Waiting For Rachel: A Christian Romance (Those Karlsson Boys) (18 page)

Back at his house, Damian crawled into bed and set his alarm for just an hour later. At that point, even an hour’s sleep would be better than nothing.

It seemed just minutes had passed when his alarm went off. Damian fought the temptation to shut it off, roll over and go back to sleep. But he had too much to do before going back to the hospital. And he was going to take another shower.

Fifteen minutes later he was downstairs feeling marginally better. Damian grabbed another can of soda and a couple of things from his desk before leaving the house. He had one stop to make before he returned to the hospital.

*****

There were several people in the waiting room, but Rachel sat alone in one corner. Serena had stopped in briefly, but she’d forgotten she had practice with the junior high group from church. She had offered to cancel, but Rachel had sent her on her way.

Rachel played with the zipper of her jacket where it lay on her lap. Her heart ached. It felt bruised and trampled on, but strangely enough, she was at peace. She had tried, had taken the risk of telling Damian her secret, and it hadn’t turned out like she’d hoped, but still there existed within her the knowledge that God was in control. It was that assurance that kept her from falling completely to pieces.

Maybe God needed her to focus on Mari right now and not on a relationship with Damian. And that’s what she planned to do. The tests they’d done on Mari had shown no
further swelling of her brain and what had been there had decreased significantly. The doctors seemed cautiously optimistic that it was just a matter of time before the rest of her memory returned.

Rachel shifted to lay her arm along the back of the seat, resting her chin on her arm so she could look out the window. Dark clouds obscured the sun, which most likely meant snow was right around the corner. Rachel felt as if her sun had been obscured in the past couple of days, but in spite of that she knew she was growing stronger. Going to God for strength meant she had a continual source, not one that would stop and start as people entered and left her life.

“Rachel?”

Hearing Damian’s voice, Rachel whipped around to see him standing near her chair. He looked as tired as he had when he’d left earlier. Rachel’s heart began to pound at an alarming rate, but she worked to keep all expression off her face.

“Did you get some rest?” she asked as he sat down next to her.

“A bit. Not as much as I would have liked.” Damian held a bag out to her. “I brought some dinner. You probably didn’t get lunch, did you?”

Rachel shook her head and took the bag with the name of her favorite deli on it. Her heart clenched painfully. He knew her so well, better than anyone else at that moment, because he knew her deepest secrets.

“Thanks.” Rachel didn’t open the bag right away.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Damian asked, his expression open and friendly.

“A little.” Rachel didn’t know how he could act so normally. It was as if their conversation at the elevator had never taken place. Her heart was breaking, and he was acting like he didn’t have a care in the world.

“I bought you soup and a sandwich. And some stuff for me, too.”

Taking her cues from Damian, Rachel decided to also act like nothing had happened. She opened the bag and lifted out a wrapped sandwich. “Roast beef. Mine or yours?”

“I believe that’s yours.” Damian leaned back in his seat stretching his legs out.

“This one’s ham and cheese.” Rachel handed it to him.

She reached in for the soups, both cream of broccoli and cheese. Damian took one while she put the other on the seat beside her.

“Gotta spoon?” Damian asked.

Rachel looked back into the bag and picked up a spoon. She pulled it out and handed it to him. Their fingers brushed and lingered for a moment. Cautiously her gaze met his. The seriousness she saw there took her breath away. Rachel tried to think of something to say, anything, but words failed her. She captured her lower lip between her teeth, uncertain of what to do.

“Jace ran away,” Damian said.

Rachel’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“I went home, made my phone calls, took a shower and was just getting ready to come back here when my dad called to say that Jace had run away. I guess ‘ran away’ isn’t quite the right term since he is an adult. I had to go over there to help them. Jace called while I was there. He’s fine, but he’s not coming home.”

“Because of the accident?”

“He feels very responsible and thinks Mari would be better off not having to see him or deal with him while she’s recovering.”

Rachel shrugged and tried to keep her voice from trembling when she replied. “Sad to say, I don’t think it will make much difference at this point. She doesn’t remember who he is.”

“He had his mind made up, and there was no changing it.” The intensity of Damian’s gaze deepened. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to get back here sooner. We need to talk.”

Chapter Eighteen

Rachel swallowed hard. “Yes, we do.” Her appetite fled. The deli food she normally loved held no appeal.

She looked away from Damian, unable to stand the intensity of his gaze. If only she had some clue as to what was going through his mind. When the silence stretched on, Rachel couldn’t keep from looking at him again.

This time there was a gentleness in his gaze. It was an expression she’d seen before, usually when he offered comfort or encouragement to a member of his congregation. But Rachel didn’t want to be just another member of his congregation; she wanted to be someone special to him.

The pit in her stomach yawned wide. Setting aside the deli bag, Rachel clenched her fists together in her lap. This was the moment she’d longed for and yet dreaded in equal parts. If only Damian would just put her out of her misery. Give his compassionate speech then leave her alone to nurse her broken heart.

“First of all,” Damian began, his voice rough. “I want to say how sorry I am for what you’ve had to go through, now and in your past. It seems like way too much for one person to have to deal with. I admire your strength, and how you’ve not become bitter over everything. You’re still a wonderfully caring woman.”

Rachel wanted to cover her ears with her hands. He sounded so much like a pastor, and while at one time she had liked that about him, she didn’t want to hear it now. She took a deep breath, bracing herself for the end.

“It was a shock for me to hear about what had happened to you. I hadn’t expected that at all, but everything makes sense now. I understand why you didn’t want anything to do with me. You were protecting me as much as you were protecting yourself. I’d told you about my dreams for a family. You knew how important that was for me. I should probably say I’m sorry for pushing you to reveal something so painful.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Rachel saw movement. She glanced over to see Damian leaning forward, elbows braced on his knees. He stared at his hands, not looking confident or as self-assured as he usually did.

Damian glanced at her, and their gazes connected for a brief second. This time he was the one to look away. “I was confused. For the past six months I had believed you were the woman God wanted for me. In my heart, I didn’t think anything you could tell me would make a difference.”

Rachel held her breath. Now he would say the words she expected but didn’t want to hear. Her heart began to pound so hard the blood pulsing in her head drowned out everything around her. Rachel exhaled, then took a couple of deep breaths.

“It’s okay, Damian. I know that things can’t work between us.”

Damian lifted his head and stared at her. Then he shook his head. “You’re wrong.”

Rachel’s heart skipped a beat. “I am?”

With a nod, Damian straightened and turned toward her. “You are.” He reached out and covered her clenched fists with one of his hands. “You’ve been wrong from the first time I asked you on a date and you said no.” His expression softened as a familiar twinkle came into his eyes, and a smile curved his lips.

Hope flickered in Rachel’s heart, but so often hope had been extinguished by pain. She didn’t know if she could handle it again. “But you want a family. I can’t give that to you.”

Damian nodded. “You’re right, and in the past I gave up a relationship because I couldn’t have the family I wanted, when I wanted. This time around, things are different.”

“Different?”

“I find that while I can picture my future without children, I can’t imagine it without you.”

Rachel lifted a trembling hand to her lips and blinked back tears. “Are you sure?”

“I’m very sure,” Damian said, and Rachel almost believed him.

“You’re just saying that.”

His eyes widened. “What?”

“You’re saying that now, but what about a year from now? Two years from now? Will you still feel the same? What about that blood connection you want?”

Damian lifted his hand and touched her cheek with his fingertips. “I’ve discovered that a heart connection is much more important.”

“A heart connection?”

“Yes, from my heart to yours. I hope.” Damian took her hands in his. “I love you.”

“But you loved Nikki, too. Right?” Rachel hated bringing his ex-fiancée into the conversation, but she needed to be sure. It would be devastating to her, to him, and certainly to his calling as a pastor, if he discovered a year down the road that he really did want his own children.

Damian scowled. “Yes, at the time I loved her.”

“And she could give you children but just wanted to wait. I can’t give you children, now or ever. Why are you sure this will work for us?”

Damian looked down, and Rachel’s hopes began to sink. It was better now, she told herself, better he found out now.

His grip on her hands tightened. “I know because when I contemplated, even briefly, not pursuing a relationship with you, my heart broke. The thought of not having you in my life hurt way more than the idea of not having children of my own. What I feel for you is very different from what I felt for Nikki. I think I’d even be willing to give up the pastorate for you.”

“Damian, no!” Rachel pulled back in shock. “I would never ask that of you.”

He looked up, all teasing gone from his expression. “I know, and that’s just one more reason I love you. Can you trust me, Rachel? Because that’s what you’re going to have to do. No matter how many times I tell you that not having children won’t make a difference, you’re going to just have to trust me. And trust God, because I believe this is His will for us.”

Rachel felt as if she stood on a precipice. Trust. It had been a long time since she’d trusted any man with her heart. In the past the risk had been more than she could take.

“So? Can you trust me?”

“Would you be willing to adopt?” Rachel asked him, needing to make sure that if the Lord was leading her to adopt, that Damian wasn’t against it.

“Yes.” Damian’s answer came without hesitation. “After my own experience, how could I not see the benefits of it? For us and the child.”

Rachel bowed her head for a moment, then looked up to meet Damian’s gaze. And stepped off that precipice. “Yes, I’ll trust you.”

A grin spread across Damian’s face. He cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs brushing across her cheeks. Rachel watched as his gaze dropped to her lips. Her chest tightened around her pounding heart. She waited for him to close the distance between them, for their lips to meet. Instead he lowered his arms and reached into the pocket of his jacket.

Rachel stared at the small velvet box he pulled out. Surely that wasn’t what it appeared to be. She looked up at Damian, and his gaze once again held hers.

He flicked open the lid and pulled something out. With his free hand he reached out and took hers. “Are you sure you trust me?”

Rachel nodded, suddenly bereft of words. The ache in her heart receded, and a wave of love and joy flooded her.

“Then, Rachel Perkins, I’d like to ask you to be my wife.” Damian held out ring and looked at her expectantly.

Rachel didn’t look at the ring. It could have come from a bubble gum machine for all she cared. All that mattered was that Damian still wanted her.

“It’s okay about not having children?” She had to hear him say the words one last time.

“It’s fine. We’ll do what Mari’s parents did and take in a child, or children if you want, whose mothers know they can’t provide the life they want for them, and who love their children enough to give them up.”

“But—“

Damian reached out and laid a finger on her lips. “No buts. I’ve given you my answer, and it will never change. I love you, Rachel. And that means everything about you.”

Tears pricked at Rachel’s eyes. “We’ve never even had a date. How can you be asking me to marry you already?”

“It’s not my fault we never had that date, sweetheart,” Damian told her, a twinkle in his eyes. “If you’re determined to have a date, fine, but I want my ring on your finger.”

Rachel should have felt rushed since they hadn’t had a real relationship, but she didn’t. When she’d told Damian her secret, she’d never imagined he would propose to her on that very day.

“I assumed that since you are willing to have a relationship with me that you are willing to marry me. You know that’s what I want, right?”

Rachel nodded. “I know. It’s just…I didn’t expect it so soon.”

“Why wait? I love you and want you by my side for the rest of my life. Starting today.”

“But I’ve never even told you I…” Rachel’s voice faded away, and her gaze dropped to their entwined hands. She swallowed and tried again. “I’ve never told you I love you.”

Damian didn’t say anything, and finally Rachel looked at him. When their gazes met she saw a spark of vulnerability in his eyes. It struck right to her core. All along he’d been the one pursuing her, and she’d done precious little to reach out to him. Telling him her secret had been a big step. Now it was time to take another.

With her left hand she reached out and cupped his cheek. “I do love you, Damian, enough to open my heart. Thank you for treating it with such care.”

Damian trapped her hand between his and his cheek. Then he lowered their hands and took the ring, holding it poised over the end of her ring finger. “Will you marry me, Rachel?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Rachel smiled her first real smile in two days. “It would be my pleasure.”

Damian slipped the ring on her finger and then leaned forward. Rachel slipped her hands around his neck and drew him close, until their lips met.

Applause shortened their kiss. Rachel looked around and blushed. She immediately dropped her arms to her lap. Everyone in the waiting room was standing and clapping.

“Thank you,” Damian said as he stood and pulled Rachel up to stand at his side. “I’ve waited a long time for her to say ‘yes’. This is truly a day for rejoicing.”

Rachel slipped her arm around Damian’s waist and allowed him to draw her close. She reveled in their love and thanked God for giving her such a wonderful gift. And He’d done it in His timing and not hers, demanding that she trust Him with her future, and she had. The wondrous feeling was worth the few hours of pain she’d experienced earlier. And it would be a valuable lesson to remember in the days ahead as she dealt with the uncertainty of Mari’s future.

*****

Rachel paced the waiting room of the hospital. Damian said he’d only be gone two hours. He should have been back half an hour ago. She had news for him and on top of that, she just wanted to see him. To hug him and have him hold her.

She heard the elevator bell ding and spun around. Rachel sighed in disappointment when Damian wasn’t one of the people getting off the elevator. She resumed her pacing. The next time the bell sounded she didn’t have to turn around since she was already facing it. Rachel paused and watched as Damian stepped out.

Smiling, Rachel ran to him and threw her arms around his waist. “Damian, I’ve got great news!”

Damian bent and kissed her. “What’s going on?”

Rachel gave her head a shake to clear away the buzz of his kiss. “They think they can move Mari to a regular room tomorrow. They say she’s doing just fine and doesn’t need to be in ICU anymore.”

“Sweetheart, that’s terrific news. What an answer to prayer.” Damian kissed her again, pulling her into a tight hug. Tears spilled from Rachel’s eyes, and she buried her head in his shoulder. She was so very grateful to God for how He was healing Mari.

“Well, don’t you two look happy.” Serena’s voice interrupted their hug. “Care to share?”

Rachel grinned. “Mari’s remembering stuff, and she’s being moved out of ICU.”

“I’m so glad.” Serena hugged Rachel. “What an answer to prayer.”

“Definitely,” Rachel said, then wiggled her fingers at Serena. “And one more thing. I’ve finally put Damian out of his misery. He asked me to marry him and after long consideration, I said yes.”

Damian grabbed Rachel from behind and pulled her into a hug. “Long consideration?”

“I thought five minutes was pretty long.” Rachel looked over her shoulder and grinned.

“Compared to seven months, five minutes was nothing.”

“So when’s the big day?” Serena asked.

“We haven’t gotten that far yet.”

“I think we could pull it together in a week or so, don’t you?” Damian asked.

Rachel turned in his embrace, prepared to argue but then she looked into his eyes and suddenly wondered, why wait? They’d wasted time already. There was really no reason to wait any longer.

A smile spreading across her face, Rachel turned back to Serena. “I guess we’re talking a
few weeks. The doctors are so pleased with Mari’s progress that she could be out by then. I think I’d like to be married in January.”

Damian took her arm and turned her to face him. “You’re serious, right? You’re not just saying this to string me along?”

“I’m very serious. Let’s get married!” Rachel’s heart swelled at the absolute joy on Damian’s face.  She knew that what lay ahead wouldn’t always be easy sailing. Mari’s recovery would no doubt be up and down. Adopting would be a journey to parenthood completely different than a pregnancy would have been. But Rachel had no doubt now that they would be able to make it through all of it as long as they were together and drew their strength from God.