Vivienne's Guilt (14 page)

Shaking my head, I press my pointer finger to his perfect full lips. “No...I mean, yes, I...I was, but, I’m not anymore.”

“Then what is it, Viv? What are you scared of?”

“You...”

“Me?” he asks, clearly stunned.

“Abbott, I’ve built this night up in my head. I’ve allowed myself to believe that this is finally going to happen. I’ve only just realized that I could be wrong—that maybe I am completely off-base. I can’t...I just can’t handle any more rejection from you. I want you Abbott—more than I have ever wanted anything else. I know you think that you’re being noble, and I appreciate that, but please tell me that we’re on the same page. Tell me that tonight is the night...that you brought me here to finally have sex with me,” I plead.

“I didn’t bring you here to have sex with you...” he says, and my mouth falls open. “I brought you here, Vivienne, to tell you that I love you,” he says, backing me up to the car. “To show you how much I love you.” He places a hand on either side of my face and leans in. I can feel the warmth of his breath when he says, “I am so—” kiss “—crazy—” kiss “—in love—” kiss “—with you.”

Throwing my arms around his neck, I jump up and wrap my legs around Abbott’s waist. “I love you too, Abbott. So much it hurts.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I don’t ever want to hurt you. I want to make you feel good. Let me make love to you, Vivienne,” he says as he presses my back into the door, kissing my neck. “Be with me, baby...not just tonight. Be mine. I want you to belong to me, Viv. Only me.”

I swallow past the lump that has taken up residence in my throat and croak out, “Only you...” I run both of my hands up the back of his neck, into his hair, and tug his head back. His hungry eyes meet mine. Those crystal blue orbs devour me whole. “Inside...now...” I say with urgency because I doubt he’s held out on me this long for our first time to be a quickie up against my car.

“Right. Yeah, good idea,” he says as I untangle my legs and slide down his body. When I’m once again standing on my own two feet, he takes a moment to check me out. “Sorry, that got a little intense. You look beautiful, babe,” he says, scraping his bottom lip through his teeth. “Fucking gorgeous...”

I feel myself blush. “Thank you.”

Abbott sends me a sexy smirk before lacing our fingers and tugging me toward the house. “Let’s get inside.”

I stumble over my own feet as Abbott eagerly leads me into the house. He looks at me expectantly—like a little boy, he’s waiting to gauge my reaction. When I step through the door, I’m blown away. The floor is blanketed with rose petals. There’s a fire crackling in the fireplace and a pallet of blankets and pillows scattered before it. Straight ahead is a table with a white cloth and candles. Dinner smells delicious. The table faces a wall of windows overlooking the lake. The scene before me is breathtaking, like something out of a movie. My feet are planted on the ground. I’m stunned. No one has ever made me feel so special. I’m suddenly a lot less annoyed with the fact that Abbott has made me wait so long. This...this feeling makes it all worth it.

“Viv? Viv? Yoo-hoo,” Abbott calls, snapping his fingers in front of my face. “What are you thinking?”

“It’s...wow...” I stammer. “This is incredible, Abbott. It’s beautiful and so romantic. How did I get so lucky?” I ask, pinching myself for effect. Abbott grins.

That smile...

“Are you ready to eat?” he asks. “I’ve got steaks marinating, ready to throw on the grill out back whenever you get hungry. I made mashed potatoes and corn as sides. I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s perfect, Abbott. Everything. All of this. It’s like a dream. I will never, ever forget the way you’ve made me feel tonight.” I turn and clutch the fabric of his dress shirt. Rising up on my toes, I whisper, “But if you don’t make love to me right now...I cannot be responsible for my actions.”

I don’t even know where this false confidence is coming from.

“Hmmm, option B doesn’t sound half bad,” he says with a shrug. “Lucky for you, I’ve been looking forward to A for a long time now.”

“Have you?” I ask, trying to play coy.

Abbott grips the back of my neck with his hand. “Oh yeah,” he growls just before capturing my mouth in a ravenous kiss. He leads me over to the bed of blankets in front of the fire and slowly lowers me to the ground, his mouth never parting from mine. Abbott’s kiss becomes reverent. He’s worshiping my mouth with his tongue, leaving no spot untouched.

When breathing becomes a necessity, he pulls his lips from mine and just looks at me...I mean really looks at me. It’s as if he can see straight down to my soul, and I would give anything to spend the rest of my life in this moment...the moment that emerges between heartbeats. That instant just before his lips meet mine and the rest of the world ceases to exist.

“Viv,” he whispers, nudging my nose with his own. “You’re shaking. Is this okay?”

I have a sudden urge to cry. I’ve pushed for this for so long and now that this moment is here, I’m scared. I’m overwhelmed with love and fear and...awe. I’m in awe that this beautiful man actually loves me back. I’ve never felt so many conflicting emotions all at once.

I’m also nervous and feeling guilty. He doesn’t know, and how could he? I’ve been after him like a whore at a truck stop and haven’t said a word. Now, I’m scared that if I do, he will stop, and I don’t want him to stop.

I lift my head and press my lips to his. “It’s more than okay,” I whisper, undoing the buttons of his shirt.

He rises up onto his knees and shrugs the offensive material off, tossing his shirt across the room.

I’m not sure what to do now. Do I begin taking my clothes off, too? Wait for him to do it? Why didn’t I ask Cassie about proper sex etiquette? She should have told me...How could she send me here so ill prepared?

I’m going to kill her.

“Should I, ummm...do you want me to take my clothes off now?” I ask uneasily, and I want to take the words back the moment they leave my mouth.

Could I possibly be less sexy?

Abbott chuckles. “Do you want to take your clothes off now?”

Great. He’s laughing at me. I’m not ready for this.

What the hell am I saying? I’m probably the last eighteen-year-old virgin alive. I’m so ready for this.

I wonder if I should tell him. He’s going to figure it out soon, anyway.

He sits back on his heels...shirt off...belt undone...breathing heavy...

So. Fucking. Hot.

My skin begins to warm as he stares at me through hooded eyes, and I can both feel and hear my heartbeats echoing in my ears. My every sense is heightened.

Abbott reaches down and begins massaging my feet and works his way up the backs of my legs, his gaze never leaving mine. His broad chest towers over me. “Relax, Viv,” he breathes out, his brilliant eyes filled with so much emotion.

Sweet Jesus. I could come just from the feel of his hands on my body.

He moves them up higher, lifting my dress as he goes. “Let me help you out with your little problem,” he says, trailing his fingertips up my sides and finally pulling my dress up and over my head.

I’m lying before him practically naked in my pink lace bra and panties, and surprisingly, I’ve never felt more confident than I do at this moment. The way he’s looking at me eases any reservations that I may have felt. My nerves quickly morph from fear to desire.

“You are so beautiful, Vivienne,” he groans.

Every inch of my body tingles with need. “Abbott,” I whimper as I grind my body against his. Heat radiates from his bare chest, melding with my own, and I’m dizzy with want.

I taste salty sweat as I lick and nibble on his neck. Reaching between us, I unbutton his pants and push them down past his hips.

After wiggling the rest of the way out of his pants, Abbott lies on his side facing me. He runs the backs of his hands down my cheeks and neck...to my breasts.

My nipples pebble beneath his touch and I arch into him, begging him to ease the ache that’s building in my core.

Fisting one hand into his blond hair, I mold my lips to his. Our bodies are pressed so tightly together that I can feel his cock hardening against my belly, and I’m overwhelmed with a need...a desperate aching need unlike anything I’ve ever felt.

I run my fingers beneath the band of his boxer briefs and release him.

Holy shit.

He’s huge and rock hard. As nervous as I was earlier, I am so turned on that fear has taken a back seat to desire. I need him inside of me. I can feel myself growing wetter as Abbott rubs me through my lace panties. The friction created by the material has me ready to jump out of my skin.

I moan and writhe against him. “Abbott.” I gasp. “Oh God. Now...please, I need you.”

“Almost, baby,” he whispers, sliding my panties down my legs ever so slowly. It’s exquisite torture. I’m a bundle of nerves, and his touch is electrifying. I squirm beneath him as he trails kisses up my belly. Abbott cups my breasts and squeezes as he makes his way back to my mouth.

He slips a hand behind my back, unhooking my bra, and then slides the straps down my arms, and for the first time ever, I am completely bare to him. Resting on his elbows, Abbott gazes into my eyes and whispers, “I love you, Viv. I’ve never made love to a woman before. I knew it...I knew you would be worth the wait. Thank you.” Kiss. “Thank you for being my first...and I hope—” kiss “—my last.”

His first...His last.

Tears spring to my eyes. “You are a dream, Abbott. I love you so much...so much. I can’t imagine sharing this with anyone else.”

There...that was sort of a confession, right?

“Shit,” he hisses. “I threw my pants over to the couch, babe. I need to get up and get a condom.”

“I’m on the pill, and I’m clean. I trust you,” I say, tightening my grip. I don’t want him to leave me, even for only a few seconds.

“I’ve never had sex without a condom before. Are you sure?”

Nodding my head, I answer, “I’m sure.”

Abbott’s lips meet mine at the same time that he enters me and my body tenses. He stills in response. I feel so full and stretched.

It’s too big. Oh my God, I’m too small.

It’s not the excruciating pain that I’d imagined, but it burns. I let out a moan and squeeze my legs tight around his torso, trying to allow time for my body to adjust to his size.

“Ohh,” he moans. “Viv...you are so tight, baby.”

He has no idea.

Abbott begins to move, and I cry out, digging my nails into his shoulders.

“Oh shit, Viv? Baby, are you all right? Am I hurting you?”

I feel a lone tear escape and roll down my cheek as I bite my lip, trying not to cry.

“I’m sorry, Abbott. I should have told you,” I cry.

Confusion and worry are clearly written on his face. “Told me what, babe? I don’t understand.”

“I’ve, ummm...I’ve never done this before...had sex, I mean.”

“Oh, no. Oh, Viv...why didn’t you say anything? I’d just assumed...”

“I know. I know I should have told you, but I was scared that you’d want to wait even longer, and I wanted it to be you, Abbott...It’s really not that bad.”

“Just what every man wants to hear. ‘It’s not that bad,’” he jokes, but the look of concern he’s giving me is a clear contradiction to his words.

I shake my head and let out a nervous laugh. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. I just thought it would be really painful. It stings, and I think that maybe I’m just not big enough. Does it hurt? Are you hurting? You can get out if you need to.”

Abbott chuckles. “No...no, it doesn’t hurt. You feel amazing, baby. I just hate that I’m hurting you. Do you want to stop?”

I shake my head. “No, I don’t want to stop. Can you just...just kiss me?”

And he does. Careful not to move his hips, Abbott slants his mouth over mine and kisses me with a passion that shakes me to my core, annihilating any and all rational thought. It’s a kiss of desperation, of pure and unadulterated need. It’s earth shattering—soul shaking. It is a kiss by which to measure all others.

We are so consumed in each other that I barely register when he starts to slowly rock in and out. The pain now forgotten, I can’t seem to get enough.

Abbott laves at my breast as he pumps in and out, rubbing my clit and sending sparks of pure bliss throughout my body.

I can feel my climax growing closer with every thrust. “Abbott,” I moan. “Oh...oh God...don’t stop.”

He picks up the pace and takes me over the edge. Every muscle in my body tenses as we explode together. My fists clench and toes curl. For an instant, it feels as if the entire world stops on its axis. I can’t breathe...can’t think—only feel. This feeling is indescribable. It’s like I’m falling off a cliff but there’s no fear...it’s freeing and exhilarating. I’m floating...flying...soaring. I feel a rush of euphoria followed by an overwhelming feeling of love in my gut.

Brushing the hair out of my eyes, Abbott asks, “Viv, are you okay, baby?”

I nod my head and bite my lip. I can’t seem to form a coherent thought. “Yes, God...that was...wow...”

A huge grin lights his face. “That good, huh?”

“Mmmmhmm,” I moan. “Better.”

He puffs up his chest with pride. “I’m glad...I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

He is so freaking cute, worrying over me.

“Not too much. Really, I just sort of forgot all about the pain. It was incredible, Abbott. You’re amazing.”

He kisses the tip of my nose as he starts to withdraw.

I groan and try to hold him in. “Don’t,” I whine.

Abbott laughs. “Baby, I need to clean us up and make sure you’re okay,” he says as he kisses my pout.