Voices of Islam (148 page)

In his commentary on this account, Nawawi confirms that the cursing of the father and the mother is one of the major sins in Islam. To explain the rest of the account, he says that the connotation of
manar al-ard
(literally, ‘‘lighthouses of the land’’) is the limits or the boundary of the land. As for sacrifi to other than Allah, its connotation is one who sacrifices in the name of other than Allah the Most High, like he who sacrifices to the idols or to the cross, or to Moses, Jesus, or the Ka‘ba, and so on.
34

Qurtubi says that the condition of old age is specifi in Qur’an 17:23 because this is the state in which parents need kindness owing to the change

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in their condition to weakness and old age. With regard to their condition, more kindness and compassion is required because in this state they become more troublesome. In addition, since the burden is the man’s duty and is something he has to live with daily, irritation develops and vexation increases; then his anger toward his parents appears, and he flies into a rage at them and becomes arrogant with the boldness of his position and the lack of religion. Qurtubi says the despicable is what he exhibits by indicating his irritation by repeated ‘‘heavy breaths.’’ Instead, he is commanded by Allah to receive his parents with speech characterized by respect, the doing of which is his security against shameful acts. Qurtubi includes Abu Raja’ al-‘Ataridi’s statement that ‘‘Uff’’ is speech that is maligning, mean, and concealed. In reference to Mujahid’s above-mentioned statement included by Tabari, Qurtubi says that the verse is more general than that and that it refers to the saying of ‘‘Uff’’ to everything that vexes or is a burden.
35

It is related from a hadith of ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib, according to which the Messenger of Allah said: ‘‘If Allah knew any type of rudeness worse than ‘Uff,’ He would have mentioned it. So do of the righteous acts what you want to do and you will not enter the Fire, but do of the disrespectful acts what you want to do and you will not enter Paradise.’’
36

As a commentary on this hadith, the ulama said: ‘‘Accordingly, one’s saying ‘Uff’ to one’s parents becomes the worst thing because the rejection of them is an ungrateful rejection and repudiation of one’s upbringing, and a rejection of the counsel given in the Qur’an.’’ To prove his point that ‘‘Uff’’ is not an expression to be taken lightly, Qurtubi gives the example of the Prophet Abraham’s use of it to show his rejection of idols and idol worshippers, in which Abraham said to his people, ‘‘Uff to you and all that you worship instead of Allah!’’ (Qur’an 21:67). In addition, Qurtubi states that the meaning of
al-nahr
(‘‘repulsion’’) in Qur’anic verse 17:23 is rebuke and harshness.
37

To explain the meaning of
wa qul lahuma qawlan kariman
(‘‘but speak to them graciously’’), Qurtubi refers to ‘Ata’s statement in which he says it is polite gentleness; for example, saying, ‘‘Oh my father and my mother,’’ with- out calling them directly by either their first names or their last names.
38
In reference to this part of the verse, Abu al-Baddah al-Tujibi said, ‘‘I said to Sa‘id ibn al-Musayyib that I understood everything in the Qur’an about reverence to parents except [Allah’s] statement, ‘but speak to them gra- ciously.’ Ibn al-Musayyib said, ‘This refers to the sinner slave’s speaking rude and harsh words to the master.’’’ Qurtubi goes on to say that the lending of affection and mercy to parents and submission to them is the submission of the governed to the leader, and that of the slave to the master, as Sa‘id ibn al-Musayyib indicated. Thus, the intention of the ruling of this verse is that the person should put himself in a state of maximum submission with respect to his parents, in his speech and his silence and his looks, and should not give them sharp looks, as this is the look of the angered.
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Voices of Life: Family, Home, and Society

In Tabari’s explication of Qur’anic verse 17:24, he quotes a statement on the authority of al-Qasim, on the authority of Hisham ibn ‘Urwa from his father, that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab said, ‘‘Do not refuse to do anything [your parents] want.’’
40
Qurtubi clarifi this point by stating that rudeness to parents is the contradiction of their desires that are legally permissible, just as respecting them is the acceptance of their desires that are legally permis- sible. Thus, if both or one of them commands, obedience to them is a must if that command is not a sin and if that which is commanded is permissible (
mubah
), likewise if it is recommended (
mandub
). Further, some people hold the view that the parents’ command that is permissible for them becomes a recommended duty of the child and that their command which is recom- mended is increased to be even more highly recommended.
41

Qurtubi mentions Abu Hurayra’s hadith that kindness and compassion to the mother should be three times that to the father and relates it to his discussion of obedience. He mentions similar points as those made by Nawawi and adds that if you come to this conclusion, then the meaning is judged to be an obligation on the individual.
42
Then, he presents various opinions about this point and his own conclusion. First is a contrary opinion. It is reported about Malik (ibn Anas, founder of the Maliki school of jurispru- dence, d. 795
CE
) that a man said to him, ‘‘My father is in the country of the blacks (
al-sudan
) and he wrote to me that I should come to him, but my mother prevents me from doing so.’’ Then Malik said to him, ‘‘Obey your father and disobey your mother.’’ Thus, Malik’s statement indicates that reverence to both parents is equal as far as he is concerned. Then al-Layth (ibn Sa‘id, an early jurist) was asked about this question, and he commanded obedience to the mother, claiming that she gets two-thirds of the devotion of the child. Qurtubi concludes, however, that Abu Hurayra’s hadith indicates that the mother gets three-fourths of the devotion, and that is proof for those who dispute the matter. Muhasibi affi in his book
Kitab al-Ri‘aya
(Observance of the Rights Due to God, Ed.; translation added for this volume) that there is no disagreement among the ulama that the mother gets three-fourths of the devotion and the father one-fourth, according to Abu Hurayra’s hadith. But Allah knows best.
43

In his discussion of the phrase
min al-rahma
(‘‘of mercy’’) in Qur’anic verse 17:24, Qurtubi says that
min
means ‘‘the kind of,’’ in other words, that the ‘‘lowering of the wing’’ be a kind of merciful submission of the spirit, not that it be in actions only. Thus, the Most High ordered His slaves to be mer- ciful to their parents and to pray for them. Thus, you should be compassionate to them as they were to you, and befriend them as they did you, remembering that when you were an incapable, needy child, they preferred you to them- selves, and they stayed awake nights, and went hungry while they satisfi your appetite, and were in need of clothes while they clothed you. So reward them when they reach old age in the condition that you were in as a child, in that you treat them as they did you, and give kindness to them priority.
44

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Ibn ‘Abbas reported that the Prophet said: ‘‘He who ends the day with his parents satisfied with him and begins the day thus, to him two doors to Paradise are opened; and if it is one parent, then one door. But he who ends and begins the day and is the object of odiousness to his parents, for him, two doors to the Fire are opened; and if it is one parent, then one door.’’ Then a man said, ‘‘Oh Messenger of Allah, what if his parents have mistreated him?’’ He said, ‘‘Even if they have mistreated him, even if they have mistreated him, even if they have mistreated him.’’
45

In the commentary on Qur’an 19:14, the emphasis is on the importance of obedience to the parents, by way of the example of the Prophet Yahya (John the Baptist), who is praised for his consistent submissiveness and humility before Allah and his parents, doing what he was commanded to do and refraining from what he was forbidden.
46
The following hadiths are further illustrations of the requirement in Islam for such respect and submis- siveness to one’s mother and father, and an indication of what constitutes disobedience.

Al-Miqdam ibn Ma‘dikarib narrated that the Prophet said: ‘‘Indeed, Allah has warned you about your responsibility to your fathers; indeed Allah has warned you about your responsibility to your mothers; indeed Allah has warned you about your responsibility to your mothers; indeed Allah has warned you about your responsibility toward your mothers; indeed Allah has warned you about your responsibility to your relatives; so look to your relatives.’’
47

Abu Malik al-Qushayri narrated that the Prophet said: ‘‘If someone’s parents, or even one of them, dies and then he enters the Fire, Allah will disassociate Himself from him and will destroy Him.’’
48
In other words, being kind to his parents would have saved him from the Fire. Abu Hurayra reported Allah’s Messenger as saying, ‘‘Let his pride be in the dust; let his pride be in the dust; let his pride be in the dust.’’ It was asked, ‘‘Oh Messenger of Allah, who is he?’’ He said, ‘‘He who fi ds his parents in old age, either one of them or both of them, and does not enter Paradise.’’
49
Nawawi comments on this tradition: ‘‘Let his pride be in the dust’’ for not revering his parents with his service to them or providing for them; thus, he lost his chance for Paradise.
50

‘Abdallah ibn ‘Amr narrated that a man came to the Prophet pledging him- self to go on the
hijra
(emigration) with the Prophet (from Mecca to Medina). He left his parents crying. The Prophet said, ‘‘Return to them and make them laugh as you have made them cry.’’
51
‘Ali said, ‘‘Whoever saddens his parents has disobeyed them.’’
52
‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As narrated that the Prophet said: ‘‘The major sins are associating anything with Allah, rudeness to parents, killing anyone, and swearing a false oath purposefully.’’
53
In a longer hadith, Abu ‘Isa al-Mughira narrated that the Prophet said: ‘‘Verily, Allah forbade you rudeness and disobedience toward mothers.’’
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Respect and kindness to the mother even extends beyond her death. This includes prayers for her forgiveness and the completion of various obligations to her. The Qur’an provides examples of such prayers on behalf of believing parents and a reminder to the Muslim to be grateful for having this opportu- nity: ‘‘Our Lord, forgive me and my parents and the believers on the Day of Reckoning’’ (Qur’an 14:41). ‘‘My Lord, arouse me to be thankful for Your favor, through which You have favored me and my parents’’ (Qur’an 27:19). ‘‘My Lord, forgive me and my parents, and the one who enters my house believing, and [all] believing men and believing women’’ (Qur’an 71:28).

The three commentators apparently find the meaning of these verses so obvious that they do not require additional explanation. However, in Qurtubi’s previous discussion of ‘‘as they cared for me’’ in Qur’an 17:24, he mentions that the reference is to believing parents, as the Qur’an abro- gated asking for forgiveness for the nonbelievers, even if they are the closest relatives: ‘‘It is not for the Prophet and those who believe to pray for the forgiveness of idolaters, even though they may be near of kin’’ (Qur’an 9:113). Thus, if the Muslim’s parents are nonbelievers, he should treat them as Allah has commanded him to, with respect, kindness, and so on, except for the mercy to them after death as nonbelievers, because this alone was invalidated by the verse mentioned. An additional comment clarifi that prayers for mercy in this world for the nonbelieving parents that are still alive is not invalidated by this verse.
55
Abu Hurayra narrated that the Messenger of Allah said, ‘‘I asked my Lord’s permission to ask forgiveness for my mother, but He did not allow me to do so. Then I asked for His permission to visit her grave, and He allowed me to do so.’’
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Nawawi’s commentary on this hadith is that contained in it is permission for visiting the polytheist during liftetime and the grave after death. His argument is that if permission is given to visit the polytheist after death, then it must include during the lifetime, because this has more priority and is in accordance with Allah’s command of the best of companionship to all people during one’s lifetime. He goes on to say that contained in this hadith is the prohibition of asking forgiveness for nonbelievers after death.
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The following hadith indicates that a reward is forthcoming for the one who visits his parents’ grave. Abu Hurayra narrated that the Prophet said: ‘‘Whoever visits one or more of his parents’ graves once every week, Allah forgives him and he will be recorded among the righteous.’’
58
The next two hadiths indicate additional obligations due to parents after death and the reward for fulfilling them.

Abu Asad Malik ibn Rabi‘a al-Sa‘di said that when we were with the Mes- senger of Allah a man from Banu Salama came and asked: ‘‘Oh Messenger of Allah, is there any remaining chance to show devotion to my parents after they have died?’’ ‘‘Yes,’’ he said, ‘‘prayer for them, asking forgiveness for them, fulfilling their contracts after them, keeping up the family relations that

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they used to maintain, and respecting their friends.’’
59
Ibn ‘Abbas narrated: ‘‘Whoever performs the pilgrimage for his parents or terminates a debt for them, Allah sends him forth among the righteous on the Day of Ascension.’’

In summary, according to Islam, gratitude to parents is on the highest human level, such that it is compared with the ultimate gratitude, that due to Allah. Service to parents is second only to prayer and its fulfi to elderly parents absolves one from participation in
jihad.
Good treatment of parents, in their lifetime and after death, is an established right due to them, not a gratuitous act, and involves all aspects of human behavior, great or small, to be expressed to the limits of human feasibility. Furthermore, utmost respect is due to them, regardless of religion, physical condition, or social status. The concern and respect for the mother, specifically, is a way of expiating sin and a clear way for the believer to become closer to Allah and to ward off the Fire.