute since we’ll be so close to home?”

“Do y’all do that?” Toni asked.

“Sometimes. Charlotte’s so close it’s easy to just go home instead of stayin’ in the hotel or trailers. I’ll probably stay in my trailer though, I’ll be drivin’ enough, and I don’t wanna drive more than I have to.”

“I understand,” Toni said. “I don’t know. Sleepin’ in my own bed does seem like it would be better than stayin’ in the hotel, especially if most of the guys’ll be home.”

“You can always stay with me. My bed’s extremely comfortable and big enough for both of us. I promise I won’t bite.” I smiled at her playfully, hoping she would know I was serious but it wasn’t a ploy for sex. I wanted this woman in my bed more than anything, but I didn’t want to scare her. The look which crossed her face sent shivers down my spine. Fear passed through her eyes before she quickly looked down.

“I don’t know, Jules. I don’t think I can. Maybe I can stay in the spare room though.” She kept her eyes to the ground, not looking up or around at all for several moments. She seemed uncomfortable. It bothered me that she didn’t trust me not to jump her the moment she got in my bed. Every time something came up that made her uncomfortable, I couldn’t help but dwell on what must have happened to this woman to make her so skittish.

“Toni?” I said her name as gently as I could. “Do you trust me?”

She appeared to think for a few moments. I could see a myriad of emotions cross her face. She seemed to have a battle within herself, trying to decide if she could trust me or not. Sometimes she was fine but times like this you could see how badly someone fucked with her head. And every time I saw her like this, I just wanted to hunt the asshole down and castrate him for hurting her. A part of me desperately wanted to know exactly what that man did to make her so guarded and untrusting. It pissed me off to think someone hurt her so badly that she was constantly fearful. I realized, however, knowing might not be for the best either. Would it change the way I looked at her? I didn’t think so, but I also didn’t think I would be able to go on without knowing what that man did to her. I just had to convince her I wasn’t him, and she could trust me no matter what.

“Toni,” I prompted, gently, placing my hand on her arm. “Toni, look at me. Do you trust me?”

After what seemed like an eternity, she nodded her head slightly. It was the smallest of movements, but it meant the world to me. She let me know she did indeed trust me, but she was nervous about it.

I leaned in and kissed her cheek. It was an innocent gesture, but it was what I knew she needed. “I think it’s time for me to go home,” I said softly. “Do you want me to pick you up in the morning?”

“No, I’m gonna drive myself. Thank you though.” She gave me the slightest smile. “See you in Charlotte.”

Leaving was becoming the hardest thing I had to do. I wanted to be with her all the time. Not just at the shop and not just on Wednesdays. I wanted to go to sleep with her cradled in my arms. I wanted to wake up with her next to me. I wanted breakfast, lunch, and dinner with her. I wanted everything, but obviously she wasn’t ready.

“Okay,” I said, trying to smile. “I’ll see you in Charlotte then.”

Chapter Twenty

Toni

No, it can’t be him. It wasn’t him. Why the hell would he be in Charlotte? Last I heard he was living somewhere in Virginia. But it was him. I was positive I saw him in another aisle as I paid for my gas. He still looked exactly the same; cold, cruel eyes and a permanent scowl graced his unfortunately handsome face. Just the sight of him made my hands start shaking and my heart start pounding. I felt like I was going to be sick and desperately wished that I’d driven with Julius. I never expected to see him again, ever, but there he was and I knew he saw me.

I paid quickly, rushing out of the convenience store and back out to my truck. I was only a couple miles from the track. I could just get there and pretend I never saw him. I’d be safe on the track and in the garage. I’d be safe with Julius. At that moment, all I could think about was getting to Julius. Why did I leave my phone in the truck? I could’ve called him and asked him to meet me. But then I’d have to let him into my past. My horrible, ugly past. I was sure if Julius knew about my history he wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Whatever we had would be gone and I’d be crushed.

“Toni,” Todd’s cold and cruel voice bellowed from behind me before I climbed into my truck. I stopped dead in my tracks, terrified that he would come at me and hurt me like he had so many times before. I felt like I did back then, weak and pathetic. I never felt anything else when I was with Todd, nothing but the wretched feeling of being worthless and unloved.

Then Julius’ face flashed in my mind. His loving gaze, the smile I only saw when he looked at me. He never looked at other women the way he looked at me. I’d watched and memorized his smile, and I never saw it given to anyone other than me. It made me feel special, wanted, and strong. I felt his strength fill my frozen limbs and wash over my panic. I was at least able to move, to breathe. I wasn’t weak anymore. I was strong. I knew how to defend myself, and a kind and compassionate man cared for me. I glanced to my truck door, it was open I was almost home free.

“Toni,” Todd growled again. He was just behind me and so close that I felt my stomach roll and my heart pound. My adrenaline picked up, I could handle this, and I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. “When I call you, you answer,” he snarled. “Well, look at you. You think you’re somethin’ special now, don’t you? You think you got away from me? I’ve been followin’ what you’ve been doin’ since you started workin’ for Fuller. I told you, you’re mine and it’s time for me to take what’s mine.”

But I wasn’t his, I never was. Julius’ face flashed in my mind again, filling me with more strength. I wasn’t Todd’s, I wasn’t sure if I was Julius’ either, but I wanted to be. I sure as hell wasn’t going back to the hell Todd promised. I didn’t respond to him and he didn’t grab me or even get close enough to touch me. He just stood there on the other side of my open door and glared at me. “I told you before, this ain’t over. I had to spend time in jail because of you and your daddy. My father made me go live with one of my brothers and now dad won’t let me go back home. My brother Tommy’s takin’ over the farm now instead of me. And it’s all your fault. You ruined my life, bitch and I’m gonna make you make it right. Don’t no one want you anyway, besides all you’ll end up doin’ is fuckin’ up Fuller’s car. You were never worth shit.”

Trembling, I couldn’t even look at him. I knew a look of pure loathing was on his face. But I also knew he wouldn’t do anything here. He wouldn’t risk doing anything to me in public. I just had to get into my truck and leave. I could just leave and forget this ever happened.

I climbed into my truck without a word. I didn’t talk to him, didn’t even look at him, but I knew he was there. I felt his ominous presence looming around me. Even after he backed away, I still felt his presence. It was as if his words burrowed into me and took hold of every insecurity I thought I’d finally gotten over. Years since I saw him last, years it had taken for me to feel some pride in myself, and in one instant he had the ability to make me feel worthless and unwanted. It pissed me off that I couldn’t get over my fear of this man.

I tried to get my trembling limbs under control. Just fifteen minutes ago, I had been so excited about being a part of the Showdown. Fifteen minutes ago, I was falling in love with a man and I hoped he was falling in love with me too. Now I just had Todd in my head telling me how fucked up I was. His voice echoed in my head, making me doubt myself. But then other voices broke through, Kyle’s, and Kevin’s words of praise, all strong and sure, forced some of his venom away. My dad’s, Jake’s, and Cade’s constant love and reassuring statements broke through also. But the voice that broke through loud and clear, drowning out Todd’s venom, was Julius’. I could hear his praise, I could see the love in his eyes, and I could feel how his touch set me on fire. I’d been working on feeling my self-worth for years, training my mind and body to be stronger. The battle that was waging inside of me filled me with confusion. I was strong, but I didn’t feel strong. I was desired, but I didn’t feel desirable. Julius had built me up, but Todd had put a fissure in the foundation Julius built, and that fissure could destroy me.

Instead of driving into the track area, I circled the streets of Charlotte trying to clear my head. Why did I allow that man to have such an effect on me? I was good at being a mechanic. I knew I was. I graduated at the top of my class. Kyle and Kevin counted on me. Even if they didn’t want me around for any other reason, I knew I was good with cars.

Buzzing again, my phone alerted me to yet another call. It had been ringing nonstop for the past thirty minutes. Until it buzzed again, I hadn’t realized how long I’d been driving and how late I was getting to the track.
What did it matter anyway? They didn’t need me.
Sighing, I glanced at the screen before answering.

“Hello?” I said meekly.

“Oh, thank god. Toni, where are you? I was ready to call the police or your father or someone. You have us all scared to death. Why ain’t you here yet? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Margie. I just had … an issue I needed to deal with.”

“Well, are you on your way? Ky’s freakin’ out. Jules is worried and threatenin’ not to practice if you’re not here. Kev’s ready to send out a swat team to find you.”

“Um … Yeah,” I said, reluctantly. “I’ll be there soon. I’m not far.”

“Alright. Well, hurry. Jules’ practice time is comin’ up soon.”

“Yeah. Okay. On my way,” I said halfheartedly. I just didn’t have it in me to talk to her anymore. Margie would know something’s wrong. She probably already did.

“Hey, Toni? Are you okay? You don’t sound right. You sound like somethin’s wrong.”

“I just … I-I’m fine. I’m on my way.”

Margie paused for a long moment, “Okay, honey. See you soon?”

“Yeah, sure … Soon.”

Why would they care about where I am? It wasn’t as if they didn’t have it under control on their own. These guys have been doing this work and winning races long before I was there and they’ll be winning races long after I’m gone. They don’t need me.

After a while, I was still just driving around. I couldn’t clear my head. Again my phone rang, but this time it was a special ringtone, a tone I assigned just to Julius, Metallica’s
‘Nothing Else Matters’
filled my truck. I loved the song, a power ballad about love and being apart, but no matter how far apart only that person matters. The song rang true for how I felt about him, so I assigned him the beginning of the song as his ringtone. I didn’t know if I loved him yet, but I definitely cared for him a great deal.

“Hello?”

“Toni? Where are you? Marg said you were almost here and that was about forty minutes ago. Are you okay? I can come get you,” Julius said. I could hear the concern in his voice. “Talk to me, love. I know somethin’s goin’ on.”

That was new. He’d never given me such an endearment before. He was worried about me, but why? “I’m fine, Jules. I’m on my way. Don’t worry; you don’t need me there anyway.”

“What?” he burst out. “What do you mean I don’t need you here? Why would you think that? Baby, I need you more than you realize, obviously. I thought I made how I feel about you clear. Where are you?”

By now, I had tears streaming from my eyes. I hadn’t realized how much just hearing his voice would make me break. Todd’s words still echoed in my head, loud and clear, so loud they almost drowned out what Julius was saying to me. He’d never called me love or baby before. More and more Julius was using these types of terms of endearment with me. It made me feel special.

“Baby, where are you?” he pushed.

Looking around, I realized that I didn’t know exactly where I was anymore. The track was nowhere in sight. I drove a little further down the street until I reached an intersection. “I don’t know,” I told him. “The street names are Colby and Waters.”

“Just sit there. I’m on my way,” he instructed.

“No, you have practice. You can’t …”

“Screw practice, Toni. You’re more important. Just stay where you are. I’m on my way. I mean it, don’t you move. Put your truck in park, lock all your doors, and stay put. I’m comin’ for you, angel.”

I didn’t argue or say one more word. I was just so exhausted and sad. I didn’t have any fight left. Todd took every ounce of my energy, pride, and power and just zapped it all. Just being in the same proximity as that man had my mind completely muddled. Why could he do that to me? Why did someone so horrible have such a humongous effect on me? Why did I let him?

              He knelt in front of me, a huge bouquet of flowers grasped in one hand, the other holding mine. His blue eyes looked at me apologetically as they skimmed over my battered flesh. His thumb rubbed circles on the top of my hand in what should have been a gentle and loving gesture.

“God, babe, I’m so sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean it, I swear.” Todd paused a moment, shifting in front of me. He set the flowers down on my lap and pulled a small jewelry box from his pocket. My stomach dropped, terrified it was an engagement ring. He’s been talking about marriage for a while now, maybe he thought another bouquet of flowers to apologize for his abuse wouldn’t be enough this time. “I bought this for you, babe. I know how much you love stuff like this.”

He opened the box, and presented me with a single piece of chocolate. “I know most guys get their women boxes of chocolate, but you’ve been puttin’ on weight lately, babe. We can’t have you lookin’ like ‘Babe’ the pig, now can we?” His cruel smirk slid across his face and suddenly I realized why he always called be babe. Was he referring to me as a pig all along? My stomach dropped. Even when he was seemingly trying to be nice and apologize for his actions, it turned into an insult. I hated flowers, and despised the turn my life was taking. “Go on, babe, take it. You know how much you love chocolate.” He placed the tiny piece of candy in my empty hand and stood, pulling me up with him. “There, all better now. I think you’ll need to call your daddy and tell him you’re stayin’ at Mia’s for a couple days or somethin’. It wouldn’t do for him to see you like this.” He raked his nails down my bruised arm, leaving a trail of scratches. “Now pick up your flowers and stuff your face with your chocolate and get ready to go. Better wear a long sleeve shirt.”

I blinked out of my memories when Julius knocked on my window. Tears had been falling from my eyes the entire time I waited and thought about my life. But now, seeing him standing in front of me with his fire suit on, a look of worry and fear in his eyes, the tears turned into a torrent.

I unlocked my door, and immediately he pulled me out and cradled me in his arms. I collapsed into him and continued to cry. His strong arms encircled me, wrapping me in his warm and caring grasp. I realized I never felt more at ease, more secure and safe than when I was in this man’s arms. He felt like home. But it was a home I didn’t know if I could ever keep as my own.

“Shhh, baby, shush. Don’t cry. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. I’m here, everything’s fine.”

Pulling away, I looked at him. He was so sweet and seemed so concerned about me. But that was the problem. I made him worry about me. What about the race? What about practice? Todd was right, I couldn’t do anything right.

“Why are you here?” I asked between sobs. “You should be practicing. The race is Sunday. You should be at the track.”

“Fuck the track. And fuck the practice. It’ll be fine. You, on the other hand, aren’t fine. You look like you’ve been cryin’ for hours. Were’ve you been? Why’re you out here roamin’? I know somethin’ happened. It ain’t like you to blow off a practice. What happened?”

“Nothin’,” I said promptly. I couldn’t tell him about Todd. If I did, he’d find out everything and I couldn’t tell him. Not yet. I couldn’t lose him when I didn’t even have him yet. “I-I just got mixed up. It’s fine. We should get back to the track.” I tried to make myself sound strong, but it only came out in a whispered plea. “I’ll follow you back to the track.”

“Screw that, you ain’t leavin’ my sight again today.” He gestured toward his truck. Until then I hadn’t realized someone else was there to witness my vulnerability other than Julius. Margie climbed out of her brother’s truck. She looked worried and sad.

“You okay, honey?” Margie asked.