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Authors: Mitchell,Emily

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BOOK: Viral
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But then, as she was admiring the butterfly, something came toward her on the floor, a shape like a big, gray, bony hand. For a moment I was not sure what it could be. Then I felt a squirm of recognition. It was much bigger than the real ones that I sometimes find in our bathtub. When I was married, I would call Lisa's father in to deal with them because I can't bear to actually touch them. Now I try to wash them down the drain or catch them under a glass, then slide a piece of paper underneath and flush them down the toilet. I wondered why on earth the company would make a thing like that. What kind of child would choose
that
instead of something beautiful and soft?

I watched Lisa watch the scrambling collection of legs with sudden, rapt attention. I saw her shake the butterfly from her hand. It flew away chaotically across the room. She crouched down and put her hands out in front of the enormous spider, and waited. It hesitated for a moment. Then it scuttled forward and climbed onto her palms. She lifted it up and for a long moment looked into its face. (Is it possible to say that? Does it actually have a face?) After a minute, I realized that her lips were moving; she was speaking to it. What was she saying? I wanted desperately to know.

She let it crawl up her arm until it was on her shoulder. The children had been told that, once they had made their choice, they should come back to the door they'd entered by and wait. Lisa crossed the room and waited by the door. I could see that she was standing calm and still; all her anxious fidgeting from earlier was gone. Gretchen came and opened the door and Lisa smiled up at her and reached out to take her hand.

Spider, which is what she named her new companion, rode on her shoulder all the way back home.

It is roughly
the circumference of a salad plate with a dark walnut head attached to its bulbous abdomen. It is the same reflective almost-black as pencil lead; light slips over its exoskeleton when it moves across a room. Arched legs like jointed knives, a pair of tooth-shaped pincers where its mouth should be, a quartet of eyes. The eyes are domed, the dense and glossy dark of tinted glass, but somewhere behind each a curl of red light wriggles, shimmers, scans across the world.

I don't know much of how it works, what information the eyes absorb. Does it see the way we do, in light and color? Does it see in infrared, heat and movement? And where do those images go, how are they processed, how are they used? In some ways it acts more like a dog than like the living thing it's built to imitate. It follows Lisa everywhere. It seems to know its name and when it's being talked about. It will come when Lisa calls it and go when she sends it away. Beyond that, I'm not sure how intelligent it is. I tell myself that it is only a computer like any other, a machine, programmed by people for a certain function. But it is difficult not to attribute to it animal presence, sentience, emotion, strategy.

When it walks, its feet and joints make small, soft, clicking sounds, a rattling whisper like wind stirring dry leaves. Though it has lived with us now for months—no, that isn't right, it doesn't live—when I hear that sound, for a moment I still think I have left a door or window open. I look up. I see that it is just the spider, making its way across the floor or up a wall, taking its thousands of tiny mechanized steps.

I did not ever like having it around. But for a while it really seemed to work . Lisa started sleeping better with Spider curled beside her on her pillow. She stopped asking when her father would come back. During the day she was much calmer. Her fits of rage became less frequent, then stopped altogether. She has become, in fact, suddenly quite grown-up and independent for her age: some mornings she will dress and get ready for school all by herself; some evenings she will clear the dinner dishes and put them in the dishwasher without my asking her; and sometimes, recently, she'll even go up to bed all by herself, leaving me to get on with the work I didn't get it done during the day.

True, we have had some arguments about whether Spider can be at the dinner table with us. I have insisted that he go into her room while we are eating. Dr. Clemens suggested that it would be helpful for me to set some boundaries like this.

And I do not like it when Lisa whispers to her spider so that I can't make out what she is saying . Sometimes it sounds to me like they are speaking in some language I do not even recognize, much less understand.

And just a few times, when it first arrived, I would be sitting reading late at night and I'd look up and see it standing on the wall across from me, perfectly still, eyes glittering. I learned to close my bedroom door at night after this happened a few times.

But in general, Lisa's companion seemed to be working just the way it should. Or at least it did until just a few weeks ago, when suddenly things started to go wrong and strange at once. It was on a Tuesday, I am pretty sure, yes, a Tuesday evening. That is when I found the web.

I had come
home early from work that day, weary and frustrated as I usually am. I am a legal researcher for a company downtown and I do not love my job. The lawyer I work for sometimes treats me like a secretary. She tells me to get coffee and make copies, and there's not much I can do except comply; I can't afford to lose this job now that I'm on my own.

I closed the front door after me, and the house wrapped me in its gentle quiet. Lisa was at her friend Kadesha's house that afternoon and therefore so was Spider. For once, I had the place entirely to myself. I sat down at the kitchen table and was going through the mail when I heard, from upstairs, a sound I couldn't understand: a soft but certain flapping like somebody was shaking out a bed sheet. I listened and it came again: a noise like a sail filling with wind. Was there a burglar up there making the beds?

I went upstairs and walked along the corridor looking in each room until I came to Lisa's. The door was shut, so I pushed it open and went in. The room was arranged just as always: bookshelves and chest of drawers against one wall, bed against the opposite, the row of stuffed animals along the windowsill between. But as I looked I saw that over everything was a layer of thin, diaphanous threads connecting all the objects like a net. The threads were translucent and barely visible, but when I took a step inside I found that they were all around me, clinging to my skin and clothes. I stopped and tried to shake them loose, but they were sticky and would not come off. In the slanting afternoon light, they were silver, shimmering, and I could see that they all led toward one corner where they spiraled up into a dense silky canopy right over Lisa's bed. It was billowing gently in the light breeze that came in through the open window; this was what I had heard from downstairs.

I stared around me, partly entranced and partly horrified. How long had the web been there? Why hadn't Lisa told me about it? I felt a surge of anger, a feeling of betrayal. She had kept it secret. She knew I wouldn't like it and she was protecting her Spider by hiding it from me. But then I thought: why hadn't I seen it for myself? I tried to think of when I was last in my daughter's room and, with a lurch of shame, I realized that it had been several days, almost a week. How was that possible? Lisa had become so self-sufficient, not even needing me to tuck her in at night. And I had been glad to let her take herself upstairs, to look in on her later and see that she was sleeping peacefully; in the small glow of the nightlight I had not noticed all the fibers that were crisscrossing her room . . .

I went downstairs and got a broom out of the closet. I came back and, brandishing it in front of me, began to try to sweep away the strands. Where there were just a few, they snapped and cleared away. But where they were denser they were strong, and in the corner over Lisa's bed the broom got stuck. I pulled it but I could not get it loose.

It dawned on me how strange it was that until now Spider had not made a web. Why would it start all of sudden like this? I left the broom where it was and went down to get my tablet from my purse. I pulled up the owner's manual for Spider on the site of the company that had manufactured it. I looked through the manual, but it said nothing about web-spinning, only that in the event of any malfunctioning you should bring your companion back to the facility where you got it as soon as possible.

This was a malfunction. Wasn't it? It definitely was, and therefore Spider would have to go back to the facility. I remember that I stood there in the middle of my living room and almost whooped with unexpected joy. I had not known until then just how much I wanted to get rid of Spider. A strange thought came to me that Spider knew perfectly well how much I disliked it, that it had watched me and perhaps tried to find ways to keep me at a distance from my daughter so that she would keep it safe from me. But then I thought how ridiculous and paranoid that would sound to someone else. What had it done all these months except what it was meant to do?

As soon as possible
, the manual said. That meant I'd have to break the news to Lisa when she got home. She would be upset of course. She would not like the prospect of letting Spider go. But what else could we do? We could not have it covering our house in a net of sticky threads. That would not be safe. I would tell her gently, calm but firm, and then we would drive together in the morning to the facility and she could pick out a replacement, a dog or gerbil or maybe that nice butterfly. I could already feel the contentment I would experience during that ride home, the sense that I was taking charge the way a parent is supposed to do. Lisa might not like it right away, but she would come to understand eventually that what I'd done was for the best.

Why had I lived for so long in a situation that made me so uncomfortable? At that moment, it seemed ridiculous and inexplicable.

I put the manual away and started thinking about dinner. I'd make one of Lisa's favorites, macaroni-cheese maybe, which might make her less unhappy when I told her that Spider had to go away. I started taking ingredients out of the cupboard, mixing and combining them, as I waited for my daughter and her spider to come home.

It must have
been an hour or so later that the doorbell rang to let me know my girl was home. I went to get the door, looked outside, waved to Kadesha's mother, who was sitting in her car. She waved back then drove away as Lisa came inside.

There was Spider on her shoulder, with its legs folded together so it looked even more like a strange inhuman hand than usual. Lisa was in a happy mood. She had spent a lovely afternoon at the playground in the park. She twirled into the living room, telling me about how they fed the ducks, got ice cream, played on the swings and on the slide. She was cheerful all through dinner, sent Spider up to her room without being asked, cleaned her plate and even ate her broccoli. I gave her ice cream for dessert and waited until she had almost finished it before I cleared my throat and said:

“Lisa, sweetheart, there's something that I have to talk to you about.”

She looked up at me with her enormous, lovely eyes and I thought I saw a flicker of alarm pass through them, but I might have just imagined that.

“I saw what Spider did up in your room,” I said.

“Oh,” she said. She looked down at her plate.

“I'm not mad at you because you didn't tell me about it, although you probably should have told me. But we can't have Spider making that kind of mess inside the house. It's not okay.”

“But I like it,” Lisa said. “Spider made it especially for me. He can take it down if I ask him to. And he promises he won't do it again . . .”

“Sweetheart, even if he did promise not to do it again, Spider isn't supposed to make a web at all. It means there's something wrong with him. Like he's sick and needs to go to the hospital. We're going to take him back to the place where we got him so that they can make him better.”

Lisa looked stricken, a deer caught in the headlights of a car.

“Spider has to go away?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said. “Perhaps not forever. But for a while at least.”

I saw my daughter flinch and her eyes darted upward in the direction of her room where Spider was. Then she looked back at me. In her expression, there was something I'd never seen before. Her eyes were narrowed like she was angry but also like she was suspicious, like I was someone she had to watch out for. It was a look that I'd seen a few times on her father when I started to find out about the secrets he had kept from me, the money he had used without my knowing, the late-night phone calls to a number that I didn't recognize. But I'd never seen it on my daughter until now.

“Mama,” she said, “you don't like my Spider do you?”

Don't lie, I told myself. “No, sweetheart. I don't really like him much.”

“What did Spider ever do to you?” she said.

“Nothing. It's just . . .”

“You can't,” Lisa interrupted. “You can't take him away!”

In her voice I heard the rising swirl of panic, the trembling frantic sound that used to come before she went into full-fledged hysterics. I had not heard it in the last few months. I could see that her shoulders had gone rigid and her fists were clenched down by her sides. In a moment, I thought the tears would start gusting through her like a storm. But then, instead, she stood up from the table and ran upstairs.

I let her go. I sat and listened to her small footsteps climbing the stairs, then pattering down the hall. I heard the door of her room open and slam closed. All right, I thought, I'll leave her for a few minutes, let her cry . Then I can go upstairs and try to talk to her again. I cleared away her bowl of melting ice cream. I started the dishwasher. A strange feeling came over me and I realized that of course Spider was up there in her room, perhaps waiting at the center of its web over her bed. I felt suddenly on edge, though I could not have said exactly why. I listened for the sound of sobbing, any sound that might be coming from upstairs. But I heard absolutely nothing.

BOOK: Viral
10.28Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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