Waiting for Him (Waiting Series Book 3) (23 page)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Jeff

    
I can’t believe we’re into the new year already. I haven’t spoken with Shelby since June, and I still miss her.
What the fuck?
When will she no longer be the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thought in my head as I drift off to sleep? I’ve tried everything I can to take my mind off of her, but nothing works. I think she wormed her way so deeply into my heart I’ll never get her out. She’s just part of me now and I carry her with me every day.

     No wonder things didn’t work out with Samantha and I. I really thought that going out with someone else would help me forget about Shelby, but it didn’t work out the way I planned. I ended up not having the same level of feelings toward Samantha as she had for me. I had to end our short-lived relationship as soon as I realized I wasn’t ever going to feel more than a physical attraction to her. I’m not out to break anyone’s heart. I know what the pain of that’s like first hand. Mine is broken beyond repair and at this point, I’m convinced I’m never going to love anyone but Shelby, and I’m not sure that I want to. I made a grave error when I walked away from her. Cutting ties with her and making it impossible for us to stay in touch was just plain dumb on my part. I never should have fully closed the door on us and I definitely should have called her a long time ago. She and Garrett must surely be back with each other. I walked away and left the door wide open for him to waltz back into her life.
I’m such a dumbass.
One of these days I’ll get the nerve to call her and see how she’s doing. It’s not that I’m afraid to talk to her, I’m afraid of what she’ll tell me. I don’t think I can bear to get confirmation that they’re together or even worse…married.

      The holidays were unbearable without her and I was an absolute bear to be around. My parents came to stay with me and my mom took me aside for a talk before she went back to Massachusetts.

      “Jeff, if you miss Shelby so much why don’t you call her?” My palm rubbed against the back of my neck as I thought about how open I wanted to be with my mom.

      “I’m afraid of what she’ll tell me. If she’s married to Garrett now, I’d prefer not to even know. In this case, ignorance is bliss.”

      “Life is full of obstacles. Sometimes you have to force yourself to take the first step and then someday you’ll be ready take another and another until you finally get over her. You can’t get move past Shelby unless you get some closure, honey.”

      “I know mom, I agree, I’m just not ready to do anything about it.” She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

      “You’ll get there when you get there. It won’t happen until you’re ready.”

      Maybe I need to force myself to call her, or maybe I should plan a visit to Boston while my workload is light. The uncertainty of not knowing how she’s doing is killing me. I’ll be devastated if she’s with Garrett, but they do have a son together. If she’s happy with him, I’ll accept it and then I’ll have no choice, but to move on.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Shelby

     
I returned to work today, but I’m dragging my ass now that I’ve been here a few hours. It’s lunch time and I’m so tired I’m contemplating staying here in my classroom and having a nap instead of eating my lunch. That flu bug wiped me out and I’m so thankful to Jake for taking care of both Liam and I. I couldn’t have done it without him. That was the sickest I’ve ever been and there’s no way I would have been able to care for Liam properly.

      I end up going to the employee’s lounge to meet Max for lunch. He sent me a text when he didn’t see me in there, telling me to get my ass there pronto.

      “You look like death warmed over, luvie.” He tells me as I eat some of the soup Jake made me.

      “You should’ve seen me this weekend, I was a zombie. Jake stayed at my place from Saturday morning until Monday night and made sure Liam and I were taken care of.” Max cocks his eyebrow.

      “Hmm, any new developments happen with you two?”

      “No, not really. We did have sex, but I think that will be the final time.” I pause to enjoy some more of my lunch.

      “Why wouldn’t you keep sleeping with the big cocked sex master?” I choke on my soup and cough until my eyes are watering.

      “Oh Max, you’re too much. Jesus, I can’t believe you just called him that.” I giggle. “I’m not going to sleep with him because things are getting cloudy with us and I don’t want to hurt him. I’m still in love with Jeff and it’s not fair to give him false hope that we could be together. I could love Jake, but he’d never have my whole heart and he deserves that from me or whoever he ends up with. Jeff still has my heart; he just doesn’t want it.” My face scrunches up in a grimace as I think about how true that statement is. It hurts to know you love someone and they no longer love you back.

      “Did you ever think that maybe you should call Jeff and see how he’s doing? He may be missing you just as much as you’re missing him.” The flutter of hope I feel at the thought of Jeff possibly missing me and still loving me is a welcome change from the despair I usually feel when I think about him.

      “I’ve been wondering if I should contact him. I can’t seem to stop loving him and there’s a reason for that, right? If I weren't meant to be with him I’d be over our breakup by now, don’t you think?”

      “Call him so you’ll know one way or the other. Either way, this will help you move on. You’ll either move on with him or without him, but at least, you’ll finally know.”

      On my twenty-minute drive home from Bentley Academy, all I thought about was the conversation Max and I had at lunch. Once I was home, I was busy playing with Liam and feeding him. When he went to bed for the night, I distracted myself with laundry and cleaning the bathroom, all the while despising myself for my cowardice. When there’s finally nothing left to distract me, I pour myself a glass of wine and relax on the couch. The silence surrounding me is welcome as I internally debate over the necessity of this phone call to Jeff. As scary as it is for me to make the first move, I know this is something that has to be done. I need closure if our relationship is truly over and there’s no chance of reconciliation between us. No matter what the outcome of this conversation is, I think it’ll be beneficial for both of us.

      I sip my wine slowly as I prepare myself to make this necessary phone call. Liquid courage is better than no courage at all and I’ll embrace all the help I can get. The last mouthful of wine is bitter on my tongue, or maybe that’s just the taste of regret as I think about all the time he and I have wasted by being apart.

     
There’s no time like now.
I lift my phone from the cushion next to me and stare at it skeptically as I wonder for the hundredth time if I’m making the right decision. My head drops back to rest on the cushion as I try to focus long enough to compose what I need to say to Jeff. It’s surreal that we haven’t spoken in over seven months. He was a part of my every day for over four years and then…boom, no more. He might as well have cut me off at my knees. If I hadn’t had Liam to focus on, I’m not sure I would’ve made it through that time unscathed.

      I scroll through my phone to find his number trying not to think about how he used to be the person I called most. My eyes close as I try to calm myself and take this much-needed leap. Just do it.
At least, then you’ll know.
I hear Max’s words in my head as I connect the call. It rings a few times before a woman answers.

      “Hello.”
What the fuck?

      “Hi, is Jeff there?” I squeeze my eyelids tightly together as I deal with what I think is my worst case scenario becoming a crushing reality.

      “No, he’s busy and can’t come to the phone now. Can I take a message?”  I want to hang up and forget I ever made this call, but I don’t.

      “Can you tell him that Shelby called, please?”

      “Okay, will do.” I disconnect the phone without even saying goodbye. I can’t even manage the simple niceties right now. I just want to go curl up in my bed and lose myself in the peaceful bliss that comes with sleep.

      Morning comes all too soon and with it the crushing blow of last night’s phone call. It makes me sad to think he’s moved on and maybe that makes me a selfish person. He deserves happiness…I just never imagined his happiness wouldn’t include me.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Jeff

      
It seems like the more I try not to think about Shelby, the more I do and it’s making it really difficult for me to concentrate at work. My head’s all fucked up and I’m unsure of what to do about it. I finally ended up booking a flight to Boston, so I can see her. There’s a lot we left unsaid and at the least we need to lay it all out on the table. I’m hoping with all my heart that she hasn’t moved on. Maybe that makes me a selfish prick, but it is what it is. I don’t want her with Garrett or anyone else. Just thinking about the possibility of them together has my fists clenching in anger.

      The stress of our situation has been weighing heavily on me and my sleep is affected. I’m walking around like a zombie, after working late last night and again now again tonight. I try not to schedule appointments after seven o’clock, but Samantha needed to be seen at a later time. She hurt her hamstring in cheerleading practice last week. I’ve been seeing her every other weekday to help her gently stretch it out. Even though our relationship ended fairly quickly, we’ve managed to keep things civil between us. I know she still wishes we were together and she’d do anything to make that happen, but that door is closed as far I’m concerned.

***

      The flight to Boston was direct and now I’m just leaving Logan Airport in my rental car, on my way to our place…Shelby’s place now. God, I hope she hasn’t moved. I never even thought about the possibility of her not being there anymore. My stomach is nauseous from all the unknowns flying around in my head. Is she with Garrett…does she love him…does she miss me…are they married…is she happier without me? 

      The drive to her place takes me about fifteen minutes, but with all the thoughts cluttering up my mind it seems like eons. I park the car and it’s only as I’m walking up the stairs to the main entrance that I remember I still have the keys to get inside. I’m glad I don’t have to wait for someone to buzz me in. The thirty seconds or so it takes me to reach Shelby’s door passes in a blur and it’s only as I’m standing here now, that I realize the enormity of what I’m about to do.
Stop being a pussy.

      I knock with a succession of three sharp raps and wait for someone to answer. In no time at all the door opens and I see the surprised visage of Garrett as he takes me in.
Fuck. This can’t be a good sign.

      “Hi, Jeff. Would you like to come in?”
Oh, fuck no. He lives here too
. Goddamnit, why did I wait so long to come back for her?

      “Garrett,” I say and nod my head as he gestures me inside. As I step through the doorway, I notice that the apartment looks exactly the same, except for some baby things spread throughout. I’m confused about the reason the large framed picture of Shelby, and I still hangs on the wall. Wouldn’t Garrett want that taken down? I know if the situation were reversed I wouldn’t want to stare at his face all the time.

      “Shelby’s putting Liam down for the night, but she should be right out.” I nod my head as a wave of self-consciousness washes over me.

      ‘Have a seat,” Garrett says, and I sit down on the same couch that she and I used to cuddle on, watching our favorite shows. So many times we’d end up making love, the television quickly forgotten. It’s surreal to be back here and yet so normal, it’s as though I’ve never left and the past seven months are simply a bad dream.

      Garrett picks up his coat and starts putting it on.

      “You’re leaving,” I say. My confusion evident in my tone.

      “I’m going home now.” He says as he buttons his black wool jacket.

      “I thought you lived here,” I say, wondering what this means. Are they not together after all?

      “No, Shelby and I aren’t together like that. We’re just friends.” My heart could explode from the joy his answer brings.

“I’m going to go now, I’m sure you guys have a lot to talk about.” He’s out the door so fast I barely get out a hurried bye, as I’m lost in my own thoughts of why I walked away when they’re not even together
. I’m such an idiot.

      I hear the soft sound of her feet on the hardwood floors before I see her. She begins speaking before she sees me.

      “Wow, he was out like a light. It only….” Her words abruptly end and she stops walking when she catches sight of me. Her beautiful face is painted with an expression of surprise and confusion. I rise to my feet and as our eyes meet I can only hope she sees all the love I still feel for her
. Please be happy to see me
.

      My insecurity is starting to get the best of me when her full lips are soon parting, her teeth showing in the most stunning smile I’ve ever seen. I feel my own my mouth automatically answering hers and she’s in my arms before I know it. I hold her tightly to my chest and I’m so overcome by all the emotion I’m unable to speak. I’m barely able to breathe,
or maybe I’m breathing for the first time in seven months.
She whispers my name, her voice husky with emotion and then begins to sob in my arms. Her hair is so soft under my fingers as I lovingly hold her head to my chest. I’ve missed the sensation of her long strands trailing through my hands as we kissed. She fits perfectly in my arms and I wonder how I ever thought I could live without her. I’m never letting her go again. I don’t know what this moment means for us in the big picture, but I do know there’s no way in hell I’m ever walking away from her. I don’t care what I have to do to show her that she belongs with me.

      “It’s okay baby,” I tell her as the tightness in my throat lessens. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” She lifts her tear stained face up toward mine and cups my cheeks with her palms.

      “I’ve missed you so much. Don’t ever leave me again.” My heart soars in my chest as I hear those words leave her bee-stung lips. For the first time since I moved to Florida, I feel a sense of hope that she and I can survive this and come out of it even stronger.

      My lips lower and meet hers with a questioning brush. As I move to pull away, she grips the back of my head with both of her hands and pulls my mouth to hers. Our kiss is hungry and out of control as seven months of pent up longing takes over. We begin tearing our clothes off as the need to have each other becomes more than we can contain. My pants have barely hit the floor when Shelby pulls her lips from mine gasping.

      “I need you, now.” The pleading I see in her eyes tips me over the edge of sanity as I grip her ass with both hands, lifting her up so she can wrap her legs around me. I want my cock buried in her more than anything, but I want to go slow and savor this…this moment is the start of a new beginning for us.

      I brace her back against the living room wall and tease her entrance with the tip of my cock.

      “J, please.” I thrust inside her forcefully, losing my control when she calls me by the nickname she gave me. We both groan as the pleasure of us being so intimately connected registers. I slowly start to move, rolling my hips to meet hers as what began as an agonizing need to have each other transitions into a loving homecoming. I clasp her hands and raise them to the wall as I’m overcome by the emotion. As our lips meet I can feel the wetness of the tears, she’s quietly shedding or maybe their mine. This single moment may be the most perfect moment in my life so far. She’s everything to me…my whole world.

      My thrusts increase in speed as I think about how much she means to me.

      “I love you, baby,” I tell her between my harsh breaths.

      “I love you J.” She answers me and it’s only a minute before the two of us find our release, her tipping over the edge first, followed by me only seconds later. My head drops so our foreheads touch and we breathe in each other’s air, wanting to be connected any way we can.

      I kick my pants off from where they’re tangled around my ankles and carry her to the bathroom. I turn on the shower, carrying her inside with me. She unwraps her legs from around my hips and I lower her to the floor. The sensation of her wet body sliding down mine has me hard all over again. Shelby notices and smiles up at me before her eyes begin a slow perusal of my body.

      “When did you get this?” She asks, referring to my newest tattoo.

      “I had it done about a month ago.”

      “What does it mean? Why did you choose the word relentless?” Her fingers trace the shape of each letter as they progress down my side and curve across my stomach.

      “I got it for you,” I say, my answer vague. She tips her head to the side like she has a habit of doing when she’s thinking about something. Her expression is contemplative as she carefully studies my tattoo.

      “I don’t see it.” Her shoulders lift in a shrug.

      “You don’t see what?” I ask, smiling at the perplexed expression on her face. Her small, straight nose is scrunched up and her normally full lips are pressed tightly together.

      “Why you chose relentless for me?” She says, her eyes rising to meet mine. The water from our shower streams down her face and only makes her natural beauty shine more. I cup her face in my palm and trace over the fullness of her bottom lip and wonder how I went seven months without kissing her…without touching her. Never again, I promise myself.

      “I chose the word relentless for a few reasons. I’ve always been relentless about going after what I want in life. Football, my work, you...but that’s not why I really decided on that particular tattoo. Since you and I ended things and broke off contact, there hasn’t been a single day that’s gone by where I haven’t wanted to pick up the phone and call you. I wanted to hear your voice and to know that you missed me as much as I missed you. Being away from you gave me a dull ache in my stomach twenty-four seven, and there were times I didn’t know how I’d make it through a single day without you, never mind the rest of my life. My love for you is relentless. It keeps going and it’s never going to stop no matter what life throws at us. I love you relentlessly.”

      “I love you relentlessly.” She echoes with a smile, before lifting her lips to meet mine.

Epilogue

Three and a Half Years Later

Shelby

      “Here you go Liam,” I say as I place his plate of pancakes on the table in front of him.

      “Thank you, Mommy,” he replies. His newly buzzed blonde hair tickles my mouth as I kiss the top of his head.

      “Good morning.” Jeff’s deep voice carries across the kitchen as he enters the space. He smiles when he sees me standing in front of the stove cooking breakfast in my bathrobe.

      “Hi Pop,” Liam calls in between bites of pancakes.

      Pop was the name that Liam came up with for Jeff, and we never questioned it. He’s four years old now and he knows Garrett’s his dad, but he and Jeff get along famously.

      “Hey there buddy,” Jeff says as he leans over and kisses Liam on the cheek.  He walks over to where I’m standing and wraps his arms around my waist from behind, leaning down to prop his chin on my shoulder.

      “Last night was amazing. We should do that again tonight.” He says referring to our three-hour sex a thon we indulged in. I’m going to pay for it today, but it was so worth it. My cheeks flush just thinking about all the sinfully hot things he did to my body.

      “It feels like you’re ready to do it again, now.” I giggle as I push my ass back into the hard on he’s sporting.

      “Don’t tempt me,” he says as he slips one of his hands inside my robe to cup my breast. My back arches as I push my breast forward more fully into his palm.

      “You don’t play fair.” I groan as I shut the stove off and remove the pan from the burner. I turn in his arms and stare up into his blue eyes…eyes that I’ll never tire of looking into. I wrap my arms around his neck and his settle low on my back as he lowers his head to kiss me. Just as our lips are about to touch, we’re interrupted by the upset cry of a baby. Jeff groans and shakes his head.

      “Our little princess has impeccable timing.” He leans forward and whispers in my ear.

“I was really looking forward to having my cock buried inside you this morning. I’ll guess we’ll have to wait until tonight.” He winks at me before he walks in the direction of our daughter Amanda’s room. My heart is pretty much filled to capacity with Jeff and our two kids. We talk about having one more child and after last night, maybe we’ll have one sooner than we think.

      When Jeff and I reunited, he moved back to Massachusetts, and I knew that there would never be another man for me. The summer after he returned we had a small, intimate wedding on the beach and the reception at Hailey’s parent’s beach house. Only our family and closest friends were there. Jake was invited, but he didn’t come. Things have been strained between us since the last time we were together and I told him we couldn’t keep up our arrangement. He took a job offer in D.C. shortly after and although it makes me sad that our friendship has cooled off, I wouldn’t change what happened between us. He’s an amazing man and if I had never met Jeff, then Jake and I might be the ones married right now. He’s that special. I know some woman is going to be a lucky lady to spend the rest of her life with him.

      Jeff returns to the kitchen with our little angel in his arms. Amanda just turned one and she’s the spitting image of him with her brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. The two of them together are a breathtaking sight.