Victory Lane (Shady Falls #1) (28 page)

“She’s fine. Can you drive my truck back to the track? I’m gonna drive back with Toni, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, sure,” Margie said. “No problem. I see y’all back at the track then.”

She walked up to me and gave me a hug. I loved her hugs, and they just got more meaningful as her swollen belly got larger with the life she carried.

Whispering in my ear, she said, “Talk to him, honey. He’s worried about you. I’ve never seen him so worried about anyone, ever. He cares so much about you, Toni.” Pulling back, she smiled at me. “See y’all later,” she said, patting Julius on his cheek.

“Be careful and go straight back.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she smiled.

After we watched Margie pull away, Julius took my hand and led me to the passenger side of my truck. He opened the door and gently placed me inside. He then pulled the seatbelt and slid it around me, fastening it in the lock. He was so close and his smell made me feel safe and secure. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t try to get me to talk or tell him what happened. The fact of the matter was I wouldn’t have known what to say anyway. I couldn’t tell him the truth. I’d lose him before I even got enough courage to have him.

He walked around to the driver side and slid in, but he didn’t start the car. He just turned and looked at me. He reached over and wiped the tears that had stained my cheeks. “We’re goin’ back to the track. Then we’re goin’ to my trailer and we’re gonna talk. Not here, not now. I wish you’d consider openin’ up to me, at least a little. Don’t lie to me and tell me you got lost or turned around. I know that ain’t true. Somethin’ happened to you today and you need to give me somethin’ real.”

I couldn’t speak. He wanted truth and he’d know if I lied. I had no doubt he could see through my stories and excuses. But could I share any reality with him? What could I tell him that would assure him I was fine but still keep my secrets? I would tell him something, I just had to make sure he couldn’t see how weak I truly was.

Chapter Twenty-One

Julius

We entered my trailer in complete silence. She hadn’t spoken a single word since I got into her truck. Every now and again, a sniffle or sob would break the silence, but she did everything she could to pull herself together. I knew something major happened; she would never have skipped practice or ignored so many calls. She was usually the first in the garages and the last to leave, so whatever happened had to have been extremely upsetting for her to just go off and disappear as she did.

As soon as I entered my trailer, I stopped and texted her father. When she wasn’t answering her phone and no one knew where she was, the first person I called was Mike, and then Jake, Cade, and Mia. No one knew where she was and they were all worried. Her father was ready to drive down to find her, but I promised to take care of it.

Me:
I found her. She was just driving around Charlotte. She’s been crying and is quiet. I don’t know what’s wrong.

Mike:
Did she say anything at all? How’s she acting?

Me:
Quiet, seems shaken. Almost like she’s scared of something.

I waited a few seemingly drawn out moments before he responded.

Mike:
My advice, be gentle. It’s not like her to act like that. I’ll call later and see if she’ll talk to me. Keep me posted.

Shoving my phone in my pocket, I walked into the living room area where Toni sat on the small couch, looking like her world just caved in on her. I was used to the confident and self-assured woman I saw under the hood of my car and walking around the garage. This woman was completely different. She seemed broken, as if someone completely destroyed everything about her.

I sat across from her on the ottoman and pulled it so I was right in front of her, able to touch her. She kept her eyes to the floor while she tangled and untangled her fingers, wringing her hands repeatedly. She was nervous and worried, but at least she wasn’t sobbing any longer.

“Toni, what happened today?” I asked softly. I didn’t care about the practice or the car. It would work out or I would make it work out. All I cared about was her. Seeing the fear and uncertainty in her eyes reminded me of the day she woke up from her nightmare. Did she see the man that haunted her?

“Toni,” I said gently once again. I didn’t want to push, but she needed to talk to someone. She needed to talk to me. “Talk to me, angel. What happened to you today? Did it have anything to do with that guy you had the nightmare about?”

That did it. She snapped her eyes up to me and a look of pure terror and panic crossed her face. “Why would you think that?” she said instantly.

“Because you aren’t yourself. Because the last time I saw you so shaken was when you woke up from that nightmare. And because I know you.”

“What do you know? You think you know me. You all think you know me, but you don’t. None of you know me. All you know is you think I’m a good mechanic, but that’s it.”

She stood and I had a feeling if I let her walk away now, she’d run away again, maybe for good. I grabbed her hand to stop her from trying to flee. She wasn’t getting away from me, not now, not ever. I held her hand firmly and refused to let her go. She stopped fighting and stiffly sat back in the seat. “I know you’re an incredibly gifted mechanic and engineer. I know you’re sweet, kind, and generous. I know you love your father, friends, and family. And I know you’re the most beautiful woman I have ever been around.”

She scoffed with my last words. She rolled her eyes and tried pulling her hand out of my grasp again. She didn’t say anything, but I knew for some reason she didn’t believe me when I said she was beautiful.

“What? You’re the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever met.” She looked down at her feet again, not making eye contact with me, just shaking her head as if I was crazy. “Dammit Toni,” I said a little harsher than I meant to. She jumped at my outburst, flinching away from me as if she was preparing herself for an assault. One of these days, I was going to understand how badly she was hurt because seeing her reactions to things made my imagination run wild. “Look, angel, I didn’t mean to scare you, but dammit, don’t ignore what I’m tellin’ you. You’re lettin’ what some asshole said to you at some point influence what you think about yourself.”

“No, I’m not. No one …”

“Bullshit, Toni. You won’t take my compliments, ever. You don’t believe me when I tell you how beautiful you are. I know what I’m seein’. Some prick, probably that Todd asshole, convinced you that you’re not pretty or somethin’. He destroyed the way you see yourself. But what pisses me off the most is for months now I’ve been tellin’ you how freakin’ gorgeous, incredible, and charmin’ you are. I show you and tell you how I feel and you don’t believe me but you believe everythin’ this prick who fucked with your head told you years ago. Baby, don’t you see?” She shook her head, still with her eyes cast to the floor. She wasn’t listening to me. She was deep inside her own mind and she wasn’t paying attention to anything I said. Instead of continuing, I took her hands and pulled her toward the bathroom. If I couldn’t talk to her about what I see, I was going to show her.

“Jules, where are you takin’ me? Please, just leave me alone. I’ll be fine. You should be restin’, you have qualifyin’ tomorrow.”

“I know what I have to do tomorrow. I also know what I have to do now. I’m not lettin’ you go until you see what I see.” I pulled her in front of me and stood her in front of the bathroom mirror. It was large enough that I could see her entire body down to her knees and I could see myself standing behind her. She kept her eyes cast down as we stood there. “Look in the mirror, Toni.” She just shook her head again, refusing to look at herself. I put my fingertips under her chin and gently tilted her head up. When her eyes met mine in the mirror, I held them for a moment and smiled.

“Baby, look. Tell me what you see.”

“A famous racecar driver,” she said, still looking at me.

I sighed, loudly. “No, Toni. Look here,” I said, pointing to her nose. “Tell me what you see.”

“A pointy nose,” she said with annoyance in her voice.

“That’s not what I see. I see a perfect nose.” Then I circled her entire face. “What do you see?”

“A girl,” she said with a sigh.

“What kind of girl?” I pushed.

“Jules, I don’t want to do this. Can we just go to sleep now? I’m tired.” She tried pulling away from me so she could leave, but I refused to let her go.

“No, Antonia. Tell me what kind of girl you see. I want an adjective, Toni.”

Shaking her head, she huffed, “A plain girl, Jules. I see a very plain girl. That’s it.”

“That’s not what I see. I see an astonishingly gorgeous woman. Look at yourself, Toni. Don’t you see how lovely you are?”

She tried pulling away again. When I wouldn’t let her go, she glared at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t looking at me, only herself. “No, I don’t see that and neither do you. All you see is an ordinary girl that’s too tall, too fat, and too dull. You see drab dark brown hair, a face that’s nothing special, and a body that’s too rounded and tall. Don’t stand here and lie and tell me you don’t see what I see. I know you do.”

“I see what you’re seein’. I just don’t see drab, I see shiny, beautiful hair that I want to run my fingers through when I kiss you. I see a voluptuous body that I want to run my hands over and memorize every hard muscle, every perfect curve, and every single inch down to the smallest freckle. And I see a woman that has long, incredible legs that make her marvelously tall and alluring.” I took her and turned her around so she looked into my eyes. She was only about six or seven inches shorter than me, and I loved it. “I love that you’re tall. I love when we stand like this you are at the perfect height to put your head on my shoulder. I love when you put on heels you’re almost as tall as I am.” I pulled her into my embrace. “I love when we’re pressed together I can feel every single inch of your body on every inch of mine. I’ve never seen a more stunning woman than you, Antonia. I think every single inch and every single part of you is perfect.” I turned her around once more to look in the mirror. “I don’t know what that asshole did to you to make you feel so bad about yourself, but he was blind and dumb as fuck if he saw anything but the fine-looking woman I see. Look at yourself, Toni. See what I see.” I willed her to see what I saw. I needed her to look at herself and see the lovely creature that I saw every time I looked at her. For the past couple months I had been trying to get her to open up to me. I thought I was making progress, but apparently, I wasn’t.

She stared at herself for a long time, then her eyes found mine in the mirror and they held. It was the first time since I picked her up that she met my gaze and held it on her own. Almost as if a veil lifted from her, she smiled a true and sincere smile. It was shy and probing, but it was real. “Do you really see all of that when you look at me?” she asked warily.

“Yes, angel, I do. I see
you
.” I waited to see what she would do. Would she accept it? Or would she once again ignore what I said?

Toni turned and launched herself into my arms, and she hugged me tight. Every inch of her body pressed against mine, just as I told her I liked. She felt so good, but I didn’t want to push her when she actually seemed to be listening to me for once. But her soft curves called to me as they pressed into my hard muscled chest. Her breath on my neck sent shivers of awareness all over my body. “Thank you, Julius. Your words mean more to me than you’ll ever know,” she whispered into the skin of my neck.

My control broke. I knew I should have fought the urge to kiss her. She’d just gone through a traumatic evening and she still hadn’t told me what exactly happened to her. But I felt drugged by the feel of her body and her scent. I pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes. I slid my hand up to her face and cupped her cheek, skimming my thumb over her plump lips. My gaze fell to where my thumb touched her mouth; I laced my fingers through her silky hair, and pulled her to me until my lips grazed hers. I nuzzled her mouth with mine, trying to control myself. But the moment she melted into my embrace, my restraint was destroyed. I held her body to mine, wrapping my arms around her, deepening the kiss. I knew there was so much still to talk about, but feeling her body pressed with mine, I just didn’t care. She was safe and she was here. There would be time to talk about what happened later, there would be time. “God, you’re so perfect, Toni. I need you so much,” I whispered into her mouth.

She pulled back slightly and looked into my eyes. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

I didn’t expect her to pull me into my room and I didn’t think she would stay once she had me in there. But she didn’t flee as I thought she would.

“Do you have a shirt I could sleep in? I don’t have anything here with me,” she said softly.

I nodded, pulling a tee shirt from my drawer and handing it to her. She smiled sweetly and turned for the bathroom. I sat there and stared, realizing she was intending on not only staying in my trailer with me but also staying in my bed. I worried about what she was thinking and how she was feeling. She may be acting as if she’s fine now, but I worried it was just that, an act. Just a short time ago, she was far from fine. I wanted to help her, to be what cures her but I didn’t think I had all of her here with me. Someone else was still in her head. She was still hiding a lot of herself from me. I didn’t want to be a temporary fix. I wanted to know she was with me and only me, not the ghosts of her past.

While I waited for her, I changed into gym shorts and a tee shirt to prepare for bed. She came out of the bathroom dressed in my shirt and nothing else. Her long muscular legs stretched from the hem of the shirt down to the floor, enticing me to touch every perfect inch of her shapely legs. She was just so perfect and she had no idea. The moment my eyes met hers, I knew she still wasn’t completely there with me. A part of her was still somewhere else, dealing with whatever demons haunted her.

She walked across the room and stood between my parted legs. She pressed herself against me, placing her perfect breasts right at my eye level.

“Baby, what are you doing?” I asked as she leaned into me.

She climbed up and straddled my legs, pressing herself into to me. “I want you, Jules. I want you so badly,” she said, leaning in and pressing her mouth to mine. “Please,” she whispered.

I pulled her into me and down to the bed. I rolled us over so that I hovered over her beautiful body. I wanted her so badly. She felt so good beneath me, pressed into the mattress. But I worried she wasn’t completely here with me.

“Jules, please. Make love to me. I want to feel you all over. I want you to fill me until you are the only person I feel, see, or hear,” she pleaded.

I could feel her desire and desperation. I didn’t want to be with her this way. But when she wrapped her legs around my hips and pulled me into her, I lost control. My hands traveled down her sides and found the bottom of the shirt she wore, connecting with the silky skin at the tops of her thighs and hips. My fingers slid under the thin elastic connecting the small pieces of satin covering her. I could easily rip away the fragile material, but I didn’t. I needed to be gentle with her. My hands glided past her panties, finding the velvety flesh beneath her ribs and at her stomach. She was so perfect, and her body felt so good under my touch. I wanted to feel all of her. My hands kept moving, touching and feeling every single part of her under that shirt. I kept pushing it further and further until she was completely exposed to me. I heard the slight hitch in her breathing and was resolved to back off and stop until she pulled her hand from around me and yanked the shirt over her head.