Wait for Me (14 page)

“Can I talk to you?”

“It's about time you did,” I replied.

“Can we go to your room?”

“Let's stay here, safer ground,” I said. “In fact – my brother's office.”

“After you—”

I sat in Fred's seat and he took the customer chair that I reserved for my morning donut.

“Could you sit next to me?”

I got up, visibly impatient. “Well?” I asked, now seated again.

He smiled and looked down, took a deep breath and finally spoke. “I have very… particular taste. I think you might have guessed that.”

I nodded.

“I do like to dominate and I know that, in some respects, it can seem like violence. I like a woman with whom I can—” he swallowed and sighed again. He was physically short of breath talking about this. “How can I put this? With whom I can… unleash my instincts.”

None of this was news to me.

“So, I don't commit myself to relationships because emotions conflict with this form of pleasure,” he said. “Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

He tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. “Really, Sophie?”

“Yes. If you have feelings for somebody then you don't have the same kind of freedom with them.”

He smiled. “Exactly.”

“So?”

“In the library, you told me that I scare you, but the same is true for me too. You're affecting me in a way that I'm not accustomed to, but I need to indulge in these pleasures. It's freeing for me and I can't escape that.”

“There's no middle path?” I asked.

“I've never found one yet,” he sighed. “Sophie, the line is thin – a badly worded phrase, a more obscure request. They have huge consequences. It's chaos theory, right?”

“So?” I asked again.

“So, Sophie—” he said impatiently. “If we were to get involved then I would have certain demands, and as you've made very clear, you have certain limits in this area – limits that I don't know the extent of.”

My eyes grew dark. I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything out of fear that he would run from me.

“You're fragile, Sophie. You're the kind of person who—”

“I'm fine,” I cut in.

Adam ran his hand across his forehead, then down his face, clearly exhausted by the conversation.

“Sophie, this is something that I want as well, you can't imagine how much, but you're not seeing the full picture. You don't know what I'm capable of and my obsession with you is frightening.” He lowered his eyes to the ground again.

“If you're telling me all of this because you want me to choose, then it's fine… as long as I'm the only one.”

He pulled his chair closer and held my hands.

“If I may, there's one thing I'd like to show you before you decide. I want you to understand what I mean by ‘dominate',” he said, enunciating every syllable.

“Okay,” I answered.

“If I could ask you to dress formally – an evening dress and high-heels.”

“Um, I have heels, but I don't have a dress any more—”

He stood up. “I'll bring one for you.”

“Oh, right,” I answered, confused. “Are we going now?”

“Yes.” He took my hand and kissed it. “If you want to.”

“Um, alright,” I faltered. The moment that I was on my feet, I was also in his arms. He gave me a kiss that became relentless. Our breathing accelerated together. It was only fleeting – that kiss – but it was binding.

A moment later, he was out of the door and I fell prey to horror, fear and excitement. I went to bedroom and dived onto my bed. I re-read the list that I had drafted less than thirty minutes ago. None of the seven points aligned with what I was about to do: entrust myself to a man like Adam Scott. I was having palpitations. Where was he taking me? Why couldn't I say no to him? Where had I left my brain?

Around ten minutes later, he returned with three different dresses. All on hangers, all still sealed.

“I didn't know what color to choose,” he said, like a kid in a candy store. “I still don't know. They're all dark though.” He laid them carefully on the bed.

I didn't dare ask him why the hell he had these. He unzipped the first one and pulled out a black V-neck dress, tastefully adorned with lace and sequins. “It should be the right size.”

Again, best not to ask.

“I'll try it.”

“Let me show you the others,” he said unwrapping the second.

“This one's fine, it really makes no difference.” Disoriented, I turned towards the bathroom. Adam stopped me, taking my hand.

“You don't have to do this,” he said, pulling me closer.

“I know.”

“We can stay here, it doesn't matter Sophie.”

I looked him in the eye. That he was even here was irrevocable proof of his interest, and that was something I could not resist. I had to show him what this meant to me.

“No, I want to come, but I do want to know what the big deal is.”

He smiled faintly. “I just want you to know what you're dealing with before you make a decision. Nothing bad is going to happen, but you'll see what I could do and if you're not ready, I promise Sophie, I'll never force you.”

“But it's something that's necessary for you?” I murmured.

“Only breathing, eating and drinking are necessary.”

I smiled without joy. “Physiological needs – you said yourself that this was the same.”

“I wouldn't die without it. I don't think.”

He slid onto the bed, carrying me with him. I curled up and nuzzled my face into his neck. I stroked his cheek in silence. He closed his eyes and placed his lips on mine.

“This is fine too,” he said, kissing me sweetly. His hand slid onto my neck to pull me closer still. His placed his forehead against mine, staring straight into my eyes. “Sophie, this is fine too,” he whispered.

“I'll try the dress,” I said, decidedly.

I put it on in the bathroom. It was a good fit, just a little wide on the hips. I put the shoes on and returned to the bedroom.

“You're beautiful,” he said. I was stunned.

He gave me a coat to wear, also of unknown origin, and we stepped out.

As I got into the car, my nerves began to stir and my breath became short. There was something disquieting about not knowing where we were headed, especially given the perversions of Mr Scott.

Before he turned on the ignition, he kissed me warmly again, soothing me a little.

“I'm not going to die am I?” I whispered.

“Certainly not,” he answered. “You'll just run a mile.”

During the journey, I thought about a million things, nullifying the space and time around us. Hours could have passed and I wouldn't have known. We could have landed in a whole new city; a whole new world. I looked for something to ground me in reality. The time on the dashboard: ten fifteen. Probably within the next two hours we would be making the reverse trip home. Never fear the future for it will soon become the past. At ten thirty-five, we slipped into the underground parking lot of a building. I got out. He kissed me again and took my hand. He led me towards a wall that contained three elevators, and with a key he opened the central one.

During the ascent, I watched the lights signal the passing floors. We stopped at the thirteenth. I had an uncanny feeling. Still requiring the key, Adam opened the door of the lift, revealing a long corridor. We followed a path of dim red lights toward a single room at the other end.

“Sophie, we're about to enter a small hall. We won't find anybody else there. We'll leave our coats in lockers and wear masks, after which we'll move towards a central room where you'll observe some activities. Everyone will be masked, so you need not feel uncomfortable. We'll be observing from a private room, just you and I – nobody else.”

I was hanging on his every word. What was this world he had brought me to?

“And remember Sophie, whenever you want to leave – any time at all – just tell me and we'll get out if here, okay?”

“Okay,” I whispered.

He took a plastic card and slowly swiped it down the magnetic reader beside the door. The lock clicked. I held my breath and followed him. It was as he had said: a small, empty hall. There was a red chaise-longue, a few lockers and sort of ATM. From the machine, Adam selected two lockers, which opened automatically.

“Pass me your coat,” he said.

I took it off and felt cold air on my bare arms. I had goose bumps, but that could have been fear.

“I should have given you a different dress,” he said, placing the coat on a hanger, with a hint of disappointment.

I folded my arms over my chest and crossed my legs.

“Come here,” he said, embracing me. We held each other close and I inhaled his scent. For a moment, my anxiety eased. When I felt a little more comfortable, I unclasped myself from his arms.

“And now the mask,” he smiled. “Don't be afraid.”

It was a Venetian mask, depicting a female face of vibrant pink and gold. The eyes were decoratively laced with jewels and stones, around intricate flourishes of paint and a glitter finish. The rim was lined with black lace. A movie sprang into my mind and I felt that cold fear again. Was this a cult?

Before placing the mask over my face, Adam took my hair down and kissed me again, gently.

This couldn't possibly be the kiss of a monster.

“Sophie, remember, whenever you want to leave—” he said, holding my face in his hands. He smiled and put the mask on me. “Can you breathe okay?”

“Yes.”

He put on his own. If I hadn't known who was before me, I would never have recognized him. It was a collage of gold leaves that formed a masculine face. It was haunting.

He took my hand and we moved towards a red door. The card clicked the lock again. Finally, we stepped into that dark world.

The air was warm, perhaps too warm. I began to feel alternately agitated and frightened. Hot, cold, ice, flames. After a few steps we emerged into a huge circular room. In the middle there was a kind of platform, constructed of soft mattress material and center stage was an orgy. The peripheries were lined with red futons, where several men and women observed the scene whilst sipping glasses of wine or champagne. Adam took my arm and linked it with his. As I gazed at the writhing entanglement, a woman approached us. She was completely naked, with a breathtaking body and dizzying high heels. He whispered something into her ear. She nodded elegantly and disappeared behind a thick curtain. I resumed my observation of the hall and its guests. Fortunately, there was some background music, which partially veiled the moans coming from the center. In unison, it sounded like an elaborate lament. The beautiful body returned within a few seconds, spoke to Adam and led us toward a black curtain.

Just prior to crossing the threshold, I noticed that the drapery was inscribed with the word
Domain
. Here we go, I thought. Adam ushered me inside, but instead of some kind of sacrifice, I found another small lobby that branched into two dark corridors. We took the right path, passing several doors that displayed illuminated red lights. On the seventh door, the light was green. Adam swiped his card and invited me in. The room was small and reminiscent of the galleries in an old theater. There were two red velvet chairs and a small table between them, all facing a black sheet of glass. I assumed that beyond the glass was the main event.

“You can take the mask off now,” he said, kissing me on the neck and wrapping an arm around my waist. I sank into him.

He untied the ribbon, freeing me from the disguise. He began to kiss me, this time with more passion, shifting me against the wall.

“You don't know how happy you're making me,” he whispered. We took our seats.

“Tell me when you want to go. You'll have to wear the mask again to leave – they're compulsory for privacy reasons.”

“Okay,” I answered, bewildered. ‘Privacy', I thought. What did that even mean before a spectacle of twisted bodies?

“Would you like a drink?” he asked.

“Maybe some red wine,” I replied, tense. This prologue was making me nervous.

Adam tapped something into the table and, within less than a minute, a bottle of wine and two glasses emerged through a flap in the bottom center of the door.

I downed two glasses, one after the other, and asked for a third. He stared at me.

“I'll savor this one,” I said.

“Remember, any time,” Adam repeated.

“Right. Okay, let's do this,” I said firmly.

And the lights went down…

He tapped something else into the table. The glass became transparent and revealed another circular room, smaller and more intimate than the central one. The dim lighting revealed soft, white walls. There was no bed here, only a padded floor. To my left I could see a red mahogany table containing a number of accessories: vibrators, handcuffs, straps, robes, chains, padlocks, girders, clips, clamps and pins. Beyond, a display cabinet also hosted a diverse collection of whips, canes, belts, and other objects to which I could not assign a purpose. A woman entered the room, accompanied by a young man of perfect form. Completely naked, they settled in the center and began to gently kiss and caress one another's bodies. He instantly grew hard. He took her by the hair and she knelt before his penis. She began to suck him, delicately at first, then with more vigor. Adam put one leg over the other. I took a sip of wine. He was likely getting aroused. What a ridiculous situation, I thought. Usually, uncomfortable circumstances would make me laugh – a way to let out the tension. I had a mental technique that helped me to circumvent this reaction. I called it ‘camera brain'. I would visualize a camera that rose out of my head and ascended further and further towards the sky, and think about the images it would capture. Right now there would be the two of us sitting in this small room, surrounded by other people in similar rooms, probably masturbating. Then, still rising, it would see the orgy, and maybe somebody in the hallway putting on his mask, the entrance, the street, a man walking his dog unawares, a lady admiring the shoes in a shop window whilst counting the hours until payday. Higher still, many lovers entwined until eventually, the earth rotating on its axis. What I was witnessing in those few square feet was nothing – the smallest fraction of life. Thinking about this broader scale, imagining it all happening at once would always calm my anxieties.