Vortex (22 page)

Eileen drew in a quick breath and I realized right away what I’d done. The fear dropped
from her face and was replaced with shock and disbelief. “Oh, God, it can’t be … you
can’t be…” She stepped closer, wrapping her fingers around my chin, turning my head
one way and then the other. “Jackson?”

I nodded slowly, waiting for her reaction.
Everything I do here is changing the future. This is real
.

Both of her hands were on my face now, studying every inch of it. “This is unbelievable.
Are you … are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I stood perfectly still, not sure how to feel or what to think. I glanced
down the hallway. “Should I … go?”

“No,” she said quickly. “Not yet. Please. But maybe you should sit down?”

I should have been thinking,
I can Thomas-jump
. But instead, my focus switched to,
This is my mother …

I nodded again and followed her into the living room. Both of us sat at opposite ends
of the couch. It wasn’t until she reached over and took it from my hand that I realized
a gun was still clutched between my fingers. No wonder she had freaked out when I
stormed into the younger me and Courtney’s room like it was an assassination mission.
She rested the gun on the table and then picked up my wrist, pressing her fingers
to it and staring at the clock on the wall.

Checking my pulse.

I didn’t know what to say to her, but I couldn’t stop staring and I had no desire
to leave. I guess it wasn’t all that strange to be curious about the woman who had
given birth to me … raised me for the first two years of my life. Let the two-year-old
me dump sand over her head.

And she was Dad’s Holly.

Eileen took a deep breath. “Do you know who that woman is? The one who just disappeared?”

“Yeah … Dr. Melvin told me.”

Her eyes were brown. A light caramel color. And she had freckles running across her
nose. Just a few.

She rested her hands on my face again and smiled. “You look so … handsome … grown
up … How old are you?”

I felt my forehead wrinkle—a post-drinking pain shooting right between my eyes. More
proof that this wasn’t a half-jump. “Well … somewhere between nineteen and twenty …
sort of … It’s kind of a hard question for me to answer.”

She dropped her hands and her eyes to her lap. “Probably not as hard to answer as
other questions. Like, why you’re looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

The second I saw her face again, I knew.

Like why it looks like I don’t know you … not in the future.

I opened my mouth, trying to come up with some explanation, some kind of cover story,
like I had done those times I’d visited Courtney in a half-jump.

Eileen shook her head and held up a hand to stop me. “It’s okay, Jackson. You shouldn’t
have to be the one to deliver that kind of news to me.”

Did she know she was going to die? Did she know when?

I leaned my head back on the couch and closed my eyes for a second. “I don’t know
what to do … I’ve never been able to change anything. What if this makes everything
worse … what if it fixes everything? What if I can’t ever do it again?”

The responsibility was heavier than I’d ever expected. So heavy that I almost didn’t
want it, even though I knew what it could mean for me and my life.

Her fingers closed around my left hand and she squeezed it. “Why don’t you tell me
the whole story? Start with the first time you jumped. How old were you?”

“Eighteen,” I said, opening my eyes. “But it’s a long story … and there’s parts that
I can’t tell you.”
I don’t want to tell you.

She smiled at me and said, “I’ve got time, and feel free to edit as needed.”

*   *   *

I drank the last swallow from the mug of coffee Eileen had given me and returned it
to the table. After two hours, I’d had time to sober up, which was probably a good
thing if I planned to jump back to the middle of our battle in 2009. Or whatever the
hell was going on at Senator Healy’s ball.

So far, Eileen and I had been through my first jump, my experiments with Adam (the
half-jumps fascinated her, just like they had with Dr. Melvin), Holly getting shot,
me jumping to 2007 and getting stuck, then my trip back to 2009 and the jump that
followed a few days later, taking me to the timeline I had just left from. I hadn’t
told her anything about herself or Courtney, and she didn’t ask. Which made me wonder
if she already knew.

“We’re still alone. Why hasn’t anyone else come to check out the situation?” I watched
her write notes with such intensity. She reminded me a little of Adam during one of
our experiments.

“It’s the middle of the night, remember?” she replied.

“Yeah, but I thought you guys were all about constant security. Keeping the future
Tempest weapons alive.” The sarcasm leaked out without permission.

Her face pinched with worry. “Jackson … is that what you think?”

“I’m sorry. That came out wrong.” I tugged at the collar of my dress shirt and unfastened
another button.

Eileen started laughing, and then scribbled something in the notebook resting on her
lap. “You have the same mannerisms as your two-year-old self. It’s quite amazing,
actually.”

“That’s a comforting thought.”

She laughed again. “Sorry,
that
came out wrong. It’s just … you’re quite impulsive, even for a toddler. And very
gifted at charming apologies. You hate being told what to do … conforming. Especially
when the orders are coming from Courtney.”

I suddenly became very interested in the pictures on the mantel. My sister’s name
had just been dropped into the conversation for the first time and I didn’t want to
go there.

“It’s okay, Jackson,” she said. The amusement had dropped from her voice and I could
feel her stare beaming into the side of my face. “I know about Courtney.”

I shot a glance at her. “How?”

She swallowed hard and her eyes filled with tears. “I’ve known for a long time now.”

“But Dr. Melvin told me they didn’t catch it fast enough. That her getting sick was
a complete shock,” I practically shouted.

Eileen kept her eyes on mine. “He doesn’t know. I acquired the information in a situation
similar to this one.”

I wasn’t sure why, but this really pissed me off. The end of her life should have
been devoted to fixing Courtney.
She’s a fucking doctor
 … a brilliant one, supposedly. I let out a breath and bit down hard on the inside
of my cheek. It was difficult to throw angry words at someone who you knew was going
to die in a few months.

“So, what about Cassidy?” I asked, changing the subject. “What was up with the bruises
on her arms? Did I do that?”

She quickly followed my lead and snapped back into scientific mode. “Well … I don’t
think you intentionally caused harm to her, but you redirected the jump, and this
distance … this type of jump, might have been more than she could handle. How do you
feel right now? You mentioned you’ve had quite extreme physical symptoms in the past.”

I nodded. “I feel fine, which is exactly what happened when they dragged me along
on some of those jumps before, but I don’t get why.”

She set the notebook on the table and turned toward me. “You’re using the other time
traveler. Your mind is protecting itself by shutting down when someone else has similar
powers. And it’s also possible you’ve gained strength in these last few months. Perhaps
from growth or simply because you haven’t been jumping. I think Cassidy’s power combined
with yours is the reason you were able to do the complete jump.”

“So … I might not be able to do the Thomas-jump on my own, and … and I might have
done that to her … hurt her?” I hated the idea that Cassidy’s pain, the disgusting
bruises, might have been caused by me. I sighed and then sat up straighter. “I won’t
do it anymore, then … I’m valuable enough to Tempest without time travel.”

“Maybe,” she conceded. “But I also believe, now that you know the risk of hurting
someone else, your mind will act accordingly. Keep it from happening, if possible.”

“Assuming I don’t turn into a robotic freak of nature that doesn’t care about anything.”

She smiled a little. “Jackson, think about it. When you jumped off that roof and took
an ordinary mind with you, she was okay, right?”

I thought about this for a second and remembered Holly, helping me climb that roof,
diving behind poles. “I think she was fine, but I didn’t stick around very long.”

“The effects, the symptoms, would have been immediate.” Her face turned more serious
than it had been all night and she sucked in a deep breath as if giving me a warning
that bigger news was coming. “There’s something else you need to know … but I’m afraid
telling you will make things worse for you. You’re already allowing yourself to feel
responsible for events beyond your control.” Her face grew weary and tired. “I don’t
see any other option, though.”

“Okay…?” I said, already fidgeting with nerves.

“Well, what you said about the timelines and making new ones, that’s all true. It’s
very dangerous. In fact, the results could be catastrophic. I have a source who confirmed
this and I’ve tried to tell Chief Marshall and Dr. Melvin my solution, but I can’t
explain how I know.”

“You can’t rat out your source?” I asked, even though it seemed ridiculous to protect
anyone when we were talking about the end of the world or whatever.

“Yes,” she said with a nod. “Revealing the source may prevent their existence.”

Wait a minute.
It couldn’t be … could it?

“Did you think she was Courtney?” I whispered, and was surprised at how eerie my voice
sounded.

Eileen’s eyes widened. “I … yes … yes, I did. But just for a minute. Her eyes are
blue … not green.” Panic filled her expression. “Please tell me you haven’t said anything?”

So Eileen knew Emily. Who
was
this kid? Some kind of all-powerful god? Or was she just a time-traveling puppet,
and if so, who was pulling the strings?

“I haven’t told anyone. Not even my dad … I mean, Kevin,” I stuttered, remembering
that two-year-old Courtney had called him Kevin that day in the sandbox.

Eileen let out a huge breath of relief and sank back into the cushions. “I’m glad
you call him Dad, Jackson. It makes everything seem better.”

“You haven’t told him any of this?” I asked. “He doesn’t know about Courtney or anything…?”

She shook her head sadly. “That’s what I was getting to. I thought about telling him
so many times. The hints I gave him, the bits and pieces … He didn’t take it well.”

“What’s that? What
does
he know?”

Eileen scooted closer and picked up one of my hands. “I told him that I believed you
and Courtney were born to make sacrifices … leaps so giant most people couldn’t fathom
it. And when the time comes, you’ll step up without question.”

My stomach twisted in knots. This was worse than one of Chief Marshall’s cryptic speeches
he had given almost daily to all the trainees. “But it’s more than a belief, right?”

Her eyes locked with mine. “Yes, it is. I think Kevin believes me, he’s probably guessed
that I’ve acquired unreported information, but he hasn’t asked. He always has the
same defensive answer … You and Courtney won’t have to do anything. Won’t have to
make any sacrifices because he’ll fill that role for you. He’s quite determined.”

In that moment, I felt closer to my dad than I ever had, even though we were very
far apart. “That’s exactly what he did. He made every effort to give me virtually
no responsibility. Nothing to worry about or fear. At least he did … until recently.
But that was more my fault than his. Where is he right now? I mean, in this year.”

She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands. “I’m not sure. Actually, that’s the
reason I couldn’t sleep. He hasn’t called for five days. He almost always finds a
way to contact me sooner than that.”

“Well, I guess now you don’t have to worry. You know how it turns out.”

“That’s true,” she said.

Exhaustion started to creep up. I leaned forward and rested my head in my hands for
a second, rubbing the blurriness from my eyes. “Damn,” I muttered.

Eileen rested a hand on my back. “I shouldn’t have told you all this. It’s too much,
isn’t it?” She paused for a second before answering her own question. “Of course it’s
too much.”

“No, it’s not what you said … it’s just…” I lifted my head and looked at her again.
“I don’t really think I’m that person. The self-sacrificing type. I know it seems
like that because of what I told you about Holly, but I’ve been having a lot of weak
moments lately. Especially tonight. And I keep having to leave everyone.”

“What do you mean?” she asked. “Holly has no memories of you leaving her. It was quite
brilliant, actually.”

“Yeah,
that
version of her. What about the one I lured into a relationship and then left in 2007?
And what about the 009 Holly, sitting at home waiting for me to come over? The guy
who asked her to marry him and jumped off a roof to save her? She’s still there, and
does that mean, when I vanished, the asshole version of me reappeared? That’ll go
over real well.” Once I started my guilt-ridden rambling, it was hard to stop. “And
what about Adam?… I left a bunch of different Adams with some scary information and
no way to get answers.”

Sympathy filled her eyes. “I think you’re going to have to explore the possibility
that maybe … maybe you’ve done the complete jump before? I’m just not sure…”

“What? Not sure about what?”

“This is one of the things I was trying to tell you a minute ago,” she said. “I’m
not sure you can create multiple timelines … One other timeline, maybe … but two…?
I think it’s more likely you’ve done complete jumps without realizing it. But if you
did this the last time, then where—”