Wait for Me (20 page)

My body shuddered at the touch of his tongue, reawakening. I let my head fall back. I was drained and tired, but still enjoying those strange throes of ecstasy. Every part of me was present in that tiny, central nucleus. When my legs stiffened, he slipped a finger inside me.

“I want to hear you,” he muttered under his breath, almost begging. “Sophie, let me hear… let me hear you come.”

And again, touching me inside, he licked and sucked harder. I squirmed again.

I was getting close, but his request had made me agitated. I wanted to move, to get up and end the torment. But the pleasure had taken over and I could neither hold back, nor slow down. I arched my back again and inhaled deeply. The orgasm seeped through every cell, relaxing every muscle. I opened my eyes and exhaled. Adam was on his knees, and I saw a moment of confusion and frustration in his expression. He returned my smile.

“I need to take a shower,” he announced, standing up. He freed me from the ropes and the beams, and as he walked away – “dinner's in the microwave, can you heat it up?” At that, he disappeared into the bathroom.

“Sure,” I muttered.

I massaged my wrists and ankles, then stood up to recover my clothes. I tapped the button on the microwave and went to the second bathroom – the one I was allowed to use. I looked in the mirror, and whilst I felt pleasantly tested, there lingered a sense of melancholy. I couldn't get away from that final expression on his face. Something wasn't right. When I went back to the living room, he was already sitting at the table, reading whatever he usually reads, paying no attention to the food on his plate, or indeed, to me. He was always fixated on his papers and it bothered me every time. Within a second, he would be completely estranged. It had been five minutes since we were in the midst of electrifying sex, and now he was absent and unreadable, as though nothing had happened.

“Is everything alright?” I asked.

“All good,” he answered, with a mild smile.

I finished eating and watched him for at least ten minutes. I was sitting before a man who knew me intimately, and yet he seemed like a complete stranger. I thought about it. In the several months we had been seeing one another, it had only ever been on the days that he selected, and only ever for a few hours. At midnight, he would offload me into a cab and that was the end of the evening. There was never a spontaneous night out, a dinner, a movie, a drink – nothing. But most notably, I never stayed the night. As I contemplated this dynamic, I heard my phone beep and went to fish it out of my bag. It was a text from Steven:

I smiled to myself. I was happy in the knowledge that he had found someone who really loved him, after so many seedy escapades around the back of gay bars.

“Good news?” asked Adam, suddenly back in this world.

“Steven's having a housewarming party on Friday. He's invited the two of us.”

His expression changed. “Steven, your gay friend, right?”

“Yeah, you want to come?” I asked innocently.

He returned to his papers. “No,” he replied coolly. “I'll see you Monday.”

“I can come back here afterwards, if you want?”

Adam shook his head, without looking up.

“I'll see you on Monday. I'll collect you from the book store as usual.”

As usual, I thought.

“We never go out anywhere,” I said.

He gathered the sheets of paper and placed them in a green folder.

“I don't go out much, and I'd rather be here where I can have you. If we went out, the delay would be frustrating,” he said with a wink.

I smiled, somewhat pleased. “What do you actually do on the days that we don't see each other?”

It was the first time I had asked this question.

He got up and put his plate in the dishwasher.

“The usual – business dinners, or else I'm working from home.”

“And on Saturdays?”

“I stay home on Saturdays. I like to get a day's rest before I go climbing on Sunday. Why all the questions?” he asked, moving closer. “Are you angling for an extra day?”

I smiled. “No, that's okay.”

As usual, we were out on the street by midnight. Adam hailed a cab and we said goodbye, as friends might, with a quick hug. This time, however, I saw something different in his eyes – something between tenderness and concern.

“I'll see you Monday then,” he said, holding the door.

“Until Monday.”

It had taken months, but this night was my wake-up call. I had been so blinded by passion, and my resolve to make him fall for me, that I completely overlooked the obvious pitfalls of this whole thing. Sex at the exclusion of everything else – this was really all it was for him. I had accepted the terms with an ulterior motive. But realistically, now that he was partially mine, my infiltration plan seemed ever less feasible.

The following morning, I sent him message telling him that if he still wanted to see me on Friday then I was thinking of giving Steven's party a miss. He replied within ten seconds.

On Friday night, I went to the party with Sabrina and Steph. Steven introduced me to David, who was much taller and stockier than himself. Next to one another, they almost looked like father and son.

“Where's your hunk? Bob told me it's a complicated set up,” Steven said, dragging me onto the couch.

“He's kind of a complicated guy,” I replied.

“He and all of mankind, Sophie. Really though, why didn't he come?” he pressed.

“He had other commitments.”

“Too bad, I wanted to meet the guy who's finally managed to lure some happiness out of my favorite girl.”

I looked at him, bewildered.

“You're looking good,” he said.

“You only say that because you're in love, everything is rose tinted.”

“Yeah, that could be it.” He took a breath and clasped his hands on his head. “Man, when I think back to all those guys before David, I could cry!”

“Why are you thinking about that? You've found him now – that was just your path.”

“Yeah, but I always worry that it could end at any moment. It's weird, it's like, you do everything you can to find someone to build a life with, and you get really paranoid about it. Then, when you finally find someone, you're just as paranoid but for a different reason.”

“I think I know what you mean,” I muttered.

Sabrina came to sit with us, cocktail in hand.

“Come on then, at least tell me this guy's name. What does he do? How did you meet? My brother didn't tell me any of this.”

“Who are we talking about?” Sabrina asked.

“Sophie's mystery man.”

“Ah yes,” she said sullenly. “The sex fiend.”

Steven laughed. “Sex fiend? My, my Sophie! Aren't you having fun! That explains why you're looking so good.”

I laughed heartily. “Probably, yeah.”

“In that case, I take it back – if he's a tremendous fuck then you shouldn't even notice that you're paranoid.”

“Yeah,” muttered Sabrina. “Too bad the young lady here is waiting for him to become her knight in shining armor.”

Steven's expression changed. “Sophie, no, don't make that mistake – if sex is all he wants, then sex is all you're getting.”

“Hear hear,” Sabrina decreed, raising her glass.

“I bet that's the only time you see him,” Steven said.

I didn't answer.

“It is,” Sabrina confirmed for me.

“As long as you know what you're doing, I wish you well.”

David came to retrieve his man, dragging him off to the kitchen. It was time to cut the cake. I sat beside Sabrina, watching the other guests.

“You really don't like what I'm doing, do you?” I asked eventually.

“You know how I feel.”

“I know.”

“Right, so let's not talk about it any more then.”

“Right.”

Irritated, I sent a message to Adam.

He replied immediately, sharp and concise –

I wonder what he's doing, I thought.

The following day, my brother called me in the afternoon to say that he had booked a last minute getaway to Hawaii. He wanted to surprise Miranda, who was particularly stressed during her pregnancy. He asked if I would cover for him in the parking lot from Monday, at least in the mornings. I agreed. I could skip a few classes and work wasn't until the afternoon anyway. And so, on the first Monday of April, I showed up at seven and settled myself behind Fred's desk. At 8 a.m., I saw Adam leave his apartment building – in the company of Alice Truman. I couldn't breathe. Peeping over the computer screen, I watched them cross the street together.

“What are you up to?” asked Gustav, from behind me.

I sprang from the chair. “Fuck, Gustav! You scared the shit out of me. Why are you creeping around?”

He gawked at me. “I weigh three hundred pounds, I don't creep around. Who are you hiding from?” he asked.

“Nobody. I was just reading something interesting,”

The door burst open as I finished my sentence, and an intense fragrance flooded the room.

“Morning Gustav,” said a shrill female voice. “My car?”

“It should be done by this afternoon, Miss Truman.”

Her stare pierced through me. She really was exquisite – those green eyes, glowing against her porcelain skin. Unlike the first time, her hair was loose, tumbling over her shoulders in rich curls. She had the grace of natural beauty.

I caught a glimpse of Adam beside his Audi, tapping his cell phone.

“Fred isn't here?” she asked, with some urgency.

“No,” I replied. “He's on holiday I'm working for him I'm his sister,” I said, all in one breath.

With lofty indifference, she turned her attention back to Gustav.

“Would you like a replacement car?” he asked.

“No thank you, a friend has offered me a lift,” she said.

My blood was about to boil. I tried not to take it out on the computer mouse. The sound of my cell phone brought her divine attention back to me.

“Where has your brother gone?” she asked.

“Hawaii,” I replied. I stood up and wandered to the cash register, beyond Adam's line of vision from the other side of the parking lot.

Miss Truman shook her head, unclear. “I don't know why he didn't tell me, I could have found him a deal. Do you know at which resort he's staying?”

“No, it was a last minute thing on Saturday. He wanted to surprise his fiancée.”

“He's a good guy,” she ruled.

She turned towards the exit and the air became dense with her perfume again. “I'm off then, Gustav. I'll be back at seven to pick up the keys.”

“No problem, Miss Truman.”

“Goodbye,” she said, walking out.

“Bye,” I said… bitch.

I saw her return to Adam, who was waiting for her with a dazzling smile. As she reached him, he slid his hand onto her back and she returned the gesture. There was obviously something there, but I tried not to let my imagination distort or exaggerate it. However, after the moment that followed there was nothing to misunderstand: just before stepping into his car, she lovingly ran her fingers through his hair, fixed his tie and kissed him on the lips. He responded with immodest passion. Trembling, I grabbed my phone and read the message:

‘Sweetie'?

“Where does she live?” I asked Gustav, sullen.

“Who?”

“Miss Truman – where does she live? In the building opposite?”

“Er, near Lucas's I think. Or, right above it actually.”

I darted outside with my phone and waited by the exit. I typed a quick, short text and held it ready…

As soon as Adam's car emerged, I pressed SEND. I saw his eyes open wide as he had to slam the brakes on to avoid mowing into me.

Completely unruffled by this, I walked to the driver's side, gave him the middle finger, and stormed back to the office.

I went to the bathroom, despite Gustav having just used it, and gripped the sink. I could hardly breathe and my body was shaking. I closed my eyes and tried to recall Dr Richardson's calming techniques. I allowed the fear and the anger to possess me. I gave them five seconds and not a moment longer.

One… breathe in and breathe out. Two… breathe in and breathe out. Three… breathe in and breathe out. Four… breathe in and breathe out. Five… breathe in and breathe out. I opened my eyes… calm. I looked at my reflection with disgust. It was a perfect bull's-eye. Not a single one of the beatings had ever hurt like this. I was too repelled by myself to even cry. All I had were images of Adam, fucking me in every conceivable fashion – violated in the darkest of manners.

Slowly, before the sadness on my own face, my mind began to recede. I was trying to think of something, anything to do now. Nothing materialized. My cell phone rang and I came crashing back to reality. It was Adam, so I threw it in the toilet. With determination I returned to Gustav, who was now fiddling with that bitch's red Mercedes.

“Sorry Gustav, I have to go, can you take care of everything?”

Gustav slid out from under the car and sprang to his feet, for a moment I was struck by how deftly he could move that massive body.

“Sophie, are you alright? Did something happen?”

“I have to go. I'm sorry. Please, keep an eye on things.”