Violet Path (8 page)

“Sorry,” he whispered under his breath, then he looked away. I nodded, accepting his apology, and we walked to the long table together.

When we reached the table, everyone fell silent, recognizing Andrew’s authority. It was obvious that he held the power. I felt terrified standing in front of so many strangers. I ran my hand through my short hair, only to realize that I had also lost my sense of identity. I looked at Andrew for any form of comfort, but he wasn’t facing me.

“Good evening. We had a very productive day,” Andrew stated. “Tonight we welcome a new member who has a huge amount of courage and skill. He is young, but that does not stop him. From Lia, this is Alex.” Andrew waved his hand to me, and I felt the blood rush to my face. Everyone clapped and cheered, which only made me feel even more uncomfortable. I wanted to run and hide. Relief came over me when Andrew motioned for me to take a seat.

Although the attention was no longer choking me, I was panicking. I suddenly wasn’t sure if I could pull off the entire con. My hair was short, but my voice wasn’t exactly going to change. Would they figure out that I wasn’t a boy? The pulse deeply buried inside me swelled until it felt as if it had made its way to my skin’s surface. Anxiety was tying me down. I didn’t want to be there any longer. I was afraid of what would happen if someone did find out who I was. It would be the end of me, literally. I was glued to my seat, petrified. I had nowhere else to go, so I reassured myself that everything would be all right, although I knew everything was just a lie. At that moment though, I needed encouragement more than anything, and I somehow managed to keep my head held high and play my part.

I was grateful that the soldiers went back to conversing and eating as if nothing had happened. I roamed around the table looking for an empty spot and ended up sitting between two middle-aged men.

“Hi there, Alex. I’m Will,” said the man to my right.

“And I’m Philip,” added the man to my left.

I replied with a faint “hi.” I was served a full plate of food, and I devoured everything. The thick meat was tender and served with a sweet orange sauce. There were some green beans as well, which had been roasted, and the white sticky rice complemented the meal perfectly. I savored every bite. I hadn’t had such a meal in what felt like forever. I was served a glass of water but didn’t even finish it; I was too busy appreciating the food.

I found out that Philip was the head cook and considered his recipes to be masterpieces. Will, on the other hand, had spent most of his time designing and creating weapons. I didn’t know about the weapons he spoke of because they were his inventions, but he talked a bit about bows, which I was familiar with.

After I’d inhaled my food, I looked around. Everyone had bruises on their faces, but they were smiling and laughing. No one was violent, aggressive, or rude. Instead, they were enjoying each other’s company. I started to feel like I fit in. They didn’t seem to care about any of their differences. Some had dark skin, and others had light skin. I had studied a lot about different races at H.S.H.S. simply because Matthew wanted me to understand exactly what I would be up against. The soldiers affectionately conversed with each other, as if they all truly cared for their group. As I scanned the long table, I wanted to be a part of their family. I wanted to feel that same sensation they were all sharing, that of belonging. I didn’t understand The Shadows’s community, but it was the opposite of mine, and that was more than enough to please me.

David was sitting at the end of the table. He wasn’t showing any hint of emotion. If I hadn’t known any better, I would have said that he had been brain damaged, not unlike Lyli.

Andrew’s chair was empty. I saw him in the distance, walking into the forest. It intrigued me. As the leader of his community, I didn’t expect him to simply walk away from his soldiers. Matthew had always taught me that I was supposed to be last one to turn my back, that I wasn’t to trust anyone. I trusted Andrew because he trusted his people. I wanted to understand him. I excused myself and followed Andrew.

“You shouldn’t follow me,” Andrew told me as the leaves cracked under my feet.

I didn’t think twice before answering, “You shouldn’t be alone.”

Andrew froze, shocked. I was being disrespectful and regretted what I had said, but the fact that I had spoken to him so frankly and hadn’t received a blow to the face for it comforted me.

“You are the first person to talk to me like that. David doesn’t count,” he said.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. For once I felt like a real person.” Andrew turned around. “No one but you and David talk to me like you just did, like a friend, like a person, like someone other than the leader. It’s just annoying to always have to act as if I’m superior. Making big decisions and following old traditions gets boring and doesn’t add any meaning to anything. What’s the point of having power but being controlled by others? It doesn’t make any sense!” He started to raise his voice and throw his hands around in frustration. I hadn’t expected to get such a reaction, but he’d opened himself to me, and that made me feel important.

“I’m sorry. I’m getting carried away,” he continued, “I know that you had more stressful situations and you’re not complaining. And I know that you’re going to disagree, but don’t. You accept guilt too easily, and no matter what you do you can’t seem to fit in because of stupid expectations. I should stop. I didn’t mean to say that. Just forget that melodramatic monologue.” Andrew turned away.

“How did you . . . get the leader position?” I hesitated at first, but he had spoken to me so freely, as if he had known me my entire life. We were having a meaningful conversation, which I had never really had.

“With David’s help, we first started off training some of the men at Maria and then persuaded them to help us form The Shadows. I got the role because I’ve had military experience and no one else wanted to get their hands dirty. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the power; I wanted to change what was happening with the war. I really can’t complain. But David’s one of the very few who doesn’t isolate me because of what I do. It’s just these stupid traditions that drive me insane. Why are you even listening to me?”

“Because it’s interesting. What kind of traditions?” I asked.

“The leader takes on the name of the man he succeeded. I just think it’s ridiculous that we can’t keep our real names, the names our mothers gave us.” As Andrew spoke, his eyes turned black like coal. It frightened me.

“What’s your original name?” I asked with hesitancy.

“Maxime.”

“Can I call you Maxime?” I didn’t want to break any traditions, but I liked how it sounded.

“Yes, but no one else does. David does when he’s really mad at me.” He chuckled a bit. He hadn’t sounded too sure of letting me call him by his real name, but he had given me permission and that meant a lot to me. Even though we’d met just a short time ago, we had created a connection. He had a deep and complicated soul that shimmered in his eyes, while Lyli’s irises revealed her lack of emotion. I pitied her for having been given the C.I. Pill. Maxime fascinated me because he seemed to have so many layers that needed to be uncovered. I was drawn to him by a few things: our shared hatred for Matthew, but also the fact that he seemed . . . human.

“Well, Maxime, you are the leader, so why don’t you do something about it? You can change the expectations,” I said.

“I have done something. I’ve changed expectations, just not the right ones.”

“What did you do?”

“I decided not to fight the Long War, and like you, I was exiled. I joined Maria, and together we created The Shadows.”

“You say that as though it was a dismal choice. You did what was right.”

“How would you know?” he snapped.

“Because the Long War isn’t the solution to all problems.”

Maxime quickly turned around and there was a moment of silence. A cloud that had been blocking the moonlight slithered away and lit up his face. His eyes were green with specks of turquoise around the pupils. I could have sworn that they had changed colors.

“Do you have any questions?” Maxime broke the silence.

“Can I get a clean wound dressing every day, please?” I needed a way to look like a boy and flatten my chest. Maxime crinkled his brow in confusion, then nodded. “Thank you. And why did David shoot me?” I figured that if Maxime was in charge, he would know David’s motives.

“Matthew shot you.”

“Matthew might not be the friendliest person on this planet, but he didn’t pull the trigger.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. David said that Matthew shot you.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any confusion or anything.” I suddenly felt bad for having gotten David into trouble, but I really needed a truthful answer. “Let’s go back,” I finally said.

Andrew walked me back to my cabin in silence. He held the door open and reminded me of my early class in a couple of hours. I reassured him that I would be there, thanked him, and he left. His silhouette slowly faded into the night.

I changed into the long shirt as pajamas, then lay on my bed. Suddenly, David walked in without knocking, startling me half to death. He was breathing heavily, and the vein on his forehead was popping out. No doubt about it . . . he was angry.

“What was that about?” David’s voice was strong, but not loud.

I sat up quickly. “What do you mean?”

“You both left dinner early, then he walks you back to your cabin very late, and then he tells you to be at his cabin in five hours?” David’s voice became more powerful as his frustration grew.

I didn’t want to answer; I didn’t know if I was even allowed to answer. “It’s none of your business,” was the best excuse I could come up with.

“Yes, it is. Answer me!”

“No, you answer me! Why did you shoot me?”

“Stop asking me that!” David slammed his hand against my trunk and stormed off.

I closed my eyes and thought of Matthew, David, Maxime, Lyli, The Shadows, and where I stood. I tried to imagine the present as if it were a battle, and tried to figure out everyone’s strategy. I couldn’t think of a way out for me or what anyone was expecting from me. I thought about all possible and realistic options until fatigue took over. My eyelids became as heavy as lead, and I couldn’t keep them open anymore. I let my thoughts become dreams.

Chapter 8

I woke up to my anti-gravity ring beeping, my alarm clock for a 2:30 a.m. wake-up call. I was still tired, but I had to get up. A wound dressing had been laid out on top of my uniform, and I twirled it between my fingers, sensing its thin, delicate texture before removing my shirt and wrapping it tightly around my breasts. It was uncomfortable, but I would have to get used to it.

I heard footsteps approaching my cabin, crackling thin branches and dried-up leaves. The steps were getting closer, increasing slightly in volume. My heart pounded. I felt a pearl of sweat slide down my forehead as fear and worry took over.

I leapt across the small cabin and hid behind the door. I waited for Matthew to step through the door, but the steps suddenly stopped. He was hesitating. Suddenly, a foot stepped through the door, and as soon as I had a glimpse of the assailant’s hand, I grabbed his wrist, twisted it so that he fell to his knees, then pinned him to the ground. He fell face-first in a matter of seconds. A faint voice, a barely audible whisper, was attempting to defend his reasons for entering my cabin, but I couldn’t hear him. I quickly turned him over but kept my grip tight so that I had control over what was to happen. Although I wanted him permanently gone, I was afraid to kill him.

As I saw his face, I immediately let go of his arm and stepped back. Embarrassed, I looked away as blood rushed to my cheeks.

“I’m so sorry. I thought you were someone else.” I leaned against the cool wall, letting the cold replace the anxiety.

Maxime’s emerald eyes glowed with disbelief and confusion. Finally, he spoke, “Well, interesting use of wound dressing,” he stated casually.

If it hadn’t been so dark, he would have seen my cheeks turn the color of a bright, red rose. I dove for my shirt and slipped it on.

“I came to wake you up, but I can see that you are ahead of the game.” He got up and stretched his arm. His cheek was scratched from the fall. I felt ashamed for my attack, but what else was I supposed to do?

“So, what were you afraid of? You’re safe here.” Maxime was trying to comfort me, but he was only making me feel worse.

“I’m just paranoid. I’m really sorry.”

“Matthew can’t hurt you here. You’re doing the hurting, anyway, no offense. And don’t be sorry; I didn’t knock. I was asking for it. I’ll wait for you at my cabin.” He rubbed the dirt off his face, then left.

I quickly pulled on my sweater and ran off to join my instructor. The cool wind bit at my nose, and when I climbed the wooden stairs and reached the top of the hill, I saw Maxime standing in front of his cabin, the moon casting just enough light.

Maxime was holding two tall wooden staffs. With a soft smile, he handed over my staff, and I tried to apologize for earlier, but he said that an apology was not needed. He was too kind, which made me uncomfortable. We were able to move on, and he told me that the lesson would take place by a creek not too far from the actual camp.

He took off to the right, and I followed closely behind, unable to see much in the darkness. We were silent in order not to wake anyone up as we made our way to a small clearing. The trees were tall, and the ground was padded with fallen leaves. I could hear water flowing not too far away and assumed it was the creek.

Maxime turned to face me and spoke softly with light hesitation, “Okay, let’s begin. Hold your staff like so . . .” He showed me how to hold the staff with both hands slightly apart at an angle. He continued, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but with your training at H.S.H.S. you probably know how to defend with a staff, but not attack.”

“Correct, but how did you know?”

“That’s not important right now. I’ll explain another time. Copy me. Be sure to keep your balance and slide your feet across the ground for any uneven surfaces to avoid tripping.”