Walking on Sunshine: A Sweet Love Story (Seasons of Love Book 1) (16 page)

He continued his banter as I sat down some plates and got the pizza ready only. The only break in his talking was to take a bite of the cheese pizza.

“We then went to breakfast with Dad and Ginger. They took me around the mall and let me get some action figures to add to my collection. Mom, you should have been there for the game though. It was so intense...”

I absently-mindedly listened and picked at my pizza as he described the play by play of the game. I loved to have him back, but I’d never think lacrosse was quite as interesting as he did. But I listened, nodding and trying to agree, I wanted him to think he could talk to me about anything, even if I didn’t quite understand it. After we got him ready for bed, I remembered that I had that wonderful meal on Friday with Cee thanks to Ben.

“Thank you again for having Cee make me that wonderful dinner. It was really sweet of you to think of me.” I pulled the covers over him.

“You really liked it?” Ben said with a yawn.

“I loved it. The only thing that would have made it better is if you were there.” I kissed him good night and clicked the light off.

I made my way to my bedroom picking up debris up as I went. Shoes here, lacrosse stick there. Ben had been home for less than an hour and he was already making a mess. I let out a sigh when I finally looked at my bed. It felt like it had grown since last time I was there. I crawled into my side of the bed and tossed to find a comfortable position until I made my way to the other side of the bed. It comforted me to be there. I took a long inhale and was disappointed that the smell of Cee was starting to dissipate.

O
n Monday morning, I heard the door open as I put the final touches on my hair. Ben scampered down the stairs and I heard a thud as he jumped the last two in order to get to Cee.

Cee was here.

My heart pounded as I made my way down stairs. With each step, I realized that I didn’t know how to act with Cee and Ben.

It felt like eternity, but I finally made it to the kitchen, and still had no idea how to behave. Were we going to play it cool, or pretend like nothing ever happened? Would he be expecting me to kiss him or be mad if I didn't? I looked around, but Cee was paying attention to Ben as he showed him his poster with all the signatures. I clutched my cup of coffee and breathed in the warm dark smell.

I wanted to have Cee look at me and let him know that I had this covered. I could pretend things were normal, but he just kept talking with Ben. I guessed Cee had his own thoughts of how to behave with Ben. With disappointment, I went to get my power bar and a soda from the fridge and noticed a brown paper bag in there with my name on it.

“Hey, what’s this?” I asked as I pulled out the bag.

“Just your lunch. I thought I would bring you something. You really should be eating better. Those power bars really aren’t all that good for you,” Cee replied nonchalantly. He barely took his eyes off of the poster.

“Thanks...” I said, a bit confused. I stuffed it into my purse and headed out the door. “See you guys later tonight.”

I heard a couple of grunts from both of them in response. Cee was playing the 'pretend like nothing happened' game like a pro. I could deal with that. It was a good way to act.

I got to the office and it was like every Monday morning. No one wanted to be there, and the weekend was too far away to get excited about. It wasn’t until lunch that I remembered Cee packed food for me.

Inside the bag was a homemade sandwich with turkey, avocado, bean sprouts, and a thin slice of tomato. I looked at it, unsure how I felt about beansprouts, but gave it a bite. It was delicious, and I didn’t mind the bean sprouts.

I continued to eat the sandwich as I unpacked the bag. He had included a cup of hummus, carrots and a little bag of chips. In the very bottom were 5 pieces of chocolate and a note. I started on the hummus and carrots as I read the note.

––––––––

D
ear Jes,

I know with Ben being back it will be hard for us to talk like we want. In case I'm not able to tell you, you are beautiful. Especially the days when you are frazzled and your hair is a mess. I'll see you tonight, and know when I say goodbye it's the saddest part of my day.

-Cee

Ps: Do you like me? Please check

- 
Yes – no –maybe.

––––––––

I
smiled. This gesture reminded me just how young he was, yet he was being so sweet and funny. I took out my pen and put a check in the maybe box. I wasn’t going to give in that easily. I tucked it into my purse and would hand it to him as he left for the day. I felt like a teenager again, exchanging notes in the hall so that the teacher wouldn’t see.

***

“H
ow was your day?” I asked Ben, setting my purse on the counter as I came home that evening.

“Great!” Ben grinned. “Cee took me to the park and we ate ice cream.”

“Ice cream, huh?” I looked over at Cee. He blushed slightly and my heart sped up.

“You weren't supposed to tell her that part,” Cee reminded him. “We had vegetables for lunch.”

“Oh, right. We ate vegetables. Healthy stuff. Good stuff. Green stuff.” Ben did his best to look honest, but only succeeded in looking more guilty.

I rolled my eyes at the two of them and laughed.

“Well, I should get going,” Cee said quietly after a moment. He looked up at me and our eyes connected. Heat and desire stirred deep in the pit of my stomach. I wanted so badly to just run over and kiss him. To throw my arms around his neck and feel his body against mine.

There was only one problem. Ben was watching us.

“Thank you, Cee,” I said. He smiled, soft and sweet. “Ben, will you get the plates for dinner out? I'm going to walk Cee out.”

“Sure, Mom,” Ben answered, not noticing that I had never done this before.

I made sure that we were out of earshot as I slipped Cee the note from lunch. “Thank you for my sandwich today. It was delicious.”

“You're delicious,” he said with a grin. He raised his hand, paused for a moment and then placed it on my arm. I loved the weight of his fingers against my skin and the electricity it sent flooding down my body. “I'll bring you another tomorrow.”

He licked his lips as if thinking about kissing me but then stopped and smiled. He shook his head and dropped his hand.

“Bye, Cee!” Ben called out, coming into the hallway.

I took a short breath. We had been so close to getting caught. It was a good thing Cee was paying attention.

Cee waved, walking through the summer sunshine back to his car and driving off. I held up my hand, waving as he went and wishing I could send him off with so much more.

***

“
Yes, No, Maybe?
What is he, in elementary school?” Melissa asked as she looked at the notes. There was one for everyday this week so far and I had brought his notes to our weekly get together to get their input on the whole thing. Melissa was not one for romantic gestures, so I just dismissed her comments.

“I think it's kind of cute if you ask me,” Cindy admitted as she thumbed through a few of them.

“He is really laying it on thick. He must really want to get you into bed,” Tricia declared, playing with her martini glass.

“Well he, um...” I felt my cheeks redden and took a sip of my wine trying to avoid eye contact with them. I hoped it was dark enough in the restaurant that they wouldn’t notice.

“You already had sex with him, didn’t you?” Melissa nudged me in the ribs. She was always particularly nosy about this subject. “I was wondering why you had that extra bounce in your step and curl in your hair. How was it? Give me all the details.”

“Well, um, I...” I was embarrassed. I hated to have all the attention on me. I also felt I would be bragging if I told them how amazing he was. My face heated up even more just remembering the way every glorious inch felt rocking inside me

“You don’t have to tell us those details.” Cindy shot a look at Melissa. “What I want to know is are you happy, and do you like him?”

I sat there for a moment as I muddled through my thoughts. “I'm happy. I actually enjoy waking up in the morning. Cee is great. He is wonderful with Ben and patient with me. I have never felt more adored by a man before. He may be younger than me, but he brings this indescribable energy to me that gives me life. Even after we did the, um... deed... he didn’t change how he treated me. If anything he seems more interested in pursuing me.” As I said each word out loud the pit in my stomach shrank.

“Then what is stopping you from taking the next step?” Tricia probed, popping the olive of her martini into her mouth.

“I'm scared, I think? I can feel these emotions building up inside of me. I keep shutting them down,” I admitted. I thought about the pebble of doubt that still scratched at me. I didn't want to get hurt again.

“Stop it! Why would you want to shut down such great feelings?” Cindy inquired.

“I just... After Richard, and how blind I was to the whole cheating thing, I don’t want to get hurt again. Cee is also so young. I just can’t see him wanting to be with an older woman with a kid. Or Ben. He has already had to deal with so much. What if this doesn’t work out and he loses another man that he looks up to?”

Melissa spoke up. “First off, screw the Dick, I mean Richard. He shouldn’t be a factor in your thoughts anymore. He was an asshole. Just a little man with big issues. You need to live your life, the way you want and stop living in fear.”

“Here, Here!” the other two women cheered.

“Second,” Melissa continued. “If he had a problem with your age and Ben, do you think he would be trying this hard to be with you? Yes, he may be a few years younger, but if he is making you feel happy, age is just a number. And finally, we all know the Ben reason is bullshit. Ben is a lot stronger than you give him credit for. He would want you to be happy.”

I was ashamed that she had called me out, but she was right. I was using Ben as a shield. I was using all of those excuses as a defense.

“There are only three questions you have left to answer. Do you like Cee?” Melissa searched my eyes as she asked the question. I felt as though she was trying to see my soul.

“I... um...” I adverted my gaze feeling uncomfortable with all of the attention.

“It’s a simple yes or no question. Do you like him?” Melissa questioned again.

“Yes, yes I do,” I admitted. As I said the words, I felt them wash over me, slowly dissolving that pebble of doubt lodged in my stomach.

“Now, that was the easy question, this is the big one. Do you love him?” Melissa continued to stare at me.

I paused for a moment, but I knew the truth. “Yes, I'm falling in love with my nanny,” I admitted. A smile grew over my lips.
I was in love with my nanny.
The doubt that I was holding on to had eroded away.

“Wahoo!” The girls cheered.

Melissa lifted up her hand to silence them. “Now, what are you going to do about it?”

I sat and thought. I knew exactly what I was going to do.

“Let me show you. Cover my tab, I'm going to go do something I should of done weeks ago.” I grabbed my purse and sprinted to my car. I knew that if I thought about what I was going to do next for too long, I would chicken out.

***

M
y head had finally surrendered to the battle and my heart was celebrating its victory. I made it to my house and found Cee laying on the couch. My heart was pounding in my chest as I kneeled in front of him. I seized his head in my hands pulled him in for a hard kiss. His hands went to my hair pulling me in more. I melted into him. My entire body was alive with excitement, with hope. My lips were on fire, my brain was screaming for air, but I wanted to stay that way forever. I finally had to succumb to my primal instinct and release from our grasp to take in a gasp of oxygen.

“What was that for?” Cee asked. His voice was breathless, taken aback by the whole moment. His chest lifted and fell in big gasps. He needed to take a breath as much as I did.

“The answer is yes. Yes, I like you, and yes, I think I'm falling in love with you.” I stopped with my mouth still forming around the word you. That was a bit more than what I wanted to say at that exact second. I wished I could take the words back.

The blood pulsated through my ears waiting for a reaction. He didn’t move for what seemed like forever. My head started racing with everything that might go wrong in the next ten seconds. He sat up from his laying position on the couch, grabbed my hands and looked deep into my eyes.

Say something. Say anything
, I was screaming in my mind.

He inhaled slowly. Then, he smiled. “I have wanted to hear those words since the day I met you. I have wanted to say these words to say those words to you since the day you first let me into your house. I love you,” he said, grinning. Then, he surprised me by putting his hands on my face and greedily pulling my mouth onto his.

I was complete. Perfect. Happy. I knew my head was no longer was fighting my heart. My body wanted more than just a kiss on my lips. I wanted his hands on me, his mouth on me and I wanted to start now.

“Want to go upstairs?” Cee asked, as if he could read my mind.

I suddenly remembered my son. “What about Ben? I don’t want to wake him up.”

“He’s not here. He left about ten minutes ago,” he said. “Your friend Cindy called me and said her son wanted to have a sleepover with him. She said you okayed it.”

Cindy, that devilish woman, had known what I planned on doing when I left the bar. She had made sure I was going to be able to have it without interruption. I'd have to thank her later.

I nodded my head, and he took my hand in his. We scampered up the stairs to the bedroom. Cee patted my butt gently with each step. I giggled and tried to outrace him to the bed, but he was hot on my heels.

When I finally threw myself down on the bed, I was breathing heavily, but it wasn't from running up the stairs. I felt young and
ready
. Cee pulled me to the edge of the bed, and I let out a squeal as my dress rode up and exposed my thighs. I sat up and my hands went to take his shirt off. I felt his strong muscles under flex as I pulled it over his head.